Public Scrutiny

First post here.

Well I'm 44 and my GF of 18 years is some 13 years older.

We went to a company XMAS party at a small resturant. At some point she got up to request a song from the DJ. The DJ started hitting on her, asking her name, telling her she's hot, asking where she lives and if she was there with anyone etc. She pointed me out to him.

Later when we were leaving the place, still quite a few people there, just as we passed in front of the dj booth, he turned down the music and turned his mic up all the way and yelled "There goes "Ann" with her young buck".


Is the OW/YM thing still that unacceptable? Any one else have similar stories?

Well, my first impression is to think maybe he could have been jealous. I mean, he obviously found her attractive, she told him she was with you, he felt threatened and somewhat put off at the thought of rejection and therefore called you out ~ in an attempt to assauge his own insecurities.

I do think that a lot of us suffer from negative remarks and stigma's still... we deal with scorn and negativity in general. Yeah. I think it's getting better, yes.

But, in this particular instance, I would chock it up to jealousy and insecurity on the part of this one particularly rude and forward DJ and not blame it on the whole of society. I'm sure some of the people at the event probably thought to themselves, "Yo go, girl" or "Lucky guy!"

Some people will be negative, others will be positive, some will be supportive, some will not. Isn't this the case for everybody in every relationship?

I'd be running my finger along the brim of my hat, then rubbing my fist on my chest (slowly, old western style) then give it a slick huff and think to yourself... "Yep, I'm that lucky guy to be with the hot babe who gets hit on by random DJs. She's with ME!"

;)
~phosphorescent

Originally posted by topnotch
Later when we were leaving the place, still quite a few people there, just as we passed in front of the dj booth, he turned down the music and turned his mic up all the way and yelled "There goes "Ann" with her young buck".

You should've said, "Yeah brutha' and she's all mine!" then gave her a big sloppy kiss and walked out. :D

I'm with Fos, he's just jealous and pissed 'cause he got dissed!

My firm's holiday party was Friday night -- and Monday morning, one of the other secretaries said, "Hey - that guy you were with at the party was REALLLLY good LOOKIN'!!!!" And I said, "Yeah -- and REALLLLLY YOUNG, too, huh!!!" hehe.. Then she said, "Well, you GO, girl!" lol... that's about the first and only comment we've really had.

I think he was just teasin', just joking around in the context of his job.

Actually, it was almost like an unintended high-5 to Ann!

Really his comment did not bother me. For a second though it was a little shock to be pointed out in that manner. If she was white and I was black could his comment have been "there goes Ann with her black stud"? I guess some people just dont know when to keep their mouth shut. It was her companies party. If it were mine I probably would have said something to him.

All in all I guess you are all right. It means shes still got it and shes still hot. Back when we first met, she was quite a knockout and where ever we went all eyes were on us. If I turned my back for a second, went to the restroom or something, when I returned a bunch of guys had flocked to her. So it still happens 18 years later. Makes me feel good.

Our age difference may becoming more noticeable now though. Not bragging but I am considered quite good looking (I dont think so when I look in the mirror). Worse I still have a full head of hair and no grays so I guess I look a little young for my age.

Anyway a good moral or point for your forum here is, here we were, me about 26 and her about 38, we could have had anyone we wanted but chose each other despite the age difference. I have no regrets. We own a beautiful home together and maybe its time to think of the M word.

Originally posted by topnotch
Really his comment did not bother me. For a second though it was a little shock to be pointed out in that manner. If she was white and I was black could his comment have been "there goes Ann with her black stud"? I guess some people just dont know when to keep their mouth shut.



Truthfully, I don't think a tease about being with a 'young stud' is anything like making a comment about being in an interracial relationship. The connotations are different in my mind but not everyone would agree with me, I'm sure.

However, you're right. Some people don't know when to keep their mouth shut. I have one co-worker (in another office, thank goodness) who says something stupid every time he sees me and Ross. Mostly, I think he's just trying to make conversation and be...ha-ha...funny. Part of his problem is that he was thinking of asking me out (I was informed by other sources of his intentions).

I usually try to be 'generous' and give [stupid] people the benefit of the doubt.

Truthfully, I don't think a tease about being with a 'young stud' is anything like making a comment about being in an interracial relationship

Nah! I agree an interracial comment might be a more sensisitive issue but not much different. I used it as an example. What he said was not positive. Its not like he said something joking about what I was wearing or something. He said something meant to be negative about the two of us. If the guy knew me or her, or at least had met us a few times before, things could be taken differently.

Then again maybe he was just trying to be witty and blurted something out quickly without thinking (in the context of his job as someone metioned).

*sigh* Yeah, unfortunately, there will always be those with feet that fit into their pie holes.

LOL! :D

Honestly, how do you do it to go on as if age is nothing....and it isn't...i mean, I just met this guy and he is a wonderful guy, but he is a 23 year old trapped in an 18 year old's body....that's right...and I am 32....but I guess what got me is the way he looks at me as if he could read my soul, my thoughts....and it's amazing how much we have in common and also....he doesn't act or talk like a typical 18 year old.....he is really mature and he knows what he wants out of life and what he needs to do to get there....he plans to join the military and he says he is crazy about me, but I am scared to death, because I find myself daydreaming about him and thinking about him....he says I am beautiful,,,which face it, I am not use to those kind of compliments....I am totally scared, because I don't know where this is heading....I don't look 32, which helps, but the thoughts are still there....advice...please..I am new at this....I am think I am really falling for this guy....

Oh, who cares? Really.

When "E" and I first got together, someone I had seen briefly for a week or two a few months earlier - got wind that we were together - and pulled me aside to ask if I was really "with that boy?". I just said "yep".

If I was dating someone and my friends thought he was wrong for me because he was too short or Scandinavian or Buddhist, how much credence would I give to that? Judgements based on characteristics that are fundamentally superficial like age really aren't worth much.

If people go to the trouble to get to know this person, then of course, I care what they think. But if they just want to make snap judgements based on nothing, then they can expect me to put about as much effort in listening to it as they did in putting their opinion together, i.e. not too darned much.

i agree with kimmy, normally i can be pretty cool, but when it comes to Adam, I would eat the head off of anyone who made a sexual advance at either of us. maybe its because I think my husband is adorable and drop dead sexy but also because I try to look attractive also, just because I am in an agegap marriage does not mean I am open to ridicule or especially anything disparaging towards Adam, BUT!! that really is silly because he is the army ranger and me the pip-squeak...who thinks she can kick butt, what a nut-case I am at times, he is just my baby and I will level anyone who messes with him, he is more amused by this then concerned..... he calls me his ferocious mouse and i call him my big old moose.

the DJ was out of bounds, whether a woman is attractive or not, it is not smart to point out her boyfriend like that, it was very rude.

Pýsces,

I am ýn the same boat. Me 36, he 18. It took 10 months of soul searchýng to coome to thýs poýnt and here's my take. There are some 18 year olds that are so much older than theýr age. My ex husband was 36 and dýdnt have half the maturýty of my YM. ANd some women just dont mature the way everyone else does. I am a professor at a law school and I stýll spend my weekends lýke a hýgh school student. The realýty ýs, your age ýs not always reflectýve of where you are ýn your lýfe. Also, love ýs a rare thýng and that's why ýt ýs hard for you to turn you rnose at ýt just because of the age thýng. Thýnk lýke thýs, what ýf you never love lýke thýs agaýn- wouldn't you feel bad that you dýdnt try wýth hým ? I am so glad I got ýnto a realtýonshýp wýth my 18 yr old. Lýfe wýth hým ýn tha past 10 months have been more wonderful then teh 6 years of marrýage that preceded ýt. Go for ýt. What have you got to lose, except your take on lýfe and love ? There ýs a lesson you are about to learn. he was sent ýnto you rlýfe for a reason. Open that door and see what ýt ýs- good or bad.

THANK YOU SO MUCH....THAT REALLY MEANS ALOT TO ME AND YES, I AM GOING TO TAKE A CHANCE WITH THIS YM....HE HAS THE CUTEST DIMPLES AND HE LOOKS AT ME AS IF I AM THE ONLY WOMAN IN THE WORLD...HE LOOKS AT ME SO INTENSE THAT HE MAKES ME FEEL SO BEAUTIFUL.....WHAT IS SCAREY IS THAT HE MAY BE THE MAN I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR MY WHOLE LIFE....AS IF HE WAS BORN TO LOVE ME.....AND I KNOW, AGE IS JUST A NUMBER....LIKE HE TELLS ME....IT IS HOW YOU FEEL IN THE INSIDE THAT COUNTS....THANKS, I FEEL SO MUCH BETTER ABOUT IT....NOW I KNOW THAT I AM NOT ALONE IN THIS....KEEP IN TOUCH...