what rock do i have to look under to find a girlfriend?

okay. someone. seriously. help. me.

i've been trying, and trying, and trying to get a girlfiend (...hell just a friend period) and i've just been beating a dead horse here.

i don't really meet and talk to women outside of my school. so my choices are rather limited.

of course, i don't want it too look like i'm "choosing" who i want to be with, because i'm really not. i just want some help trying to find someone to love and someone to love me. and i'm seriously getting sick of trying, and i'm close to the point of not caring anymore and just giving up.

i would love to date an older woman. some of the best times and conversations i've had where with an older woman, but they seem to back away once i tell them my age...in fact, a lot of women i meet say they arn't intersted in dating a guy who's younger then they are.

i also don't have a lot of friends period. it seems that no one wants to hang out with me outside of school. i seriously think a hex was put on me or something. i honestly don't think i'm coming on too strong...like i don't think i'm giving them the impresion that i'm depserate. i really don't.

it's been two years since i've been romantically involved with someone. yes, i know i'm young, but i'm the kind of person who loves romance and loves loving and loves being loved...so i really miss it.

someone please give me some advice, i'm very close to just giving up forever.

like i said, i don't think i'm trying to hard. i don't come off as desperate.

in school, i don't act depressed at all. in fact, in the past couple of months i've been much more outgoing then i have been in quite a long time

My most sincere advice...

... start gaming. Online.

I'm serious. Get involved in a game. Meet people online. Get to know them. Invest yourself in friendships. Something will eventually develop out of it, so long as you are sincere and yourself and honest.

But, SO many people around here met their SOs online and especially through gaming sites.

Dive in, occupy your mind, the rest will come...

... but definitely, heed Nessa's advice there FIRST. :D
~phos

Poet, I wouldn't advise looking for girlfriends under rocks. ;)

Forget about the whole "looking for girlfriends" thing altogether. Keep up with being more outgoing -- talk to women, but stop seeing them as "prospective girlfriends" right from the get-go.

From conversations and shared interests, friendships develop.

From friendships, a girlfriend MAY develop.

These things kinda have their own timetable, so be patient.

Originally posted by fos4snt
My most sincere advice...

... start gaming. Online.

I'm serious. Get involved in a game. Meet people online. Get to know them. Invest yourself in friendships. Something will eventually develop out of it, so long as you are sincere and yourself and honest.

But, SO many people around here met their SOs online and especially through gaming sites.

Dive in, occupy your mind, the rest will come...

... but definitely, heed Nessa's advice there FIRST. :D
~phos

I agree wholeheartedly... PM me for a list of really great games to meet ladies in! :D

Post your list of games for everyone to see. I'm curious myself.

Originally posted by marcy
I agree wholeheartedly... PM me for a list of really great games to meet ladies in! :D

so does that mean that it would be a great place to meet guys too then :D

i want that list too :cool:

hey, i've been single for a long time too - just realized, that i'm coming up on 5 years. there are days where it seems like i should just give up. but then i don't really want to do that. i just keep my options open, and try not to be obsessed with it.

one thing that keeps me going when i meet someone new and it doesn't work out, is that that just brings me one closer to meeting a guy that will.

Wildndthing says:
hey, i've been single for a long time too - just realized, that i'm coming up on 5 years. there are days where it seems like i should just give up. but then i don't really want to do that. i just keep my options open, and try not to be obsessed with it.
one thing that keeps me going when i meet someone new and it doesn't work out, is that that just brings me one closer to meeting a guy that will.


Thanks for posting that Wild, I needed to read those words!!

Poet, if you find a girlfriend under a rock, check and see if there's a boyfriend under there for me too k? ;)

you're welcome

glad to help anytime :D

yeah, and i need to find me that rock pile too

I'll bring the bulldozer! I need to find one too!

Poet, don't despair... as you can see you are not alone in being alone. It's how you deal with it.

Here are a few games. These games all revolve around social interactions and are highly populated by women (not very common in online games). These games all have a very strong romantic element to them. I am sure that there are others, but these are the ones I am personally familiar with.

www.there.com
www.thesimsonline.com
www.secondlife.com

Both there and secondlife offer free initial memberships and are totally web-based (you don't have to run out and get a $50 game in addition...). TSO does not offer a free membership and *does* require the purchase of the game along with the monthly fee. I haven't played that game in so long, I'm afraid I can't recall the costs involved.

I am aware of a few others that have are more sex and less romance, but I'll only send those out in PM.

Another option might be Monopoly online.

Originally posted by fos4snt
My most sincere advice...

... start gaming. Online.

I'm serious. Get involved in a game. Meet people online. Get to know them. Invest yourself in friendships. Something will eventually develop out of it, so long as you are sincere and yourself and honest.

But, SO many people around here met their SOs online and especially through gaming sites.

Dive in, occupy your mind, the rest will come...

... but definitely, heed Nessa's advice there FIRST. :D
~phos

Omg my jaw dropped open when I read this. I didn't realize anyone else here had actually found a partner this way beside myself. In fact I was wondering if I should even mention that part!

I so agree with you! It's a great place to meet people. One of the advantages I found is that on messenger or some forum through pm's, whatever... that you tend to see the 'real' person without the physical getting in the way. Or the AG. And I have learned that it is not age that matters. It is the person, who he/she is.

Hi Poet,
Im sorry your so frustrated and lonely and I have some questions concerning some things you said

also don't have a lot of friends period. it seems that no one wants to hang out with me outside of school. i seriously think a hex was put on me or something. i honestly don't think i'm coming on too strong...like i don't think i'm giving them the impresion that i'm depserate. i really don't.

What do you think the reason is, that no one wants to hang around you? Have you thought about this at all? I know you dont think your coming on too strong but you did say you have been TRYING AND TRYING TO FIND A GIRLFRIEND, EVEN A FRIEND. and sometimes even though you dont see it, that urgency makes you seem desperate and overbearing to people.

You also said you loved loving and being loved and want someone to love you etc. Nothing wrong with that, we all want that I think, but LOVE means different things to people so can I ask what it is you call LOVE? Im just curious as to what it means to you when you say you loved loving and being loved. Stupid question maybe but Im still asking it LOL

Originally posted by PoetOfDarkness
okay. someone. seriously. help. me.

i've been trying, and trying, and trying to get a girlfiend (...hell just a friend period) and i've just been beating a dead horse here.


Trying? Hmmm. . . i think if you "Try" you ain't gonna find.

Poet,

Why don't you tell us specifically what you're looking for in a woman.

Originally posted by FoundTheOne
Poet,

Why don't you tell us specifically what you're looking for in a woman.

to be honest, i'm not really all that picky when it comes to women.

i guess i would love to date someone who has the same interests as me. someone who likes doing the same things i do. someone who's fun to be around. and especally someone who can appreciate my writting and my art.

i'm into a number of things, the top ones being video games, anime (i'm a total Otaku) my writting of course, and i LOVE music, my family complains that i'm always listening to music. seriously, i can't live without music.

physically...well, i can't think of a way to say this without sounding really shallow, but i would be lying if i said i didn't like breasts, but i not shallow at all. so don't get that impression..also i really don't like skinny girls. but i guess that's just me.

whoa, this is starting to sound like a personal add. so i'll stop.

Originally posted by Nessa
naw it' s not just you... lots of men who are willing to be honest admit they like women with a bit of meat on them.

so it doesn't sound so bad to me... go for it... start some online game playing and see what happens....

yeah, i actually really don't like all these 'stick-chick' singers like Britney Spears. i've always like girls with meat on their bones.

i think guys just say that don't like it because of 'peer-presure' to be cool. or they're afraid to say what they actually like. which i can understand, but i still think it's stupid

Poet,

Do you have any coffee shops near by that will display your artwork? That might be where you're likely to find someone of a similar personality type. I have one friend who paints and does sculpture. He displays his artwork at local coffee shops all the time.

Originally posted by FoundTheOne
Poet,

Do you have any coffee shops near by that will display your artwork? That might be where you're likely to find someone of a similar personality type. I have one friend who paints and does sculpture. He displays his artwork at local coffee shops all the time.

there's a Starbucks right down the road, which makes great Frappachinos and lattés, but it dosen't really do anything like that.

Hi Poet!!

Wow, you like anime? Me too!! Ruonni Kenshin is my favorite!! My guy is a big anime fan....we must have over 100 dvds....

I'm half japanese so I tend to watch all my anime in japanese, just so I can hear my native tongue. It helps with my homesickness of missing my family alot of times. Do you watch it with sub-titles or in english? My guy says it's more authentic watching in japanese.

You like drawing too? My guy is an artist and is studying to become an anime/conceptual artist. Do you post your work online? I can get a few sites from him if you'd like. I notice that even on these sites there's posting from fellow artists....who knows you may be able to develop a friendship through your art.....

Do you like Final Fantasy?

My favorite online game is Final Fantasy XI .... it does take an initial investment for the actual game, and then $12.95/mo.

It's the best interaction game, and you'll meet all sorts of people there from all over the world, some I'm sure right in your back yard too...lol Many japanese players too.

It's quite addicting and once you start you'll see how much fun it is. You talk to people from all over and there's individual linkshells which are basically small chatrooms that you have regular interaction with the same group of people. These people become your friends and you have a blast talking to them all the time about everything. We end up sharing alot with each other because a friendship is developed.

My guy and I are gamers. You'll find people of all ages, females and males. And, many friendships have developed into relationships from this game!!

Look into it Poet. If you feel like you'd be interested let me know. I have a Linkshell of my own and it'd be great to have you join us.

And.........quit trying so hard to find a "girlfriend". You sound like a nice guy.......I think when we expect the least in our lives, the most happens.......just be yourself, keep smiling, and asserting yourself to be someone with a positive outlook on life who sees the good in everything instead of the bad....continue with your poetry writings and your artwork.... never give up on yourself ever.....and just maybe one day when you turn that corner, bamn....she'll be right there.........

Don't allow depression to take over your creative mind and soul....you sound like you have alot to offer this world.....so much to share ... keep sharing ....

Laterz,

Sora

hey, SoraNoYume!!

uh, HELL YEAH DO I LIKE ANIME!!!

okay, me and you have to talk sometime.

i've always like anime, ever since i was a little kid, when i began watching Speed Racer. ;) hehe

now i like all kinds of anime, from Inu-Yasha, Gundam Wing, Tenchi Muyo! (allthough i'm the only person i know who likes Tenchi In Tokyo), Oh My Goddess, Yu-Gi-Oh! (i also love collecting the Yu-Gi-Oh! cards, i love them) I just got Akira on DVD, which is awesome!!

and i also LOVE Final Fantasy. my favorite is the first one i ever played, Final Fantasy VII. i'm serious when i say that game chagned my life. it changed how i view things, and it helped boost who i allready was. FF8 comes in a close second. even though i havn't yet played FF11. :-(

you know, i've actually never met a girl who was into anime an video games as much as i was. yes, i defetnly know they exsists, just not really anywhere that i am. which really sucks.

we have to talk sometime about anime, i would love it.

Final Fantasy X was MY favorite. :D FANTASTIC game. Took me nearly four months of playing every night after work, but DANG was it fun!

I did NOT like FFX2, though. Too chicky, flashy and full of OBNOXIOUS music I could NOT take. LOL. Yuck.

I'd probably like FFXI, but... but I don't want to spend the money for the "online" game experience. Got too much gaming to do in my own living room. :o

~phosphorescent

Originally posted by SoraNoYume
I think when we expect the least in our lives, the most happens.......just be yourself, keep smiling, and asserting yourself to be someone with a positive outlook on life who sees the good in everything instead of the bad....continue with your poetry writings and your artwork.... never give up on yourself ever.....and just maybe one day when you turn that corner, bamn....she'll be right there.........




This is absolutely THE best advice you can receive Poet. She is absolutely right on the mark. I love that line Sora... about when we expect the least in our lives, the most happens. I LOVE THAT. It's so true. When I had stopped looking, that's when I found love again.

Everything will fall into place when it is supposed to.

I agree with that advice as well. For myself that has been true. After my divorce I was having too great a time to even consider looking for another man. Playing was all I cared about, and I did just that.

Women oftentimes find a man attractive when he isn't giving her or any other woman so much attention, but is instead busy with some interest of his own. Providing that other interest isn't pursuing women. The advice about doing your artwork could be a good way to put forth your energy and bring about attention to yourself in a positive way.

During Christmas time at the malls, I often hover near artists busy creating a new piece. Fantastic. It makes the artist very interesting suddenly, whereas he may not have been noticed much otherwise.

Poet...
Dunno if you're interested but I'm 39, caucasian, a law student. I have a profile under the name AnnmarieWV in Yahoo. I have photos posted and a lil more about me. If you would like to email me, I would love to hear from you. My ex, who was 25, just broke things off with me & I'd like to start again. Hope to hear from you!!!
:)
Ann Marie

DAYNG!!!

LOL Joe hahahahah

Originally posted by Joe
DAYNG!!!

No...joe....


you're suppose to say "DAYMNNNN!"


c'mon we ALL know that, that's your trademark man.:cool:

DAAAAYYYYYMMMMMNNNNN!!!

SCA-Re-creationist 1700's and before (http://SCA.org)

Dress up in funny clothes, learn to dance old dances, flirt with older woman laced up in corests...It's where I"m looking for my younger man.

Poet,
Here's some advice, for what it's worth. Do what we've talked about over & over again. Go talk to someone who understands the nature of your problem & who can help you. Don't go through your life with your chin low or feeling inferior to others. You are intelligent, and you have wonderful potential. Keep at the college classwork, it will come easier with time. Don't give up on yourself, or on life in general. You have your whole life to live, and if you live it wisely you will be all the happier. Resolve your childhood issues with a therapist or a loving, caring.. and qualified person. You and I both know you NEED to get that out of the way before you can ever be truly loving to a woman in a relationship again. Stop doing what you have been doing & make a new way for yourself. Stop feeling sorry for yourself, and end the pity parties... just be strong enough to take ACTION in your life so that you can have that relationship you've always wanted without ruining it. And yes, I said ruin it because that is precisely what YOU have done in the past. You know it, I know it, and as far as the rest of these folks they've got no idea what we're talking about.

Here's to hoping you'll find whatever you are looking for, but something tells me the answer lies within yourself.

I love you, E* * *
( whether or not you believe that)

Originally posted by PoetOfDarkness
and i LOVE music, my family complains that i'm always listening to music. seriously, i can't live without music.

Here's another idea. If you have favourite bands then you could go onto their websites and messageboards, meet people there. That's how I wound up getting to know, and eventually meeting, my now g/f.

Also, I agree that if you try and try and try to find a g/f, it makes it less likely to happen. In my experience it happens when you're least expecting it. Like this time for example, I never seriously thought for a second that i would wind up with a g/f 18 years older than me and who lives half way across the world. It just happened that we knew each other from an internet messageboard, we eventually met and it just clicked. I wasn't quite expecting that to happen at all, it just did. And if you think about the number of random things that had to happen for us to meet each other.... well, you could almost say it was all planned and meant to be.