Help !!!

I am 21, I have been working at my job for about 9 months now, I have become very close to an older member of staff who is 43. Over the past few months I have developed sexual feelings for her, however I didnt think anything would ever come of it. Well, some people from work went out for a curry, now we both had a bit to drink, then back at somebodies house we started to kiss. She then tells me that she has had similar feeling towards me. I was very shocked as you can imagine. Not going into any graphic details the inevitable happened. The other people who were with us only saw us kiss and nothing else, so they think that it was the heat of the moment thing. We met the next day to discuss what had happened, she then tells me that although she was a little drunk what she told me, that she liked me was true. We have started to sneek around and it feels good, however I just dont know what can come of our relationship. I would be very grateful for any advice that you can offer me.

Stuart

Hi there Stuart,

Wow, well I guess youre sneaking around for a few reasons....the biggest one being that you work together I'd imagine?
Are you also feeling weird about the age difference and how people in public would perceive you because youre together in that way (also understandable especially at first)?
( Ohhh Let me just make sure that she's not a married woman? Just wanna make sure thats not another reason for the sneaking...)
Ok after you explain the sneaking around part the next thing Im curious about is defining the relationship.
Do you think that she wants more than just a sexual relationship and if so, what do YOU think about that? Do you just want a sexual partner now and then...or?
Seems like you two need to talk about what you both want and what the expectations are here, but since youre the one posting tell us..what YOU want!?

Oh and Welcome to Ageless :D

First thing, thanks for the reply.

I forgot to mention that she is married, however she has had loads of problems over the last 2 years. I asked her if she was feeling lonely or neglected and was that why we did what we did. She said no and that she really does have feelings for me.

Deep down the age thing shouldnt make a difference, but it does. My house mates know that she came back to mine, but they dont know what happened. I told them that we just talked. Obviously we have ben meeting each other but if they see Janet at are house at night on a regular basis they will put 2 and 2 together.

Part of me thinks that what we did was wrong, sleeping with a married woman is wrong. But I havent ever been in a relationship so the thought that somebody has taken an intrest in me makes me feel good. It may sound stupid but I think that if we stop seeing each other, nobody else will want me.

Stuart

Sweetie the least of your problems is the age gap! :(

I know it feels good to have someone be attracted to you and want you, but you deserve someone who can give you all of herself--someone who isnt lying to a whole bunch of people (hubby, kids??) just to be in your bed a few times a week.

You deserve so much more and ofcourse someone will want you!! Someone better :)

You probably didnt think anyone would want you before this woman either, but you were wrong werent you? You dont know whats in the future anymore than you imagined this situation would ever happen. Your settling for very little in this relationship and as long as the woman is married, thats all your going to get. Its new to you and exciting and feelings are overtaking your common sense right now, so your probably going to continue seeing this woman, nomatter what anyone says, till your hormones cool down and reality sets in. I believe what goes around comes around and if your not going to care that this woman is married or who gets hurt, then dont be surprised if you end up with her or someone like her who doesnt care about your feelings or a commitment to you. I really would hate to see that happen to you. You seem like a nice guy, but your setting your standards way too low.
I dont know what this womans problems are, but Im getting a good idea of what her husbands problems might be. You are putting yourself in a position to not only be part of their problems, but to have a lot of problems yourself. The way things are right now, this is a no win situation for everyone. I just hope you will listen to the advice we have given you , were just trying to spare you a lot of heartache.

I was kind of expecting this response, and I know I should get out of it. But we spend loads of time together, it isnt just the intimate stuff that we enjoy. We have spoken for hours on the phone and I feel very comfortable when I am near her. We have booked a hotel for St valentines day and I cant wait.

STOP THINKING THAT NO ONE WILL WANT YOU!!! You seem to be a sensetive guy and that is what a lot of women wants, but this one is not for you... she will not have anything to give you but borrowed time. I know I have been there and I made a lot of excuses for why I should continue the "relationship", but nothing good came out of it...and your self-confidence will only get more bruised up...

Please do yourself a favor and find someone who truly will be yours, there is someone out there for you as well...

Stuart where does her hubby think she's going to be while she's in the hotel with you on Valentines Day?
I think youre totally letting the sex blind you to what a catastrophe this is going to turn into, and also just how little she values you, her husband/kids and herself.
She doesnt care who gets hurt here...is that really someone you want to be with?
And If you think its NOT just sex, that add a broken heart (YOURS) into that catastrophe I just mentioned!

You gotta step back, regroup, rethink and dump this woman...seriously dude.

We have booked a hotel for St valentines day and I cant wait.

Thanks for proving my point Stuart.


Ravenglow thats wonderful advice, too bad nobody is listening. :(