Dating young guy, new guy

I just went on a date with a new guy Saturday night, he was on a dating web-site, when he got out of his car he was really cute, I couldn't help myself, even told him he was, he was smiling. We really hit if off. I have been dating the 33 year old guy for 4 months now, the one who does not want to commit, have a serious relationship, but this new guy is looking for a special lady, and there definitely was chemistry there. He is intelligent, alot of fun, and did I say cute? (tee hee). He is 39 years old, barely 39 at that. He kissed me on my head tenderly, and kissed my hand, was rubbing my wrist in a tender way, ummmm, even was a gentleman, would hold doors open for me, I like that. He can't dance at all, but he looked like he was having fun anyways, so it was all good. (LOL). He even wants to see me again, who knows, maybe things will take off. He is intelligent like I like them besides nice looking, has the same interests as me, plus, is also from Fairfield where my other friend is from, a nice area. There is so much to do there so I enjoy dating guys from that area. My new guy said he is going to come and visit me after my operation, bring me some homemade soup and rent some dvds for us to watch. He is very sweet.

I'm glad to hear about your good date, luneib. Congrats. I hope things move along well enough to bring some happiness to your life. ;)
~phosphorescent

Thanx fos4snt, I hope so too. I'm happy with the other guy I date, it's just the part where I know he doesn't want anything permanent which really makes me sad, unhappy. The other guy really makes me feel good, makes me happy. He is a bit of a workaholic, but hopefully we will get together again soon, he said he really would like to. I'm glad I took a chance, met him, he is such a sweet guy.

Thanx Kimmy, I can't wait to hear from my new guy again. I am actually looking forward to the next date with him.

Hi Luneib


I was hoping this would happen when I read your last story about how you were still dating other guys, and I was thinking..... Hey, Shes going to meet someone else to get her away from this situation.

I think its great, and He sounds really nice so far....... And no matter what happens now, its all good, cos its kind of broken the cycle, which is a very hard thing to do.

Its a good time for it, go out there and have fun!!!!!

Tinks:)

You are right Tinkabell, it has broken the cycle as you say. I am still close to my other guy, but he does realize that I want something more serious down the road. I actually feel a bit liberated from the situation by dating this other great guy. Maybe something will come of it, but I want to take things very slowly, maybe get to know him at least a year or more.

good for you Luneib

You give me hope that things will get better. I'm in a similar situation with a guy who I really like but he sees no future for us. I too need to date someone else and break the cycle.

monabuc, it's sad isn't it, when we really like or love someone, and they don't feel the same way, or don't want what we want in our lives, a commited relationship. You really have to jump in feet first to break the cycle. I saw a guy online whose profile I liked, I clicked on him, usually its the other way around (LOL). He saw my profile, thought I was cute, we had our first date. I hope I have many more with him. He is just as nice as the guy I see who is commitment phobic, so yes, there is hope for you. It seems I always pick the wrong guys, you know, the ones that don't want a serious relationship.

monabuc, if you are in any dating web-sites there are a few good men in them, I've met alot of losers too, the good ones are harder to weed out. I usually pick an area I'd either like to live, or a really nice area, then check out the guys only in that area. I've met some really nice guys that way, picking the good areas that is. It's just a thought. I wish you luck in finding that guy for a serious relationship, it is really hard to, to find a guy with all the qualities you want in a guy, a kind caring individual.

luneib

It is sad. It's so unfortunate but I have to listen to what he's telling me (eventually) and move on. I have been "looking" at match.com but not too seriously since I had been hoping my YM would change his mind but I really have to get down to business soon.

I'm a very shy person and really I've never dated so this is a scary time for me. But if I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life I have to get out there. I just received a wink from a guy in my area maybe it's time to take a chance.

monabuc, match.com is where I met my present bf, the one who is so romantic, sweet, and did I say cute? (LOL). I think the better guys are on that web-site. Stay far far away from American Singles, that web-site has the worst guys on it.

What is the age difference between you and your present bf? Maybe it is the age thing, my bf feels my age gets in the way, I mean, of having a permanent relationship, but....I get clicked on, on those dating web-sites weekly by guys even younger than John who is 33, who want a serious relationship leading to marriage, so there is hope for us out there.

If you are attracted to the guy who clicked on you, take a chance, but...be very careful, don't meet him at your place, bring some kind of spray in your pocket with you, even if it's just breathe spray or a tiny can of something, just to protect yourself, you just never know these days.

hi Luneib

My bf is 17 years younger. It definately is an age thing - also he wants to have children which is out of the question for me. I know he cares for me but says he can't see a future for us.

I think of this as a cruel joke sometimes. I have more in common with this ym than anyone I've ever met and I can't have him. Anyway, I'm working hard at detaching - trying real hard just to get through Xmas without having a melt down.

I have the opposite happen to me on match. I said I was interested in meeting guys between 36 and 50 and mostly guys in their late 50's early 60's contact me. I'm not really "stuck" on a specific age but so far I'm just not attracted to men in that age group. The last guy was 39 but there's something about him that just doesn't feel right.

Thanks for your comments I really appreciate this board especially when nice people like your self take the time to write.

keith

I've always dated younger guys - never really planned to it just worked out that way. As a ym how do you deal with thoughts/feelings about the future? If you are currently involved with an older woman, how does she cope with what the future might bring? I'd really appreciate your input.

monabuc, my bf said the same thing, can't see a future for us together, it is like a cruel joke, we also have so much in common, fit really well together. He does not even want children so it would even work out.

This other guy I just met, the one who just turned 39, also does not want children, well...not his own biological kids, but said if he did have any, that he would prefer to adopt, so that would work out for me since I am open to adopting, I had wanted to do that anyway. So many kids out there don't have parents and we have so much love we could give to them, make their lives happier.

I'm still seeing my 33 year old, going there to open gifts the day of X'mas Eve, then off to my sister's to spend X'mas Eve with my family. He knows I am dating others. He also cares deeply for me. I have to go in the hospital after X'mas for an operation and he said he is very worried. To say that a person wants to live alone for the rest of his life and then ask me to come visit him every weekend seems absurd. We don't always have sex either, so it's the company he likes. We do everything together, hiking, beach, plays, craft shows, you name it. He is hung up on the age thing, thinks that because I am my age that when he is 60 and I am 80, that he'll be out kayaking and I won't be able to keep up. I have a mom who is 88, still drives, still gets around. Each person is different, you can't go by age. If you really like someone, love them, age should not matter, bottom line.

luneib

Misery loves company eh?

Age - bleh - he says he doesn't see a future for us 5-10 years down the line. He's not a big "talker" but I'm sure it has to do with raising children etc.

At first I described this as a friends with benefits thing - I know now that description doesn't fit. I may have been out of the "game" for awhile but it seems to me when a guy says he thinks about you all the time, calls everynight when he's on the road and can't wait to spend the night with you - having sex or not - he's got feelings for you. Am I wrong?

(If you really like someone, love them, age should not matter, bottom line)

This makes me think what S and I have is just temporary. My best friends partner is also 17 years her junior. They have never have an issue with it past, present or future. So it's kind of what is meant to be is meant to be. I'm afraid at this stage of my life I don't have much time to waste on something/someone that has no future. I wish I was the kind of person to live in the moment - but I'm just not.

Keith

(Love has no age limit and devotion is bound only by the depth of the feelings the two have for each other. )

You did really well answering my question. I know if he accepted me completely nothing else would matter because I really do believe it's how 2 people feel and not what the world thinks. This is probably just not meant to be. Thank you for your time.

Monabuc,

I agree, age shouldn't matter. My bf says it is more than friends with benefits, just a little more he says. He phones me just about every night, always wants to see me every weekend, phones to make sure I am ok after I have a date with other guys, tells me to phone him to make sure I am safe, ok. I don't know what to call our relationship, he cares about me like a big brother, but also is very sexual with me, and at times, just likes my company without the sex. I can't figure him out.

Thank you for the advice Keith. You make alot of sense. I don't think of our age difference when I am with him, I just feel very comfortable around him and I think he feels the same way around me. He plays volleyball so we were invited to a X'mas house party with his friends, I get along great with them, they seemed comfortable with us as a couple, I felt welcome there. He put his head on my shoulder again during the evening, really sweet, and kissed my hand. I find those very loving gestures.

luneib

(I can't figure him out.)

Boy can I identify with this statement. Am I just forgetting how different men and women are? For all intents and purposes we are a couple. He refers to me as his girlfriend - books weekends ahead with me, calls me all the time - we have a great time together. It feels like we are the only people in the world when we're together. Then when I share my feelings I get a cold response. Like he doesn't want to say anything to encourage me. So I back off for awhile - not so friendly on the phone, make plans without him etc, etc. then he's upset that he can't see me hasn't been able to get me on the phone - I never call him, is sure I'm mad at him????? Man relationships are not for the faint hearted:)

Keith

(There is nothing wrong with your being with a younger man, it just has to be the RIGHT young man. As wih any relationship, when you find him, you will know beyond a doubt he is the one for you and vice versa. Don't give up on us.)

Of course in my head I know you are right. But in my heart I can't understand why a man (of any age) would keep coming back time after time if he wasn't interested in a future (when he knows I am). I mean he must know my feelings will probably get stronger as time goes on - if he knows that there is no future why wouldn't he cut me loose?

Keith,

I am my bfs 2nd ow, he has only dated one other woman seriously besides me, I think she was around 40 or 42 years of age, she lived with him, they were intimate, she considered him her bf, she paid him room and board to stay at his house, he has just dated a few other women, but each, only one time, that was it. He did not start dating until he was in his early 30s, he had a hernia, had that taken care of, no more embarassment hence, now he could date.

Monabuc, I know exactly how you feel, you know that if you keep seeing this guy you are going to fall even harder for him, he should realize that, as should my bf. Whenever I drive home from bfs house, he lives an hour away, he phones me to make sure I got home ok, or asks why I haven't phoned him to tell him I arrived home safely. He also calls me his girl, he cooks special things for me, makes sure I am taken care of. He gave me a large shelf for my apartment 'cause I had no storage, he gave me a used computer chair, as I had no chair. Last night at a X'mas party we went to, he lay his head on my shoulder, held my hand, brought my hand to his lips and tenderly kissed it. I asked him today if he only wanted me for sex (tee hee), he said, hey, are you trying to nail me down here? He does not like to give me defininte answers at times, it is almost like he is afraid to, 'cause he is afraid of becoming too attached to me, which, I feel he already is, we have been dating now for 5 months. I told him this weekend that I will give him 1 and 1/2 years to make up his mind what he wants to do as far as our relationship goes I think that's fair, then if he still does not know what he wants, whether he wants to stay with me or not, I have to just cut him loose, just be friends with him, stop going over his place, and if we are just friends, then no more sex, I'll have to find someone who will commit to me. It is important to have that certain someone, that special someone in my life. I am the affectionate sort, I need that, I love caring about a guy, treating him like a prince, it's just me. I'll bet you are the same way. Our guys should appreciate what they have. John knows I absolutely adore everything about him, he makes me laugh, he is intelligent, we enjoy just being together doing things. I hope he can see that in a year what he will be losing without me by his side.

Keith,

Yes, what you wrote was very clearly stated. I know just what you mean. I am with my bf not because he is younger, but because I really like him as a person, he has some really good qualities, is kind and caring, treats me well. The fact he is younger is just an added bonus, I didn't plan it that way. When I first saw him I thought he was older, then he told me his age, but it didn't matter once I got to know him.

His first OW gf went psycho on him, that may be why he is afraid to get too close to me. She actually followed one of the women he plays volleyball with to tell the woman's bf something about his gf, but, there was nothing to tell 'cause the woman she followed is a really nice person, wouldn't harm anyone, but...that same woman had been at my bfs house, just as a friend, watching DVDs with him, and I think this was after they broke up, my bf and his ex-gf that is, and she was extremely jealous of that woman, even though there was nothing going on between them, they are just good friends. My bf's ex-gf just wanted to cause trouble for her. My bf's ex actually drove her car and followed that lady into the next state, now THAT's psycho!

Originally posted by monabuc
Of course in my head I know you are right. But in my heart I can't understand why a man (of any age) would keep coming back time after time if he wasn't interested in a future (when he knows I am). I mean he must know my feelings will probably get stronger as time goes on - if he knows that there is no future why wouldn't he cut me loose?

Monabuc, some people are just commitment-phobic. For various reasons, I am sure. It sounds like you'll be the one who will be forced to decide how much longer you are going to want to remain with someone who isn't committing to you. I wish you all the best and hope the right answers come for you soon so you'll have some peace of mind.

Thanx Keith for your well wishes, you're a nice guy, you deserve the best too.

You know what? FOUR MONTHS is too early to commit. Pure and simple. I don't think we can say he is an avoidant... maybe he is just normal sensible. Just my "wandering" thoughts. :D

luneib

(He does not like to give me defininte answers at times, it is almost like he is afraid to, 'cause he is afraid of becoming too attached to me, which, I feel he already is, we have been dating now for 5 months.)

My guy does alot of shoulder shrugging. He cares for me I know it. He doesn't want to admit it to himself. I believe he will be able to walk away from me but not without pain. I need him to say this is possible. If he doesn't think it's possible why continue? I can't wait much longer - I want to move on with my life - and hopefully remain friends with him I don't want things to end badly because I really do like him as a person.

Keith

Yes I am his first OW. I'll admit I have trouble dealing with this age gap relationship, so I can understand his having trouble with it. He knows I care for him - I've told him that I want a committed relationship (didn't say with him) and I asked him to think about it. We've agreed to have a good time for the rest of December but in January we need to straighten this out once and for all.

Whiterose

(Some people are just commitment-phobic)

I agree Whiterose but I don't believe this is the case, I totally believe if I was even 36 and would have his children he could and would commit. I want him for myself don't get me wrong - but I think he deserves to be a dad if that's what he wants and to live his life inside his comfort zone. This whole thing started out as a fling - but has in my opinion lasted too long now to be described that way. As I said he knows I want more, if he can't give it to me why doesn't he walk away? I know I'll probaly have to break it off but the what if's keep me holding on.

Yellowrose -

I agree 4 months is too soon to commit (to anything concrete). It's only been 6 months for S and me. I would just like to hear my guy say it's possible (us) that's all and let's see what happens. If he knows for sure there is no future - then I think he should go away and let me find someone who does see a future with me. I'm wondering if luneib doesn't feel the same about her situation.

Our guys sound alike. Mine always says "I don't know" when I ask him about us. He says he likes me, and even though I think he feels more than that, he says that women always believe what they want to believe. I told him that women can tell how a guy feels by his actions. My guy kisses my hand, puts his head on my shoulder, things like that.

(he says that women always believe what they want to believe.)

ya - they do sound alike. I don't know if you ever heard about the book (not sure about the exact title) he's just not that into you - saw it on Oprah anyway the guy who wrote the book says to listen to what the guy is telling you. I believe this on some levels but once S and I were apart for about 9 days (because of his work) and when we got together the next time he kissed me and hugged me like he thought he might never have see me again. Can I read that wrong? Can I be reading everything wrong?

Can they just "be" in the moment until they decide it's time to move on? This is going to be hard.

Thanks for your thoughts Keith. It's a little earlier for him to say the "L" word but it would be nice if he at least admitted he has feelings of some kind for me. I think he's afraid to give me false hope. I'm pretty much preparing for this to end in January because I've given him a "semi deadline" to decide how he feels and act on it either way.

(Since I don't have a special one right now I can only contribute from a "what if" perspective.)

You sound like a really nice, thoughtful guy - I'm sure you'll have "a special one" very soon.

Merry Xmas

monabuc, I've given my guy a deadline too, by next X'mas.

Keith, I agree with Monabuc, you seem like a real nice guy, you deserve a special lady in your life.

I have to tell ya luneib...you are nuts...this guys is so not into you but you're will to continue to beat a dead horse until the poor thing either dies or changes his thinking. you are the ow in this aren't you...?

I told him this weekend that I will give him 1 and 1/2 years to make up his mind what he wants to do as far as our relationship goes I think that's fair, then if he still does not know what he wants, whether he wants to stay with me or not, I have to just cut him loose, just be friends with him, stop going over his place, and if we are just friends, then no more sex, I'll have to find someone who will commit to me.

A year and a half, how will this benefit you except make you a year and a half older. Its like Monabuc ym says...you want to believe what you want to believe. In the book He's just not that into you...the author states how it amazes him on how much women are willing to make excuses for a guy just to not be alone. You and Monabuc not only have the same kind of guys, you also are expressing the same kind of behaviour in how you dealing with these ym and the thing is that the ym are really pushing the envelope in not committing because they know you will not push back, therefore you're letting them get away with some pretty horrid behaviour at the expense of what YOU want and need.

Luneib, you're willing to wait a year so he can make up his mind...why???...don't you think breaking up with him then is going to be even more heartbreaking because your feelings will than be more solid or will you continue to make excuses and waste time on a ym who cannot commit. If this were a guy your age, will you be giving him the same kind of chances. Or is Keith right, the fact that he's a ym makes the ego go around.

I don't believe there's anything wrong with these guys...other then the fact that their playing the game well...let's call you, kiss your hand, make you feel special, feel you up, but always with a hidden agenda that..."you might get dump because they can't stand up and be men of integrity".

Keith nailed it on the head:
I would never let my love guess how I felt about her.


I agree with Keith, when a guy is into you, he will make great sacrifrices to be with you, up to now, you both have been doing all the bowing to these ym living life on their timetable at your expense. letting yous bow to them with no effort on their part except to milk your feelings for all its worth.....well, sorry, its shabby I say.

Paris

(Its like Monabuc ym says...you want to believe what you want to believe.)

Luneib's ym said this.

Paris,

You directed your post to Luneib but you've included me in here so I'll respond. Geez Paris - go easy. This is the second time you've zinged me with your harsh words. I think the first time you called me a tier 4 woman. I come here for some understanding ya know? You're judgement this time and last time is kinda out of line - I mean you're not here with S and I so you don't really know the full situtation. And if it's a been there done that thing then take the edge off and give some sympathic advise. If I want someone to beat me up I'll talk to myself.

(I don't believe there's anything wrong with these guys...other then the fact that their playing the game well...let's call you, kiss your hand, make you feel special, feel you up, but always with a hidden agenda that..."you might get dump because they can't stand up and be men of integrity)

I think "S" is man of intergrity - he's been clear about his feelings from the beginning. I also think that no one can possibly know how they're going to feel or what will happen even tomorrow. I never thought I would be with a guy this young before it actually happened - it's not like you can plan how you feel - besides do I kick him to the curb simply because he's not giving me the answers I want to hear right away? I think this kind of thing takes time - I have my eyes open - I'm listening to what he says but if the truth be known if you would have asked him even a year ago would he be involved with someone 17 years older than him - he would have said nfw. But he IS involved and I am 17 years older - and we like each other. If nothing else comes of this I have a friend.

(Luneib, you're willing to wait a year so he can make up his mind...why???)

This is her life. What if he decides he does love her? If she's willing to wait then that's us to her.

(the author states how it amazes him on how much women are willing to make excuses for a guy just to not be alone)

I thought of dumping S several times - then I decided why should I sit here and be lonely when a sweet guy like S wants to hang out with me. What's wrong with having some fun while we wait for Mr. Right to come along? Cut us some slack Paris.

Paris, the fact my bf is a young man does not make my ego go round, I also date older men, one is 48, another is 50, it's just that we get along really well, my ym and I, have the same interests, enjoy each others company. Beat a dead horse? I believe in taking chances in life, especially when it comes to love. I've been in relationships before with bfs, yeh there was heartbreak when they left, but you get over it, move on. I'm willing to take that chance again, for the sake of love. I am a dye hard romantic.

I agree with you Monabuc, we are having fun with our ym, what's so wrong with that. Sure, I'd love it if he committed to me, but with guys it takes longer to. I told him on the phone today that I may move on, find someone who is like him, well...I like his qualities, kind, caring, you know. I said he should get a clue, that we are right for one another, that I really care about him, he said he cares about me too, he shouldn't think of the age difference, that he won't find someone like me who adores him, bf is not gorgeous, but very sweet, I love him anyways, that's love don't ya think? I gave him something to think about. Guys think I'm pretty, I think I'm average, my ym can't usually get pretty women to even look at him, let alone date him, so he should feel good that I will. It's not an age thing here either, like you said Monabuc, I never thought I'd fall for a guy 20 years younger than me, it never entered my mind, it just happened. He said today that he really cares about me, I know that too. I'm willing to wait, but I am also dating others, just dating, just in case he decides, ok, I can't do this serious thing. I need someone eventually in my life that I can wake up next to, care about, love. I love bf dearly bottom line, he knows that. His ex gf, she turned psycho on him, bet that's holding him back from committing too.

Monabuc, I'm with you, I'm having fun with bf, nothing wrong with that as you say.

I know "S" will never commit - all the signs are there. I'd really like to find someone else to spend time with (date) just to make the transition a little easier. Unfortunately I'm a one man woman so I'll have to go thru another break up and grieving time before I try to find someone else. We'll be together New Years Eve - I always thought of it as a new beginning - how sad it's the beginning of the end for us.

Hi Monabuc, well...I'm trying to find someone else, someone like my bf, it is so hard to do. I had a date tonight with a 36 year old guy. There was chemistry, but...I know he is not the one because of how I felt when he was sitting next to me, I had this anxiety thing come over me which was not good, a sure sign he was wrong for me. My body actually can tell I guess who is right and who is wrong. I've never had that kind of bad feeling when I was with my bf.

That's sad you will be breaking up, I'm the same way, I'm a one man woman even though I am dating others, but that's only 'cause I want to find the ONE guy, the right one. I hate feeling so in love with a guy who won't commit, I just hate it.

luneib

My heart just isn't into finding someone else - I'll have to have "S" well out of my mind and heart before I do that. I try to convince myself it's only a matter of time before I meet Mr Right (or a pleasant distraction) and I can put all this behind me. If only I knew what I wanted. Part of me says live for the moment - have a good time with "S" and see what happens. Another part of me says get rid of this man he's told you how he feels move on. He takes up alot of my time - even when we're not together - I beat myself up about being with him when I know how he feels (or doesn't feel) - like I don't have any respect for myself.

You said in another post about it being hard to leave a guy - you're so right - my partner of 13 years and I broke up last November (2003) I knew for years I wasn't in love with him but could never talk myself into leaving - he finally decided for me. This my first "relationship" since breaking up - I promised myself that I would date and have a good time but I have difficulty meeting men and when "S" showed interest in me and we had such a good time together I was right back into the same trap. I can't get my head around looking for someone new when I'm happy (sort of) with the guy I'm with.

Keith

You make such good sense - I wish "S" had the ability to talk about things like you do. I think that's half my problem - he shows me all the time that he cares about me through his actions, phone calls etc but when it come down to telling me in words there's a alot of shoulder shrugging, and silent moments - like he's afraid if he says the wrong thing I'll break it off and if he says what I want to hear he'll encourage something he can't follow through with. He has this "ability" to go with the flow I've broken it off with him twice already - he just keeps coming back like nothing ever happened. When I told him earlier this month that we would have a good time for the rest of this month but come January some big changes would have to be made - that I wanted to be in a committed relationship and for him to please think about it - he nodded his head - and has just gone with the flow ever since - while I walk around with this big black cloud of doom over my head.

(Sometimes you have to make the tough decisions because you know they are the right decisions. They aren't always easy but you are doing the right thing.)

I know (hope) you're right.
I wish doing the right thing didn't feel so bad................

Monabuc, you deserve a hug, my bf is the same way, he does not want to say the wrong things 'cause he knows he will lose me. He phones me all the time, see if I am alright, even phones me to say goodnight when he is going to bed, makes sure I am taken care of, a sweet caring individual. I'm holding onto him for now, he gives me the stability I need in my life. I have been dating others, but it's just not the same with them, the caring part that is.

I met a guy last night for the first time, I couldn't believe it, it was our first date, it lasted a 1/2 hour, really, I was glad. He asked if he could see my breasts, yeh, that's what I said, what a sleeze. He was definitely Mr. Wrong. I was glad the date was over with, soooo glad. That's why I am still with my bf, he would never be so crude. He makes sure I have food in my belly, cooks special things for me, makes sure I have clothing, just really caring. Now if he could just fall in love with me, I know he cares deeply for me. He knows how much I feel about him.

I know what you mean, it'll be hard to break it off.

luneib

Yuck - the guy was a sleeze. I can't even imagine someone saying that to me. I bet there's alot of weirdos out there - I'm not looking forward to meeting them.

"S" doesn't buy me things (flowers occasionally) or fuss over me - I don't know if it's just his way or I'm not "worthy" of fussing over. Don't get me wrong - he treats me good but he's not mushy towards me at all. The first month we were together he bought be a whole "outfit" from Victoria's Secret - really sexy - now 6 months later he's buying me stuff that you'd buy a friend. More confusion!

Really the only time he makes an "extra effort" is when he feels me pulling away from him. I wish I knew if he was struggling inside as well. Time will tell - January is quickly approaching - I hope I have what it takes to walk away from this.

monabuc, does bf know you are leaving him in January, or trying to leave him then?

My bf got a good deal on a tiny silver flashlight, I got that as a gift, but it is the really good kind, so I actually like it. I know, not romantic, but it was the thought that counted.

Yeh, I don't meet too many sleazy guys, just every now and then, and then they are real winners (LOL).

My bf is picking me up tonight, going to his house, an hour away, then off to hospital tomorrow for a hysterectomy, then to mom's house, won't be back to my computer for 2-3 weeks, mom does not own one, so if I don't answer you, I will when I get back.

I think our young men want us for sex, think about it, they like older women, it excited them to be intimate with us. They buy us gifts to keep us coming back, they want the sex. I wish my bf could find love in his heart for me, but I'm not kidding myself, what happens will happen.

I dated a guy the other night, age 39, a real cutie, nice, held the door open, but I write him, he takes forever to write me back, then I noticed on his dating profile, he has been online within the last 24 hours, so I guess he is still looking. I wish guys would just be honest about stuff, if he wants to date others, just tell me, I'm honest with him about my bfs.

(monabuc, does bf know you are leaving him in January, or trying to leave him then?)

He knows I want a committed relationship and if he's not able to say the words then he knows Isomething will change in January. HE has to make the decision - he either says what I want to hear or he walks away and never calls or sees me again.

I don't believe it's just sex with "S" although it's a big part of it - I think we're both having the best sex of our lives. I used to describe it as sex only and he told me if he ever heard me describe us that way again he'd freak. He has feelings for me - no doubt. It's been a back and forth game for us all along. At first he described us as unconventional - was afraid to tell his family - that was the cause of our first breakup - then he was alone for awhile to think about it - almost like he needs time to talk himself in or out of the situation. When we got back together he introduced me to his family we had dinner - everything went just fine.

He wants to get married and have kids - bottom line. I can't have kids at this stage of my life so I can't give him what he wants. Anyway, I'll just have to believe that everything happens for a reason and that somehow this will all work out in the end.

I hope all goes well with your operation - you're lucky to have your mom to go to. I'm sure it's just a matter of time before we find what we're looking for. I can't settle for a part time love affair I want it ALL! Take care - I'll say a prayer for you.

luneib

Jan 1

I know you're away having your operation - I hope everything is going well for you. I had to write even if no one sees this for awhile. I broke it off with him today - didn't know I was going to do it but something in my heart told me not to let this go on. Of course I feel just awful but it went pretty well as far as break ups go - he stayed and held me for awhile and said he was so sorry to be hurting me but he still couldn't give me the answer that I wanted to hear. I must give him credit for being so honest with me. He genuinely has feelings for me - he finally admitted it - thank God I was so afraid I was just some stupid woman letting this guy string me along - I feel a bit better to know that he's going to miss me too - and the whole feelings thing wasn't one sided. I feel a sense of relief as well knowing I'm not pouring my heart and soul into something that isn't going anywhere but to quote "S" this sucks...............

My operation went well, I only stayed at my mom's house for a week then was back to my apartment. My doctor said giving me the anesthesia presented a challenge for her, not quite sure why, but I'm just glad it's over with and that I'm in good health again. Now if only the aches and pains would stop I'd feel a whole lot better.

Just curious monabuc, what was the age difference between you and your bf?

Oh monabuc, I am sitting here crying reading what you wrote, it breaks my heart. He really likes you but can't commit. My relationship is still the same way. I asked my bf last night if we could take it up a notch, he said he did not feel the need to, that he wants to live alone. But...he wants me over every weekend for company, and to stay at his house overnight every weekend, we enjoy each others company and he treats me so well, he is kind and caring. We don't even always have sex, so there is something there. It's totally breaking my heart though, I know exactly how you feel, I can't take this much longer. He has no idea how much hurt I am feeling, how much more I want from him even though I have told him how I feel. One of my gfs said that she thinks he is hiding his true feelings for me, not getting in touch with them. I don't know, she may be right.

Meanwhile, I have to move on, find a guy who will commit, want a serious relationship with me. I dated one guy about a month ago since my steady bf and I are not exclusive, this guy was great, cute, tall, very polite, funny. He just contacted me from California, is there on business. I'm hoping we can get together this next weekend, see if there is any chemistry there and maybe try to start a relationship with him. He said you know I really like you, could you tell? I told him, oh yeh, I could tell. I like him too. He is older than my steady bf, age 39, but he looks very young for his age, could pass for 29. Tall and handsome.

I am meeting a new guy this Sunday, age 36, my age does not bother him, he is looking for that special lady for a serious relationship. I'll give him a chance, another tall dark and handsome type. I think i can handle that (LOL).

Then there is a guy who phoned me last night, met him online from one of those dating sites, he is 53, a bit of a stretch for me even though I am 53 (tee hee), but...we hit it off immediately on the phone, have no idea what he looks like, but is even the perfect zodiac match to my sign, has his own business, couldn't believe that, is financially secure, wish I could say the same (LOL). Don't know if the age will be too old for me, the older guys don't seem to have alot of energy, can't keep up with me (LOL). I'm still hopeful the 39 year old wants a relationship with me.

monabuc I wish you much luck in your search for the right man, you need what I need in my life, someone who absolutely adores you. It's too bad your bf feels the way he does, can't commit, and it's too bad mine won't either. What is wrong with these guys? They are going to regret losing us to someone else, I can see that is going to happen.

Hey Munabuc......Hope you doing ok there....

Lunib.......Your making me think that I should be dating more guys too.....I just don't seem to want to at the moment......I don't know......Its weird.....Maby I just need time to get my head together without a guy in it for a while LoL....

I know what you mean about dating older guys.....I don't think I have ever dated a guy that was more than a few months older than me......I think it would be a really good challenge you know.....

May have feelings for you.....can't get in touch with them....Hiding them.......Whatever!!.......Its still not what you deserve really is it....

Have fun with the dating

Tinka:)

Hi Luneib

Welcome back - glad everything went well.

S was (is) 17 years younger. It's been 2 full weeks. I miss him and fight the urge to call him. It is getting easier - only pops into my head 10 or so times a day. I know in the long run I made the right decision - I hope in time I'll be able to call him and touch base on a friendly basis. I'm looking for a distraction - this really hurts. I hope you find someone to commit to you we both deserve it. hang in there.

Tinkabell

I'm doing better everyday 15 days and counting:) thanks for asking.