Need advice PLEASE!!!

Hello everyone, first time posting. I need some advice really bad. I have some issues with my OW and I don't know how to approach this. First off, we have been dating since last year. she is 10 years older than I and she had problems at first with the age thing but has come around a lot since then. (she still thinks about the age thing every once in a while). She has a teenage daughter that is spoiled rotten and the daughter can say pretty much anything she wants to me and her mom don't want to get involved with that. my problem is I cannot punish her daughter and her mom want say nothing about it. this REALLY frustrates me. I know the mom loves her daughter and tries not to punish her that much but I should not have to be treated like a nobody from her daughter and something not be done about it. Also, does anybody here put their best friend in front of your partner. What I mean is if I had a date set up with my g/f and her best friend called to do something else, she would go with her friend instead of going out with me. She says its because her friend has been there all her life and she will never let her friend down. I think everybody should hang with there friends but good grief, I'm her b/f. Am I acting ridiculous here? Another problem I have created is that I have spoiled my g/f with flowers and gifts galore. It has gotten to the point to where I feel sometimes the only reason she is with me is because of all the gifts. I have started to try and control the spending but she seems to act differentaly when I am not buying her something. she has told me that I need to meet new friends to hang with and that I spend allot of time at her place. she laughs when she says these things and tells me she's joking, but lets say i'm not laughing anymore. Another problem is and this is the big one, no one knows that we are b/f g/f. her daughter don't even know we're dating. we have been doing this for almost a year and a half now. the reason we are dating secretly is that her daughter don't like mom dating NO ONE. her daughter just thinks where good friends. I didn't have a problem with this but when a guy asks my g/f if she is seeing someone she tells them no because she don't want her daughter to find out about us. this really sucks. I really do love this woman and I believe she really loves me. She don't tell me that much because she says that isn't her style. She has also told me she would never cheat on me but sometimes I feel like something is going on but I don't know what. If I sit down to talk to her about it she just gets frustrated at me and tells me that this is just the way she is. live with it or leave. Maybe it's time for the latter. I just feel like i'm being used. any input would be appreciated since most of my friends don't discuss relationships. its a guy thing. Sorry for the long post.

Ok, so I am coming from the other end, my boyfriend is 24 years older than me. But you deserve better. I mean based on what I have read, you love her and treat her that way and she treats you like the skeleton in the closet. I want you to read your post, and pretend that you are reading someone elses. Just study what you wrote, and you know that if someone else was writing it, you would say the same thing. When it comes to her daughter, that is a lost cause. You can't come in after years of non-dicipline and try and staighten her, it just isn't going to happen. And if you don't want to buy her stuff then you shouldn't. My boyfriend treats me like gold, and it isn't because he buys me gift, he is just wonderful. Gifts aren't what make a relationship work. And as far as her friend goes, you have to always put your partner first, but you have to make time for your friends. It is just that simple. I have to run to lunch, but I will try to elaborate more later. Good Luck.

How old is her daughter? :confused:

moving the thread to the right section..and giving it a little bump so we can get more input here.

Hi thirtysomething and welcome to agelesslove.

If I understand you correctly, you two are secretly dating, and her teenage daughter doesn't know this. I also understand you to say that you are upset because you are not able to discipline her daughter. If your relationship is secret, then of course, I can understand why she would not want you to be disciplining her daughter. Typically, the SO only disciplines their partner's child after they are married and/or in a long-term relationship.

If her daughter is a teenager, then it's time that she understands that her mom has a right to have a life outside of motherhood. But, I'm wondering if there's more you haven't told us. Is your g/f single? Or, does she happen to still be married?

Giving us more detailed information would be very helpful.

It sounds like you know what you want and she doesnt.

If you 2 are a serious item I would say that the world should know and stop messin around.

Has she been hurt really badly and keeping her distance because of that? Is so I would just let her know that you will keep loving her and being good to her.

I personally wouldnt be comfortable if my ym was telling chicks he was single.

At that point it would be brass tacks heart to heart talk time where we need to see what is really going on and talk about respect.


My opinion about kids? they do tend to be brats.. part of being a kid. they are smart and if you are hangin' around she knows whats up, she may be acting up because she is being left out of the secret and knows it.

I dont care if she is 6 or 16, they know and react to the tension without hesitation... they are smarter than most grown-ups give them credit for.

So if you guys are an item I would want to discuss what level of item and then I would have to say, if it were me, lets give it a real try... for real and be a relationship for all the world to see.

The whole telling guys I am single thing would be to disrespectful for me and would break my heart if I had real genuine feelings for someone.

Whiterose is right...... If the daughter does not know about this relationship, how can you possibly assert any discipline here.

Im sorry to say that I don't think you should be hanging around for very much longer...... She seems to have no respect for you, however, by letting her treat you like this.... do you blame her?

I sense that her treatment of you will gradually become worse and worse....

Either you hang around until this happens and it forces you to leave.

Or you can decide to leave right now,.

The other easier, ((maby)) alternative is a favourite of mine and its called the 'taking some time out' method.

Go away and think.... with no contact with her..... This will also force her to think as well, mainly to think about weather she is going to start treating you better, and it may make her appreciate you more......... But from what you said, she seems to be fully intrenched in certain types of behaviour, that are of no benefit to you (or anyone else really).

Im only telling you this as it appears that talking to her about it hasn't seemed to work yet...... am I right. Because if not.... well certainly you should try it....Yknow, laying it all out on the table and stuff.

I wish you luck

Tinka