Anenda
12-04-2004, 05:41 AM
hello everyone,
First i would like to appologize for my long absence. the last post that was made by me was about my impending date with a y/m. Though the age gap wasnt a large one. In my mind it was huge.
Needless to say the date went well, but there was no basis for future dates. It was nice to experience being out in the dating world after so long. And i really and truly appreciated everyones advice on this matter. It helped tremendously. Not only for my preparations for the date but also in the long run the advice helped.
Much has happend in the past months. Most of it not so good. But the good things that have happend along the way keep my mind from falling apart. And so has the recent development with a y/m. Yet again the age difference does not seem to be so large (7 years....hmmm...must be my lucky number. see my previous post ;) ). But it still affects me though. Not as much as i would expect it though. Now and then it rears its ugly head.
The y/m i am seeing now is like a god sent. Though it is not an official relationship (it is very much in the dark, due to circumstances) i feel it is just what i need and want at this moment. It is more of a friends with benifits situation. We are good friends that communicate about everything and know that we dont have to wear our masks infront of each other. I am his safe haven to let his emotions out. (as alicia keys sings in her song diary "I am the pages in his dairy for him to write on"). For me he is the much needded comfort zone. He lends me just enough support to know that i can lean on him when i need to but still keep my independance. I still have alot of trust issues with this situation. But they dont all have to do with him. Most are because of the situation that we are in and external and past issues. But regardless of all of that he supports me and makes sure that i feel special everytime i am around him. I am slowly but surely learning to let go of issues and just enjoy the experience.
So far so good.....am getting better at not over-analysing everthing. We agreed to not let our feelings get involved and complicate the situation. (and they would definetly complicate things). For us that is workin out fine. We know that we are not going to cross any boundaries cause we are both very headstrong about it. But we also know that we can and do enjoy what we give and get from each other.
I just wanted to share that with you and appologize for my absence.
bye everyone....
First i would like to appologize for my long absence. the last post that was made by me was about my impending date with a y/m. Though the age gap wasnt a large one. In my mind it was huge.
Needless to say the date went well, but there was no basis for future dates. It was nice to experience being out in the dating world after so long. And i really and truly appreciated everyones advice on this matter. It helped tremendously. Not only for my preparations for the date but also in the long run the advice helped.
Much has happend in the past months. Most of it not so good. But the good things that have happend along the way keep my mind from falling apart. And so has the recent development with a y/m. Yet again the age difference does not seem to be so large (7 years....hmmm...must be my lucky number. see my previous post ;) ). But it still affects me though. Not as much as i would expect it though. Now and then it rears its ugly head.
The y/m i am seeing now is like a god sent. Though it is not an official relationship (it is very much in the dark, due to circumstances) i feel it is just what i need and want at this moment. It is more of a friends with benifits situation. We are good friends that communicate about everything and know that we dont have to wear our masks infront of each other. I am his safe haven to let his emotions out. (as alicia keys sings in her song diary "I am the pages in his dairy for him to write on"). For me he is the much needded comfort zone. He lends me just enough support to know that i can lean on him when i need to but still keep my independance. I still have alot of trust issues with this situation. But they dont all have to do with him. Most are because of the situation that we are in and external and past issues. But regardless of all of that he supports me and makes sure that i feel special everytime i am around him. I am slowly but surely learning to let go of issues and just enjoy the experience.
So far so good.....am getting better at not over-analysing everthing. We agreed to not let our feelings get involved and complicate the situation. (and they would definetly complicate things). For us that is workin out fine. We know that we are not going to cross any boundaries cause we are both very headstrong about it. But we also know that we can and do enjoy what we give and get from each other.
I just wanted to share that with you and appologize for my absence.
bye everyone....