My Rant about the `finishing college' thing

In about 3 weeks Stu finishes his psychology degree at University. Of course I'm very proud of his accomplishment but
I think I am having a case of `YM about to get his first job after college' jitters!!. And its fierce!

Stupid brain of mine. Does anyone have a crystal ball which can tell me exactly whats going to happen now?:)

I know this is all irrational but I don't like any of this! Why do things have to change so much? (And while I'm venting, I would also like to offically express my contempt for death! Why does this have to happen? It took me so long to find love; why does it have to end. And I'm not ecstatic about aging either!)

It seems so unfair that my favourite person in the whole world will now be spending much more time with other people than me. Ok, I'll come out and say it....what about the pretty young female colleagues hanging around my stud muffin? And what will happen when he earns more money than me? Will he leave me? Is he being honest about not wanting children or is he just going along with things for now?

Ok, I realise that I either need a psychic, or a more positve outlook. But thanks for letting me vent! I'm feelign very irrational today.

{{{{{{Bella_D}}}}}}}

Vent away lady! But remember, he loves you!!!

Vent away, but maybe we can reduce some of these fears if we break down your anxieties. Can't hurt, right? ;)

Originally posted by Bella_D

I know this is all irrational but I don't like any of this! Why do things have to change so much? (And while I'm venting, I would also like to offically express my contempt for death! Why does this have to happen? It took me so long to find love; why does it have to end. And I'm not ecstatic about aging either!)

This is amusing, since I once wrote an epic on death here on Ageless once. In fact, a lot of people did, and it was a pretty neat thread. Here's the link:
http://www.agelesslove.com/boards/showthread.php?s=&postid=209395#post209395

It seems so unfair that my favourite person in the whole world will now be spending much more time with other people than me. Ok, I'll come out and say it....what about the pretty young female colleagues hanging around my stud muffin?

Well, he's been at college and surrounded every day by pretty young females, right? I personally think that people don't have affairs just because there's an opportunity -- they have affairs because something's wrong with their primary relationship. So if you keep your relationship strong, then I'm sure he'll continue to treat the PYF's the way he always has... as background.

And what will happen when he earns more money than me? Will he leave me?

I don't see why he would, especially if you guys take the time to have some good ol' fashioned fun with that extra cash, as well as using it for more mundane things. Money is not a problem in and of itself. The problems arise depending on people's expectations. I'd even say he'll be more content and secure once he starts feeling more like a provider.

Is he being honest about not wanting children or is he just going along with things for now?

That one I can't answer, and probably he can't either. This would be a "wait and see" thing... although I would also ask if he's given you any reason to doubt his word before? If not, then there's no reason to think he's being dishonest now.

Ok, I realise that I either need a psychic, or a more positve outlook. But thanks for letting me vent! I'm feelign very irrational today.

(((HUGS))) :)

*smiles* Okay, change makes me uncomfortable too...

When J and I were first dating seriously, he was working on a ranch surrounded by nothing but cows and cowboys. After that he spent a short period of time framing houses....again, men.

THEN...He got a job working in a convenience store. He worked his shift, 8 hours every night (overnight) with a single woman (insert anxiety-ridden face with huge eyes here). Of course, looking back on it now, I can't imagine why I let myself get so worked up, but in my mind.....either he was going to get it on with the other store clerk OR some hot Brittany Spears look-alike was going to come in and pick up some gas, a bottle of pop and MY MAN. lol

From experience here...you don't have anything to worry about. Like Scarlet said, he was definitely surrounded by women his age at college. He is in love with you...plain and simple.

Also from experience, when he makes more money than you, expect more nice little surprises and more going out. Some weeks James makes more money than I do now, and he feels really good about himself. He gets a lot of happiness out of being able to take me out to dinner and a movie.....or shopping for something small. He wasn't always able to do that, and it makes him feel like a "provider". All in all, I would say, our relationship has improved since James makes more money because he feels good about himself.

((hugs)) I still understand where you are coming from though.....Sometimes change is scary, but I'm betting this will be a good change.

Wow, you guys rock!!! I wish I could give you all a group hug!
Thankyou so much for taking some time out of your busy days to offer me some sanity and support....I want you all to know that you made me feel much better than I did at the beginning of the day!

Jo...Yes!!!!! I must be some kind of a change-a-phobe. And yet *intellectually* I find change exciting and energising. Why do Emotions get in the way? And why can't I put my brain through a wringer and just squeeze out all the gunk?
(plea to GOD)

Anyway, I do feel that you've all helped me better put all these fears and feelings into better context. I really appreciate you!

Bella.. it will be ok!!!! Moon is right REMEMBER HE LOVES YOU!!!... whether or not the women are younger or older.. he wants to be with YOU....

Change is hard expecially where no one can predict the future.. just live for today and take every day at a time!!

He will find a job... it may be hard but just make sure hes proactive in finding one!!!!

Bella we are here for you in anyway vent away!!!

Love to you
meredith

Hi Bella!

I hear you. I worry about that stuff too. I think you and your man will be fine. You've worked through some stuff before and came out stronger for it, so I bet this will be the same.

((HUG))

PinkCat

:)

I think that's something that ALL of us worry about when we have "college-age men" in our world. Jay gets his Master's degree next summer -- and then what? All I can do is hope that it doesn't change who he is or how he feels - why should it? And yet -- like most others, I wonder if he will "need" me any more. Ya know?

Its funny..I work with students and so I deal with the most beautiful young women each day. How do they get like that? I don't remember girls looking THAT good when I was 18. Its a new race of barbie! Help!

But seriously, over these past 18 months I guess I've learned to appease myself with my role of provider, which is something which separates me from these women and therefore makes them seem less intimidating.

I never abuse this role and I have tried to perform it with fairness and attention to STu's needs. I also have tried to be tactful with it...for example, we have a combined bank account and he's in charge of the finaces. I feel that this is our way of taking the emphasis off the financial inequality we may otherwise feel.

But every now again I do `blow up'. Its usually when I am under a lot of pressure at work and I start to feel trapped by our situation. Thats when Stu's `I dunno what i what to do with my life' attitude can get my blood boiling. But then I come back to earth and remember that hes only 24 and hes entitled to live like a 24 year old.

I guess I'm starting to grieve the loss of this provider role. It hasn't happened yet, but it will. I will no longer have anything `special' to separate me from the girls his age. The competition has always been fierce from other women, but now I expect it to be even higher.

Oh, and my master plan to fatten Stu up and make him less appealing to other women has failed! He looks better than ever ten kilos heavier, and the problem with it is that its making me fat too! (10 extra kgs on me is not pretty)

I think I'm going to have to resort to medititation and enlightenment or something desperate like that:)

Originally posted by Bella_D
But every now again I do `blow up'. Its usually when I am under a lot of pressure at work and I start to feel trapped by our situation. Thats when Stu's `I dunno what i what to do with my life' attitude can get my blood boiling. But then I come back to earth and remember that hes only 24 and hes entitled to live like a 24 year old.


Boy, do I relate to this...

Bella-D.......there is no comparison between an older woman.......refined and polished by time and a......yes....pretty to look at but all to often shallow,self absorbed young thang.

Walk in beauty and know that you have soooo much more to offer and he will always know it too :)

Thanks Pink, Meredith, Jo, Jays love, Mrs Jonesalot and everyone!


Yyure a great bunch of people!

Bela_D, I know just what you mean!
When Streff finished college in the summer there, I had the same thoughts of " OMG all those hours, working with some gorgeous young woman who's bound to know a good thing when she sees it and trap him in the stationary closet until he succumbs to her charms".
As it's turned out, he still hasn't got a job, so don't worry about that, worry about the fact that job hunting is HARD compared to when we left college!
I walked out of college and picked what to do next, poor Streff is sending off CV's and applications left right and centre, and hasn't had a single interview yet, it's a catch 22, no experience, but you can't get experience until you get a job:(
I'm not saying that when he does find a decent job, I won't still panic, or be watching for any mention of gorgeous women, cause knowing me, I definately will, but to tell the truth, I'd be so relieved he had a job, it would probably not be nearly so bad!

Giggle babes:)) Yes, I should be grateful if he gets a job instead of whining about all these imaginery scenarios.

Don't get hung up on the "young women at work" notion. Most people today are well aware that ANY type of flirting, office romance, even "looking" at someone the "wrong" way while at work could be grounds for getting fired. Men and women both are well aware that there are about 5 qualified people out there for every good job, and so both sexes typically leave the romancing to outside of work.

Originally posted by Bella_D
Thanks Pink, Meredith, Jo, Jays love, Mrs Jonesalot and everyone!


Yyure a great bunch of people!

Your Welcome!!!

Your pretty great urself :D

Um, do you think I have earned the award for the worst speller at ageless yet? I'm attrocious!

(hug) Meredith! Love to you