Need advice PLEASE!!!

Hello everyone, first time posting. I need some advice really bad. I have some issues with my OW and I don't know how to approach this. First off, we have been dating since last year. she is 10 years older than I and she had problems at first with the age thing but has come around a lot since then. (she still thinks about the age thing every once in a while). She has a teenage daughter that is spoiled rotten and the daughter can say pretty much anything she wants to me and her mom don't want to get involved with that. my problem is I cannot punish her daughter and her mom want say nothing about it. this REALLY frustrates me. I know the mom loves her daughter and tries not to punish her that much but I should not have to be treated like a nobody from her daughter and something not be done about it. Also, does anybody here put their best friend in front of your partner. What I mean is if I had a date set up with my g/f and her best friend called to do something else, she would go with her friend instead of going out with me. She says its because her friend has been there all her life and she will never let her friend down. I think everybody should hang with there friends but good grief, I'm her b/f. Am I acting ridiculous here? Another problem I have created is that I have spoiled my g/f with flowers and gifts galore. It has gotten to the point to where I feel sometimes the only reason she is with me is because of all the gifts. I have started to try and control the spending but she seems to act differentaly when I am not buying her something. she has told me that I need to meet new friends to hang with and that I spend allot of time at her place. she laughs when she says these things and tells me she's joking, but lets say i'm not laughing anymore. Another problem is and this is the big one, no one knows that we are b/f g/f. her daughter don't even know we're dating. we have been doing this for almost a year and a half now. the reason we are dating secretly is that her daughter don't like mom dating NO ONE. her daughter just thinks where good friends. I didn't have a problem with this but when a guy asks my g/f if she is seeing someone she tells them no because she don't want her daughter to find out about us. this really sucks. I really do love this woman and I believe she really loves me. She don't tell me that much because she says that isn't her style. She has also told me she would never cheat on me but sometimes I feel like something is going on but I don't know what. If I sit down to talk to her about it she just gets frustrated at me and tells me that this is just the way she is. live with it or leave. Maybe it's time for the latter. I just feel like i'm being used. any input would be appreciated since most of my friends don't discuss relationships. its a guy thing. Sorry for the long post.

what a dilemna. sorry this is going on for you.

a really big question i think you should ask youself: CAN you live with it?

her getting frustrated when you try to express your feelings would totally irk me. i'm taking for granted that you're doing your best to come across calmly with no malicious intent.....that you're trying to express your concerns in a loving way and not attacking her, ya dig?

frustration or not, she should listen to you and weigh the things you say with great attention.

i would NOT stand for my guy telling folks that he doesn't have a girlfriend. nope, no way, no how. there would be serious ramifications and reprecussions because of that.

i suggest you try again to talk to her. you don't know things until you know them and she needs to know no matter how frustrated she gets.

and maybe Ageless would be a good place for you to suggest she try to get some insight on why she apparently invests so little into your relationship?

best of luck, let us know and welcome to Ageless

Tracy

Secret romances are bad. They are bad for those involved with them and demeaning to the one being hidden.

Oy! Sounds like a lot of problems, indeed. I agree with Marcy, the "secret" thing stinks. You've been seeing her a year and a half and she won't tell anyone? And why would she need to hide you from her daughter? She's a teenage girl and Mom's are ALLOWED to have a life, too. It's one thing if she doesn't like WHO Mom is dating ~ she should be welcome to say that ~ but to demand she not date ANYONE? I highly doubt that and think it's probably just an excuse she makes, so she doesn't have to reveal her relationship with you to anyone and allow herself to continue to be available.

I think that... honestly... she's just not that into you. And maybe your instinct on it being the "gift" factor is right. Frequently it is. Stop spending so much money on her. Her attitude towards you changes? If that happened to any of my guy friends, I'd say "lose the b***h."

My Litical's presence in my life is a GIFT unto itself. Sure, its nice to get something every once in a while, but I don't treat him any less lovingly if I'm not getting something from him. How rotten!

Sounds to me like more like "like mother, like daughter" situation. They're both spoilt.

~phos, straight up

Originally posted by Nessa


you can't love who they MIGHT be you have to love who they ARE



And isn't THAT a hard one to learn!


Sorry, my dear, but it sounds as if she's 'not that into you'.

More importantly, it sounds as if you're not too happy about things. There are other fish in the sea that will appreciate and reciprocate your love and your generosity.

There are only 24 hours in a day. When you add someone new to your life (e.g., a boyfriend), the percentage distribution of availability automatically gets recalculated, doesn't it? In other words: Women who ditch their guys all the time for their friends are just as bad as women who ditch the girls constantly.

Quit buying most gifts for her for a little while and see what happens. If you quit cold turkey, it may cause a knee-jerk reaction from her but if you phase things out or just reduce the frequency, you should still be able to get a good read.

After a year and a half, have the two of you talked about the future? Since the daughter seems to be running the show, and your relationship is still a big secret, I'm guessing not. Maybe it's time...

I have to agree with everyone here. I would sit down one more time and talk to her. If she doesn't take your feelings into consideration, then get out of there!