I'm back

Well not sure how many still remember me, but here I am again. Feels good to be back. :)

Welcome back, Summer! Tell us what's up! Looks like its been a while since we heard from ya.

~phosphorescent

Welcome back Summer. Why don't you give us a refresher on your situation? We have alot of new members since you were last here.

First I think I will not let Jeremy know I am posting here and hopefully he won't look as for now I want to look at this as my place to get the thoughts and opinions of others as I need them.

Okay recap...I am ummm 46 (damn I still don't like saying that) Jeremy is 23. We met in an online video game and did eventually meet in person. We live two states away from each other so we didn't get to see each other often as he is a single dad raising a 5 year old son. Prior to Jeremy I had never imagined myself falling in love with a younger man.

Well to continue, Jeremy has a mom that has a collar around his neck that at the time he was not able to break or even loosen. Yes, I know he allowed it to happen and he has to be the one to break it. Part of the problem then was he was working for her, she owned the house he was living in, she helped with his son..etc and until he finishes school he wasn't or didn't think he could change much.

He couldn't move out of state due to the way the custody agreement is set. The way it has been explained to me is that a change in living conditions would mean another court appearance where he could risk loosing his son.

Anyway, about 7 - 8 months ago, Jeremy mentally broke down and disappeared from my life. I am sure that part of it had to do with us and the other part had to do with his parents..not placing blame just giving opinions. No he won't go to couseling.

So last week he emails me to tell me what happened and that he will understand if I dont' write him back but he wanted to apologize to me. I email him back and we start talking. He tells me he has finally got his house built (again let's see, mortgate is in parents name - until he can get a mortgage) the lot belongs to his parents, (they haven't even done a land contract or a lease purchase agreement) so technically he has nothing still.

I find after talking to him my feelings are just as strong for him and he says the same things. But how do I trust him enough to believe that he won't disappear again?

I am in the process of writing him an email (somehow I feel I can say more clearly what I am thinking in an email and not forget anything.

What I plan on telling him is I think we should set some type of timeframe on things. For example, I will not even consider moving anywhere until I am debt free. But, I am also going to tell him that I need sometime of timeframe from him when A: He will tell his parents completly about us and how he feels about me.

Is this unreasonable?

If I had to guess I'd say to accomplish the things I want to do on my end would take about a year. Which will also give us time to grow more together.

Sounds like you have a reasonable head on your shoulders there, Summer. I'd just be honest about everything with him. :D

As for how do you trust him? Heh. No advice there, honestly. Everything is always a risk. But, with the plan you've set out already ~ time will tell, won't it?
~phos

Thanks for that update, Summer. It does sound like you have thought this through very well. I hope that everything goes well for you. And like Fos said, everything is a risk. We either go for it, or we stay at home and hide from it. I say go for it and see what happens.

Yes I had comtemplated going to see him but in the long run I never did. It was out of self-protection. Not knowing how he would react, whether it was good or bad, I wasn't prepared to deal with the bad part, then then even if it was a good reaction, I would still have had to leave.

Again you are right, his situation is much different then before but in the talks we have had since he e-mailed me he sounds "stronger".

I think the time apart was good for both of us and made us individually and together stronger and more prepared (I hope) for the long road we have ahead of us. There will be many bumps and roadblocks during the next year for us, but if we both are committed to making this relationship work we will handle them together and with God's help.

I recall your b/f posted here too. Is he back as well?

Marcy,

I haven't told him that I am posting here yet. I will in time and I'm sure once I do he will be back but right now, you guys are my personal relationship counselors (lol I nominated and voted for all of you) so you're it. :)

LOL! Understood. My b/f is also a member here.