New Here

Hi I am new here just found this board today.Let me introduce myself, my name is Lisa and I am from Texas. I am 39 and have 4 kids.I was married (actually still married)in the process of getting a divorce from a ym (31 years old)however I have just started seeing a VYM(do I have the terms right?)who is 20 and I am terrified.The age diff doesn't scare him at all he says I am the FLYEST woman he has ever met (hence the user id)but I have an 18 yr old daughter which to me just feels a little weird.I went through the "oh is that your son thing"with my hubby and it drove me nuts so now I can only IMAGINE what I would go through with this guy.Can you all offer any insights or moral support PLEAASE some of the things I may face etc.
Thanks and looking forward to sharing with you all.
Lisa

Welcome to ageless, Lisa. You've definitely come to the right place.

When I first started seeing my YM I had a LOT of doubts... all perfectly normal. But, things are working out really well between us. (I'm 33, he's 19). Only once since we've been together has anyone (outside of family/friends) mentioned the age gap and that was kinda funny, really. Not anything bad. Just a mistake and luckily I didn't have to get defensive about it. Some people just make assumptions, y'know? Most people don't even notice an age gap. And if they do? SO WHAT! What's between you two is between you two and the rest of the world can go take a flying leap. LOL.

Why not give us some more details about what's worrying you. Is it the fact that he's only 2 years older than your daughter or is it more? Just curious.

WELCOME!
~phosphorescent

Thanks for the response. Some of it has to do with him being 2 years older than my daughter,ALOT of it is just my own insecurities especially where my body is concerned,I actually look pretty young in the face alot of people have said that they would guess my age at between 27-30.I have just lost alot of weight (116 lbs)and so my body is an absolute sagging mess LOL and I am so self concsious about that we made love for the first time and I actually refused to undress only took off the bare minimum and he actually just laughed about that.I explained to him my being self concious but he just says that he loves the softness of my body.
I actually don't know why I am fighting so hard he is actually doing so well for himself at 20 he is in his third year of college,has a decent job a car and his own apartment none of which my husband had or has and he is now 31.This guy is very intellectual,loves jazz music,funny, is a homebody and as sweet as they come and not to mention the sex is mindblowing.I have actually been haing anxiety attacks thinking about this guy as I am writin this my heart is about to explode out of my chest and I have NEVER felt that way before.When I am with him I dont see him as a 20 year old but yet its always in the back of my mind.Will I ever get over this hump?

Yep... you will. If you WANT to. :D Some people let their anxiety over the AG eat them up and they don't have the strength to continue with the relationship. I am, oh my, so very thankful I didn't let my anxiety get to me, because I would have missed out on this something MAGNIFICENT right here beside me (posting on ageless now.. LOL).

For me, I probably would have let my own self-doubt get to me and let this go if I hadn't come here and found... a) I'm NOT alone and b) it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.

Your YM loves you... all of you. Age and "softness" and experience and everything all wrapped into the package that makes you... well... YOU.

There is another thread over in chitchat about geared towards the guys about whether or not they think they are attractive. Most people do not think they are attractive. :o The vast majority of people out there are walking around thinking about their personal flaws and yet, they are never so nitpicky about other people.

I bet you look a lot better than you think you look and no matter what, your YM thinks your beautiful. Accept his words. If it's good, its worth pursuing. And in time, you will believe in him and you will believe it can work... give it time to develop!

:D
~phosphorescent

Hello forty_n-fly,

Welcome to ageless love. I understand how it feels wierd that your man is ony two years older then your daughter. In my case my man is younger then my oldest son. (talk about feeling strange) I am 46 and my man is 24. My oldest son is 27. :) On top of that there is 4 years difference between him and my youngest son. Now to add more to this, Jeremy, my love, has a 5 year old son that he has custody of. The custody agreement states that any change in residence is grounds for another court hearing and custody issues to be reviewed. His moving to the same state as me is not an option at this point.

So if things work the way we hope (although we are taking our time) one day, Jeremy will become a stepfather to a son that is older then him (although we really just look at him as being a freind to my son) and I will become a step mom to his son who is only 4 years older then my grandson.

What I have learned is to stop "living" for what others think is or should be and trust in the love Jeremy and I share. Yes there are times both of us have our doubts and insecurites especially since on top of the age difference we are dealing with a distance of living two states away from each other.

One thing that I remember so vividly was at one resturaunt we were eating the waitress commented on how happy we looked together. "Bless her heart", now shortly after that as we were entering a casino he was carded. :)

Now if the above is not enough obsticles to overcome, Jeremy is an only child with a domineering mother who not only does he work for, but also the mortgage to his house is in her name, and the land the house is on, belongs to her also. She has never met me and yet keeps trying to steer her son away from me.

Sure there are doubts I wonder if my head is screwed on straight, and there are times that I even try to push him away yet deep down I try to keep my faith that if this relationship is meant to be, then we will overcome all of the above issues and find our place in each others arms and one day become husband and wife.

We have no support system other then each other and the board here.

Thanks to all of you for sharing I see that just as with any relationship there are always those unique obstacles to overcome.And you are right we shouldn't care what other people think 9 times out of 10 they probably wish it were them! It just amazes me that he is so eager to jump into this head first with no reservations.I think that I will finally find that place especially with his love and support.Now if I could just get these butterflys outta my chest!
Thanks
Lisa

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