goingon40
12-15-2004, 03:00 PM
i am rokin my gid daughter age 6 months old to sllep so pardon the typing.
here is my ouch thing, unrelated to age.
ok i have been dating others for 6 months before datung my ym and he was just my confidant, ok. quite a few things - mainly both of us sad about kids - i have none and he has three - that he can't live with.
the first two live with their mom in el salvador and he supports them and calls and so on. he was 17 when the first one was born!
i accepted this as it is the norm for his culture and he does give them everything including private school and he shops for them and phones every week,
the other thing that he shared was that two years ago he and his past gf had an unplanned pregnancy. he had been diligent with bc for the last ten years to avoid this kind of thing, so when it happened he proposed. she on the other hand wanted to abort and then to commit suicide?? he convinced her not to, and assumed they'd raise it together, but ... she moved closer to her mother (2 hours away) and stayed there.
he said that he was heartbroken and shocked. he was in love and ready to settle down and she refused! he visits them every week but is very sad that it did not work out with the mom and that he has ANOTHER child that does not live with him.
meanwhile i was sad at having no kids and maybe i am not even fertile so we would bond over the injustice of it all.
over time we confided tons and tons and became close friends and enjoyed time together and very slowly became lovers, just last weekend.
here is the BOMB -- we were talking about me meeting his family here - extended family. and he said something about introducing me as his FRIEND. I asked what was up with that and he said that they assume that he and his daughter's mother are a couple, and because he was hangin onto the hope as well, he never corrected them. he said that would be changing - in a month or two - that he would clear it up so that they could meet me with a clean slate.
i told him i refused to ever be introduced as a friend - not in latino culture. and i was frustrated - not at him so muchm but at the situation.
''
he claims he is over her and that they have not been together for more thana year and I know he only spends a few daylight hours with them, no overnights, etc. BUT -- i just feel like **** this sounds like he is still attached and does not have closure.
ok, as for me - i am not in love yet, but could be close - i can walk away now if i have to.
this reeks of my last long term relationship with a man who was separating.
what do you think? should i give it a try? run away? talk to him about it more?
p.s. the other day we were driving in the rain and he looked sad and he said in spanish, "maybe it is too soon and ,aybe this is an awful thing to say, but i love my daughter and i wish that i had had her withyou instead of with her mother." !!?"!??!?!??!?
here is my ouch thing, unrelated to age.
ok i have been dating others for 6 months before datung my ym and he was just my confidant, ok. quite a few things - mainly both of us sad about kids - i have none and he has three - that he can't live with.
the first two live with their mom in el salvador and he supports them and calls and so on. he was 17 when the first one was born!
i accepted this as it is the norm for his culture and he does give them everything including private school and he shops for them and phones every week,
the other thing that he shared was that two years ago he and his past gf had an unplanned pregnancy. he had been diligent with bc for the last ten years to avoid this kind of thing, so when it happened he proposed. she on the other hand wanted to abort and then to commit suicide?? he convinced her not to, and assumed they'd raise it together, but ... she moved closer to her mother (2 hours away) and stayed there.
he said that he was heartbroken and shocked. he was in love and ready to settle down and she refused! he visits them every week but is very sad that it did not work out with the mom and that he has ANOTHER child that does not live with him.
meanwhile i was sad at having no kids and maybe i am not even fertile so we would bond over the injustice of it all.
over time we confided tons and tons and became close friends and enjoyed time together and very slowly became lovers, just last weekend.
here is the BOMB -- we were talking about me meeting his family here - extended family. and he said something about introducing me as his FRIEND. I asked what was up with that and he said that they assume that he and his daughter's mother are a couple, and because he was hangin onto the hope as well, he never corrected them. he said that would be changing - in a month or two - that he would clear it up so that they could meet me with a clean slate.
i told him i refused to ever be introduced as a friend - not in latino culture. and i was frustrated - not at him so muchm but at the situation.
''
he claims he is over her and that they have not been together for more thana year and I know he only spends a few daylight hours with them, no overnights, etc. BUT -- i just feel like **** this sounds like he is still attached and does not have closure.
ok, as for me - i am not in love yet, but could be close - i can walk away now if i have to.
this reeks of my last long term relationship with a man who was separating.
what do you think? should i give it a try? run away? talk to him about it more?
p.s. the other day we were driving in the rain and he looked sad and he said in spanish, "maybe it is too soon and ,aybe this is an awful thing to say, but i love my daughter and i wish that i had had her withyou instead of with her mother." !!?"!??!?!??!?