How can you tell ??

So . . .. .

My ex divorced me about 3 years ago. About a year ago, we decided we wanted to try reconciling. *I* decided that wasn't working, for numerous reasons, and now we are done in any romantic relationship kind of way (we have a son together, so we'll always be involved that way). A few months ago, this absolutely *wonderful* man entered my life, and he just so happened to be 12 years younger than me. I am absolutely crazy about him and he's crazy about me. . ..but . . . .

I'm well aware that I have issues with the age difference, many of them the same ones that have been discussed in previous threads here.

My problem is, how do I differentiate between what is *truly* and AG issue, and what is just a general relationship issue? Any advice, guidelines, etc? I don't want to make something an age issue, if it's really a relationship/personality/whatever issue.

I'm eagerly awaiting y'all's take on this.

Seraa

Well, it honestly depends on what the issues you're experiencing ARE. So, more information as to what age gap issues you think you're seeing.

Most of us have/had doubts at one point about being with a YM. But, more information would be SO helpful. What issues are you having?

~phosphorescent

Hi, Seraa ~

You know, it seems that most of the little bumps that my boyfriend and I have run into turn out to be girl/boy issues or just plain person/person (i.e., normal relationship) issues that arise from being two separate people.

Sometimes they SEEM AG related just because there IS an AG but upon further review, they're not really.

I think one question that helps to clarify something is something like "Could I be having this same issue/argument/disagreement with a guy my own age?", and then really think about it.

Fos is right, though, it could depend on the specific issue.

Let us know if you want to talk about it.

Hi Seera

I had a similar experience to you I think. I was married for 18 years to the father of my only Son. We split because he hit forty and huge mid life crisis issues. He left us for a younger woman. It didn't work out. Meanwhile I had a good friend who was also 12 years younger than me. He left his life and his family and moved 3500 thousand miles to be with me. That was almost 4 years ago. We married this year and we are still as blissfully happy as the day he turned up at my door. Age really does not matter. It is the person and the way you relate. He makes me laugh so much!! We have fun, we have adventures together and we are SO in love. If you want to mail me for more information I would be happy to respond. Don't let a few years age difference change your feelings, they are real and they have every chance of lasting.

Dizzy x

Thanks y'all for the replies so far.

There isn't a specific situation that I can think of right now, and maybe I'm just borrowing trouble, but I'm looking for guidelines for any future issues. Right now we're still in that blissfully happy, rose-colored glasses stage, but I know I hold back quite a bit, mostly because of concerns about the age difference. And those concerns seem to be pretty typical based on some of the lurking I've been doing here over the past several weeks.

Right now, I'm finding that I do a lot of comparisons between the ex and the new bf, and I'm sure I'd do that in any new relationship, but I think some of the comparisons are a bit more dramatic because the ex was 7 1/2 years older, and new bf is 12 years younger. Interesting enough, most of the comparisons have ended up being in the new bf's favor.

I know it's not much specific info, but hopefully you understand where I'm coming from. And Dizzy, I may take you up on your offer soon, but it's late, and I'm going out of town tomorrow.

Seraa

I would say that most of the time you can judge the issues by the fact that you have been involved in relationships before with men that were not younger and if you have encountered these same type of issues; then they are relationship issues and not age gap issues. WOW what a long sentence.

I am happily married to a man who happens to be 12 years younger than I am. Our issues are NEVER age gap related. He is 31 and I am 43 that may have an effect on that since he is not a very young man. Not sure though.

The only time I ever had a problem with the gap was when we were getting married and I worried about him having to "take care" of me when I am old. I kept persuing the question of "does the age difference bother you?" and he finally said yes. He said he worries that he will be left here without me..... Bingo. Good answer, no more worries. I had found "THE" one.

If you want to talk any just pm me.

Cindy