Birthday wishes for an EX..what do you do?

Just wondering if anybody here observes and ex's birthday...what do you do?
I was married to an older guy, but since have been divorced...we were together for six years...but seperated 12....I call him every birthday...and just say hi, or tell his answering machine happy birthday...this woulld be 21 years since I knew him, and I gave him a birthday salute this past January..He responded to my answering machine joyous.
I have a few more ex's I pay tribute to, but not always like the one I described here...One particular person, whom I still admire, I am throwing a birthday party for, though he won't be here to see it...I am having a few friends and family come to my place...we are going to have coffee and cake...they have no idea for the occasion...we just call it a "get together".
In my heart, and in my mind, I am showing this person gratitude ...I was so luckey to have ever met him:)

remembering with thanks,
Yvette

I can't help but remember my ex's birthday. My son was born on the same day; my neighbors daughter as well; and one of my horses. :D

Personally, I couldn't give a fig about his birthday. I don't dislike him, just glad he's not such a part of my life anymore. Yay!!!!

You are on the right track here Lynn,...I have had some fatal attractions in my day..I don't celebrate their birthdays...but I do take note, and be happy I am not with that person anymore...shall I go in to detail what I do?((he he)) better not..
anyways, thanks for responding.
Yvette

Nice thread. I always send my ex-husband a card for his birthday, either a "remembering you" card or a funny card. If I can find a little something that he used to like, I send him that too. Used to be easy, I'd buy him fudge from this one special place, then he went on Atkins, so that went out the door. Now, I buy an inexpensive gift that brings back memories of the good times we shared: a bottle of wine, a book, a DVD, or a travel book or video of someplace we went together when we were still in love. (Only one word of caution: if there is any chance that your ex is still hoping you will come back to him, sentimental gifts might not be a good idea. He may misinterpret the message.) Or if I know of something new he is enjoying: whatever vodka is "in" this year, a new hobby, the car of his dreams, etc., I'll try to pick up a related item. (Of course, when his new toy is a younger woman, it can be hard to find the right gift!!!)

I think the sentimental gifts tell him, as you said, that I remember and appreciate the time we had together, and the gifts related to his new things tell him I'm happy that he's happy.

I know this isn't for everyone. It wasn't easy, finding that little bit of love for him hidden underneath all my anger, and learning to feel it without hurting, but I'm happier for it.

Nessa, I got a kick out of your post (not only this one but all of your posts). You post with such decisiveness, such certainty!

I remember both my ex's birthdays, but I don't celebrate them. I have young kids and ensure the kids call their Dad's on their birthdays and/or pick up a present if they will be seeing them. I usually say "Happy Birthday," too, but that's about it. I'm much more civil with my first ex than my second, but the HOPE is that someday, I can count them both among my friends. *shrug*

~phos

Hi Fos4snt! Good for you! It's important to keep trying, especially when you have children. Your post reminded me of the lyrics, "Life! You know it ain't easy."

Think I'm going to spin-off a thread on forgiveness.

Ex no1, i remind the kids it's his Birthday, and when they were small, I would buy a card and small gift for them to give him.

Ex no2, we are still friends, and we give each other birthday and christmas gifts, infact, I think this is the 1st year he hasn't still sent me a valentine card, although I stopped sending them the year we split up.

I don't make any kind of display towards my ex's birthday.
The kids do and that is enough.
I don't want him giving me anything either.
Kind of like Nessa put it, they are our ex's for a reason. Might come off a bit heartless, but it works out in my situation.

For those that want to celebrate an ex's birthday, I think if it feels comfortable and doesn't create any problems, then do it.

If I was with a woman who sent her ex a card, I would consider it a slap in the face. How would YOU feel if your partners were sending their exes cards? What does it say is on their minds? Are they stuck in the past? Would they like to get together, have a nice meal, a few drinks, and discuss YOUR sex life? I burn my bridges, and expect the person I am with to do the same.


:mad:

Good thing you're not my ex-husbands boyfriend (a little bit of humor there, the rest is serious). My ex-husband picks up the phone when I call (or returns it as soon as possible - I mean there ARE situations where he ain't gonna answer the phone!)
whenever I call. Wherever he is. Whoever he's with. I do the same. Why? Respect. Love.

Yeah, l-o-v-e, there's that word again. I use the word love because we CARE about each other. Geez, I've got friends that I love, I can certainly love a man that I was once in love with.

And, even though I know the questions are rhetorical and only used to emphasize your point:
No, we are not stuck in the past.
No. We would not want to get together and talk about the sex we are having with other people. But, if we wanted to, it would be our business.

And, right now, I'm going to use ALL MY SELF-CONTROL to do the figurative biting of the tongue.

Oh, oh, oh ....... can't hold off..... not strong......enough........
YOU ARE THE WEAKEST LINK, GOODBYE!

Originally posted by highplains
If I was with a woman who sent her ex a card, I would consider it a slap in the face. How would YOU feel if your partners were sending their exes cards? What does it say is on their minds? Are they stuck in the past? Would they like to get together, have a nice meal, a few drinks, and discuss YOUR sex life? I burn my bridges, and expect the person I am with to do the same.


:mad:

I have to agree with you here highplains-
if the man I was involved with got a birthday card from his ex, it wouldn't set with me very well. Call me the jealous type, but it would cause me to wonder how much of a 'personal' connection still existed between my man and his ex.
When two people part their ways, there are certain rituals that I feel need to fall to the wayside- especially when other relationships are taking shape in their lives.

But if no one is hurt by it, then I guess it's okay.
I just have to wonder if it is possible for the new love in a person's life to accept that kind of gesture without a few pangs of uncertainty and resentment?

I am talking about YOUR partner.
With HIS ex.
Talking about YOU.

I pretty much think this is a personal thing...some ppl do okay with remaining friends after a period of time, and some like to say adios to the whole shebang.

I have an ex boyfriend who calls me every birthday, and I call him on his, and we've been doing this for 25 years. I don't think his wife likes it much, but she puts up with it. We are very fond of each other and only talk twice a year. We live 3000 miles apart and will probably never have the chance to see each other again. I don't acknowledge my ex husband's birthday because he's a jerk. I do remember one other ex b/f and send him a card. It's just out of respect and love. He remembers mine too. We meant a lot to each other and still like each other, so why not?

I don't believe in "birthday stalking." LOL

For me , when they are an ex, they are an ex. I stay on friendly terms, or try, and thats it.
I would not like my boyfriend remembering and sending his ex cards for each Holiday, and I would not do it either. My cards and gifts are for the man Im with , because he is the one I want to express my love and feelings for. PERIOD.

My ex has the same b-day (2 yrs apart) as my best friend from high school - - and she & I are still in touch, so . . .

that day just returned to it's "original" meaning for me . . . . .

Funny, they used to exchange "same day" kind of cards - now . . . .


I can imagine in the future realizing that a day is his day (were I in such a situation) but I don't see myself acknowledging anything.

I am going to have a simple party with friends and coffee and maybe a nice cheesecake...no decorations and no mention of whom the party is really intended for...an annonamous party for a sweet individual.A card from me , or a phone call is certainly out of the question.

as far as my ex-husband goes, we don't talk much, but i still have the freedom to call him on his birthday...no one has butted in yet and warned me not to...
I was actually thinking of inviting him to lunch sometime...weather he accepts, I am unsure, but he understands the past is gone, and what we had is just a memory:)

Yvette

I wouldn't call it stalking exactly, but I see where bad dreamer has a point. You have an ex who was a huge part of your life for a while. And then suddenly they're gone. It's almost like going to church and lilghting a candle for a dead bf, this giving a card or call for a bday. Just a reminder of a love that once was, and not one that damages anything new or precious in your life. I say it's okay as long as it's welcome by the ex. If you feel it makes them uncomfortable don't.

"I am talking about YOUR partner.
With HIS ex. Talking about YOU".

Yep. Happened to me with my much-loved late husband who died of cancer in 1995. He had the occaisional hang-out with his ex-girlfriend (they still worked at the same place) for the first few years of our relationship. She spent a long time trying to convince him that I was too young for him - lol - but she was never successful.

For a while, it made me crazy and I thought foul things about her. Then I remembered who he was with and I got over it. Even she later admitted that he thought I "walked on water" and that she never got anywhere (tee-hee). She sent a sweet card to me after he died about what a great person and friend to her he was for so long.

If an ex is a person you care for who treats you and the significant people in your life with respect, treat them like the friend they are. And if they don't, then there's no need to do so.

Response to Baddreamer

I think it's nice that you keep warm-fuzzies in your heart.

As for going to lunch with an ex, it might be pleasant, it might not be, it might be something that you do just once, it could become a yearly tradition, or it may be an experience that makes you say, "Oh yeah, now I remember why he's my ex!"

From your posts, I'll bet whatever happens, you'll remember the good parts!

I love my soon to be exhusband but I'm not IN LOVE with him and haven't been for many years. We both finally had to accept that and move on because we both wanted more from a marriage and couldn't give it to each other.

He's been a part of my life for a very long time and I his. I enjoy him more now than I did when we lived together (well at least the past 10 years of our marriage).

Phil's not jealous of him and the women he sees aren't jealous of me.

It all works out

If anybody thinks its weird...well neither one of us hardly care!

I don't call it wierd, Bubbleee, I call it lucky.

But I know that that kind of luck is a combination of
circumstances, choices, and hard work. There has to be good to remember and you have to want to remember it. You have to be willing to let go of the pain, then you have to work at letting go of the bad memories. You have to learn how to remember the good without feeling sad.

Chatterbox...

You are so right. Thank you for posting this. I think we're not QUITE there yet, but we're closer than we've been for quite some time.

I suppose it's a matter of foregiveness in some aspects. Forgiving the other person for not meeting your needs, and letting go of the bad times and remembering the good times.

He's a good man. We both struggled with our issues for years and years and could never quite get it right. You and I are old enough to know that these things can and do happen and some how you can't get back the kind of love that you once had and lost along the way.

It is just as you said, and yeah, we are lucky that we didn't stay until we were both completely used up and bitter.

I had the same reaction to many of my ex's. I have no time for them if we aren't going out anymore. I'm typically looking for or hooking up with my next, so a bf hanging around isn't convenient. I did try to make an exception with my most recent ex, but my heart just wasn't in it. So, I told him no to staying pals.

It seems to me, alot of people here are close in proximity to their ex's... I know how hard it would be to see my ex again...I would have to fly half way around the world , for some uncomfortable confrontation...like that's gonna happen! anybody care to know what broke up my age gap marriage? it would be a whole new thread,and frankly, I don't wish to talk about it in open view...let's just say, we parted our ways, and we were both fine with it..we were not like best buddies or even enemies when it was all said and done, just a mutual respect to let the other live their lives...and still, I only call him once a year.But I won't waste a single postage stamp or drop of ink contacting him unneccessarily. Happy Birthday is not a crime, it is well- wishing..not any attempt to delve into his life....been there, done that, moved on.He never calls me on my Birthday, and I am fine with that too;)


sorry alot of people were not as lucky as I in the blow-up of a wrong marriage.

Happy Birthday is not a crime

It is to some people.