Update on my break up/moving on

As some of u kno i moved the 14th of november after breaking up my 2 yr relationship with a ym...moving was smooth as far as moving from the apt to the house i am in now but im kinda mad because i still have bad days days where my heart beats so fast im sure people can see it thru my clothes.

I have dreams with my ex where i wake up crying becasue i was cryoing in my dreams....it bothers me because i kno he is not good for me he made me suffer so much so y do i feel this way i kno i dont need him in my life and honestly i dont want him...i have a bed for myself i dont have to worry about noone else but my kids i can go shopping without having someone argue and criticize me about spending money...MY MONEY im in a better position now than i was with him....but y do i feel like my heart is jumping out of my chest when i think about him and wonder what he is doing deep down i wonder if he hurted if hes hurting if he thinks about me and misses me i guess i shouldnt hes out of my life but i cant help to wonder if he thinks about everything i did for him and if he misses me if he even cried...

he called the afternoon i moved out and my mother answered the phone he wanted to kno if we were going back to the apt to spend the night my mom told him the apt was empty we were all gone and he asked her if we could leave the keys on the counter my mom told him i put the keys under his bedroom door he said thank you because he needed to give the keys to the landlord which i dont understand because u dont give the landlord keys unelss everyone is gone i feel the cal wasnt about the keys but i wont gain nuthin by phsycoanalizing it....he hasnt made any effort to talk to me or anything could it be his pride?...like i said b4 i dont want him back but i guess is an ego thing and it would made me feel better if he tried to contact me in some way it would just let me kno he misses me but i guess he doesnt...is it bad to have these feelings here i am a 32 yo woman soon to be 33 on dec 3rd and so confused about my feelings is not the 1st break up but im hoping it will be the last...

i saw a mutual friend of ours and told me he went to the place we used to hang out and ran his mouth about us not being 2gether which is something i knew he would do our friend told me im better off without him all he did was run his mouth and he was no good...i told him i took everything i only left him his clothes and he told me good for me he deserved that...god only knows what he said about me but our friend wouldnt give me details maybe not to hurt my feelings i dont kno maybe not to get invloved and then he told me my ex told him he was going to ny for a couple of days i asked him if he was in ny right now he said well he told us he was going to ny for a couple of days and here i am wondering how he didnt have no time off from work he even has to work on thanksgiving day he has not itme off he been working there 2 and a half months then im thinking he had told me his mom was coming down to florida at the end of the month so is either a lie that his mom was coming or a lie that he went for a couple of days is like everyhitng come out his mouth is made up stuff....then my brother in law saw him supposedly last night so then i really realized he lies and makes up stuff....

Guys i guess im just venting and talking about my feelings it kinda helps heal and is weird because even tho u kno something is coming u try to anticipate it but when it happens is still like a surprise im talking about my break up i knew it was coming and i initiated and then i broke up with him again is still weird even tho i was the dumper twice im supposed to be the one being happy and stuff because i wanted out for so long....y is it i feel like this

**sigh**

Feelings aren't good or bad, they just are. I have found that feelings tell me what my value system is. If I have pain about a lost relationship, then that means I know how to love a person even when it is over. At the same time, I feel such joy, when someone is able to see beyond the pain and stick to their ideals, until the hurt is healed and they can move on.

So embrace your pain. Feel it, don't "stuff it". It will lessen with time. For me, the first two weeks are total gut-wrenching, pain in the chest, heart attack material. After two weeks, is subsides and I get pangs when I think of the person. In a month, the pain is numb although the anger may be kicking in.

So, cry, write in a journal, call a friend, or post a message. It will get better... and you can go on to love again. Thanks for sharing your feelings with us.
Barbara

Your "heart jumping out of your chest" is a normal physiological thing that happens when you grieve a major loss...so are the dreams. Our mind tells our body that it is anxious/hurt/confused/ distraught, and then the hormone adrenaline kicks in. The purpose of adrenaline is to make our heart beat faster so that we can be ready for "fight or flight". But, we don't have to actually be facing a monumental life or death fear (like needing to run away from muggers) to experience a racing heart...extreme sorrow and longing can bring on the same result.

I went through this after my break up as well. Try to quiet yourself as much as possible throughout the day (deep, slow breathing, long warm baths)...and CRY as much as you need to to relieve some of the anxiety. Also, as much as I didn't feel like it, I rented lots of comedy movies to force myself to lighten up. Do whatever it takes to get your mind off of him and onto your own healing. I know it feels HORRIBLE right now...it will get better as some more time passes. A couple of weeks, and you'll be feeling a lot better. One day you'll wake up and realize, "Hey, I haven't felt my heart race for 24 hours!"

I'm so sorry you have to go through this right now. Hug those beautiful children of yours and realize how blessed you are to have them, and HIM out of your life...
Best...

Im actually crying as i read...is so weird because im crying for me for the time i gave him not because im not withhim im crying becasue i had such a wonderful life before i met him and i had no need to get involved with him....i kno u cant tell ur heart who to fall in love with but there wasnt much to fall in love with him for and thats y im so angry that i let my guard down and i lost 2 yrs of my life i kno i should look at it like an experience but u kno im going to be 33 next week im losing time here...lol...just a lil humor to humor myself actually.....

i kno i will be alright is not my first brak up or heartbreak for that matter but since my daughters father 4 yrs ago i dated alot of men and it was os easy to just let go as my sister would tell her friends my sister doesnt grive long she hasd a lot of male friends so she can just lay one off and move to the next...btw none of these men i dated i brought home it was strictly outside of home dating never brought them around my babies....but like i said b4 i had a busy wonderful life and i messed it up geting invloved wit the wrong person...

some of u may think but it wasnt the wrong person then yes it was i always knew he wasnt the right one but for some reason felt the need to protect him to nurture him i always felt sorry for him because he used to tell me stories about how his parents were never there for him so deep down i knew he wasnt right for me but kept nurturing him to make him feel good about himself like my girlfriend told me is like they went by ur house and asked who wanted to adopt and u took him in ha?...lol its like i was raising a 3rd child and the bad part about it i let him control my life my finances and i admit and i cried and apologized to my son millions of times...i neglected my child which i carried for nine months just to please this person.....

some things i post here i cant even talk about with my friends becasue im so embarrased to admit i let this person control me and i neglected my children i feel like the most horrible mother is ripping me apart..