someone tell me I am ridiculous

My VYM (18) is a very good looking guy. He has many girls around his age that are VERY interested in him. They basically throw themselves at him. He is friends with many of these and likes to hang out with them. However, I am very insecure about all that. I trust him, but the problem is, I don't trust them. He is a very nice and sweet guy and younger girls tend to take that as flirting or an invitation.

To complicate matters, no one knows we are together. For many reasons this is the way it has to be and both of us are very comfortable with that. However, that means to these younger girls, he is not off limits.

Why in the heck am I jealous of girls his age? When I try to suggest that maybe he not hang out with them alone I come accross as controlling. Which is honestly not the case. he just doesn't know how he comes accross sometimes. Or maybe he does and just likes the attention.

Has anyone ever felt this way? I'm a logical 33 year old woman, what in the heck is wrong with me??

You are not ridiculous. I think the situation, particularly the fact that your relationship is being kept a secret, is hard on you. This causes anxiety. It would be ridiculous to be totally fine with everything...

I think a lot of times, when a woman says, "Tell me I'm being ridiculous" they want to hear that everything is fine. The problem is, most other women will tell them what they want to hear, regardless of what they feel is actually the case.

I would not feel comfortable with the situation you described. You have two choices: bite the bullet and suck it up (basically saying that your feelings are irrelevant), or work toward changing the situation (ie, "outing" the relationship).

Geez girlfriend, are we twins or what?
I guess the diff is my YM is 21, I'am 54 and I've known him for 5 yrs. I have never suggested he not hang with others tho...
I want him to live life fully and I can't imagine depriving him of anything he really wants or needs. And if it's not good for me - maybe I need to develop something.

Most people know how they come across - don't you? I flirt w/people I work with but I don't want to be in anyone else's arms, so I'm not. Kinda like that, you know?

I trust his indepence is something he can take care of. I trust that no matter how much I hurt he will make it alright (his kiss is a miricle drug for me).

I have had some wonderful relationships. The only thing I know is that everything changes and the universe is unfolding as it should. If we are to have a equal relationship (which I think is critical in any healthy relationship), I need my friends and my freedom. This weekend I really want to see him, but I promised my best girlfriend that I would spend time with her and her sisters. I believe in keeping my promises - I know that is a quality I value and one that he values in himself. So- give this guy the space he needs and take some for yourself. Insure you have hobbies and interests that you can share and be separate about. It will make you more interesting to him and he will be more interesting to you. Let's face it, while a good relationships may have incredible passion, it really isn't about the sex is it?
Read or write about where you want to be and how to get there. And remember to enjoy your own alone time.

Here! Here! Sally

I agree. If issues that arise are dealt with immediately they often can be solved earier than if you sit on them...often pondering the what ifs and am I overreacting questions...Of course you need to have a level head and respect for your mate not just blurting out what ever thoughts cross your mind...
But issues like this one need to be...nipped in the bud..as it were.

:D
I believe everyone knows wheither they are flirting or not...I'm not saying that he has any ill intention or hopes to achieve anything with these young girls but if it bothers you then express that to him. If he cannot deal with it well then maybe it is time to look more closely at this relationship.

Be true to yourself and all else will fall in place - Indigo child

EarthG.

How do you know these gals are flirting? You are not there right? So, does he tell you about it? If he is telling you about it, I wonder why? To build up his self esteem? Is he still in school? If not why does he hang out with these women? Are their boyfriends there also?

And finally, why is it okay with you that no one knows about the relationship? Inquiring minds want to know.... :p Thanks for sharing with us.....

thank you all very much. Tonight we talked and I shared with him my concerns. It was a very productive conversation. He says he's just being a nice guy and then girls will be very forward. He said he's not "flirting." I have been with him many times and have actually seen it happen. I guess I was never that forward when I was younger but because of my job, I see it every day. Its very strange.

Anyway one really awesome thing that came out in our conversation was that he craved maturity. yes these friends that are girls are nice, but he would never want to date any of them and couldn't imagine getting caught up in their drama. Not that us OW are free from drama, but its different and better in his eyes.

I spoke very frank with him and it worked to my advantage. I have come to realize that YM tend to really listen to what you have to say and not just repeat back what they think you want to hear. No wonder we like them so much.

:)

yellowrose your mailbox is full. I tried to PM you :)

Thanks... I just cleaned it out.