What do you do if your SO treats you like a child ?

Not sure when she got the idea but I am getting sick of it already...She seems to think that if she babies me more than my mom ever did that I find that attractive...
Anybody got any ideas ?
Also, is it normal for me living here and being reminded all the time that this is her house (which it is) and it is only "our" home when she wants me to do some home repairs (and she keeps asking me if I feel like this is my home too..lol) ?? :rolleyes:

well, without going into any indepth "Cosmo" worthy reply, lol, i'd say you need to sit her down and have a talk.

did you ask to be baby'd, or encourage it?

do you help with half the bills?

have you tried explaining to her how you feel, already?

how long have ya'll be exclusive?

how long have you been living with her?

so many questions, so little time, lol

welcome to ageless, i hope things work out for you both

Tracy

Sounds like you two need to sit down and have a discussion where you tell her your feelings. Try not to say "you ALWAYS" but instead say "I feel like you are treating me like a child when you xxxxxxx. I need you to instead do xxxxxx"

Also, give her a chance to tell you her feelings. She may have some resentment that is coming out. You need to know what it is that is upsetting her also.

Again, the only way to improve things is for you to talk WITH each other. Good luck. :)

exactly yr, "with" not AT. whooooo "at" never works, lol

Originally posted by greeneyedgirl
well, without going into any indepth "Cosmo" worthy reply, lol, i'd say you need to sit her down and have a talk.

did you ask to be babies, or encourage it?

do you help with half the bills?

have you tried explaining to her how you feel, already?

how long have ya'll be exclusive?

how long have you been living with her?

so many questions, so little time, lol

welcome to ageless, i hope things work out for you both

Tracy

So many questions...Guerss I should have added some more info...Surely I never asked to be treated like a baby, that would be kind of odd to me...Since I have no job and go to school I pay what she considers a fair share and I am ok with that and so is she so I am not sure if that counts as half...
Numerous times I tried to explain it to her, either by joking about it or by telling her exactly what I think...Hmmmmm, still posting here so guess it didn't work...lol
Oh, last question, living together about 2-3 years I'd say (remember we males of the species are not that great at tracking time and dates...at least I'm not...)

This is only one of the many problems we (actually I seem to be the only one having problems...) have...Didn't want to bore everybody by going on and on and on and on...(you get the picture)

spill ya guts

:D

Originally posted by yellowrose
Sounds like you two need to sit down and have a discussion where you tell her your feelings. Try not to say "you ALWAYS" but instead say "I feel like you are treating me like a child when you xxxxxxx. I need you to instead do xxxxxx"

Also, give her a chance to tell you her feelings. She may have some resentment that is coming out. You need to know what it is that is upsetting her also.

Again, the only way to improve things is for you to talk WITH each other. Good luck. :)

How do these sound:

"You treat me worse than my mom"
"I could as well live with my mom"
"I am not one of your kids"
"If I wanted to be with my mother..."
"Stop acting like my mother"
"You are very annoying when you treat me like your child while you are unable to parent your kids at all"
"I am not a child-substitute"
"You can tell your kids what they should do, not me, I am not your child"
"I am not one of those people who have a mommy-fetish"

All of those don't work....Actually nothing I say does, she only gets upset and that's it, end of any discussion or she tells me that this is how she is and I shouldn't expect her to change...

Originally posted by Nessa
WEll i gotta say NONE of those would work with me either and your butt would be out my door....

now.... try

I"m doing the best I can to be a PARTNER in this relationship. When you do (insert MOST annoying babying behavior here) it makes me feel bad. I feel like a child. I am a man and want to feel like a man.

WHAT can WE do as a couple to improve this situation?

Being polite doesn't work (tried almost everything)....Was nice when the f**** dog bit me the first time but also that was no reason for her to change anything but to try to make me feel guilty..
May I ask though why my approach would not work with you (clearly if your SO would tell you something is bothering him then wouldn't you at least try to fix it if you agreed ?), I mean I tried being nice and give her subtle hints but that had no effect at all...We have these great talks but they are just talks...

Originally posted by Nessa
YOUR APPROACH would not work because it's all about how my behavior is bad not about how YOU feel.

YOU can't tell someone how they feel you can't tell someone what they are doing. YOU can only address what YOUR personal issues are as related to her behavior.

if you've tried talking to her and it won't work and if her dog bit you and she laughed or would not change then hon i think you need to leave.

recently my dear dog who i have had longer than i've had brian almost bit him.... didnt' break the skin but got buttheaded with him. Now he has issues (the dog) and no one else would tolerate his bad behavior.... I almost had him put down because he bit my man.

maybe she's not as into you as you are into her......

Well, everybody I ever met and been with pretty much had no issues when I'd tell them if I don't like a certain behavior and of course the same was true when I did something that my SO didn't like...Trust me that I am usually very diplomatic about these things and don't just bluntly come off the way I seem...She too tells me what she doesn't like about me, so I guess I am using her approach...This is pretty much the last straw for me...
With regards to the dog, the dog bit me once which I would account for as an accident even though of course it should not have happened and since then I minimized exposure...The dog snapped a few times at me but I didn't realize that legally this too counts as a bite. Then he bit me again and she was all upset, blaming me of course and telling me how its the kids' dog and she can't do anything about it and she doesn't know what to do....I even had to pay for the Bactin that I bought that night because she was too upset or something...Needless to say, I was afraid of dogs before I met her and now I am done with them, never again would I even think of dating a woman with a dog ever again...So much about that...I admire you for standing up for your boyfriend, wish I ever met somebody where I would not end up being the least important thing...

Bro, I've just learned to shut up and let them talk! :D j/k

Seriously, like the others above suggested, it is vital that you try to have a decent talk with her about your feelings and how she is treating you. Remember to be mature about it and try not to show any anger or negative temperment.

However, the fact that you go to school, do not have a job, and living with her, I can see where she might have that attitude of "It's my way or the hightway!" As stated earlier in an above post, it's a possibility that is how she is as a partner. One could probably relate that to a "boy-toy" attitude or someone who just plain out needs to take into consideration and respect their SO's feelings as a person.

Either way, state how you feel, come up with solutions, compromise on things, and go from there. If she still doesn't budge to somewhat change or alter her way of thinking, then I feel you should have a talk with yourself and figure out if this is really what you want. Good Luck! :)

Originally posted by Nessa
And that's the point hon... THE DOG is more important than you are.

it sounds to me like maybe it's over all but the shouting.....


how would you feel about moving on from this relationship?

Guess the biggest problem is that I'd feel bad....She was so upset when I decided to leave and kept begging me to stay...She pretty much helped me out when I had trouble with my ex and so I kinda feel obligated in a way...Not a good reason I know...


Originally posted by Joe
Bro, I've just learned to shut up and let them talk! :D j/k

Seriously, like the others above suggested, it is vital that you try to have a decent talk with her about your feelings and how she is treating you. Remember to be mature about it and try not to show any anger or negative temperment.

However, the fact that you go to school, do not have a job, and living with her, I can see where she might have that attitude of "It's my way or the hightway!" As stated earlier in an above post, it's a possibility that is how she is as a partner. One could probably relate that to a "boy-toy" attitude or someone who just plain out needs to take into consideration and respect their SO's feelings as a person.

Either way, state how you feel, come up with solutions, compromise on things, and go from there. If she still doesn't budge to somewhat change or alter her way of thinking, then I feel you should have a talk with yourself and figure out if this is really what you want. Good Luck! :)

Well, the thing is that she keeps asking me if I feel at home and stuff like this, but nevertheless keeps reminding me at the weirdest moments that it is her house...Of course when she wants me to fix something for her it is our house since her no-good kids won't do anything...It's not even like we have a discussion on something and I want something different than she does...Last time I was talking to her about something and gave her an opinion on color and she just said I should leave it up to her since it's her house....Is that normal ? Did anybody ever experience this ??

Originally posted by Nessa
when she asks you if you feel at home do you say NO?

does she say WHY?


do you tell her?


then what?


I try to call OUR house OUR house but sometimes we forget. I've lived there for nearly 15 years brian has lived with me since April. It's my name on the mortgage. I pay the bills. He contributes to the household.....

it's hard to remember OUR house vs. my house.....

Well, I tell her no, then she asks why, so I tell her because it is only our house when she wants me to do something like moving furniture but not when I want to do something (we had huge fights over little things before)...Example was the f**** xmas tree...You'd never believe how frustrating that experience was because she's jewish and I'm not....So we had long discussions before I was ALLOWED to have a tree....To even have a discussion like that never occurred to me ever before, so add jewish women to the list also maybe (or at least jewish women with dogs...lol)
Usually when I tell her something like that she gets into one of her moods and that's it for a while...she won't listen and I might as well recite the grocery shopping list....

Originally posted by Nessa
I'm a Jewish Woman with a dog..... well two dogs.... and kids


and yes he has a tree in our home.... but I did not decorate it.... he and his daughter did...

Oops...My point was simply that it would have never occur to me that she'd have to ask me for permission if it was my house and she wanted to put up some decoration...Did you ever have a discussion about xmas trees or anybody you know ? And I mean long talks/fights....

Originally posted by Nessa
oh yes we talked about him having a tree.

it's a big big deal when your jewish and your SO is not.

this is the first time in my entire life i've had a tree in my home. and i'm 44. it's kind of odd for me to be honest.

but i never would have told him NO.....

heck he still asks if it's ok to open mail addressed to both of us...
but then we haven't even lived together a year yet....

what is your age gap and how old are you guys... how old are her kids that are at home?

Wow, guess it's a jewish thing then because I never even thought about it, just figured it would be interesting to learn a bit on the way kinda...I am 28 she is 49 and the kids are in their teens (gladly her son left for college, yay)

Originally posted by Nessa
yeah it's a 'Jewish Thing".... I suggest you learn a bit about Judaism so that you can understand why your religion is so foreign to us.


now i'm more concerned that your so happy her son left for college.... we hate that we hardly see my kids... one at college one with his dad....

does not sound like it's really a positive situation your in....

I am always willing to learn, so celebrating jewish holidays was interesting/new to me but nothing I'd say I have problems with...Whether or not a xmas tree really has a deeper meaning or not, most of all we do things we are used to doing since we were little, to you, Channukkah is what you associate with this time of year and to me it is xmas...Either way, tolerance goes both ways, if I have no issue with lighting candles then there should be no issue about xmas trees, even if it is as foreign to you as the candles and other stuff is to me...

Her son is a total moron so I am glad he left, this way he can't have the whole neighborhood over and they trash up the house (the other parents sure must be happy...)

And no, I don't think it is positive at all...But I want to make sure it's not just because I have a distorted view on relationships...

Originally posted by Nessa
OF course tolerance goes both ways but so many folks just so have NO concept of what it means to be Jewish...... it's not like a Methodist doesn't get being Catholic...... because the basis of those two religions is the same.....

Xmas is a huge holiday in Christian religions... Hannukah is a minor festival that has been FORCED to become a big deal by the media....


anyway back to your issues.

does SHE think her son is a total moron? if not you have big problems......


in our house everything is a JOINT effort.... because we are a team.....

Not talking about being jewish or not here, she can be as jewish as she wants (she doesn't even go to temple, except for maybe the high holidays which she has missed since I know her and I do motivate her to go if it is important to her...)
Most religions are different although ours (jews, christians, muslims) are pretty much tied together in many ways whether or not some purists want to admit or that (judaism being the common root in my opinion, but then again I never go to church either and me celebrating consists of decorating the tree or painting eggs...lol)...

Of course she thinks her son is the greatest thing since sliced bread but I have no respect for him...He breaks stuff in the house, leaves a mess, and has some screwed up ideas that go in the direction of eugenics and Nazi concentration camps for the mentally ill and other unfortunates with his mother sitting and listening while we have dinner...Then there are the occassions where he refers to blacks as Ni....Too many examples to mention them all but I am sure you get the idea...

Originally posted by Nessa
i think it's time for you to get out of what appears to be a toxic situation... of course this is just my opinion and you can do what you please.

but if you want to leave and she guilts you into staying well then you've got a different problem to deal with.

I know it doesn't look too good....Guess I will have to do some serious thinking.... :(

Originally posted by Amina315
If she's jewish and she's screwin you every night...

And you're not jewish and you're screwin her every night...

I think neither of you has the right to be unsupportive of the other person's faith and religious traditions...

She obviously doesn't have enough problem with you being a Christian to stop dating, sleeping with, living with, you...so I find it ridiculous that she would have a problem with you putting up a tree..or that it should have even been an issue...

The same would go for you if you objected to any of her Jewish traditions...

Furthermore..you shouldn't have "oops'd" your comment about jews b/c Nessa happens to be Jewish...you should have not said it period b/c it's a very prejudice thing to say...

Well, obviously she did have a problem and I am not exaggerating if I say we had a big fight about that stupid tree...It almost feels like I have to threaten to leave her to get what I want which is not healthy at all...
Who knows what kind of problems we'd have if we had kids together...Gladly we never will...
And I probably wouldn't say anything I'd later apologize for...The oops remark was more a sign of surprise than an apolegetic statement...Don't see anything wrong with what I wrote...Personally, I now would think about whether or not I would want to go out with somebody non-christian, something that had never ever occurred to me before just because of this stupid xmas tree experience...

Whoa... don't be silly there. I know lots of couples who are happily married and of different religions. Two of my bosses are in christian-jewish marriages. They usually celebrate both with the kids and it works well.

And there are a lot of non-christians who still put up trees, because... THAT is a pagan ritual, thank you. Tree, tree for me! Tree for the little heathen girl? LOL

Your situation here, Epsilon, just screams that your sick and tired of being sick and tired. Get on outta there, now. Get your head outta the sand and move on with your life. Let her move on with hers. Maybe with you out of the picture, she'll focus on her kids and they will be better off ~ especially since they are so badly in need of a decent parent.

Anyway, from post 1 through the last one it's all just saying you DON'T want to be there. Stop feeling guilty, pack up your stuff and SKEDADDLE already. We really can't fix your relationship.

~phosphorescent

Originally posted by Nessa
in two weeks and one day we will be a mixed marriage i'm jewish (and with dogs) and he's not. his best friend is Italian Catholic married to a Jewish woman. a few weeks ago we went to a wedding where the husband is jewish the bride is not.

of course it works. it works all the time.

what's NOT working is your interaction with HER as a person not HER as a Jew.

don't condem an entire religion based on one person.

Look, I am not condemning anything....Fact is, I never thought a problem could arise there since I am not at all religious, never go to church, not even xmas eve, so of all the things, I would have thought we'd have no issues there other than her whole family/friends hating me for not being jewish and looking at me like an outcast (her father is still looking for a nice jewish husband for her)...

I wish you the very best of luck for your marriage and your bf seems to be luckier than me...

Originally posted by Epsilon Flight
...I am 28 she is 49. . .

I'm 28 and my woman is 53

and the kids are in their teens (gladly her son left for college, yay)

LOL! :D

Originally posted by Nessa
I'm going back and forth thinking how i want to address this.

You are not Jewish so you really don't get it.

I haven't been in a synagogue since my youngest was Bar Mitzvahed. I don't practice. I eat shellfish and pork and yet i still consider myself Jewish. I still have weird feelings with an Xmas tree in my home. Even though it's HIS HOME too....

and unless you are not christian and don't celebrate the holiday of Xmas you won't get it.

it's not that you don't want to. it's that you really can't understand. which is not a bad thing... it just is.

Well, you are jewish even if you don't go to temple which is perfectly fine...Maybe you can help me understand by pointing out the difference between let's say me having a xmas tree in our house (assuming for a second we'd live as a couple) and you being exposed to something non-jewish and you celebrating all the important jewish holidays with me being exposed to something non-christian ? I see no difference there, maybe it's just me but I really would like to understand better...

Ok, I just finished reading through this thread...whew!

The religion issue may be one factor that causes conflict, but it is not the underlying issue here.

You have been living with this woman for 2-3 years and it sounds as if she still doesn't treat you as an equal partner. And if this is the case, then I would be outta there! It doesn't matter who is making more money, whose name is on the mortgage, or who contributes more to the household. What matters is that both of you feel as if you are in a partnership and both of you are trying to make the place you live in your home together. If you have been living there for 2-3 years, I would think that you could at least have some kind of input as to what color you would want something painted or decorated, etc. You should at least be able to sit down and discuss some of these minor details. But it sounds like she doesn't see you as really have much to give the relationship other than being there when she wants sex and when she wants something fixed around the house.

As far as telling her how you feel about things...some of the comments you listed in the way you approach things, would have put me off and put me on the defensive. Some of those comments came across to me as being sarcastic, patronizing and focused on her behavior,r ather than how that behavior makes you feel.

You should start each statement with..."I feel"...when you do (insert behavior).

Now on side note...

My husband (26 years) is Muslim. He doesn't practice Islam. But it is part of who he is nonetheless. That is his upbringing and part of his culture.

I (48 years) am not christian (nor was I raised a christian) ...I wear a small pentagram as a symbol of protection, I have a decorated tree in our home because it has pagan roots and symbolism, I have other "tokens" scattered about.

My husband doesn't have any problem with our differences, and neither do I. We both respect each other, our cultures, our beliefs, our values and we both have an equal say in the way we "run" our household. And we discussed all of these differences and what to expect from each other before we ever made arrangements to live together or get married.

If you don't feel respected or appreciated as a valued partner with the person you are with, then I would say it's time to move on. I know it's easier said than done...but that is my opinion.

Originally posted by ~Guinavere~
Ok, I just finished reading through this thread...whew!

The religion issue may be one factor that causes conflict, but it is not the underlying issue here.


As far as telling her how you feel about things...some of the comments you listed in the way you approach things, would have put me off and put me on the defensive. Some of those comments came across to me as being sarcastic, patronizing and focused on her behavior,r ather than how that behavior makes you feel.

You should start each statement with..."I feel"...when you do (insert behavior).

Now on side note...

My husband (26 years) is Muslim. He doesn't practice Islam. But it is part of who he is nonetheless. That is his upbringing and part of his culture.

I (48 years) am not christian (nor was I raised a christian) ...I wear a small pentagram as a symbol of protection, I have a decorated tree in our home because it has pagan roots and symbolism, I have other "tokens" scattered about.

My husband doesn't have any problem with our differences, and neither do I. We both respect each other, our cultures, our beliefs, our values and we both have an equal say in the way we "run" our household. And we discussed all of these differences and what to expect from each other before we ever made arrangements to live together or get married.

If you don't feel respected or appreciated as a valued partner with the person you are with, then I would say it's time to move on. I know it's easier said than done...but that is my opinion.

Well, religion is not that much of a problem for us except for around xmas and at least I can have a tree but it still bugs me that I feel like I have to ask her and apologize for wanting to celebrate xmas...For example, I bought this tiny sign that had a bird on it (didn't even realize it was a xmas thing, bought it for Thanksgiving) and she felt it was too christian and that alone got us into an argument for about an hour...

With regards to how I express my dissatisfaction in the relationship, well, I tried pretty much everything and gradually got to this tone which is about the closest to not arguing...I can only imagine what would happen if we'd have kids...lol

Good to hear that it seems to work well for you....Do you have any problems/odd feelings during the holidays like Nessa described ?

The only thing that I have a problem with during the christmas holiday is the commercialism of what is supposed to be considered a religious holiday. The whole thing seems steeped in hipocracy. And the fact that in the western world this holiday is a paid holiday for many people in the work force, when there are jewish or muslim holidays that go unrecognized. However, I think that the jewish and the muslim population look upon their "holidays" as more of a sacred thing anyway. I have more respect for that.

My husband on the other hand...he got very upset the other evening when we happened to be in the city (Melbourne, Aus) and there was a choir group standing outside the train station singing religious hymns at the top of their lungs. We were waiting for a tram (took about 20 minutes) and my husband got more and more upset because he feels as if the christian world is trying to shove their beliefs on the rest of the world and he was subjected to their belief whether he wanted to hear it or not. And there was some man standing on another corner reading to the public from the KJV of the bible. He asked me if I have ever seen a Muslim standing on the corner reading from the qu'ran?

I try not to get too uncomfortable with things...I just ignore it most of the time...

And nessa you are right....how did the topic get to religion?....nuff said! And congrats on getting your rings!!!

Originally posted by Nessa
how would you feel if you lived in a country where everything was closed on Saturday for Sabbath Where there was no Xmas? or it was the secondary holiday.

how would you feel if you had to use your vacation days to observe Xmas and Easter?

how would you feel if you saw signs that said "no dogs or christians"?


I can't explain to you or any other christian person what it means to love a person who isn't jewish when you are.


I love brian and his child. I would never deny them the right to observe any traditions they have because they make me uncomfortable. but they do. it's not my holiday it's not my religion.

but i gotta tell you that's so off the topic of what you originally wanted to talk about. you want to talk about how your SO treats you like a child.

I don't really think, Jewish Mother Sterotype aside, that it's a religion issue.

Hmmmmmm, maybe you are right about some of the things you said, I really never thought about the "technical" issues though I know that if you go to a religious school (or even regular school, we are usually off for any holiday) for example they adjust the holidays for you (more for passover and no xmas I think) and if it is a business owned by jewish people it might be closed on Saturday as well as jewish holidays (probably not that many but at least a start as I see quite a few around here)...With regards to the sign, never seen something even close, if you did, that would be disgusting but nevertheless that is more an anti-semitic issue than really just sharing holidays and having fun in the privacy of your home don't you think ? If I worked in a business that's closing on Saturdays then this would not affect me really that much when it comes to the holidays, no matter which...Isn't it the quality time you spend with your family that you appreciate ? I wish I liked the jewish cuisine (the downside...lol) more but it sure is nice to sit together and do something together and that is what I like about xmas or any other holiday which might come along...

You do seem to mix these things I fear and therefore you associate all those disadvantages that you have because this country is pseudo-christian and you share it with everybody who is not christian with the holidays. I know this is off-topic but I really was trying to understand the underlying problem, sorry if asking you was not well perceived...

Well, here's how I see it. She's the boss....and she likes being the boss. She treats you like a child and you are starting to see her as mommy. Sex life will be dwindling here pretty soon (if not already) and she's gonna mommy you out of her bed. The arguments you guys have do kind of resemble the rebellious teen-ager and the parent.

I'm sure she's a nice lady and we are only getting your side of things here, so this may be off-base but I really don't see how things are going to change. Sounds like she's into control. I'd leave if it were me. Life's too short.

OK, let me take this from the other side.

"I'm an older woman. I work hard, have raised the kids - obviously by myself. They've been pretty much my life since I split with my ex. I've done the best I can, so now I have managed to get one kid in college and I own my house.

I meet this younger man. He is not working and is going to school. He moves in with me. I care for him and don't want to belittle him, so I try to make him feel part of the family - my house is his house.

Well, 2-3 years go by. I've been supporting him for the most part. Lord knows he wouldn't be living this well if he were on his own. But he shows no appreciation for it. Pretty much takes it for granted.

I'm kinda sick of supporting him. It'd be nice if he at least helped around the house. He'll fix things, but only when I ask. I try to motivate him, but he accuses me of "mothering" him. Well, if he were acting like an adult, he'd see the things that need to be done and do them! I mean, he's 28, for Pete's sake, you'd think he'd know.

On top of that, he aggrivates the dog so much that it keeps biting him. I can't figure out why the dog hates him so much. I feel bad, but my kids love that dog.

And then he ignores my feelings about the holiday stuff. I'm not really religious, but there are some things that I feel strongly about. Maybe I wouldn't mind once the kids are gone, but this could be confusing to them.

Add to all of this that he insults my son and calls me a horrible mother! And nothing is ever his fault. Everytime I try to talk to him about it, it's always "You,you,you.." I start to hear him talk like that and I just shut down and stop listening.

I just wish he didn't take all that I do for him for granted. He is disrespectful to me and to my kids. It IS my house, but I want it to be OUR house. But I can't completely feel that way until everything is a little more equal - not just monetarily, but with investment of time & effort, at least.

Maybe if he started acting like an adult, I'd start treating him like one!"

Epsilon - I can see this because I've been there recently. It wasn't a younger man, but he acted like one. He totally took me for granted and then was mystified when I got upset or treated him like a child when he didn't take any responsibility. I saved his butt many a time. (I even got stuck paying 2 month of his rent after he died.) But, what was mine was his and what was his was his. Did I start to resent him? You bet. Did I try to act like nothing was wrong, but fail miserably? Yep.

So, I guess, unlike a lot of the other lovely ladies here, I see your story from a whole different vantage.

You should think about it.

Hi Eps


NESSA says...... if it was that important to her she wouldn't date and/or live with you.

And I was thinking that from the beginning.....It couldn't matter to her about the religion thing.....

There must be a reason why you guys have been slung together....... If not to try and help you overcome your fear of Dogs....... I could probably assure you that you are going to come across this problem time and time again until you try and make it go away.

As we all know..... dogs sense 'fear' and it is 'not' on the top of their 'best things' list, alongside, going for walks, and pats and stuff.

I'm not sticking up for the dog here because if my dog bit one of my friends...... Id be very upset.... With the dog!

However, you could use this opportunity to try and bond with the dog in an endevour to get over this fear........Why not start by taking it for a walk!!!!...... You just never know.

Also, I feel that critisising your womans children/child..... is a No No...... Its that family thing, yknow..... children grow out of their annoying stages, h*ll who knows, you may have ended up being best of friends, if you stuck around....Well, I don't know if you are going to stick around, and I really can't tell you weather you should or not.....I think you know the answer to that...... Are you prepared to do the work needed, for I feel that you do have a bit to do if you are going to salvage this relationship.....And its not just the 'around the house' variety.

I wish you luck in reaching the decision that seems right for both of you.

Tinks:)

THere are some things confusing me here. On one hand you feel she is not Jewish enough becuase she doesn't go to Temple but you don't go to church and want a Christmas tree. Sounds like a double standard to me.

I was surprised when I read that you were 28. The whole time I thought we dealing with a twenty year old. I understand that you are in school full-time but why in the world would she have to pay for your Bactine or any of your expenses for that matter? Get a job and pull your own weight. Your studies may take longer but that is not her responsiblity. I don't think she treats you like a child; I think you are behaving like one.
Your mails have a petulant tone to them, to be honest. I am only hearing about how things are so bad for you. I have not heard any concern for her feelings from you. What about her? It would break my heart to hear that my boyfriend thinks my son is a moron and doesn't respect my kids in general. Do you honestly think she doesn't pick up on that?

Be an adult. Take care of your own needs and pick your battles more carefully. Be grateful you have someone who is so supportive of you.

Originally posted by Kristin
OK, let me take this from the other side.

"I'm an older woman. I work hard, have raised the kids - obviously by myself. They've been pretty much my life since I split with my ex. I've done the best I can, so now I have managed to get one kid in college and I own my house.

I meet this younger man. He is not working and is going to school. He moves in with me. I care for him and don't want to belittle him, so I try to make him feel part of the family - my house is his house.

Well, 2-3 years go by. I've been supporting him for the most part. Lord knows he wouldn't be living this well if he were on his own. But he shows no appreciation for it. Pretty much takes it for granted.

I'm kinda sick of supporting him. It'd be nice if he at least helped around the house. He'll fix things, but only when I ask. I try to motivate him, but he accuses me of "mothering" him. Well, if he were acting like an adult, he'd see the things that need to be done and do them! I mean, he's 28, for Pete's sake, you'd think he'd know.

On top of that, he aggrivates the dog so much that it keeps biting him. I can't figure out why the dog hates him so much. I feel bad, but my kids love that dog.

And then he ignores my feelings about the holiday stuff. I'm not really religious, but there are some things that I feel strongly about. Maybe I wouldn't mind once the kids are gone, but this could be confusing to them.

Add to all of this that he insults my son and calls me a horrible mother! And nothing is ever his fault. Everytime I try to talk to him about it, it's always "You,you,you.." I start to hear him talk like that and I just shut down and stop listening.

I just wish he didn't take all that I do for him for granted. He is disrespectful to me and to my kids. It IS my house, but I want it to be OUR house. But I can't completely feel that way until everything is a little more equal - not just monetarily, but with investment of time & effort, at least.

Maybe if he started acting like an adult, I'd start treating him like one!"


Annnnnnnnnnnd... if you posted this for real... you would surely read a lot of replies to the effect of... "Dump this worthless, life-sucking, slug. You can do better!"

Interesting topic. I really try to hold back a little with my YM. Early on, once he said I was "clingy". I felt that was the wrong word, because I let him call me..pretty much everything revolves around his schedule. I think he just wasn't used to someone fussing over him. He's never had a "real" girlfriend. Plus us older women know how to make you feel good..right? :)

I explained to him it's my nature, it brings me pleasure and it's unconditional. I fuss over all my friends. That seemed to help a lot and he accepts and enjoys things more. good. We both need our own space too and I respect that.

I want him to find his own way, do it his way. That's because I like who he is. It's about pride too. I've worked hard for my independence and it's made me strong. I want that for him too. Besides he won't take things from me, so I know it's important to him. I understand that, I'm the same way. I give him moral support, believe in him.

Having lived with a man for 18 yrs where EVERYTHING was conditional I am so paranoid about it. I never want to make anyone feel that way and will speak up if a guy starts to make me feel that way. My ex was evil and it was a control thing.

"but i did this for you..."

Those are words you'll never hear me say. If I do something it's from my heart and I want nothing in return.

Of course this relationship is rather new and can't even start to think about us living together. It'll take years to make that move. I'm starting to think the best relationship would be if your SO lived NEXT door, not with you. Might keep it fresh and interesting with out the messy details of living together. :)

Originally posted by Kristin
OK, let me take this from the other side.

Well, 2-3 years go by. I've been supporting him for the most part. Lord knows he wouldn't be living this well if he were on his own. But he shows no appreciation for it. Pretty much takes it for granted.

I'm kinda sick of supporting him. It'd be nice if he at least helped around the house. He'll fix things, but only when I ask. I try to motivate him, but he accuses me of "mothering" him. Well, if he were acting like an adult, he'd see the things that need to be done and do them! I mean, he's 28, for Pete's sake, you'd think he'd know.

On top of that, he aggrivates the dog so much that it keeps biting him. I can't figure out why the dog hates him so much. I feel bad, but my kids love that dog.

And then he ignores my feelings about the holiday stuff. I'm not really religious, but there are some things that I feel strongly about. Maybe I wouldn't mind once the kids are gone, but this could be confusing to them.

Add to all of this that he insults my son and calls me a horrible mother! And nothing is ever his fault. Everytime I try to talk to him about it, it's always "You,you,you.." I start to hear him talk like that and I just shut down and stop listening.

I just wish he didn't take all that I do for him for granted. He is disrespectful to me and to my kids. It IS my house, but I want it to be OUR house. But I can't completely feel that way until everything is a little more equal - not just monetarily, but with investment of time & effort, at least.

Maybe if he started acting like an adult, I'd start treating him like one!"

Epsilon - I can see this because I've been there recently. It wasn't a younger man, but he acted like one. He totally took me for granted and then was mystified when I got upset or treated him like a child when he didn't take any responsibility. I saved his butt many a time. (I even got stuck paying 2 month of his rent after he died.) But, what was mine was his and what was his was his. Did I start to resent him? You bet. Did I try to act like nothing was wrong, but fail miserably? Yep.

So, I guess, unlike a lot of the other lovely ladies here, I see your story from a whole different vantage.

You should think about it.

Ok, since your point of view differs a lot from other replies (that I am trying to catch up with) I will try to address it in detail...

First of all, she is not supporting me. We discussed the financial part way ahead of time and I asked her what she wants and she gets exactly that much, no discussion there as I don't want to live off people...
The reason why I don't do around the house is that I get yelled at one way or the other...If I decided to move something I will hear about it later for sure...So no motivation there...

The dog is a malicous dog that bit me and everybody in the family (including her) but she is unable to bring him to the shelter because that would mean making a decision...Didn't aggravate the dog at all, once he bit me I avoided all contact and just walked down the steps when he was in the garbage and without warning I got bit or snapped at (other times)...

The religious issue is resolved more or less and is only a big deal around this time, the only reason why I brought it up is because I was curious as to why somebody would feel so strongly about it and since Nessa told me she has similar feelings I was trying to understand....

Anyway, to sum it up kinda, I have no problems respecting her property and my belongings are only spread in our bedroom and in the garage, so I would say I am very respectful and even paid for remodeling some stuff knowing if I move out I will not receive any money for that....


Originally posted by chat cat
THere are some things confusing me here. On one hand you feel she is not Jewish enough becuase she doesn't go to Temple but you don't go to church and want a Christmas tree. Sounds like a double standard to me.

I was surprised when I read that you were 28. The whole time I thought we dealing with a twenty year old. I understand that you are in school full-time but why in the world would she have to pay for your Bactine or any of your expenses for that matter? Get a job and pull your own weight. Your studies may take longer but that is not her responsiblity. I don't think she treats you like a child; I think you are behaving like one.
Your mails have a petulant tone to them, to be honest. I am only hearing about how things are so bad for you. I have not heard any concern for her feelings from you. What about her? It would break my heart to hear that my boyfriend thinks my son is a moron and doesn't respect my kids in general. Do you honestly think she doesn't pick up on that?

Be an adult. Take care of your own needs and pick your battles more carefully. Be grateful you have someone who is so supportive of you.

Not sure if you're trying to piss me off here ????? HER f**** dog bites me, I am bleeding, so not only do I hear her telling me how upset SHE is (and that it is MY fault) but also she makes no effort to pay for the bandages and Bactine that I needed to treat my wound...Oh how I regret not to have gone to the ER and sue her but that is another story...
And you misunderstood me a bit...I think her being jewish or not has nothing to do with going to temple...Just saying that she is not totally religious so I feel as if she could be more tolerant, the same way I treat her holidays kinda (with respect and not giving her any hard time)....
Sure she knows how I feel about her kids but honestly, she is beginning to feel the same way now that she sees more and more I am right (single parent issue here, if you been there you know what I am talking about)...Also I end up throwing people out because she can't, yet she puts me in a position where I have no say whatsoever and let's them come right back (she's ok with me removing them though funnily)...

Sorry for the harsh tone if you didn't see the connection between the Bactine and the dog bite....

Points up and says... "WHAT SHE SAYS"

Epsilon... why, oh, WHY are you even bothering?

Pack yer stuff and SKEEEEEDADDLE already. :rolleyes:

~phos

Originally posted by Nessa
you know your relationship has deteriorated to the point that she won't buy something basic like home first aide supplies that you can use and you complain about it.

not good......

the fact that her dog bit you is not the issue when it comes to the medical care.

the fact that you think about suing her is.
the fact that you are so petty as to think that she owes you because HER dog bit you..... is

they WERE my dogs when brian moved in... now they are OUR dogs....

if after 2-3 years of living together you don't feel like it's your home, NOTHING is going to change that and you need to move out.

Next time her dog bites me I will sue her because only money seems to have an effect since my or anybody's well-being doesn't count (he almost caught her daughter's eye once while biting her face, but hey, not my problem...)
Look, if my dog bit her or anybody for that matter, the dog would have been removed instantly and I would have done everything I could to make her feel better and no question, I would have run out for her and not make her come with me to get something for her wounds...Why you think it is petty is absolutely beyond me ? Weren't you the one who told me you almost got rid off your dogs for not even breaking skin ? Now imagine you, your kinds, and Brian get hurt by your dog, what would you do ?????
I am pretty sure that I am not going to be here much longer and soon will move out unless a miracle happens...

OK, Epsilon, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt.

All of those don't work....Actually nothing I say does, she only gets upset and that's it, end of any discussion or she tells me that this is how she is and I shouldn't expect her to change...

This quote answers your own question.

That is how she is and you shouldn't expect her to change. She is telling you that if you don't like it, leave. My way or the highway, so to speak.

By your own account, you've tried to talk to her about it and nothing has changed. Unless you want to go to couples therapy or call her bluff and announce that you can't take it anymore and you are leaving (to see if that inspires a reaction), you need to move on and find a relationship where you and your SO are equals.

It's very sad when a relationship doesn't live happily ever after and sometimes we cling too long trying to ignore the inevitable. So you must make a choice to put up with it or do something about it. I don't envy you the next few weeks. It will be painful for the both of you. Worst case, you break up. Best case, you reach a new level of respect and compromise in your relationship. But you have to do something or nothing will ever change.

For summary, just look at the quote in my signature below.

Or here is another saying Kristen... "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting DIFFERENT RESULTS."

Something about your thought process EP, seems eskewed... when you think of suing your girlfriend.... I mean, that would be a reaction to a ROOMMATE, not your "lover".

You two are not in-sync emotionally or spiritually (not talking religion). I hear no tenderness or even sadness that things have gone wrong. I hear irritation and anger and blame.

Why are you there under these circumstances if it is so impossible? Could it be for financial reasons that you have not moved out yet? Just curious.... I would be long gone by now if I felt like you do. :cool:

Originally posted by yellowrose
Or here is another saying Kristen... "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting DIFFERENT RESULTS."

Something about your thought process EP, seems eskewed... when you think of suing your girlfriend.... I mean, that would be a reaction to a ROOMMATE, not your "lover".

You two are not in-sync emotionally or spiritually (not talking religion). I hear no tenderness or even sadness that things have gone wrong. I hear irritation and anger and blame.

Why are you there under these circumstances if it is so impossible? Could it be for financial reasons that you have not moved out yet? Just curious.... I would be long gone by now if I felt like you do. :cool:

Hmmmmm...You guys have some good points there...

The reason though why I consider suing her next time are obvious to me...It's simply dangerous and not only could the dog hurt me, but somebody else, maybe a small child that's visiting since she tells everybody she has the friendliest dog and makes me look like I just hate the dog...I found that the only thing that seems to matter is money otherwise for sure she'd do a bit more than just yell at me when I am the one bleeding...Thank god it didn't get infected is all that comes to mind...
Why am I still here ? Of course moving would be difficult now that I am kinda settled and don't live around the corner but doable...Mainly because when I say something like that she gets all upset and somehow I just end up giving in...

We had a talk this weekend and I told her it is either me or the dog that will be gone by january first as well as some other changes that we need to do about our relationship...Is that too harsh or just what I should be doing ? (kinda late now but still would like to hear some opinions...)

Originally posted by Nessa
is this really about the dog?

cause i don't think getting rid of the dog will fix the relationship at all.

let's say she gets rid of the dog. with a history of biting the dog will not be rehabilitated it will be destroyed unless she gets friends to take it.

i think you issued the ultimatum as a way to force the end of this relationship.

I doubt she's any happier than you are. but i could be wrong.

personally i don't know what 11 days difference can make.

when she doesn't get rid of the dog will you leave?

I don't think it's just the dog but to think a dog is even more important to me hurts quite a bit...Would you feel ok in that situation ? Don't think she is happy either and doesn't pick up any of my subtle hints about me not being too happy about this or that...
We decided to try again with our relationship since she doesn't want me to leave so I figured maybe a clean cut would do us good and we change everything that bothers us kinda ??
And yes, if the dog stays (or other things discussed here won't change) I won't...

Dude, you can do all the explaining of each detail and analyze each situation to see who agrees with the finer points as long as you like, but - you and this woman are not a TEAM, you are OPPONENTS. This is not a relationship anymore, it is a face-off to see who "wins."

Both of you are trying to be in control here, which is not what relationships are about at ALL. And there is no fun or joy in any of your posts. You are not in love. If you're talking about moving out in terms of how it is convenient, or not, then IMO there is nothing to salvage.

If you stay any longer, you are probably just wasting your time and hers. The sooner you leave, the sooner the drama will end and you can "reset" your life.

Just because this woman doesn't want you to leave does not mean you shouldn't. There is no guilt in taking CARE of yourself, and she deserves better also. She's hardly getting the love of her life out of this is she....

Best of luck.

Originally posted by Nessa
would i feel ok in your situation. Hon, I souldn't be in your situation since if she chose the dog over you she made it clear what matters to her.

you know dropping subtle hints is a waste of time. IF YOU want to have a REAL relationship you talk about the painful stuff you don't drop hints sit back and wait.

why doesn't she want you to leave. do you want to leave?

why is what she wants more important than what you want?


Well, sometimes I found subtle hints to work better with less conflict ("honey, i HATE when you do this" doesn't work as well with most people...)
Don't know why she doesn't want me to leave to be real honest...Will try to straighten things out over the holidays and we'll go from there and maybe we can figure something out that will make both of us happy since we've been together for a while and maybe part of it is just the timing (dark depressing days and no xmas decoration outside of the bedroom for me while I see yards filled with the cutest stuff, would even settle for giant dreidels/candles like some people have...lol)...

Originally posted by Nessa
part of your issue is that YOU keep putting the BLAME ON HER

WHEN YOU DO THIS.

stick with I FEEL statements.

I feel angry I feel sad I feel hurt I feel alone


then add why......


don't keep blaming her even it if is her fault.

and you know what... you live there too put some damn decorations up if you want.

if you say you can't then MOVE your butt out of the hotel you board at.


Maybe you are right about the "I FEEL" statements (not the best at thinking before I open my mouth all the time and say things that might come out wrong so not saying it's all her fault but might sound like...)
The decorations are only symptoms of the problem....I am sure I couldn't put a single candy cane outside without her telling me that I can't do that (not talking nativity or crosses here...)...That's why I was trying to understand what the big deal is and why she is making me feel so bad about something I really enjoyed before I met her...

Does she live in a Jewish neighborhood? I'm sorry if you have stated this elsewhere... I haven't really read the whole thread...

Originally posted by marcy
Does she live in a Jewish neighborhood? I'm sorry if you have stated this elsewhere... I haven't really read the whole thread...

Yes, a lot of jewish people live around here I believe...

Well if you live in a Jewish neighborhood, then I can see how decorations might feel very strange to your partner.

Obviously, there's no unity in this relationship. By making ultimatiums its just putting a bandaid on what is clearly a relationship smoking in the dust.

As for the dog, well, if he's biting, I agree with you, she has to do something about that as it might bite someone outside of the home and being sued is not a good thing especially if the dog has a history of biting. Not only will they sued her but penalize her as well for not taking other measures. I don't think it would've made a difference whether you bonded with the dog or not, he has bitten others who've come into her home...its not a good thing. I'm surprise though that if she babys you all the time, she didn't baby you in this...i would be horrified if my dog bit anyone and would go out of my way to comfort them and make them comfortable, surely not blame you for it. Is it an older dog? sometimes dogs as they age they become a bit cranky and start to bite.

As for her children, please understand something about single parents, they live with alot of guilt at times. Being divorce and breaking up what should be a loving and supportive home can weigh down a single mother who's trying to make up for the breakup or the father not being around. And yes, at times as single parents we do over indulge our children and the results are not exactly Santaish in nature...but we reap what we sow when we do not apply good discipline and a respect for others. Also being as you're the ym in this relationship, those kids may have never accepted you and if they did not, they again felt their feelings weren't taken into consideration when their mother got involve with you, I'm sure that son could not wait to leave for college so they wouldn't have to be around you or his mother.

I agree with everyone else, this relationship is not a healthy one. I have never had people stay over that I would constantly shove in their faces that its my house, that is insenstive and after 2/3 yrs of living with her, I would think you've earn the right to make it OUR house. Early in their marriage, my cousin did the same thing, if her husband fixed something or did something, she belittled how he did it, or fixed it the way she wanted it. They used to have major fights over this until she realize that it just wasted so much energy and her kids were picking up the same habit.

I'm sure she's not a bad person or you wouldn't have stood by her these years but it is time to make some hard decisions. There should be love, committment, unity, faith, hope, charity in a healthy relationship. She has issues and you have issues, it doesn't seem to be workable.

Paris

Originally posted by irparis
Obviously, there's no unity in this relationship. By making ultimatiums its just putting a bandaid on what is clearly a relationship smoking in the dust.

As for the dog, well, if he's biting, I agree with you, she has to do something about that as it might bite someone outside of the home and being sued is not a good thing especially if the dog has a history of biting. Not only will they sued her but penalize her as well for not taking other measures. I don't think it would've made a difference whether you bonded with the dog or not, he has bitten others who've come into her home...its not a good thing. I'm surprise though that if she babys you all the time, she didn't baby you in this...i would be horrified if my dog bit anyone and would go out of my way to comfort them and make them comfortable, surely not blame you for it. Is it an older dog? sometimes dogs as they age they become a bit cranky and start to bite.

As for her children, please understand something about single parents, they live with alot of guilt at times. Being divorce and breaking up what should be a loving and supportive home can weigh down a single mother who's trying to make up for the breakup or the father not being around. And yes, at times as single parents we do over indulge our children and the results are not exactly Santaish in nature...but we reap what we sow when we do not apply good discipline and a respect for others. Also being as you're the ym in this relationship, those kids may have never accepted you and if they did not, they again felt their feelings weren't taken into consideration when their mother got involve with you, I'm sure that son could not wait to leave for college so they wouldn't have to be around you or his mother.

I agree with everyone else, this relationship is not a healthy one. I have never had people stay over that I would constantly shove in their faces that its my house, that is insenstive and after 2/3 yrs of living with her, I would think you've earn the right to make it OUR house. Early in their marriage, my cousin did the same thing, if her husband fixed something or did something, she belittled how he did it, or fixed it the way she wanted it. They used to have major fights over this until she realize that it just wasted so much energy and her kids were picking up the same habit.

I'm sure she's not a bad person or you wouldn't have stood by her these years but it is time to make some hard decisions. There should be love, committment, unity, faith, hope, charity in a healthy relationship. She has issues and you have issues, it doesn't seem to be workable.

Paris

Not sure how old the dog is...6 or 7 I think but he seems to have a history of attacking people before (just a guess since even now she is not really saying anything bad about her dog unless I am standing right next to her...)
The most dramatic attack was though when he bit her daughter in the face and missed her eye only by maybe an inch...Would have been a clear "bye bye" signal if it was my daughter and/or my dog but guess it wasn't bad enough yet...

With regards to the children...She tells them their father is an asshole and always tries to negotiate for them...Been with a single parent before but she made sure her children know who their father is even though a lot more (even physical) abuse was involved in that relationship...Don't really care if her kids accept me, not their parent but boy do I not need to hear her son talk about "niggers", "fucking retards", "towelheads"...etc (you get the message) as well as have him destroy stuff in the house in an act of rage...Example yesterday, we have 2 cats and so you can't leave the door open since they're not allowed outside...We come home and see her son unload his car leaving the door wide open...ugh

Well, I hope we can either work this relationship out or terminate it once and for all as I think it really is not healthy this way...

Well it seems you are not on the same page with your partner on *any* significant areas of a relationship. Can I ask you why you want to continue in it?

Originally posted by Nessa
i had a wonderful dog when uber geek was a baby.... i got another wonderful dog....

one day out of the blue he crawled by second dog..... she snapped at him and nipped his hand....

she went down the next day... I cried but NO ONE bites or hurts my kid


buddy this is NOT about the dog but your lady has her priorities screwed up.

edited to add:

that no matter how much i disliked my kids dad as far as they were concerned I swore he could do no wrong. but he never abused them.

and if my kid spoke like that he'd eat soap.

sorry you hate her kids
you hate her dog
do you love her? why do you love her?
why do you even think things will change..... they won't

start packing.... or quit complaining.

Well, honestly, I really would like us to stay with her...Yes it sounds like I complain a lot but somehow I am stuck here and like to be around her, just would prefer it was on different terms (like a real couple not this)...She really is not a bad person just can't make decisions or deal with conflict so she just gives in when pressure arises...That is probably the main issue with her, and I am the only one who actually listens (not always) what she says and that's probably why she treats me like a substitute child...At least that could be part of the reason....

We agree on many issues but she just doesn't do anything about it...

This is blunter than I usually am and I'm willing to edit if Mods desire, but...

It seems to me that you don't love this woman. You don't love her family or her life. You don't even seem to like her very much. I can only assume that the reason you remain someplace so clearly distasteful to you is because you are getting something financial or otherwise from it.

I suggest you leave and quickly for her sake as well as yours.

Originally posted by Nessa
you didn't answer my questions.

you would like to stay with her... YOUR STUCK here... OMG do you even hear yourself?????


DO YOU LOVE HER?


you can't love what you wish her to be you can only love who she currently is.

would you stay if nothing changed?


plan on nothing changing......

No, didn't mean I am stuck there...You're missing the point...Love is a strong word and I decided to stop using it (long story...)...Not staying if nothing changes...


Originally posted by marcy
This is blunter than I usually am and I'm willing to edit if Mods desire, but...

It seems to me that you don't love this woman. You don't love her family or her life. You don't even seem to like her very much. I can only assume that the reason you remain someplace so clearly distasteful to you is because you are getting something financial or otherwise from it.

I suggest you leave and quickly for her sake as well as yours.

You assume a lot...I think she is great, just of course, since I am posting about a problem I have, I am not going on and on how wonderful she is, that would be a waste of time...
She has no money so there goes that theory...Yes, she owns a house but with that come financial responsibilities too as well as her kids, so where is all the money you assume I am getting out of it ??

Well the fact is that we all get something out of everything we do... sometimes its consciously and a blessing... sometimes is subconsciously and not a blessing at all. You *are* clearly getting something from the relationship, but the question remaining here is what.

I have no doubt that she is a lovely woman. However, why do you want to stay in a distasteful situation? Are you a sadist? Is there some reason you cannot or cannot conceive of leaving? What is it? Perhaps we can help?

You are pretty clearly unhappy with this woman, her lifestyle, her home, her kids, her dog... do you simply like being miserable?

Originally posted by Nessa
where will you live and how will you support yourself when you move out?

Well, I can always move back in with my parents for now and then figure it out...

Epsilon... if you have a shred of self-respect left... you'd do JUST that. Move back in with the folks and let this woman go. You both deserve better.

~phosphorescent

Heh. It seems nobody read my post 'way back there....I already said all this. :)

Originally posted by fos4snt
Epsilon... if you have a shred of self-respect left... you'd do JUST that. Move back in with the folks and let this woman go. You both deserve better.

~phosphorescent

Well, I offered her to try one last time so I have to go through with that and if it doesn't work I will do what I have to do and if it works that would be cool also since I really think we can make this work if she'd be able to make actual decisions...We shall see...

Originally posted by GoldieCat
Heh. It seems nobody read my post 'way back there....I already said all this. :)

;)

Originally posted by Nessa
It was so good it bore repeating....

:D

You crack me up girl.

I'd say bail before New Year and start '05 off right! Sorry to sound harsh, but it just doesn't sound like there's anything there to build on.