How Past Experiences Shape Our Abilities To Trust...

The Narcissist MUST have THE best, the MOST glamorous, stunning, talented, head turning, mind boggling spouse in the WORLD. Nothing short of this fantasy will do. To compensate for the shortcomings of his real life spouse - he invents an idealized figure and relates to it instead. Then, when reality conflicts too often and too roughly with the ideal figure - he reverts to devaluation. His behaviour turns on a dime and becomes threatening, demeaning, contemptuous, berating, reprimanding, destructively critical and sadistic - or cold, unloving, detached, "clinical". He punishes his real life spouse for not living up to his standards as personified in his Galathea, in his Pygmalion, in his ideal creation. The Narcissist plays a wrathful and demanding God.


I have learned so much about the shell of a person that is a narcissist because my ex most definetly is one :(

They say and I KNOW now ....that the only way to overcome the effects of this type of relationship is to have NO contact.Unfortunately for me I tryed to remain friends with mine and it screwed me up even more :(

ok, i'm starting to think that aside from a genius IQ level....my ex might be a narcissist also. hmmm. alot of the things you guys describe fit him to a "T".

amina, so happy to see you laugh a little :D
a sense of humor can get you thru the absolute worst times, i know this thing.

chin up, chest out, determination in hand.......NEW CAR! oh wait, i thought we were talkin bout me for a sec there. i have been in the market for a week or so now, yay me

and it's icky poo poo weather here but gal you can always come on down to mississippi. i gots me a great ole big house, a visa, a checkbook, i know the local cops and i can get my dad to put up a property bond if need be. but i'd much rather be in scotland myself, lol

eager to know how you're doing gal

:)

Trace

yeh lots of people have NPD traits but they aren't true narcassists.As far as I know the key thing about NPD is that they are incapable of having feelings of love.....it's just not there no matter how much they want to know that feeling :(

wow MrsHedgeHog....you could be talking about my Mother as well :( I guess her treatment of me set me up for many years of the same from my ex :(

I agree that...yeh....if I was asked the question if my Mom or my ex loved me...I would say....in some warped way or as much as they were capable of.

Do they feel love in the real sense of the word tho or are we just some kind of extension of them?.....God it's so flippin deep!

The sadest part for me dealing with a rather dismal past is the fact that once I did have someone in my life that REALLY knew how to love......I couldn't trust it (didn't really understand it) and I pushed him away :(

Did you have a hard time trusting too?

He's the first person who was patient enough to wait for ME to be ready to take my own brick wall down. And, brick by brick, I trusted him enough to let him in.

I totally hear that!

God in all his wisdom sent me a very patient man aswell :)

It dawned on me today...in a very profound way....that I can't imagine Tony ever *willing* walking away from me.I have never felt like that before.....affection always seemed so fragile, so dependent on how much I could be what that person wanted.
He wrote me this poem/song not long after we expressed having feelings for each other....at the time that very high brick wall around my heart kept me from totally believing the depth of his words.Now I believe it with all my unguarded heart and I know he has no ulterior motives :)

Don't be afraid.
Don't let the troubles of the past
Push you away from me.
No need to be scared of me.
No need to run away from me.
I won't ever hurt you.

If you'll let me.
I'll be there for you.
If you'll let me.
I'll carry the weight when your down.
If you'll let me.
I'll be at your side forever.
You and me together.
If you'll let me.

Don't be afraid
For me. Although I may stumble,
I'll never fall down again.
Got no need to to be scared with you.
No need to give all up with you.
I know you'd never break me.

If you'll let me.
I'll be there for you.
If you'll let me.
I'll keep the world from beating you.
If you'll let me.
I'll be at your side forever.
You and me together.
If you'll let me.

Don't be afraid.
Cos I won't let you down.
Lifes easier when your around
I know its the same for you with me.
Together we are stronger
Stronger than all the world.

If you'll let me.
I'll be there for you.
If you'll let me.
I'll give all my soul to you.
If you'll let me.
I'll be at your side forever.
You and me together.
If you'll let me.

Don't be afraid of me.
I'll never hurt you.
Don't be afraid of me.
I won't desert you.
Don't be afraid of me.
I'm not the other guy.
Don't be afraid of me.
Just know I love you.
Will never drop you.
Never give up on you.
Never let you face it all alone.

If you'll just let me.

p.s. he'll probably kill me for posting that poem (wouldn't leave me but could kill me lol) because he is a pretty private person but it just felt right......sorry honey *kiss*

I love that poem! Tony is a definate keeper!
Kelley, once again, I could have written your post!
I am exactly the same, because I am so cheery, and seem to give out so much personal info, people tend to think I'm brave and very open..but I only tell people things I don't mind them knowing.
If I'm hurting, or anxious, I still have a tendancy to hide away and lick my wounds, the walls go up and I shut myself off.
When I was having all the hassle with my folks recently, there were a couple of time's Streff could see I was upset, and he'd put his arms around me and tell me to "let it all out", but I can't...it's just very very difficult for me to cry in front of anyone, even him.
I can't let people see me hurting, or that they've hurt me, so most of the time, people assume I'm just strolling along without a care in the world.
I wouldn't go so far as to say this is a problem between Streff and I, but I do know it bothers him that I can't cry in front of him, he thinks it means I don't trust him, but I DO, it's just hard to break the habits of many many years, you know?