I'm afraid

of getting old. Thinking of weakness or sickness and not being able to handle day to day life myself. I'm 41 and interested in a younger man. But, how could I get deeper involved knowing that he perhaps have to take care of me as a "baby" as time goes by? It scares me and make me wonder if it's responsible of me to take this flirt any further! How do you folks think - involved with a much younger partner - about your future as a couple together? How do you thing about "growing old" when say, as an example, you're around 70 and your partner still very young at 50?

Hello Air, health is not always age related. My father took care of my mother like a baby for more than a decade before she passed away a year ago. She was 10 years younger than him , very ill and fragile, while my father could still run a marathon.

Don't think about it too much, just enjoy your time together while you're still both healthy.

Think about it this way. When the year ends on the 31st of December, you look back and notice that most of the things that you feared did not happen, trouble comes when least expected and not at all where we thought it would come from.

Hope this helps.

Loucine is right...

Health is not necessarily a function of age. My fathers mother died at 66. She had, for three years prior, been mostly bedridden from emphysema, strokes and heart disease. My Papa lived to 82 and was very healthy all that time. HE was the older of the two.

You could walk out your door tomorrow and get run over by the ice cream truck (hey, it happened to my neighbor!!!) and be disabled and stuck in a wheelchair forever. You could also be 8 years old when that happened!!!

Health and age don't go hand in hand.

Enjoy today... one day at a time... it's all you're guaranteed. Love with your heart in the here and now. Forget about tomorrow.

~phosphorescent

Before our wedding, I was only afraid of one thing and that was that my wonderful Prince Charming would have to take care of me later in life. It bothered me. I kept asking him if it bothered him that I was 12 years older. He kept saying no. I was persistant and finally he said something did bother him.

He said, it bothered him that he would probably be left here without me.

That qualmed all my fears because the future didn't bother him with a wife 12 years older just the thought of being here without me bothered him.

So I say, along with the others, that age has nothing to do with caring for someone when they are sick or disabled. My sister cares for her husband who has MS and they are the same age.

Don't let fear control your future....

Best Wishes.
Cindy

It concerns me that at only 41 you are concerned about decrepitude. 50% or more marriages go down the tube, so your odd suck to start with, so you might as well not even think about being with anyone because....why try if the odds are so bad? ;)

You asked: "How do you think about "growing old" when say, as an example, you're around 70 and your partner still very young at 50?" In my case he would be an even younger 44...LOL But how do I feel about it? It pisses me off, that's what it does. Why did I have to wait until I was 52 to find the man of my dreams and have such a short time to be with him? It isn't fair!

But life isn't fair and it doesn't hand you beer and skittles. It hands you the raw materials and its up to you what you make of them. It's up to you and your partner to make a life out of what was handed to you. It's a team effort, so stop thinking it's your job -- it isn't. It isn't YOUR responsiblity. It's OUR responsiblity. You absolutely have to work as a team. If you have that type of man you will stop questioning it so hard.

Agegap relationships are a partnership that has to be worked on over time. They are no different than any other good relationship. It takes two dedicated loving partners who are willing to stand together and take on the world. These are the couples who survive cancer and MS and accidents and are still together. They aren't that uncommon either. If you have a man who is interested in you for more than sex the chances are that you have the beginnings of a foundation for a relationship. Only time will tell if it grows into one.

Listen to the ladies here. Old age and poor health are not the same thing. He could be the one to get sick, or injured in an accident. You never know what the future holds. You try to stack the deck in your favor but in reality you have no control over anything except your emotions. You can love each other and take every day as it comes, or throw away something good over worries about a future that may never come to pass. It's your choice.

Dave and I have chosen to build a life together. It's not for everyone, but those of us who did make that choice don't usually regret it. When you have to work this hard for a relationship you make it the best that it can be.

I was afraid too when I was 52 and he was 26. Six years later I'm pushing 60 with both hands and he still struggles to keep up with me. I don't know what will happen when I'm 70, but I do know that whatever it is, it will be a lot easier to take if he is by my side.

Peace,
Jane (57) married to Dave (31) since July 25, 2002

I'm like you Angel...I am pissed that I met this great man and will most likely not have as much time with him as I would like.

Sometimes I htink about the future and what would happen if I became ill or disabled and my young healthy husband was left taking care of some old lady invalid. But as others have said, health problems do not discriminate based on age. Anyone can develop health problems at any time and at any age. Anyone can be involved in a disabling accident at any age.

My husband tells me he will stick with me no matter what because he loves me, not because I am healthy and vibrant, but because of the person I am inside. I believe him.

Originally posted by ~Guinavere~
I'm like you Angel...I am pissed that I met this great man and will most likely not have as much time with him as I would like.



This was one of my biggest 'concerns' when I was in an AGR (17 years difference)...that our time together was going to be shorter than I'd have wished.

We cannot predict the future but I don't plan on slowing down all that much until Mother Nature takes over. Sure, when she does, there's nothing we can do about it. But in the mean time, we can work with her, not against her.

I think, Air, that we have a lot to do with the physical and mental condition that we will be in as the years go by. All we can do it take good care of ourselves. I also believe in visualization. If you see yourself as being 'old' at a certain age, that may be the goal that you're aiming for, subconsciously. Change that picture!

I see myself gardening my flowers when I'm 91. At 70, I hope to still be running (or at least walking) some races. I look around me when I'm running a 10K or lifting weights in the gym, and the 'older' women around me are the BEST motivation for trying to take care of my physical being. It's not just a physical attraction thing. Exercise, eating right, these things keep our bodies strong and healthy. Same as reading, socializing and doing new things keeps our minds strong.

I'm 39, and maybe I should worry more about getting older, but I don't. I just makes me tired and gives me more wrinkles. ;)