Possible rape?

I've been having a problem lately and I thought it would be nice to hear some of your opinions on what to do because I'm really not sure how to handle this.

Recently a family member of mine has been confiding in me a bit. I have a younger sister who is 15 and she recently started telling me some things that bother her. We never got along with our parents. They're truely trash and could care less about us. I'm not living at home anymore but she is. She's been confiding in me about our father. Ever since she was younger, very young, she never liked him. She never knew why. She'd always wish he were dead and that it was just her, my mother, and myself. At that time, they weren't truely as bad as they are now. They're verbally abusive at times, but they never hit us. She was always very self concious about her body and who saw it. I always thought this was a bit weird since she really has no reason to be worried about that. She never really got involved with many boys either. She's not a lesbian or anything, but she just always stayed away from boys, even ones who treated her nicely. All of that may seem normal, but she told me she constantly has dreams about our father raping her. Shes had them many times over the course of many years. My father was always a little "touchy" at times I guess. When something good happened he'd come up behind you and rub your shoulders or something like that. I always found that uncomfortable, as did she. He always used the words "sexy" when describing how she looked and always complimented how beautiful she was/is. What really bothers me is the way she said she feels around him. She feels like he might do something wrong. She doesn't trust him at all. And the dreams...I don't even know what to say to that. If she has dreams like that and feels the way she does about my father, is it possible she was once raped when she was very young and sort of "blocked" it out of her mind? I know they say sometimes if something tramatizing happens when a child is very young, they tend to block it out completely. I asked her if she was ever raped, and she said no but it feels almost as if she was. She said shes terrified of ever being raped, which is why she said she stays away from guys.

I'm just confused by this. I don't want to accuse our father of anything if its not true. Is there any way you guys think that something might have happened to her? Any help or input would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.

Wow, that is just awful to have to deal with. I don't have any answers for you, really. Since I don't know too much about this sort of thing, I can only ask -- is it possible to have feelings like this without having had inappropriate behaviour from the father? I'm hoping another member, one who is possibly trained in psychology or something, can help here.

In any case, I think this is DEFINITELY a case for seeing a cousellor of some sort. I'm not usually a huge advocate for counselling (I quite often think it's seen as a panacea for everything, which I just don't think it is), but this case might warrant it, I think.

And it would be terrible to falsely accuse someone, wouldn't it? Wow, scary situation. Best of luck to you. :(

That's a really tough situation for you to be in....I wonder if hypnosis might help her figure out what happened and maybe what the dreams mean? I wouldn't want to jump to the conclusion that your father did rape her, at least just yet. It's hard to tell if your father did actually do something, or if she is projecting this fear onto him? My experience with counselling is that they were very quick to jump to conclusions about sexual abuse - and attributed things to it even if it was only suspected. If someone is unsure, it is easy to go along with what a counsellor might suggest. Keep in mind there are good and bad counsellors out there.

But it really sounds like this is affecting her life, and she needs to work through it. I'm not sure if she can see a hypnotherapist/counsellor without parental consent at age 15, but I'd try. My experience is that its better to work through something like this without involving the family unless you think that the person might be hurting others.

Good luck - your sister is lucky to have you looking out for her.

Hi....The_Shee


I agree with Cabs and think that she could possibly try some hypnotheraphy....If she feels she is ready for it....And I agree that you should probably try and not mention this until you really know for sure....

But in answer to your question about blocking things out....Yes, it is quite possible, and it does happen, however, it also does eventually come out....But usually when the person is at a stage in their lives where they may feel (even if subconsciously) that they are ready to deal with it.....

That is why I said 'if she feels ready' ....But if you make sure you see a good hypnotherapist I am sure it will by okay.....Good luck with it all and she is lucky she has your support in this.....:)Tinks

I have to agree with al the previous responses. I think that your sister seeing a counselor might be a good idea.

She may just be dreaming of being raped by your father because she is terrified of those 2 things and the rape never really happened.

We al have nightmares amd they always seem to be about the things we fear the most yet those things never happend to any of us.

Don't get me wrong. There is something wrong with those dreams but, maybe they are just nightmares and hopefully thats all.

I don't think I would recommend hyonotherapy only becuase I am a little skeptical about the hypnotism thing being true.

I feel for you. I hope all works our.

Thanks for your responses guys.

I'm not really sure whether to lean more towards thinking that he did it and wanting to get more information, or just try to find out if this is created in her mind and its because of other fears. She says shes not scared enough about rape to withdraw from relationships, but it is a fear of hers. Shes never been worried about being sexually abused by anyone except for our father. And the dreams only happen with our father, never anyone else. She also shared something else with me recently. She said she always had this strange understanding of sex since she was little. She always knew what it was, what body parts looked like, etc. since she was young, even before "the talk". I don't know why this is. Could she have possibly developed an understanding of all of this without remembering an incident that happened. Another thing I was thinking was, maybe it wasn't my father that did it, but maybe someone who she relates to my father, like a friend maybe.

I know this isn't really the place to ask these questions. I know I should have her see a therapist. Its just going to be difficult to get her somewhere. She may have to wait awhile. I'm just scared something will happen to her.

Thanks again guys.

My girlfriend failed to mention one thing, so I just wanted to add it since I think it's also a big part. Her sister also has a cutting problem. Whenever she gets really depressed, she cuts herself, and has been doing this for a few years from what I understand. I always thought that cutting usually stems from some sort of abuse, correct?

Not really Love_Her. I was not abused as a child, but I was a cutter from 14-15. It's actually a pretty normal "teen angst" stage from what I understand. I did tell my folks and got a therapist (a psychologist, NOT a psychiatrist) and that helped a LOT.

~phos

You're a good sister, The_Shee. May I suggest you look into your community services?

I know around here we have therapy offered through a community program on both group and individual basis which can be free or very, very cheap. I would open your phone book and see what your community has to offer!
~phos

I'll look into it. I know of one place thats sort of close to her house but I don't know what type of counseling they do there. Thanks for your input.