Introduction

Hello All,

I'm new to this forum and just wanted to introduce myself. I'm also new to the age gap dating situation as well. I'm a young 23 year-old female that has just started a relationship with a man 17 years my senior. It did not take me long to look pass the age difference or the fact he has children (never dated a guy with kids before either), but I have faced a lot of negativity about this situation. Is that normal? It is possible for people to have a successful relationship with a older person without there being implications of the young party being taken advantage of? I was just wondering...the negativity I am experiencing is starting ot irritate me. Thanks for listening...

Sincerely,

NuGyrl

Hi Nugyrl and Welcome to Ageless!
A lot of us here have come across the negativity you are talking about, but you have found the right place!:)

Hi there,
Negative reations are common I'm afraid. Where is this negativity coming from? Friends? Family? What do they base their feelings on? Is it the fact he is older, and has kids? Maybe you could share a bit more and give us a clearer picture. :D

Thanks Babes66 and Charo....to answer your question Charo, it's a combination of both. My friends and family are not to keen on the idea of me dating a guy that has been older, divorced, and has teenage kids (oldest being 16). They believe that he is going to take advantage of me because I am young. I never experienced this kind of negativity before so it threw me off guard. But, now I realize that if I pursue a relationship with this man then I have to be prepared for this kind of attention. It's just irritating and I need to learn how to deal with it. How do you deal with it?

I dont think there is one PAT answer to how to deal with negative reactions from family, or friends. It sort of depends on if they are just assuming there might be problems because of his age, previous marriage having children etc, and are concerned and wanting you to think carefully before getting too serious or if your just getting sarcastic remarks and comments, etc. Do they know this man at all? Have they given him a chance? Why do they think you will be USED? Being young they think he will use you in what way???

No, Charo they have not met him. Most of my families hesitation stems from my Aunt who dated an older man when she was my age and he "took advantage" of her. Now, he situation was totally different then my situation so I tend to ignore her comments on the situation. I guess when they say "use" they are talking about him manipulating me to be his sexual slave or toy...which was the situation of my aunt who was dated an older guy when she was my age. I have come to the conclusion that I can only take this one day at time and see where things takes us (as I do in every relationship) because if I continue to listen to the negativity then I will subconsciously start to feed into it. I am a firm believer in listening to my elders because they have experienced things I have not, at the same time, I have to follow my own path.

Nugyrl

Obviously since your aunt had a bad experience, I guess she cant see a similar age gap relationship working for you. I am sure she thinks she is trying to keep you from making the same mistake she did, but since she hasnt even met your boyfriend, she is jumping the gun, as are others in your family, in judging his motives or assuming just because of his age, your relationship with him is bound to fail, because your aunt's relationship failed. I hope this doesnt offend you but the way I see it your aunt being a guys sex slave had more to do with her lack of self respect or being able to set boundries, whatever, and could have happened with any guy nomatter what his age was.
I think you said you just started this relationship. How long have you known this man? How long have you been going together?. I think for now, I would just see where things go for the two of you .
Im sure your smart enough to know if you dont want to be a sex slave, then you have to expect more out of the relationship than just sex . If this man doesnt want to take you places, meet his friends or kids, doesnt spend time with you other than a night in bed, or things like that, THEN I would say you might be heading into the situation your family is worried about, and I could see their concern.
If this is not the case, and you love this man and feels he loves you, then forget the age, and what others think and enjoy being with someone your happy with. If the two of you have concerns about age, talk it out, and if it works for the two of you, so what if it doesnt seem right to the neighbor or anyone else . This is getting so long but I keep thinking of other things to say LOL Last thing for now hahahaha The more people see you together as a couple, happy and content with each other, the more people start to accept you and see you as just another couple. At least thats what Ive found and Im in an age gap relationship of 30 years. Do I care if someone gasps??? Nope, because we have talked out all the issues and are satisfied we made the right choice for us. Once your confident in your relationship, others opinions mean very little.