what to do

i am in like with a man 39 years old. i am fifty four. we met at work and hit it off right away. i could become very involved with him but here is the issue...everyone at work thinks i'm 48 years old. he knows i'm older than him but hasn't asked my age yet. i am afraid that if i tell him the truth he won't be able to deal, but i also don't want a lie between us. i was thinking of leaving things as they are and if we get really tight, then tell him (if i need to) but i still feel as though i'm not being honest. is there anyone out there with a fifteen yr age difference? is it working? he is awesome (to me). He told me he was forty- i sais that i was older then that and his response was.."i don't care - i like older women. "
we have so many of the same interests it's scary and he just seems 'right' somehow What do you think, tell him now or wait??

Tell him now. If he has already told you that he doesn't care about your age, then, trust him.

I am 46 and my fiance is 28. I still struggle with the fact that I am older than him, but my fiance has never cared at all about this issue. It took me a very long time, though, to believe that he really meant that. And, it was only after I came to this site and read about OW/YM relationships that I realized that all the things I'm feeling about being an OW are typical.

So, stick around and get to know others here and soon you'll be feeling much better.

Don't let something like a 15 yr age gap cause you to pass up happiness. Life's short.

Welcome to agelesslove. :)

He said he didn't care... I wouldn't worry about it. You haven't lied, so wait. Anyway, that is the route that I would take and I say that because I am also in my 50's. ;)

Originally posted by marlita
He told me he was forty- i sais that i was older then that and his response was.."i don't care - i like older women. "

That's all you need to know.

BTW, I'm 28 and my lady's 53 and I'm luvin' it!:D

Originally posted by Joe
BTW, I'm 28 and my lady's 53 and I'm luvin' it!:D

Awww . . . I'm luvin' it too, Sugar!! ;)

Marlita --- As Joe told you we have a 25 year age gap and have been together going on two years now. He is everything I have ever wanted in a man and totally rocks my world.

You may be passing up the best thing to ever happen to you, if you don't pursue your relationship with this YM, but, I think you need to be totally honest with him about everything from the very beginning. It is never wise to begin any relationship with deception and untruths. If there is going to be a problem for him with the age gap, you need to know that right up front before you chance a broken heart over it later. However, the very fact that he has already told you that he likes older women would indicate to me that he is not going to have a problem with you being 54.

Read up on this board and you will see that there are several long-term, large-gap (much larger than 15 years) relationships that are going strong and, not just working, but thriving.

What they said!

LOL Not only that, but at 39/40 he'd be an OM on the other board, so he's certainly old enough to know what he likes! Go for it and don't be worried about your age - you've earned that prestigious number! :)

I'm the same age as you are, 54. Most people think I'm in my mid-forties, I even heard 37-38 the other night out of someone in their twenties at an art opening after he almost fell on the floor when I told him I was a grandmother.

I think after 50 you get to lie about your age if you're looking good, which clearly, you already have....at work. I haven't ever lied yet about my age, but I've been tempted to.

If you get closer, then you can lay it on the line, but I don't think it'll matter to him at all if he really likes you, and, as importantly, you like him.

Go for it!

I'm actually right there with you.

I love to see the look on people's faces when the words "fifty-four" come out of my mouth.

I was at a party last night and the chairman of the hospital board was talking to me (a woman) and she said, "My dear, you have lovely skin." "Thank you" I said, "Not bad for 54, eh?" Her mouth was open and it stayed there for a minute.

Whenever I say that, people ask me all kinds of questions, like "Have you had botox? A face lift? Dermabrasion?" or, I just see them staring at me in a weird way that lets me know they're THINKING that...it is kind of funny.

Truth is no, just good genes I guess. So maybe I should start saying 60 and see what happens!!

LOL. Great logic there... :D

I went to the grocery store a couple weeks ago with Litical and the girl behind the counter asked to see my ID for some beer I was buying. She looked at the ID, looked at me, looked at the ID and looked at me and said out loud, "Uh-UH." I said, "Yep.. 33." And she said, "Wow. I didn't think you were over 21." :o

I love that...

My cousin in-law, who is from New Zealand, when he first came here they issued him a drivers license that said he was 20 years older than he was and he didn't notice until months later when someone offered him a 'senior' discount. And he just said, "A what?" They showed him his ID and he was astounded. LOL.

I tell you, he looks absolutely ravishing for a 68 year old!

~phosphorescent

marlita....welcome!

I'm 48, my ym is just under 26. The first time he called to ask me out ( he had clandestinely gotten my number from a friend after we first met at a restaurant), I said, "Do you know how old I am?"...he answered, "Does it matter?"....I replied, "Well, not to me!" He assured me it didn't matter to him either. We met, went out, and it really didn't matter. I told him after the third date after saying 100 times by then , "Don't you want to know?!?!?!" (I was feeling like I wasn't being upfront by not volunteering the info, since I'm often mistaken for a lot younger like you and the other gals here). He relented, but didn't really care either way. When I told him, he said, "Okay, so can we just get back to liking each other and this new, amazing relationship and stop talking about age?" then he smiled and kissed me.

The point is...the great ym that are attracted to us....JUST DON"T CARE ABOUT THE NUMBER.

Let your real age come out naturally in conversation, but don't think you are obligated to tell him, or clear up an assumption...just go with it. If he likes you, he'll like you if you are 54, 39, 45 or 60.

Best,
Karen

Thank you everyone. You guys are so supportive and i'm so glad i've found this place. I got to thinking after reading some of your responses and the weird thing is that if i was 44y/o and he was 30, i don't think i'd have given it a second thought! something about turning fifty and over that makes me feel like i'm to old for this or something even though i really don't feel however one is supposed to feel at 54. I know women that are 30 something and ACT 60. I'm lucky that i have met my ym and plan to persue this - see where it goes - i think i'll play it by ear for now. see what comes up as our relationship develops.