Is it okay?

I have had a number of interesting conversations lately and they have really given me pause to think. As I reflect on these conversations I notice that I could have, and likely have had, these same kinds of conversations with my children and with my parents.

The kinds of conversations I am speaking of are those where we examine how we treat others and how we want ourselves to be treated. I am not a perfect person. I am flawed in many, many significant ways. This Marcy... this Rebecca is not me... its a 1 dimensional representation of me. I am not the sum of my posts here or anywhere. I am a full robost person. It takes years of intimate experiences to really know another person... what makes them tick, smile, laugh, love, cry. I don't really know anyone here in that sense, nor do I know anyone online in that sense at all.

There are people I don't like. There are people that annoy me. I am given to swear, in real life, I swear like a fisherman's wife to be honest. I am given to say the word **** often in everyday context. However, I like to live my life here and everywhere the same way I have been advised by my truly wonderful parents and the same way I have advised my kids (though I am significantly less a wonderful parent then they were/are). I want to treat others the way I would like to be treated. I want to be quiet, if I can't help but to be cruel if I am not. I want to behave in such a way, that if my mother saw me doing it (or saying it), she would not be ashamed of me, but would be proud of me.

I know that there are people that don't like me. I know that there are people that find me annoying. I assume that there are people that say things that are unkind about me. I assume those people exist in every place that I exist. I can't help what someone else says or does. I can't be responsible for what someone else says or does. I can only try to be the best person Rebecca can be.

In my opinion, its not okay to be cruel and unkind for any reason. If you know that you have hurt someone else, it is your duty as a human being to make it right.

I'm a work in progress (aren't we all?), but I want to behave in a way that makes my parents proud and in the way I expect my kids to behave to make me proud.

Does that mean fuzzy bunny, lovey dovey, kissey kissey stuff? No. Not to me.

I would like to apologize here to anyone that has been hurt or offended by activities of late...

I realize that inaction is the same thing as action, particularly if you remain silent when you know something is wrong and hurtful.

My parents raised me better and I am sorry.

Someone's presence can be a tacit condone and approval. I do not condone and approve.

I am sorry feelings have been hurt either thru my direct action or my lack of action.

Thanks for hearing me out.

Special thanks to those who reached out to me and reminded me of that!

Wow Marcy, that was a great post, and a great thought to post this thread.

yes marcy...a great post!!!!

before i was rudely interrupted... (husband home for dinner) was gonna say yea, live today so when you look back tomorrow...no regrets... you can be proud
think i did that once in '69... but i was high so i guess it doesn't count ;)

we are all just a work in progress... wonderful journey isn't it???
*warm fuzzies* ;)

Very eye opening post Marcy. I think I'll go home and take a look at myself in the mirror tonight and say a prayer. :)

Marcy, I think I have reread and admired your post about 10 times now.

I always tell my children to try to never do or say anything that they would be ashamed or embarassed of if the whole world were watching.....

It's seems very simple when I am telling them that, but I seem to forget it often myself.

Im not anywhere near perfect either. I have said and/or done things out of frustration, even in relation to this site, that in retrospect I look back and wish I had never done.

From working on this website I have learned that.....I can find something good and admirable and interesting about just about anyone if I take the time to get to know them. Quite a few times we have had a member post that by outward appearance I just don't like...but I find if I take the time to PM them or talk to them one on one, I will almost always find that I can relate to that person on some level and find a different side of them that is not apparent in their posts. However, Im ashamed to admit that a lot of times it is easier to just take that outward appearance for what it is worth, than to take the time and effort to delve deeper.

What I appear to be on this website is only a very small fraction of who I actually am. Just this morning one of the supermods said to me "your always calm".

Im not always calm...lol. I get angry, I yell, I cuss...I get confused, I get emotional, I get my feelings hurt. I honestly don't always know if I am making the "right" decisions, even though a lot of people seem to trust that I will.

So, I would also like to apologize to anyone I may have hurt along the way, and for anything I have ever said that was out of line, either out on the site or in private.....and to anyone who feels like I didn't take enough time to really listen to what they were saying.

As Marcy said....I can only be the best "jody" I can be, and I think maybe I need to focus a bit more on that.

Thanks Marcy, for posting this, to get me thinking....

Rebecca, you are a very wise woman. I appreciate everything that you have said on this thread. I think it takes a very good person to come forth and apologize.

When I first read your post, I thought of the "Golden Rule". That's the most important rule my mom taught me. And it's something I strive to do at all times. No, I'm not perfect either. And I never claim to be. I make mistakes all the time. I just do the best I can to treat others with dignity and respect.

Thank you again for coming back and posting this, even if it did make me cry. ;) And, I for one am very glad that you're sticking around here. You're a VERY valuable member at Ageless.

Hey Marcy,

It's more than okay. It's alot better than that. Thanks. Your words are always thoughtful and from the heart. Devon is a lucky man :>

And yeah, I swear like a fisherman's wife in real life, too :D

Someday it would be a joy to get to know your robust, profane self in all it's glory.
In the meantime, I'm proud to call you an
Internet friend :>

Hopefully with a little more communication, we can all get past this to a better place as a group. I hope so. :>

Good relections, Marcy . . . we are all always growing (and not just physically) from the day we are born until the day we die. And every experience we have, whether it is good or bad, makes us the person we are.

I have to say that I am about as far from perfect as can be . . . I don't just curse like the fisherman's wife, I curse like a sailor :eek: . . . and I tend to be quite blunt and opinionated . . . but I never intentionally try to hurt someone's feelings (that's not saying I don't do it unintentionally sometimes). We are never going to like EVERYBODY and EVERYBODY is never going to like us. And wouldn't it be a dull and boring world if we were all alike! After all, it's our differences that make life interesting.

You've got the right idea in that we should strive to be the best that we can be. And if we have done that, then we've lived a good life.

*stands around not sure what to say*

Hi, I'm Kelley. I don't swear like a sailor; in fact -- don't laugh -- I don't swear at all. But that doesn't mean that I think I'm better than anyone else. If I have ever given anyone that impression then I owe many people apologies. Peachy, I'm right there next to you in the "far side of imperfect" club. Ask the people who know me best; I know my strengths and, as long as they are genuine, I'm usually the first to point out my many weaknesses.

Marcy brings up a very valid point. In many ways, I am a what you see is what you get kind of person. But what you see online is just one dimension of my wholeness. Just because I only choose to share certain parts of my life with everyone online doesn't mean the other parts don't exist or that I am in some weird denial.

Some things you may not know about me: I cry too easily; Tim and I DO bicker, even though we keep it private; I get downright snotty when I'm PMS-ing; and I would never, ever intentionally hurt anyone, even though, as Peachy said, I know I have done so unintentionally sometimes.

And I hate fighting. But if I can grow from an experience, then it isn't a waste of time. Now, since I've already confessed to you that I cry too easily, I'm signing off to hunt down a box of kleenex before one of my staff sees me. I'm at work right now and this crying thing is really embarrassing!

I believe in being consciously aware of how your presence is effecting those around you at all times...except during orgasms when everyone is exempt!

Let's face it, message boards are one dimensional, people express themselves in odd ways sometimes that are misinterpreted, we're all human....but alls well that ends well, and your post is a testament to that Marcy. Nice words. Whatever guilt you are feeling, I think you should consider yourself absolved. Life is an eternal journey of learning. That's what's great about it!

Cheers, Kat

P.S. I pride myself on talking like a sailor!!

Well, Marcy.....I like you, weve probably never exchanged words, but Ive always gotten a good feeling about you...

I don't really understand exactly what just happened, and I don't know what you are apologising about, but I like what you said, and I always read your replys, so yeah, I guess Im glad you are sticking around too, but I didn't know you might be leaving either...And.....The only time I swear it @ my computer and mosquitos biting me...!!!:)

I do believe that we are all redeemable.
And whenever a person takes the time to admit they have made a mistake, or have been wrong, that is the first step in one's redemption. I like to think of it as something that benefits the person who made the mistake, moreso than accommodating others' agendas.

I too, try to raise my children to be accountable for their actions and choices in life, and in that, they can only truly learn this by my example. Learned behavior is paramount over verbal tatics.

As far as swearing goes, I pride myself on being able to cut a person down to size without uttering one single cuss word.

Originally posted by marcy
I'm a work in progress (aren't we all?)

We are not if we were meant to be :)

Hence we must be perfectly complete :D

I'm a firm believer in the tenants of the Golden Rule and it's message I think is the foundation for most religous and faith traditions.

Thing is about the golden rule is that it's the hardest one to follow. Just about all the 10 commandents boil down to that one rule is why. I'm not overly religous, but simple kindness and humanity knows few religious borders.

A true story: I used to be a sunday school teacher when my daughter was in the second grade. My job one particular year was to get the 7 and 8 year olds ready for their first communion. In that class there were several really good studens, some that were bored, and one that was ALWAYS a handful, but not a bad boy. I would ask questions of the class and spend countless days and weeks using stories and simple analogies to impress upon them the importance of treating others like they wish to be treated. To me it was a far more important concept than all the "stuff" in the sylabus. I bet a week didn't go by that I didn't spend 10 minutes on the Golden Rule.

The very last day of the class,in the last few minutes of the class, I asked my students to tell me what they learned in my room. The star pupil stood up and said, "love God"...I said, yes, that's true. A few others stood up and said, "Pray, Read the Bible, etc. They were all beaming and ready to receive their communion, the following week. And JUST before class was dismissed, the one that NEVER paid attention, the one who was a handful, the one that went to the office for "time out" at least every other week blurted out, "Treat people how you want to be treated!" I realized then that I had probably made a difference.

Marcy it took guts to post what you did here and your words ring very true. Growth is painful as an individual and as a community. It doesn't happen in planned and measured steps for any place or any one.

When the student is ready, the teacher will appear. I hope that we all can learn from what has happened here and be better people for it.

Hugs to you all and a special one to you, Marcy, my friend.

I've read a lot of posts here at Ageless, and have read many by Marcy, not really knowing much about her, or even about the problem that was going on.... Suddenly I feel like I know her a little better, and can somehow relate to her. She's become... well, a little more real to me.

It makes me wonder about the rest of you people... how much more to all of us there really is. Of course this isn't a new thought, I would often read posts by you people and wonder how we would get along in person.

Originally posted by bubbleee
I'm a firm believer in the tenants of the Golden Rule and it's message I think is the foundation for most religous and faith traditions.

Thing is about the golden rule is that it's the hardest one to follow. Just about all the 10 commandents boil down to that one rule is why. I'm not overly religous, but simple kindness and humanity knows few religious borders.


Great.


I asked myself, why is the Golden Rule called so?


It is a measure that is always with us.

It asks us to look deep within.

It invites us to think; it is a rule that cannot be followed in a lazy or blind manner.

It is open to creativity.

Being an individual measure, it provides for a nice variability as everyones notion of good treatment slightly differs.

Marcy ~

That was a beautiful post. In fact, it made me cry.

(Although God knows I'm prone to crying right now.)

None of us is perfect, and we all - at one time or another - say and/or do things that we later regret. We all 'slip' sometimes and take things a little too far.

But for the life of me, it continues to amaze me...amaze me, shock me, and make me sad...at how many people out there go through life, functioning as if they are entitled to behave in any manner that they wish and not giving a second thought to who they're affecting and how. Sometimes, witnessing this type of behavior makes me falter, emotionally and mentally, because I just cannot process treating someone in that way, or living one's life that way.

I grew up with very little parental supervision and was on my own at a very young age. Somehow, in my early teens I decided that there were enough a@@holes in the world and I didn't want to be one, too. I have no idea where my concept of personal integrity even came from as a youngster.

Oh, I'm sure there are people out there who have seen me act like a jerk but I try to be conscious of how what I'm doing and what I'm saying may effect those around me (like Kat said).

I'm like Marcy - I'll go quiet before I allow myself to say something cruel to someone. [Edit: Not that I'm not a formidable opponent in a duel - don't kid yerself. :) ]

It doesn't stop me from being me. Because this Gina does not want to live a life of hurting others and being aware is part of who I strive to be.


Remember:

Your deeds today...
Are your Memories tomorrow.