Resolution anyone?

I received this email from P last night...it isn't much, but at least it's some kind of apology I suppose for being a jerk...even though it seems like somewhat of an egotistical, lame apology!!! anyway, here it is, as follows, for those of you who have been kind enough to be with me on this break up journey. Dragonfly, you're full of wisdom and light and I appreciate it.


i hope you find someone that connects with you as well as we have. more so, i hope they are able to be content and not squirm every six months or so like i have. i had ulterior motives in this; i want you to be in a more positive relationship than what i was able to offer. i'm sorry for what i couldn't give to you. i am not trying to appear sympathetic or elicit pathos, i simply want you to know that i love you, and want you to be in a good place.

Kat,
I am not sure what he is trying to say to you. Is he telling you that he knows whats best for you so he took that decision away from you? Or is he saying in addition to meeting someone else I felt the need to break it off with you anyways because I love you so much that I would rather hurt this new person than you?

I'd send it back to him with this note...

"Get over yourself"

Peace,
thatgirl

that girl,

that's exactly what i was thinking......what an egotistical loser. AS IF he could know what was best for me....whatever, it sure isn't him!!!!

i feel so much better with him out of my life, i can't tell you. i feel like a new person. it took a week to get here, but it feels like like a martin luther king thing...."free at last"

If you want to drive him nuts Kat, reply:

Thank you for your concerns regarding me. I appreciate it. I knew deep down that you and I weren't good for eachother, and I thank you for doing me the favor. Good luck to you and your future.
sincerely,
kat


LOL, revenge, okay it may not be a mature route but damn it feels good!!!

"i feel so much better with him out of my life, i can't tell you. i feel like a new person. it took a week to get here, but it feels like like a martin luther king thing...."free at last""

Good for you.

That note he sent was ridiculous.

Peace,
thatgirl

Mostly what I've done to "fix" people in the past is just ignore their e-mails altogether. Silence is golden. It drives them more nuts to not get a reply than to get anything at all... if you reply, then he's going to counter, and then you've got a ping pong match on your hands.

I agree totally Jay's Love. I've done that and have experience wacked out responses wondering why I HADN'T responded (as if I would respond to the buttons they know they are pushing).

I say let it sit for a while and see what he does next. I bet it will make him a little nutsy ... which MIGHT be good for him ... lol.

And I'm glad you're feeling better and better as you go along. But one thing I 've seen as I've been there for several close friends as they were breaking up is that everyone has to do it their own way. Some chatted back and forth until it wasn't good for them to do that any longer ... THEY felt it was done for them. Others could just cry it all out and be done with it. Others, kept things at a friendship level and others just broke it off totally and completely by getting rid of every last rememberance of him ... including deleting every correspondence ever. Whatever way you have to do it ... do it so you can feel it is done for YOU.

All the best to you ...

Princessdy

If the truth be told, I think your interpretation is the most accurate, and my earlier lashing was just that.....a little anger coming out. The fact is that he is a bit self centered, but then, aren't we all.

I think you are absolutely right. I know he loves me, and I know he realizes that he can't give me what he perceives that I need. He can't, for whatever reason, reconcile telling his family about me. This is so sad to me after three years because I know I have brought great joy and happiness to his life, and for him to not be able to share that with his family is almost tragic. I can't imagine what it must be like to be in his shoes, and live such a weird life. He is a loving, intelligent man albeit immature on some levels. Because he is so unusual, I think it's going to be hard for him to attract someone into his life who will love him as unconditionally as I have, but who knows...I know that when I told him I did not want to remain his friend, he cried.

But wanting your girlfriend to be in a good place, when that place was with him and loving him, well, it's hard for me to see how a man could imagine that not being a painful transition. I trust his instincts however...he must know that it's not him, even though I know he loves me very much on some level.

I think love is hard to find. Connection is hard to find. We had it in spades despite trying to resist it more than once over the years. I hope whoever has entered his life loves him well, that's all I can hope for him too...

at the same time, it seems awfully convenient that he can't meet my needs because he met someone with whom "he thinks it would be good for him to spend time with." e.g., i doubt he would have given me up had someone else not entered the picture, which makes me consider the possibility even more that he's a bit of an opportunist.

it's just the timing that was meant to be i guess though....
still, i miss him and wish none of this had happened. i'd rather be with him than without him tonight...feeling sad.

To help put things in perspective, even though this is hurting you now, were there not good times in three years? And ultimately, were they not worth it? When I reviewed my marriage after I decided to get a divorce, even though it had not been good for quite some time, I had to say that there were some very good times. And when it was good, it was very very good, and that I was not happy it was ending, but I was blessed to have had the good times we had had. They were very special. And then, as I went on in my life (even though I didn't believe this would be the case at the time), I found other men contributed special times as well.

I'm of the mind that nothing happens for nothing. And if that is true, then there is a lesson for each of us to learn in each of our life's situations in every area of our lives. It's actually our job to find out what those lessons are. They help to achieve the next level of life.

I hope in time you will be able to look at the good times with your young man as special because it WAS special. At this moment in time, you don't know if he may come back around at a later date, but in the meantime, as happens to many of us, you need to go forward in whatever way is best for you. and do that your way ... sort it all out ... weigh this and that ... and come out with a final outcome ... whether it is to continue on with him in another capacity, put him on a shelf for what might turn out to be forever, or end it in whatever manner is best for you.

I can hear the struggle. We have all been there before. It is not a pleasant situation, but I am certain you will do what is best for YOU.

Hugs,

princessdy

Dy,

Thanks for the words. They are full of wisdom, and I know that time is on my side in terms of healing. I'm really okay...I just feel that I'd be MORE okay if things had not turned out like this. I was really at a place where I was ready to commit to him...not for a lifetime, but for a chunk of time, and I thought he was too. In fact, I think he was, but then got cold feet, or scared, or whatever it is that men do when things get too intimate. In a way, I think I was pushing him to see if he could hold up to what I thought was the direction we were going. I asked specifically about meeting his family; I showed him something I had in my home that let him know that I thought about him every day, as if he were already a partner here. I think I did it on purpose, knowing that it might scare him and might push him over the top, but knowing that I needed an answer to whether he was committed to our relationship or not.

So I got my answer, and in some ways I was prepared to hear it, and in others not. I miss him quite a bit now...I miss our friendship. But it's just the way it's going to have to be. I guess sometimes you have to cut things right off in order to have growth.

I would just like to have one healthy relationship before I die.

i DID email him back, for myself i guess i needed to.

I thanked him for the kind email and agreed with him that he was not able to give me what i needed. i shared with him the experience of waking up the day after our final conversation without back pain for the first time in over a year, and how i realized the emotional component of carrying the weight of him not revealing my existance to his family and close friends was wearing me down.

(i realize now that this was shaming me...like i wasn't good enough to be seen or acknowledged.....how could i have done this to myself? i kept telling myself to accept it exactly as it was, but now i appreciate the damage that did to me.)

in any event, i told him that i would miss him, but that i hoped he found love.

it felt like final closure, and it felt like a good way to end things.

Kat, I'm so sorry you have to go through all of this, but I want to encourage you to do whatever you need to do for YOU. If you have to bounce back and forth with him (ie on again and off again), then do it. Allow yourself whatever you need to do, feel and/or say to get the coming back together or finalizing the ending done FOR YOU.

I'm sure you are learning more and more about the relationship when you were together and/or the relationship at this point (ie your stomach problem, etc.) as you move forward to wherever you finally end. It doesn't really matter what anyone else thinks as you work it through your way for YOU.

I guess I'm just saying take care of you in whatEVER way you need. I am confident it will all work out the way it should.

Hugs ...