My life happenings........

I just had a couple of things I wanted to share with all of you. Most of this is just life stuff, not necessarily my YM stuff. Anyway...my YM and I are doing well. We are enjoying a 'normal' relationship together. We are both ending our semester in college, I have my final on Wednesday and will have a month off from school......what ever will I do with myself. I can't believe I graduate in May. This long journey has an end in site.

My 'soon to be' ex husband and I went to court yesterday. I got an order for child support........finally. He has given me nothing since I moved out and now he is pissed that it had to go as far as court. I REALLY wish I could drop this guilt trip I am riding on. He chose not to pay child support, although I have our kids 5 out of 7 nights. He is really being an *** and yet he is a 'nice' guy and I feel like a b*tch. He clearly didn't want to hold up his end of a relationship.......I am one hell of a good partner........and yet I feel guilty for leaving. He called me last night and wanted to talk about the arrangements with the kids. They have told him MANY times that they want things to stay how they are, but since it's not 'joint' custody he just keeps asking, 'what nights can I have the kids.' It's driving me crazy. At any rate, I now have a child support order and maybe it won't be so scary here financially.

My last happening is with my son. He just turned 16. He failed 9th grade last year, I ran him to summer school for 6 weeks to get him into the 10th grade and it all started again. My ex does, and has done, nearly nothing to help on the homework side and with me being in school full time and working almost full time, I am at the end of my rope. Soooooooooo, I got information on a military school and my son leaves on January 16.......guess what?? A new reason to ride the guilt train. My son wants to go. This is a voluntary type thing. There are over 800 applicants and they take 150. I am THRILLED that he is in.......but at the same time I feel like I am pawning off my responsibility. My ex didn't like the idea, but I went ahead with the application and he got in on the first try.

My last semester at college is supposed to be the worse.........4 days a week plus working. I'm relieved that my son will be in a program that will have strong men pushing him to do his best. He will be gone until June. I will miss him so much, but I have to think of what's best.

Anyway.......thanks for listening. My guilt train is about to leave again. I hate feeling guilty.

Blu

Aaah Blue,
There is absolutely no need to feel guilty on any front. You're trying your best to keep your life in order and I believe the Lord will not let us run faster than we are capable. However, we need to guard against being too hard on ourselves. If we constantly dwell on our faults, we can easily become discourage and depressed.

You cannot afford to lose all sense of patience and charity toward yourself when we occasionally come short of perfection. Because we're not perfect, but you are unique to your situation. There has never been anyone exactly like you. There will never be. Never will anyone possess your special individuality and your particular possibilities.

As a mom you are prepare to make good judgements for yourself and your family and good judgement is running as fast but not faster than we are able. Believe that.

I would expect that life can be demanding your way, but feeling guilty puts on an even heavier burden on the ability to make good decisions, don't second guess yourself. I expect you are diligent and use wisdom and good judgment to keep your life in order so that you and your family can accomplish those things you know they can do. Stay positive, stay the course. Although the present looks a bit foggy...those efforts for the future will be all worth the effort.

Paris