Forms of discipline

In regards to discipline, what methods have you tried? What worked? What did not? Do/did you spank your child/ren? What are your feelings about it?

One of my favorite discipline methods when my daughter was younger, was to make her write sentences or an essay about what she did wrong. That was one of her least favorites.:)

my almost 2 year old grabs ANYTHING, omg it's ridiculous. i spat his hands.

my almost 4 year old has a lil tendency to be combative and agressive. i put him in his room. he HATES THAT.

my 5 1/2 year old rarely has to have anything other than a stern voice. he can't stand it when he knows he's disappointed me.

NOW, that being said....there is one instance in which momma will tear that butt up. when they don't come to me or stop if they're headed toward something they shoudn't be headed toward.

i live on a busy street, they NEVER play out front, only in the fenced in back yard, but they've all had their instances of trying to take off to that street. THAT will get your booty warmed up quick.

being a former police officer, i learned real quick how IMPORTANT it is when someone you literally have your life in their hands tells you "stop". you never know what they see that you don't. by the same token, if i tell my children "stop" then they'd best "stop". my 5 year old understands this. he understands now that mommy is telling him something that he HAS to adhere to. the other 2, eck, they are too young to get it. but, i know, i'll have children that if we're out, i see a person looking around for other people and edging closer to my child and this person doesn't see me seeing them, if my child inadvertently starts toddlin' their way, i can say "stop" and they will. i'm very anal about my children. i've seen too much to EVER take my children's safety for granted. so if they're safety is in danger and they won't listen to my commands, YES, commands, i'm their mother, i will spank em from one end of the house to the other. they'll be mad maybe and their bottom will hurt, but they'll be safe. i'd rather they be mad and hurt than dead or taken.
my ex says i'm too soft, eh.

I have always done the 1, 2, 3 thing. I never read a book about it, it was just natural for us. (shrug) I have spanked my son, but never in anger. I usually will send him to his room (so I can calm down, if it's a particularly heinous crime LOL) and then I would go whack his fanny a few times to get the point across. But, yes, I believe firmly in the punishment fitting the crime. In 9 years, as wild as my son has been, I have only spanked him twice. And I DID NOT spank him for the most heinous of his crimes (stabbing 200+ holes in his freshly painted bedroom wall)... *I* was too mad about it. Instead, I took all his toys out of his bedroom for one week ~ did no TV or play dates for that week ~ and a few months later, made him fill and sand all the holes. LOL.

Although, last week he beat up on his lil sister, so I had to wrestle him down and slap him upside his head a few times and ask him (while I was doing it) "How do YOU like it when someone bigger than you pins you down and beats you up????" He didn't like it AT ALL. So far, no repeat on THAT. (She's literally HALF his size, for crying out loud!)

Litical has this great philosophy, which I know works. LOL. Don't get mad. Get EVEN.

Most of the time, with my son, I CAN reason with him. He doesn't like to be yelled at, he knows getting to 3 means more serious punishment and he prefers to have everything reasoned out. He frequently goes through lengthy yelling explanations with his sister on why SHE shouldn't do this or that... so, I think he thinks reasoning works best and that's generally how we relate.

I lecture a lot. I make him sit in his room and THINK about what I told him and repeat it back after he's had time to mull it over. It works well. I suspect I won't ever spank him again ~ it's been several years since I did. Although, I threaten him when he's getting out of line. I've never, ever used a belt on him - but I tell ya, the kid snaps in line quick as could be when I give him the look and unbuckle my belt. LOL.

I had a neighbor a few years back. She had a 2 year old son she let run amock in the neighborhood, but he had strict rules. If she caught him in the street (she did, a few times), she'd walked right out into the street (in front of EVERYBODY) - loudly calling his name - wielding a big STICK. She'd whack him on his fanny and yell at him while he sobbed all the way into the house.

By the time the kid was 5, he was probably the MOST well behaved child on the block. Good natured, funny, happy kid who knew the rules, knew how far he could go and was simply an amazing child. His sister was UBER shy, though. (shrug)

~phos

lol, kelley, same here

if one throws a fit, in a store, in the car, at home, where ever, i always say "if you're gonna throw a fit, make it a good one, don't wanna waste one. WOOO now you're going, better, much better!"

my poor traumatized babies, lol

Thanks MrsHH! :D

That's a STELLAR idea with the video camera! I think I'm going to have to try that one. The kids should get a kick out of it.

I humilate them, too, and publicly throw fits when they do. Shuts them up quick! LOL!

A month or so ago, I'm standing in line at Wal-Mart and this lady is holding her 3 year old boy who is SCREAMING. "I want that, I want that..." For fifteen plus minutes she just stoicly stood there, saying nothing to her son who was screaming and struggling and fighting.

I would have put him down and screamed ridiculously right there in the line until he shut up! I was simply amazed at this womans complete lack of response! :rolleyes:

I've sat down in restaurants with my son and daughter. Just me and them. Had perfect strangers come up and compliment my children on their good behavior? I mean, on the one hand, YAY ~ as that encourages them to continue to behave themselves, but on the other hand... what has the world come to that people feel the NEED to express gratitude when someone's children BEHAVE? It just strikes me as kind of backwards!

~phosphorescent

Ohhh i love this topic.... I havne't had to discipline yet LOL I got a fiery 6 month old but it's good to get all these tips and Ideas... I know I'm a big advocate to fit the punishment of the crime and teach responsibility.. but I also don't believe in Hitting either... Time Out will be my form of discipline.... I think hitting teaches violence or the child thats how to settle differences..... Jmo :)

ohhhh I'm taking htis alll in it will be no time when I am pulling every hair out of my head or I turn completely GRAY because of the stress!!!!:D

You know, Mer, I would have totally agreed with you 8.5 years ago. LOL. Spanking in anger teaches violence. But, let me tell you... when you're out there in your neighborhood and your little 2 year old boy repeatedly runs into the street when you've told him not to... I'm talkin, 5-6 times, and time outs don't work, you'll do what the rest of us did. LOL.

In the mind of a 2 year old, time outs have NO meaning whatsoever. Even a 3-4 year old! A sharp, quick, definitive slap on the behind with a LOUD "NO!!" will scare the living crap out of 'em and they are very, very unlikely to do it again.

Think of it more like the mouse in a cage experiment. You have two buttons. The mouse presses one button and it gives him food and he keeps going back for it. (Praise). He presses the other button and it ZAPS him. He stops pretty quick. Little people are NO different. LOL.

~phosphorescent

LOL a kid stungun thats what we need!! lol

A stungun would probably do more psychological damage than a centuries proven system of discipline. LOL. Firm (but not driven by anger) whack with a loud, definitive "NO" has saved little kids very lives for thousands of years. Why is it that this particular generation thinks it's sooooo wrong to tell your young child, in a way they WILL understand, NO?

~phos

When my children were toddlers, a good firm swat on the hiney or back of their hand worked every time. They were too young to reason or understand the consequence of time out.

However, as they got older, probably about 5 years of age, I noticed that for each of them, the spankings meant NOTHING to them. That's when I resorted to time out and consequences (taking away something they really liked or wanted to do). Time out was the best punishment. When I put them in time out, you would have thought that I had just killed their best friend.

After nearly 20 years, I am still stunned that it worked so well. Because my biggest fear as a single mom was that my kids would overthrow me and take over the household. :p I'm really glad things turned out like they did because I never liked spankings at all. I was spanked so much as a child that I often went to school with bruises and welps for things I never even did.

Both my children have been good as gold. I am fortunate that my children never did the screaming temper tantrum stuff. Oh sure, they whined alot about stuff they wanted when we were shopping. In fact, my 11 yr still does it. She pouts and stomps throughout the store. But, I ignore that behavior. I read once that even recognizing it in a negative way would encourage it.

I am truly blessed. They are both my angels.

I just remembered.... I did make my son write an essay once when I caught him smoking when he was about 12 or 13. I made him write about the dangers it would cause to his health. He still remembers that essay and how much he hated writing it and all that he learned about the hazards of smoking. But, here he is nearly 21 and smoking anyway. :mad:

Kat that is such a great idea!!!

Originally posted by MerAlove23
Kat that is such a great idea!!!


If you mean the essay, it worked for only a few years. But, as soon as he got to college, he started it up again. :(

Yes I do kat... LOL I'm gonna try that

Originally posted by MerAlove23
Yes I do kat... LOL I'm gonna try that

As I wrote at the beginning of the thread, I used the sentence writing and essays with my daughter as well, it worked great during that time period. It fit her age then.

I have also used spankings, time out, taking away things she likes or privileges. Now that she is a teenager, we take her car away or use "grounding" to where she doesn't get to go out on the weekends.

A few times, my mother made me eat soap....

And, I did get spankings....

One time, my mom broke a wooden cooking spoon over my behind.....

Another time, my dad broke a yardstick on my behind....

Putting the fear of god into a kid isn't such a bad idea.

Originally posted by Dan_Shues
Putting the fear of god into a kid isn't such a bad idea.

It's necessary. Like Katrina said... especially in the early toddler years when they don't understand anything else. Time outs, groundings, taking toys away, etc., etc. work better between 5-12.

Although, the best thing that works for my son at this point (9) is an allowance and praise.

I seem to forget all the weird little things he does. When I thought about it the other week, I grabbed my purse and handing him a $5 and he said, "What's this for?" I said... "for all the little things you do... collecting the wood for the fire, getting drinks for your sister, feeding the dogs when you get home."

And he worked even harder and asked to help almost everyday all week. I owe him another $5. ;)

~phosphorescent

Originally posted by fos4snt
It's necessary. Like Katrina said... especially in the early toddler years when they don't understand anything else. Time outs, groundings, taking toys away, etc., etc. work better between 5-12.

Although, the best thing that works for my son at this point (9) is an allowance and praise.

I seem to forget all the weird little things he does. When I thought about it the other week, I grabbed my purse and handing him a $5 and he said, "What's this for?" I said... "for all the little things you do... collecting the wood for the fire, getting drinks for your sister, feeding the dogs when you get home."

And he worked even harder and asked to help almost everyday all week. I owe him another $5. ;)

~phosphorescent

You are so right Fos!!! My parents always gave my brother and I an allowance, we had lots of chores to do though!:)

Melissa.. I love that idea of essay's..... it's brilliant!!

Me too Mera and it really worked at that time... I think she was between 8-10 maybe... my memory is just not what it used to be...back when I was young!:o

My Mom home schools my son. He took one of my Dads cigar lighters and put the flame to their nice big flat screen computer monitor. Death to the monitor. :(

His punishment? He had to write the Lords Prayer (my mom is Catholic LOL) 25 times, in cursive. :o AND anytime this winter it is forecast to snow, my son has to stay at my Mom's house to shovel! They have a LONG driveway. LOL.

BTW: My son HATES to write, even though he's very, very good at it.

~phosphorescent

Well, I have always used creative or alternative discipline. I haven't ever spanked my children. I did pop them on the diaper once or twice when they were small, in similar situations to what Trace mentioned i.e. when they were running towards the street or trying to play with an electric socket, etc.

Some people think my way of discipline is bizarre, however it has really worked well for me.

For example...a few years back when my kids wouldn't go to sleep and kept jumping around and talking in bed, I had them get up, put on their coats and run laps outside around the house to "burn off that extra energy" so they could go to sleep. At first they thought that was funny, but believe me after the second lap or so they were pretty unhappy.

OR....my son used to slam the door to his bedroom in my face all the time, so we just took his door. He had to earn it back.

Or...one of the kids used to hide under his bed when he was in trouble and not come out. He really thought this was funny, and would laugh at us. So we took his bed frame and he slept on a mattress on the floor for a while. He had to earn back the bed frame.

Ummm....my daughter would not keep her clothes picked up off the floor. So after several warnings, every time she left something on the floor, I took it away. Eventually she was down to like two outfits. But, every time she put her clothes in the laundry basket after she wore them, and then got them back clean and actually put them in her dresser, she would earn back something I had taken away. I did the same thing with one of my sons with his toys when he was younger.

I always give my kids a choice when it come to discipline, so they will understand that it is a direct consequence of a choice they have made. A lot of times I will say, for example with the door thing, "If you continue to slam the door in my face, we will have to take your door away."

Reading this over, it does sound a bit strange. I actually took a parenting class way back in the day, though, and the instructors really got a kick out of my discipline methods, and even had me get up and talk to the class.


BTW, I HAD to take a parenting class because my son was jipping school. Apparently in my state they punish the parents when the child misbheaves, but I just wanted to point that out to show that even when we are really consistent with discipline...the kids will STILL step out of line when given the chance! However, the little school jipper did eventually turn out to be an honor student who wouldn't miss a day of school even if he was deathly ill, so you just never know how things will turn out.

btw Blondie..do I know what you mean about having the keys to your teenagers car. My son's car has a parental control (I think that it was probably meant as an anti-theft device), but it's a little computer chip that looks kind of like a key, and it fits in a slot under the dash.

In the past whenever he was disrespectful to me (which was a LOT), I would just wait until he had gone about his business, then walk out and take that chip out of his car. It won't start without it. Heck, I bought his car and my name is on the title!

There were a couple times after he had been particularly hateful, I watched him walk out to his car to leave through the window, and laughed out loud waiting to see how long it took him to figure out I took the chip.

Jody...

I love your discipline methods, absolutely love them!!! I wish I knew of those years back. My daugher is going through the car/ teenager business right now.:rolleyes: This is not an easy time.

eek, having to take parenting classes for a child skipping school? No thank you!

I basically let my children have run of the house and let the law of the jungle rule. This is simply because they have learned self discipline in most instances.

There are, however those "STOP" moments and a tanned hide after an escape into the front yard where traffic becomes an issue--this usually ends by four years old.

My ex-partner and I don't see eye-to-eye on safety issues but we both love and respect our children and do our best. The kids know I am more strict about safety in public and tend to stick close to dad from habit when he's solely responsible for them.

They learn a lot through consequence, ie. those toys they left lying around got stepped on, broken and trashed. Or if they steal sweets from the cupboard then there are no sweets for the rest of the month.

My six year old kept carrying around my cat and I warned him that she doesn't like it and asked him several times to put her down but I never punished him for it, knowing that eventually she would...and eventually she gave him a good scratch on the neck. He's more careful now. It's hard and perhaps dangerous lesson but he had to learn it himself.

So the law of the jungle rules in my home for the most part...and by the way....they tend to know where they sit on the food chain!

but of course, "Vicious as a tigeress can be, she never eats her own cubs. ~Chinese proverb"

Thanks Melisa. My mother was abusive when I was little (she admits this and has had therapy, etc.), and when I was younger she had told me that abuse was a cycle, and she didn't feel I should really have children because I would abuse them as well.

I guess I always remembered her saying that, and it stuck with me so much I could never really bring myself to spank my kids. Im not totally against spanking, and I think there were times that my kids really deserved a spanking and didn't receive one. You can go too far either way.....

That whole parenting class thing was a trip! My son was in the 6th grade (which is the first year of middle school where we lived), and he would go to school and walk right out the back door apparently, even if I dropped him off.

In my state (and I don't know how it is in other states), if you kids miss more than a certain amount of school without a doctor's note, they turn it over to social services. I believe the limits are three days in a row, or seven days in a semester.

One day I opened my front door, and the social services woman was there. I was completely mortified, because I thought they only came out if your child was neglected or what have you.

I have friends who work for social services, and Im not down on the whole organization, but this woman was a nightmare. She told me that they figured if I couldn't control one of my children, I probably couldn't control any of them. She implied that if my son continued to jip school, they would have to remove him from my home, and that normally when they take one child, they will go ahead and take them all. At this time my daughter was in the second grade, and my youngest wasn't even in school yet, so I was completely beside myself.

Either way, they offered me the option of taking a parenting class and receiving counseling with my son, or having them open an SRS case...and I chose to take the class.

It was really kind of funny, because I was a nurse, and here I was taking parenting classes about the food pyramid, how to properly change a diaper, etc. *smiles*

As I said, I was really completely horrified at the time, but now we just kind of look back and laugh. And, I actually met some really interesting people taking that class, and had a good time despite the subject matter and the fact I was forced to be there.

After that, I pulled my children out of that school system, and moved to a rural area with a smaller school system...and like I said...the little jipper is graduating high school this year with all A's and going to college on a scholarship. You just never know!

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Jo-Admin
In my state (and I don't know how it is in other states), if you kids miss more than a certain amount of school without a doctor's note, they turn it over to social services. I believe the limits are three days in a row, or seven days in a semester.

Jody~

I know exactly what you are talking about! This almost happened to me as well when my daughter was in 8th grade. Luckily, the principal and counselor worked with me on it. I was just one step away from a referral to the juvenile office and children's services.

The really horrible part is the fact that I worked for Division of Family Services which also housed Children's Services. Imagine how embarrassing that would have been!

My daughter had been sick a lot and we did have some doctor's notes but there were others without notes.

One of the situations was that our puppy died and my daughter and I were so devastated, we didn't leave the house for a week! I guess the school didn't have much sympathy for that. However, we went to the doctor and she gave us a note to cover.

I'm glad my school system isn't like that. I only go to the doctor if something is REALLY wrong...and feel it's wrong to clog the health care system with visiting for a bad cold or common flu, no matter how long it lasts.

And on occasion I've simply taken advantage of visiting relatives from other countries by keeping the children home from school for a couple of days during their visit. To me, that time with their now departed great-grandparents was worth more than whatever spelling test was missed that day.

I couldn't imagine having to justify those decisions to a social worker due to a few absences from school. I mean yeah, school is important but so are other things in a child's life.

In the case of a sixth grader walking right out of the school, that's just too bad that the school involved the social worker but at least it was brought to attention I guess...for what it's worth :S Still, it seems so harsh for the schools to take this approach.

Our school system was like that, too. I love home schooling. ;)

I have to agree that your ideas are BRILLIANT. I think I will be instituting the "toys and clothes on the floor" thing with my daughter THIS weekend. They will clean up their room and then I will start taking the stuff away until she finally GETS it.

She also seems to think I'm made of money. The dogs get something of hers and destroy it and she just says, "Well, you can buy me another." :o WHAT? No way. YOU left it on the floor, therefore, you will NOT get another one.

Right now, I'm just trying to figure out how to get her through this annoying WHINING stage. Geez its frustrating! She whines about everything. I've tried ignoring her until she changes her tone, but it ends in a meltdown. I've tried telling her everytime she whines "any more of that, bedtime for YOU" and it's helping... but I need SOMETHING to stop the annoying whining over EVERYTHING. SHEESH! She isn't getting it through reasoning yet... *deep sigh*

~phos

Originally posted by fos4snt

Right now, I'm just trying to figure out how to get her through this annoying WHINING stage.
~phos

My son is becoming increasingly whiney and I've noticed that his older brother just got out of that stage. His brother is 8, my son is 7.

My others are generally whiney, ages 3 and 6 but it's obviously due to their lack of being able to express their true inner emotions all the time.

I think I've heard from four substitute teachers now that grade three kids tend to be especially whiney....

I wonder why that is :o

Hope you find something that either a) ends the whining or b) ends your frustration over it :)

Thanks Charlotte. :D I know it's partially an age thing, due to her marked inability at this point (4) to express whats truly on her mind. Sometimes, all it takes to end the whining for a while is a good snuggle.

I know it's really just a phase... but it's an annoying one, for sure!
~phos

Wow, don't even get me started on how much I hate those school statutes.

I have worked in the medical field for years, and I don't take my kids to the doctor every time they get a cold or the flu. I know very well how to administer Tylenol, liquids and sleep. Every time I take one of them in for something like this, the doctor tells me "symptomatic treatment". Thats ALL you can do. But my kids will get an unexcused absence without a doctor's note period.

BTW...the doctors office is a 90 mile round trip, not to mention the copay, etc. ARGH.

My daughter recently got an unexcused absence when the school nurse called and asked me to pick her up because she was throwing up at school. I think that is ridiculous...I mean, hey, THEY called ME. They obviously know she was ill!!!!

Phos, the whining just comes with that age...My daughter was the worst.

I tried this...don't know if it will work for you. When she would start with the whining (or crying or throwing a fit)..I would say something like..."Oh, Im sorry. I see your upset right now. You go ahead and go in your room, and then when your all done and ready we can talk". I think it somewhat confuses them...lol.

You don't have to use their bedroom, but whatever place you designate for them to "whine". I know it sounds weird, but it did help some. Every time she would start, I would just let her know that I would walk her to her room and she could whine in there all she wanted, and I would do something else until she was ready to talk.

Fos, I just read your first post on here and Im cracking up. You discipline like I have. lol

My first child, OH MAN, well you learn on the first, right. I tried everything with her, NOTHING worked, she was extremely strong willed......she had to see it herself, so what worked with her most of the time was suffering the consequences of her actions. I had to NEVER give an inch with her or she would take a mile. She talked in Lawyer jargon to me all the time. ....she would ask a question, I would say no, then later she would come back and ask again, same question, but worded differently, over and over until she broke you, but I caught on and she didnt break me after a while. lol

She also would "get even" One time she was sassing me big time, she was about 12-13, and I popped her on the mouth. NO SLAPPING, I little pop on the mouth. She was very dramatic about it, like I had hauled off and slapped her to the ground. SHe went in her room and came out later saying she had invented something to keep me from slapping her from now on....I said Rachel, I did not slap you and you know it. YES you did and anyway its the Slap Master 2000 and she put her hands up in front of her , forearms crosssed in front of her face.

Okay we would be out in public and she would smart off to me and when I turned to give her the look, she would hold up slap master 2000 and people would say what are you doing? and she would say protecting my face. GRRRRRR

We laugh about it now, but it was embarrassing then.

ANyway she was hell on wheels from 12-19, then had a miraculous change in her life and is a completely different person. LOL. A parent came up to her the other day at the YMCA where she works and said Rachel, my daughter is so strong willed, I bet you were never like that when you were little. Rachel laughed and told her oh if you only knew....and was able to give her advice on information to read and things I did to help her.

The next child responded to the tone of my voice, but also had to see to believe, so I had to allow her to go through some hurt so she would learn, and my son responds to taking privileges away, but mostly responds by suffering the consequences of his actions too. WONDER where they get that bull headedness??

Must be the ex, Right? :)

Jodie, I know exactly what you mean about doctoring your own child. I have gotten in trouble by keeping mine home to doctor myself....thing is even when you have insurance, taking them to the doctor cost and I hate taking them in and the doctor telling me to do something I already am doing!!! just so the school can have an excuse. Here you can only miss up to 3 days Unexcused a 6-week semester, so I take full advantage of that. LOL

My kids rarely miss, but last 6-weeks, my son missed more than 3 unexcused, and I had to go before the board. They asked me why, and I told them that I saw no need taking him in when I know what is wrong with him and can doctor him at home, and as a parent, I think I should have that right. They said well it is the state law, etc.......but they let me go and he didnt get in trouble.

Thing is, I called the Attorney Generals office here in Texas, and it is NOT the state law. The law states that they cannot miss more than 5 days of school in a 6-week period.......the other rules are made up by the school district you live in. So the excuses that you have to turn in are not state laws here, but the school will tell you that. Makes me so mad. Its all about them losing money if the kid isnt there....I understand that, but they need to make some exceptions to the rule.