Being Controlled

Hi I'm new here. Feeling a little down because me and my boyfriend broke up yesterday and I found this in google and I thought you all sounded great it made me laugh. So for the question My boyfriend is controlling and I am in couseling and willing to try to make things work and last night when I confronted him about him trying to go for counseling so he isn't verbal abusive anymore all he did was makes faces, noises, rolled his eyes at me, and called me names. I also found out that he lied about where he was recently hanging out. (He was at the "friends" house mentioned at the bottom, which he never admitted to me I was told, but found out was true.) I'm not sure if I want to work things out to simply still have him or because honestly I have nothing else going on. I miss him when he's nice but when he is angre woah thats not great at all. Hes a recovering alcoholic and was sober 16 months and recently (2 weeks ago) slipped and was doing it with his suppose-ed bestfriend who let him sit there and drink and this "friend" has been drunk in front of my "ex" since day one we were dating and never supported my "ex" in not drinking. The "friend" also talks really bad about me claiming I'm controlling when really it's my "ex" whos out of control. So what should I do from here relating to him my "ex"?

Hi and welcome,
After reading what you have said, Id say keep him your "ex". At this point he is not ready or willing to admit he has any problems. He also has no desire to work with you to even try to better your relationship. I wouldnt blame his drinking buddy for much because its your b/f that is supposed to be a recovering Alcoholic and as such knows to stay away from old drinking buddies. If he went to his friends it was his choice, the buddy didnt force him.
Id suggest you stay in counseling,for your own growth and learning process, because to go hoping it will somehow help your relationship with this guy when he isnt even trying, is not going to happen. You need to refuse to accept a relationship with this guy on his terms at all. Unless this ex of yours can stay sober for at least a year, and also faces and deals with his faults, your in for nothing but a lot of unnecessary pain and heartache. He might be a great guy underneath, but its not that uncommon for abusers ,controllers , Alcoholics or Drug users to have a loveable side to them. They arent AWFUL people, they just have serious problems that make it awful for anyone to try and live with them as long as they are in denial. Dont put yourself through that or listen to false promises. Seeing is believing. If he changes or is trying, youll know it. In the meantime, yes its hard to do if you love this guy, but if the relationship has any chance at all , your going to have to be strong and not be willing to accept the kind of relationship he thinks is acceptable and works for him. It doesnt work for you , so dont settle for it.

Great post, charo!

And its so true. If you're a recovering alcoholic, you don't continue to hang out with your drinking buddies. As for how he's treating you ~ unacceptable. I would suggest that if you think you might be staying with him "because honestly I have nothing else going on," then why not sign up for a community college class, or get involved in something offered through your community center or join a sports club or team? There are SO many ways to empower yourself, distract yourself, improve yourself available to you where you can meet quality people who will treat you with respect.

Welcome to ageless, Roxy. Why not post this over in one of the relationship forums. You don't state your ages, so I'm not sure if you should be in OW/YM or YW/OM, but either way, you will receive more responses to your question over in relationship support.

~phosphorescent