my story with a 41 y/o woman

i met a 41 y/o woman off the internet in person after a two-week correspondence via email and also chitchat..
i had a crush immediately after seeing her, but before the actual meet up we decide to be friends..the thing is my feeling gets so strong from that night on, i cant help thinking about her all day long..then i brought it up that i wanted it so much to be with her via text messages. She answered kinda like , well , i do not want to hurt you,blah blah..because she's been divorced for 5 years and life is tough for the loneliness she beard...and for the fact she will sooner or later get married to someone who's being her age (i am 24)
i get to admit the crush was pretty much due to a sexual side from the beginning ..but last night we met for the second time, and she had poured out her heart about her previous life .. the divorce thing and the fact of being separated from her son,as well as her parents ' pass-away a year ago..i never knew her parents were such a huge loss in her world since she saw her marriage as a failure .. she cried , and my heart ached so bad that i really wish i could have offered her a shoulder ..and right at that moment , i felt myself more like a friend and brother..i got sad knowing the fact that i really cant give her what she wants ..
what she has gone through is more than just the worst , she had an operation to remove the cyst out of her stomach, and though there were friends around , she felt something so missing whe she was pulled to the operation hall..

i thought about the possibility of marrying her, but she kept sending me hints she doesnt want to hurt me and she'd prefer someone older...i know she has been true and honest to me..woman her age would just play around , looking for one night stand.. she didnt .. for i would have been a good option she can reach ...

i felt so hopeless since i am so in love with her ..she has a good heart which is the most important thing to me...
what am i gonna do with this ? stay as friends ? or keep chasing after her ??

Sorry , i wasnt good at organising my story here.......pls do help me out if you can , thank you in advance for all those who would read it through to the end.

I need a little clarification before I can offer you advice. How long have you two been communicating with each other? Have you met in person?

I am asking because I am a little confused about you posting a personal ad looking for older women, but you say you are in love with this woman? :confused:

Originally posted by whiterose
...I am asking because I am a little confused about you posting a personal ad looking for older women, but you say you are in love with this woman? :confused:

lol

Busted by SuperModerator? :D

Well, he may have a reasonable explanation. Let's wait and see what he has to say. :)

Hi Into-oldies,


I don't know whether she lives in China as well.... I get the feeling that there may be certain age/marriage issues in your country that are a bit stricter than other countrys....... I could be wrong... I do not know that much about living in China.

Anyway........ Im sorry to hear that she doesn't want to be with you and I wonder? Did she not know you were 24 to begin with. Do you think she just wanted friendship the whole time?

It seems that she is sure she doesn't want to be with you... I know this is hard.... However... I guess you may meet someone else on internet...... And maby you both can still remain friends.

Tinks

Originally posted by whiterose
I need a little clarification before I can offer you advice. How long have you two been communicating with each other? Have you met in person?

I am asking because I am a little confused about you posting a personal ad looking for older women, but you say you are in love with this woman? :confused:

Sorry i have been away from my post for a while...here i am ,heart-broken and seriously seeking for help...
before that please let me be clear about all your questions..

We've communicated for 2 months or so up to now, i kinda quit the internet thing right after i met her in person ...the reason i post that ad looking for older women is because i was in a situation of wanting to meet her ,but she didnt, i had a hard time when rejected , and was confused if i should just hold on to her,or let go,
i wasnt so serious of posting the ad, pls excuse me ..because i had no interest in other women at that time...and all my friends thought i was just too serious about the woman i spoke to..i was offered advice like ..man' life is short , just chill ..there are other women out there, blah blah...NO WAY ! i just could not give up on someone i really love!!!!

the dramastic thing did happen , she got so touched by my sincerity and honesty and my love focusing on her..we talked for a long time,and she said we would give it a try .....

it went well, we live about 20 minutes bus from each other, since we both were busy with work from monday to friday , we can only meet once a week..so this friday night, we had dinner together, but she felt bad because of her physical status, she has been vunerable both physically and emotionally ever since she got divorced 5 years ago..i totally could understand about her situation of wanting to go out but lack the confidence and strength....and the fact that she felt nowhere to go , her only son was away from her.. so i saw her off to her apartment after dinner, then reluctantly went home....
i sent her a text message at 11:30 pm ,she replied she wish she was with me at that moment..and then we talked on the phone for short...
she said i could come to her apartment on saturday morning...
you can guess i spent a sleepless night ,and hoping to meet her immediately..

the time i woke up , i sent her a message saying i missed her so much..but she'd power off her phone , i felt so bad and keep calling ..because she never powered off her mobile phone for whatsoever reason, i waited , thinking she might need a good rest or something...until it's 12:00 at noon , i called again , still wasnt on...so i called to her apartment , the second time she answered the phone , i could tell her voice suggesting she's weak...she told me she didnt feel comfortable because of staying up too late...faint , felt sick , and wanted to sleep ..i said okay, we could meet next time ,( i was heartbroken , because all wish to do is take care of her when she's sick).....

i wondered it must because she thought a lot last night when we finnished the call ...and then got a second thought about our relation..she asked me to give her ten days , so that she could readjust herself to a better situation...no emails no text messages , she need a ten day peace ...ooh my gosh !! my world just collapsed ....loving her means i have to give her the peace she wanted ... but what am i gonna do with this TEN DAYS ???I cant even bear a single day without her....

what gives anyway ??? she told me she was happy with me .....
i totally can understand her physical status ...it does pose a challenge to our relation... i 've no idea if ten days later she still feels like staying with me...

Matt from china

Originally posted by Tinkabell
Hi Into-oldies,


I don't know whether she lives in China as well.... I get the feeling that there may be certain age/marriage issues in your country that are a bit stricter than other countrys....... I could be wrong... I do not know that much about living in China.

Anyway........ Im sorry to hear that she doesn't want to be with you and I wonder? Did she not know you were 24 to begin with. Do you think she just wanted friendship the whole time?

It seems that she is sure she doesn't want to be with you... I know this is hard.... However... I guess you may meet someone else on internet...... And maby you both can still remain friends.

Tinks

you got it right that there are certain age marriage issues here ..but things are more different in a more developed city ..i live in hongkong's neighboring city called shenzhen..trust me , there are lots of older women and younger men's stories going on here..however, chances are that neither of them are serious about it..to my observation, some older women here could just play around , sleeping with young handsome guys......

my case is totally different , my feelings and my love are true i want to marry her one day...and start a family...you guys may wonder about my parents side ..what they think, well, i dont have the concern about what others may think , because it's my life..and it has nothing to do with others..even if i will get misunderstandings from my parents or sisters or friends..i still believe in what i do ....
anyway it's just too early to let my parents or friends know about this ..it will be lots of pressure to her ..i felt okay ...


I am 24 year old , but almost everybody says i look more mature like 30s , she also felt the same way.....i can say from the beginning she want it to be friendship, because she doesnt want to hurt me knowing that i am younger and have a bright future and she doesnt want to get in the way...that's what she thought...well , i wish i could have letted her know all i cared is her and me...nothing else ..

Matt

"but what am i gonna do with this TEN DAYS ???"

Hi Matt. Welcome to Ageless.

Well, why don't you do what she is doing--think about everything. It is possible that she set the time apart so that you also could seriously consider all the aspects of a serious age gap relationship and decide whether or not you really want to commit yourself to her.

She has a lot of problems right now. If I were you, I wouldn't push her too hard. Let her lead the way right now and just be there for her when she needs you.

Originally posted by Patricia
"but what am i gonna do with this TEN DAYS ???"

Hi Matt. Welcome to Ageless.

Well, why don't you do what she is doing--think about everything. It is possible that she set the time apart so that you also could seriously consider all the aspects of a serious age gap relationship and decide whether or not you really want to commit yourself to her.

She has a lot of problems right now. If I were you, I wouldn't push her too hard. Let her lead the way right now and just be there for her when she needs you.

thank you very much ! i think i pushed too much pressure on her by sending her text messages non-stop..even when she's asleep.
it 's me who screwed it up ...i should be aware of time and patience we need for this relationship....but i just cant help sending her massages ...i was suspicious that i might have a problem myself..

she did tell me she would get devastated if we continue , because she's so tired of over work..and now our relation adds more than just pressure to her...she said she would get back to me ten days later...which i am suspicious and scared she will never come back ,and i will lose her...