Me and my life

I haven't posted in awhile, because I have been swamped at work and I am a guild leader of an online guild with about 600 members. We play 3 different games now and I have been busy between my YM and our guild.

My YM and I do tons of talking, but for some reason when it comes to talking about how we feel, we both freeze. We are working on month number 4 and I would like to tell him how I feel, but everytime I start to say the 3 words....I freeze and get silly and say, man I like you or something like that.

He has let me know that he is from a family that doesn't say I love you, they feel if they show it, then that's good enough. But, I feel I am missing something.

I am from a family that tells each other we love one another and hugs and kisses and all that.

Has anyone else gone through something like this?

Thanks for sharing,
Elenni

Well.. I come from a family that wasn't especially demonstrative in their affection. I honestly think I've only heard my Dad say "I love you" to me a total of 5 times in my entire life.

Mind you, I have NEVER questioned whether or not he loves me. :o He shows it in his every action. He DOES, however, DOTE on my daughter. At first, I was a little jealous about it, but I'm over that. LOL.

My last husband would say "I love you" about 50 times a day, but every single action he made said "YOU SUCK" and "I couldn't care LESS about you."

I learned then, that while I love affection, I would rather be loved through actions then words.

But, I need my cuddles. I NEED them. Litical is very affectionate, but he also is a man who does what he says and shows his love in his actions, his patience, tolerance and kindness. He says "I love you" and I say it back and its pretty much perfect. Not too much, not too little.

Some people, like my Dad, are very uncomfortable with saying the words... but they can walk the walk. In that case, it's not something to get too bent out of shape, especially if there IS cuddling.

My brother, on the other hand, came from our family, but I never heard his wife complain that he wasn't affectionate and I heard him on many occasions profess his love for her.

Like father, like son isn't always the case.

Four months is not a long time. If you want to say those words to him, then by all means DO. I always find it a bit annoying when someone is only saying the words, though, to hear them back. So, if that's your desire, you might walk away hurt. But, if you say them just so he KNOWS and don't expect to hear it back, then say it ~ if it makes ya feel betta.

Or wait. Four months really isn't all that long. ;)

~phos

I have not had a relationship with an older woman yet so I can not say I relate to you in that area. However the relationship your in sounds a lot like the one I was in. I went out with this girl as old as me (18) and saying the word love would be a task. We did hug but did not cuddle or kiss. Something always felt missing. This behavior kept on for a few month until she wanted me to formally ask her to be my gf. As stupid as this sounds for someone my age I said sure. Once we titled ourselves as a relationship we ended it in a week because we realized we were not meant to be. There was no fact or problem that brought us to that conclusion. It was just instinct. Only after we achknoledge the concept of being a couple in our heads did we see that this was not going to work. This might be the situation your encountering in a sense. Something needs to be acknowledged between you two in order to find the something that is missing or say goodbye to each other.

Elenni,
It is so nice to have the time we have with them on line, I am Barb by the way pretty new here and not sure if i quite fit in yet, but anyway...my ym and i met online 5years ago. He lives with me now, and has been for about a year. I cant say I dont apprieciate the time we spent online. I love him being here, it has definatly changed my life for the better:). You said you have been online for 4 months? Please correct me if i am wrong.

My young man and i told each other we loved each other so often we would joke about scrolling up to see just how many times. Grant it...it took almost a year for us to send email. We just met in a chatroom and kept our conversations there. This... now thinking back almost seems odd. It was 3 years before we traded pics. It was serveral months before we started meeting in private message.

I think you should give him time and dont stop with your guild(curious about what this is). It gives you connection with him....kinda like the chatroom me and Ed met in....giggles a bit. This has potential. I wonder if your guild is anything like roleplaying......giggles a bit again. We...Ed and i started just like describing what we were doing in detail....like pretend...this is where "the might sound crazy" comes in...lol.

Like describing a dinner setting me greeting him at the door, taking his coat, offering him a tray of fruit or drink.....and setting up an entire scene. You both know it is pretend, anything goes... I know sounds out there? Maybe it doesnt. I shouldnt get into detail of everything we roleplayed....giggles way out loud. Anyway we fell in love from the inside out and in real life...it is better then any text, but i can still say i miss our time online from time to time. I may have mistaken something that assumes you are online only at this point, again correct me if i am wrong. Nice meeting you. I have to add I was a fairy and He as a Mop...now there is a connection.....and the fireworks are still GOINGGGGGG!!;)
We just really got to know each other


that damn fairy!


PS: I come from a huggy kissy family.....he comes from a huggy kissy family.....i thinks.....he leads me to believe they are close in a feely way but not in the way they show it....these things take time. Give it more than three months, and go with instincts.

fos... we have something in common, my Dad has never said it to me. However, he has shown me more love than anyone in my life. He has gotten more affectionate now that he is old. He cut off affection to me at the age of about 6. Talk about a hole in my heart. :(

Because of that loss, I have to hear the words. If a guy loves me and understands my past, he will WANT to fill that need. I tell all my kids I love them. They say it back and initiate it first a lot of times (except for youngest daughter right now... going through some "mommy anger").

If this is an "in-person" relationship, and he thinks the same as his family, I am afraid it would not work for me. I would not want to go through what my Mom went through. I would want ACTION and WORDS. :)

I guess I am "old school" plus "chicken" but I always wait until the guy says it first... :D

elenni ~

When you're ready to say it, say it. Say it because you feel it and you want him to know.

I don't mean this the way it's going to come across - just do your best not to have expectations for immediate reciprocation. It's tough, it really is, but it's the best way - at least for a while.

My boyfriend told me he loved me after less than 2 months. I knew he meant it, and I knew I was feeling the same way, but it felt just way too early. I did not respond in-kind the first 2 times that he told me. He quit saying it. I did say those words a few more weeks down the road, and did not get an echo for a while.

Finally, I put it right out there one day - that if he felt that way, I needed to hear it sometimes. We now tell each other "I love you" almost every day. For us, the funny thing is that these 3 words don't describe how we feel about each other. They sound so much less than the connection that we have. I don't have to hear them all the time. I mean, it's not as if he's holding them back or anything - we just know.

But...those 3 little words are a good way to start - when you're ready. :)