back after long absence

I don't know if anyone remembers me. I'm the one with the 21 year old neighbor who came over around August and asked me out.
It's been an off and on thing ever since.
He'd been dating someone else for a while and I guess they broke up.
His mom is also a single mom and asked me to hang out with her last Friday night. She wanted to introduce me to her nephew. I went along I figure what the heck. The nephew is closer to my age.

Well guess what. Tom (the 21 year old son) went also.
It threw me off and we talked all night because I still had an interest in him.

After we went to a bar (all of us) and we walked home (it's a small town) anyway. He pulled me behind everyone else and started kissing me.
When we got back to our block he said he'd be over in a few to see if I was still up.
He came over and we had sex.
Now this is the first time we'd gone this far. I've known him since August and I'd held off on the sex for personal reasons.
There was a lot of things that he said during sex that made me feel like he was really interested.
Then I don't know what happened?
He had to go and we haven't talked since.
Now I am more experienced then he and most of the people he's been with. (this was from him) So I'm not sure if that freaked him out or if I just got played.
A friend suggested that it might have been a fantasy for him and that he lived it and he's done with it.
So now I'm left a wreck and confused.
It's taken me years to let someone in and for some reason I am drawn to this guy.

I need closure if it's just not going to work with him.
Would it be wrong of me to try to contact him and see what's up? Or should I just leave it go and wait to see what happens?

Any advice from anyone on this?

I'm just crushed.

Thanks
Dawn

I'm so sorry, hon. It sounds to me like you might have gotten played, like you're friend implied. Might being the key word here.

But, I'm the kind of person who would just ask. Not confrontationally, just casually say... "hey, I really enjoyed our night together and was wondering what to make of it..." and then find out what's going on.

There could be so many things going on in his head that have nothing to do with you... or your friend could be right. There really is no telling without asking him yourself.

Don't be afraid, but also don't do it when you're feeling emotional or vulnerable. That's probably the more humilating route to go. If you don't think you can ask him what's up in a casual way, then let it go and chock it up to a learning experience. No need to humilate yourself...

Of course... someone else might have better advice. I try to keep my initial relationships with people light and casual until they're ready to make a move to the next level.

I soooo understand wanting/needing closure!! So, choose to get it by asking or let it go and make closure for yourself. Those are your two black and white choices. (I'm sure there are some greys in there, too... ladies?)

~phosphorescent

Yes, I remember you...

Fos4snt is right....

The thing is , yes of course there are some grey areas here....

You see because you really 'dont' exactly know what the blazes is going on....... yet.

You know, its funny, reading your post,,, soooo reminded me of 'my' story at the start when i first met 'the youngster', as he was sort of seeing other girls too.....Then there was that 'disappearing act' after we first got together.... And, yeah, he'd never had those sort of experiences before....But in the end, the age gap thing, and many other youngster stuff, was just too much for him.... and I had to end it um,. about 5 times, I think.

Its really hard to tell what is going to happen next.......with you.

But I can tell you this..... When you have dealings with him, Take that heart of yours and put it in a Safety Harness... Go on, 'visualise' one of those safety harness things that they put babies in and imagine your heart is in there.. It CAN come out, but it is Safe there and it can't get hurt... Don't let him anymore 'in' until you feel really sure..

Then, hell you may be embarking on the bumpy, yet sweet and beautiful road of going out with a youngster...

And....... What about this nephew dude? Was he a good sort?!!!......

********** A Song for You ************


Oh, Uh, Oh, Down in a small town, oh, uh, oh, down in the small town, down down down...... yeah.... in the town, oh, uh, oh, uh.....you never know whats around..... oh, uh, oh, in a small town..... down down, oh, uh, oh....you don know wot you found..... down down down, oh, uh, oh, in a small town...(repeat first chorus)...


Tinka:)

Thanks guys.

I guess right now I'll leave it go. I am also a single mom, so I think that might also have something to do with it.

The cousin was nice, but I don't think that'd work, since I think he realized what was going on with the YM and I that night. I felt bad, but that's who I already liked.

I guess, I'll wait to see what happens. It's just really sad for me because I don't want him to think I was cruel or anything or didn't take his feelings seriously.

I was just confused as to how someone could ask you to make something a daily thing and then bam! they change their mind.

I will have to mend my little heart and tuck it back away.

This is just one of those guys that draws me like a moth to a flame for some reason. I suppose I should do my best to move on and let it go. It will probably just be bad for me anyway with all this back and forth stuff.

:confused:
Thanks again
Dawn

I am sorry that you are feeling crushed. Think of the bright side and how much fun you had with him instead of what you are missing now. Make a list of 20 things you want to do and start doing them. hth

I agree with the above posts.

I wanted to address the issue of the mom, etc.

She must've know that her son was interested in you. Why would she want to set you up with her nephew?

Then why bring the son along too?

Seems odd to me.

The mom I think, thought I was interested in the son, one day over the summer we were talking and she was pointing out all of his bad points to me. (I found that odd)

Then it seems that when she wanted to introduce me to the cousin, the cousin called him and said he didn't like set ups and could he go? Later when we were together, he said once he found out I was going, he had to go along too.

The whole situation is just weird.

I did write him a note though and popped it in his mail box. I apologized for being disrespectful of his age. (talking to a friend of mine about it, we sort of pin pointed what I did funky to sort of turn him off)
I let him know that there were no hard feelings ( I do have to live next to this guy still) and left it at that.

Although I do still have feelings for him, I'm going to just have to work past them and move on.

Looking at it now, I think it wouldn't have lasted long anyway. He wanted to keep the whole thing a secret from his mom (which since he's 21, was weird to me) I felt that this would keep me at a disadvantage, since I couldn't just call when ever I wanted to talk to him and would have to wait for him to come to me all the time.

So it might be better off the way it is.

Thanks for all of you help, Chalking it up as a learning experience and moving on,
Thanks for all the help

Dawn