Advice: How to get past the "never dated" block

Strange but true, I've never dated. The people I've had realtionships with are people who started out as friends and grew to be much more than that, so we never had an awkward date type thing.

So, now thta I'm older and been alone for a while I'm willing to take a chance, but...how?

I'm a social person, so I do go out and have friends, but I guess I'm not approachable since I've only been asked out twice my whole life when it comes to dateing.

I'm not comfortable with asking others out, because of a personal flaw where I feel like I'm intrudeing. (I don't even often ask my friends out, I inform them of my own plans and hope they show up. lol).

So, what advice for someone who is socially outgoing, but at the same time socially inept?

I am a very shy person and have enjoyed online dating very much.

Basically, you can look at a person's profile, they can look at yours, you can send e-mails back and forth saying that you are intrigued, get on an Instant Messenger and chat, try using a web cam, talk on the phone, and then meet for coffee or lunch to see if there is any chemisty in person, as well as have a fun conversation and make a new friend.

It is a lot easier to ask someone out in a chat or e-mail. You can't really be intruding when asking someone out from a dating site, because that is what they are there for,

After the initial awkward dating situation, that person will be your new friend and then you can pick up from where you are comfortable.

Hi Lady (I think you should leave out the spinster bit!)


The only thing I think you can do here is to literally 'force' yourself to go out there and start interacting with people you don't know.

If you had the choice between that and being run over by a truck... Which one would you choose.

Its not going to kill you..... I suggest that while you are out with your friends the next time..... Just look around and find some guy that is sitting by himself or looks like he isn't waiting for someone.... And just go over and say 'hi' my names Lady (without the spinster bit).... How are you and blah blah .... Im sure you wouldnt be lost for words.

Practice initially on someone that you probably wouldn't be interested in..... Yknow, just 'anyone'.... Then when you have done this a few times ... Then take the Plunge and do it with a guy you may find attractive, or could be interested in.

Once again.....Just do it...... Its like 'anything' we are scared of..... If you don't just do it... no-one is going to do it for you...... The problem will never go away....... And once you do, cos I think you will!... You will find that it really wasnt that much of a big deal.

And the 'friends' thing..... People are so caught up with their own lives sometimes telling them you are doing something may not come across that you want them to do these things with you....
whats wrong with..... Hey Im going to see this movie '.......' tomorrow, dyou wana come?

It really 'is' that basic..... don't even think about it or worry about it........ We have issues so that we acquire the skills to deal with them. If you don't deal with them then you have issues..... thats just the way it is...... What do you choose ?

Good luck with it all

Tinka

i agree with sally if u have good times with ur freinds . try find new ones and see where they will head u. but if u don't do that u'll need to take the risk and head out and ask some one for a date

Originally posted by Tinkabell


I suggest that while you are out with your friends the next time..... Just look around and find some guy that is sitting by himself or looks like he isn't waiting for someone.... And just go over and say 'hi' my names Lady (without the spinster bit).... How are you and blah blah .... Im sure you wouldnt be lost for words.



Hi Lady,

I am always THRILLED when a woman whom I haven't met before strikes up a conversation with me. There's a reason why I like to spend my free time out in public rather than boxed up in my apartment--namely, it puts me in a position to meet people! Sometimes I'll break the ice, but I like it even better when SHE does. I'm sure I speak for many other men as well. So, just say hi to that interesting looking guy! And hey, if your "in transit" status puts you in LA, you might just find yourself making my day!:D

Cheers! Dave

i really agree with the responce that dropping the spinster bit would be a start, its funny how we define ourselves and because of this we live in fear to venture out and try something new, its scary, but something in you is telling you to try, my husband told me that a life with regrets is a sad life and the "what if's" in life can haunt you a lifetime.

you are not a spinster, you just have not met someone yet, on line dating is a way to get confidence in interacting and otherwise, join a social singels group, ex. church, business, community groups, they do exist and are not just for hook-ups they are there so people can meet and make friends.

also, people ARE shy, i worry about the ones that are always moving from one relationship to another, there is probably another shy person out there who would really like to meet you.

its cool, a new adventure, best luck in 2005!!!!

Thanks for the advice, guys and gals, but some of it just doesn't apply.

I am out in the public a lot, I do talk to compelte strangers all the time, at work, on the bus, in the store, etc. In fact, that's how I met almost all my current friends.

I'm also a member of a re-enactment group (The SCA) and run in to all types of people there and interact (read flirt) with them.

But I've somehow drawn an invisiable line that's like "She's a great woman to hang out with and have fun, but not to date."

*sigh* I think I had the same problem when I was younger and "She's one of the guys." bit.

And I am currently a spinster since I"ve only had one lover and we broke up over ten years ago. I'm hoping to change that now tho.

....Oh