I can't believe I'm here

Wow.....I cant believe that I'm here.......Ok first let me say that I've been lurking here for a while now and I'm glad that this place exist. Over two years ago I started out on a journey of personal improvement, I lost over a 100lbs and gained a new attitude and decided to try my hand at dating. Heck I'm 43 and have been single for 4 yrs now, plus my kids are 23 & 15, and they were happy for me to get out and date. The only problem was that few men in the 40+ catagory would look at me. And if they did they were the one date wonders!...So a guy thats 27 years old invites me out. We became friends and have been dating for a couple of months now. He's dated older women in the past and does not have a problem with my age. So why am I having a problem with it ??. Why is it that I truely care for this man, but I'm afraid of what others will say or think? I even look for some type of look on others face when we're out. Yet, when I'm with him I have the time of my life. It's like we were made to be together, we have so much in common. My kids like him. But I'm stuck on the age difference. Why am I so afraid to tell anyone that he's 27?

When dealing with the opinions with others I use this phrase.
It's none of my business what others think of me. What's most
important is what I think of myself.
The thing is we have been programmed by society for so long it seems that it is so hard to overcome the influence of others. But it is your life and you got to live it like you want to. Because once your life goes by you theres no getting it back. That's why when someone doesnt like what I'm doing they can take a flying leap from my standpoint.

You like him, he likes you...what's the problem???

The only ones who should be your support in this and they are, are your kids and family. Those in your inner circle who truly know what you're about and how far you've come to get there.

Others don't have to like it, but they can be respectful and you can just give them the time to adjust and get used to the idea that this man is in your life. It taking some getting used to by you, so it will be to others.

In the meantime, enjoy, be happy, think positive...that is all you can do to be in this relationship, and when that little imp of discouragement tells you you're not worth this ym, turn around and tell it, "You're lying, now go away". good luck.

Paris

I'm old enough to know that what others say shouldn't bother me. He's always said that what others say dont bother him, they're not in this we are. But even so, I dont think I'm ready for anyone to know that he's 27. Its like I dont want others negative words and comments to ruin whats so good. I guess I'm afraid that they will try to spoil it and make it something that its not. We see each other almost every day and the more we see each other the more that I'm finding myself falling for him. In the beginning I thought, ok we'll casual date for a while and it will be over soon, we said we would see others and neither of us have dated anyone else since our first date. He even still opens the car door for me, which I expected to end after a week or so...lol. I like him and I'll have to adjust to what people will say. My biggest fear is that there is also a difference in income and people will say he's using me. Thats not the case, he pays for the majority of the dates and I'm the tipper..lol. Or others will say its all about sex....and thats not the case either...even though its the best sex of my life..lol.

I was worried too, but you know what it just doesnt matter. I really don't care what others think anymore because I am happier than I have been for a long time.
I actually find it easier to just come straight out with it like its no big deal. I have had the 'suggestive comments' etc etc I mean try explaining that you met them on the internet, they are in another country and they are 16 years younger. When I told my friends I just said outright. I have met someone who I care for a lot and I would like you to be happy for me...yes its an odd situation, but its no less valid ... every single one has wished me all the happiness in the world. I think if you feel you need to explain or apologise then they will pick up vibes that you yourself feel its wrong, yet if it feels so right, why fight it. You only get one life, enjoy it :)

Originally posted by byrdman
When dealing with the opinions with others I use this phrase.
It's none of my business what others think of me. What's most
important is what I think of myself.
The thing is we have been programmed by society for so long it seems that it is so hard to overcome the influence of others. But it is your life and you got to live it like you want to. Because once your life goes by you theres no getting it back. That's why when someone doesnt like what I'm doing they can take a flying leap from my standpoint.

Wow... Byrdman...welcome, welcome... glad to see you came out of hiding. You have been registered for a long time and this was your first post! I just wanted to acknowledge that... please, carry on....:p

Yeah... it was a GOOD post he made, too! :D Welcome to both of ya!

Miss B... there is nothing to be afraid of and nothing you should be ASHAMED of, either. ;) You are the lucky winner of an all expense paid vacation to PARADISE.

Ok, on a more serious note. Yes, there can be adversity or controversy to AGRs. I'm 33 and living very happily with my 19 year old YM. I adore him, we adore each other, my kids adore him, and you know what? Who cares what anyone else thinks?

My brother told me, "Yeah, people talk. But, if you're happy, then I'm happy for you." He knows I'm happy and I'm SO grateful to him for caring about ME instead of society at large. My sister said in email (we don't talk much)... "I long ago stopped caring what anyone else thought, so should you."

If I had let my doubts get to me, I would have deprived myself of on of the best years of my entire life. I would have cut off my nose to spite my face.

And I would be regretting it if I hadn't. What a LUCKY girl I truly am.

Don't be ashamed of his age. Be proud. Stand tall, woman. You are the lucky recipient... of an... amazing opportunity to be loved by a man who is truly worthy of your adoration! :D

~phosphorescent

Originally posted by Amina315
boy oh boy have you come to the right place...

These wonderful ladies will have you feeling better in no time...

My best advice, although short and simple . . . (insert rest of the post here) . . .I say go for it..back to the wind...

Amina,

Wow. printed and on the top of a stack of papers on my desk. From now on, everytime I start having doubts about my relationship with J, I'm going to refer back to it. Thanks for summing it all up so very, very well.

Seraa

I mean jeez...think back to when interracial dating was sooooo taboo (not that it STILL isn't in some places) but I mean...people acted like different races were different species...and just imagine all the wonderful relationships, marriages, babies born, etc..etc...that would have never happened had not some brave souls decided to screw what others thought, and do what made them feel happy and fulfilled...The same logic goes for age gap relationships...you're not hurting anyone...and different age is not synonymous with different species...so why let the nay sayers ruin something that brings joy in this life?

Awesome analogy, Amina...

You guys are really the best. Its so good to find a place where I can express my concerns and get opinions based on true life experiencces. I'm so glad that I found this place.
I think I'm gonna get a banner that reads...." YEA HE'S 27 & I'M 43..NOW WHAT !!!!.......Well maybe not..lol, but I do think that I'll just go with the flow and if people cant see what a great relationship that we have, then OH WELL...thats on them. I've basically raised my kids and its time for me to enjy life, and right now I'm enjoying being with him.

an idea for that banner, miss b...
instead of "NOW WHAT"...how about:
"He's 27, I'm 43...SO WHAT!!"

*smiling at ya with a big ol thumbs up*
Karen:D

i dont know...i think its human to be a little scared, a little nervous..well just see what happens...and life being very short is very true...if in fact you are having the best of everything and feeling good then by god go for it girl!!!!!!

Amina.. I got your point. I think we are beginning to get too quick, SOMETIMES, to "take apart" a posters thoughts here on Ageless. As if we were debating AIDS at a conference in Italy. I have had people take issue just because I left out the word "some" when posting a quick thought on a thread.

Yes, Kimmy in this case, her idea was just a light analogy, not a thesis on Geometry! But hey! Great points there Kim!:D

That is so awesome Miss B :) we are the lucky ones who have ym who love us and do not care about the age difference.. we are the ones who have a hard time with it :p It's also good to have the support of your children ..

have fun !!!

1. Children and family comes first. If they are accepting of the relationship then you've crossed the most important bridge in your relationship.

2. When you are in public amongst strangers and you receive stares and questions, just answer them politely, they're just curious. Just keep this is mind and it may help you ... "Am I going to ever see these people again?" Chances are no, so what does it really matter what or how they perceive you two.

3. Opinions are like buttholes, everyone has one. So don't let another person's opinion jeopardize your future relationship with anyone. They don't live your life, you do.

4. Don't allow society to dictate how you live your life. If you are truly happy together then sounds to me like you have a foundation for a beginning of a wonderful relationship.

5. Follow your heart ......

Love,

Sora