I'm new... need advice!

Hello!

I just found this board today and I've been reading some of your stories. I am in a similar situation and I need to vent, to talk and to get some advice.

I'm a 31 yr old woman. A couple of years ago I met this incredibly cute boy, who's the brother of a friend of mine. We became friends and we realized we have a lot of common interests and all. Well, in the past few months something happened between us.

He's 18 years old. Since last Summer we're constantly together. He helps me a lot with my work, we hang out together, we've gone to travels together, we camp together. I feel I'm falling in love with him and I also feel he has feelings for me. When we don't see each other during the day, he phones me at night. He tells me how much he misses me. He's kind and thoughtful and always ready to help.

However, we don't really have a formal relationship. We have never openly spoken about our feelings, even though I know there's something going on between us. I want him to make the first move because I don't want to seem desperate or pushy.

On the other hand, there's the family issues. Both of our families are very traditional and old fashioned. I don't know how they would take this kind of relationship.

I am very confused right now. I know I love him and I know he has feelings for me. I just don't know what to do or how to handle this situation. I hope I can find some support here and a place to openly speak about my feelings.

Thanks for reading this message!

Wow, can I relate. You're ahead of me, though, in that you're already spending time with him on your own. My guess would be that this is going to continue to evolve naturally, and if your families already know you're doing all these things together, they surely will eventually realize you're more than just buddies. Is either family uncomfortable with the relationship you have at this point--spending time together and doing "friend" things?

Yes, our families know that we spend a lot of time together and so far they haven't said anything. However I think they will eventually, seeing how old-fashioned they are. I think his parents are going to be the most uncomfortable if we ever are in a relationship. My family is still a little more open-minded than his.

I know this is so obvious I don't need to even say it, but until you and he decide where you're going with what's between you, the rest of it isn't even an issue. So, for now, I'd focus on how to deal with your feelings and his, then work together on how to deal with family issues. Not much help, am I? It just seems that looking at the whole thing may be more overwhelming than taking it by steps. It would be a shame if you both missed out on something great because of what might happen. It's cliche but true, I think, that the greatest regrets are those associated with chances we didn't take, and the opportunities we missed.

One thing from your first post I have to ask about: do you still think of him as an incredibly cute boy ?

At 18, he's still so young and inexperienced. I don't mean to rain on your parade, but it's not the best age to get involved with. Do you have children? Is he capable of being a stepfather? Most 18 year olds, not all, but most, are not capable. Is he a virgin? That's another biggie. Guys hold the woman who devirginated them in the highest regard, but that doesn't mean they won't wonder what it's like to be with another sooner or later.

I know, I'm being the devil's advocate, and I hate being that, but I've seen a lot of women here hurt, being involved with a very young man. I don't know how mature he is or what his life has been like, but that's a key factor.

My best advice to you is, go in with your eyes wide open, and talk to him openly and frankly if and when you do decide to have a relationship with this boy, and yes, even though he is a legal adult, he is still, at 18, a boy. I wish you luck. A lot of guys his age are after the sexual experience with an older woman, but soon move on. They aren't monsters, they're simply hormonal, curious males and older women are intriguing to them.

Most relationships end... its a sad fact of life... I've had lots of relationships over my romantic lifetime and all of them up to my current one have ended. If I examine that statistic along with the statistic that most everyone's relationships end, then I could easily surmise that I would be wise to never have a relationship.

However most folks don't think like that... most of us recall the joy that we garnered and the growth we experienced despite a relationship ending... we take that knowledge into the next one with an open heart and we remain positive and hopeful.

Some folks are children at 40 and some folks are adults much, much sooner. There is no universal truth out there. You are the best one to know if this adult is right for you.

My partner is 19. I am 36. We met online in April 2003. We are engaged to be married. I have seen relationships with vyp end in heartache here. I have seen relationships with not-so-yp end in heartache here too! I have also seen many successful, happy relationships with vyp. If the question is... is it possible? The answer is yes! With work, commitment, and dedication... its definately possible. If the question is... am I crazy? The answer is maybe... but not for this ;)

Well I don't have any advice but I am in the same boat as you and really don't know what to do. Maybe you can help me!!!!

Basically I am 36 and have been texting a guy (he is 18) for about six months now. I found out that he fancied me but didn't do anything about it even though I was really flattered. I thought it was just about sex but surely a guy would have given up if after texting for that long he hadn't even got to kiss me!

We go through phases where we don't text that much then phases of texting non stop and I mean ALL day.

Well last week we had a kiss and Oh My God, it was really really nice. He has a g/f but says things aren't going too well (I do know this to be true).

HELP! I don't know what to do. Should I go for it or just forget it. I work alongside him too so that don't help.

Pranam,
I agree with everyone else...its a great friendship and eventually when the time is right whatever that may be it may turn into something more. In the meantime, take care of yourself, go out with your friends and let him decide how he's going to pursue this.

I think he will come around eventually and friendship of cause is a great start, good luck.

Bubblicious,
He has a g/f??...so where does that leave you on the second rate dial. Don't you think you worth alot more than that. If he has a g/f he should be taking care of that relationship before he pulls you into what could be a messing situation. And let's face it, you only know his side of the story, on the g/f side, she could be trying to work really hard at saving their relationship but he's not putting in any effort to fix anything because he knows he has you dutifully waiting on the side.

And how do you know his relationship is a bust, do you know the g/f too. Don't understand that. You might want to start your own thread so that others can better post to your situation. Most of the other ladies here will give you a better advice and hopefully a clearer sense of choices.

Paris

Hello!

First of all, I don't think my relationship with this young man is based on sex, because we haven't even kissed yet. I think we both are very attracted to the other physically but these past months have gone by without any kind of physical contact, so it's not about sex. He is a virgin, that's right. I do not have children.

He's very mature, he's lived a hard life. His family is poor and he's been working from a very early age to help his parents to support his younger siblings, so he's mature beyond his age.

I hope this helps to clarify some things. Thanks for your advice and for being so supportive! I'm glad I found this forum!

Originally posted by Pranam
Hello!

He's very mature, he's lived a hard life. His family is poor and he's been working from a very early age to help his parents to support his younger siblings, so he's mature beyond his age.



He sounds just great, and I wish you both the best. He must be mature for his age, to have been willing to take on the responsibility of helping his parents. I've known or at least known of men who consider it a real sacrifice to support their own kids, and here he is helping support his siblings. He really sounds like a keeper!