How do you get over that special person?

Hello gang i have a problem and i don't know how to deal with it . Or maybe it's ok and i'm not sure that's why i am here. How do you learn to let go once and for all the feelings for someone you have dated and had a very intimate relationship. It's almost 2 years since my ex ow left me a la cheated on me with someone closer to her age . She has moved out of town (which is some ease on me)and before she moved i allowed her to see me because the guy she cheated on me with dumped her. We talked and stuff and i let myself go back to the feelings but i also said everything i needed to say to her. The thing is from time to time before that and even last night, i had to be down in the dumps grab my teddy bear (not ashamed of that) and listened to sad songs and cried for a few minutes . How do i get past all that. Anyone have any ideas i would love to hear from all of you for suggestions.

does one ever have to "get over" someone who held a special place in our lives?
take what was good... move forward.
perhaps the time wasn't right...perhaps the players weren't right..but despite the ending, the experience sounds like it had value

no what i mean is how do i get past the every so often crying bit it was a special relationship and it's something i know i won't go back to that one is done i wanna get past like i said the crying bit.

Just a quick thought... make certain that you aren't actually clinically depressed. Sometimes, the chemicals of depression bring up matters to be depressed about, when actually it is something that is more physical than emotional.

How often actually do you cry over the relationship? There is no right or wrong answer. I am glad you came here. I am sure you will get some more responses to think about. Take care...

oh maybe once every couple of months

I have been going through the same sort of heartache, but I let time numb me...I don't cry very much anymore, but sometimes I feel like the rug was totally ripped out from under me. It takes time to heal, but you have to buck up and be strong...you said that you know the relationship is done...thats a beginning. I PM'd you by the way..you will heal, I assure you.
Peace,
Yvette

rkstud632 wrote: How do you get over that special person? Uhhhhhhh wake up the next day? :D But seriously! First, is it really over, over? 2 yrs right? I'd say YES! Try to change things that remind you of that person. Keep busy. And start seeing other people! Try not to fall into the broken-hearts abyss. Be strong! Life goes on! :)

Ok... every couple of months doesn't sound like clinical depression.. of course I am no doc. The best thing to do is to ACCEPT that this person will always be a part of your heart. Don't fight it. I still have very meaningful dreams about a guy I broke up with 15 years ago.

I am really clear about the WHY it did not work, so that is not rolling around in my head. I am also thankful for the good that he did bring into my life. This took a lot of writing on my part to get to the place of peace about him. There are books about grieving a relationship that you might want to check into.

How is the rest of your life going? Work, relationships, etc. Are you able to laugh and have fun?

Yes i'm fine i am able to laugh and have fun and my friends who weren't happy with the relationship aspect of it being ow/ym they know when it's good to come over and hang and cheer me up and stuff like that work is fine too and soon i'll be showing my Old English Sheepdog puppy Barksure in some dog shows. It's just that once in a while feeling. I am able to accept it's over.

I think we all go through this to some degree or another with someone who was quite meaningful to us in our lives. Some people would say an ex is an ex and move on! But I think it's pretty individual.

I have one friend who says that thinking about any person in his life that he loved and no longer sees gives him pause and he misses that person and it makes him sad to think about that person or the fact that they are no longer in his life. He said he felt that was a normal reaction to someone that had had a lot of significance in his growth/life and that to NOT feel that way would seem weird to him. So there's another view from a friend who is a Younger Man.

For me personally I don't feel melancholic about someone once someone else replaces the previous person. I guess that makes me a little shallow! lol But I do feel the way you do until I give my heart to someone new. You just haven't done that yet, and I think that's why it makes you sad.

And it has not been easy. What has been hard in my case is that we both inhabit the same spaces. We go to the same school and visit the same libraries. I see him on Grounds all too often. I just walked past him in the Reading Room and he glared at me angrily as I walked past. Just 20 minutes ago. (Except for walking past him on campus I've had no contact with him since July of this past year, isn't the anger thing overdone here?) So, take it from me, I know where you are coming from. And all I can say is, learn to say it's okay to let go and move on.

Actually, it's preferable to move on than to try to hold on in some cases. In any case where the other party says they want out, anyways. I don't know if any of this will resonate with you, but I had a parent who was a bad influence, who wasn't as responsible as they could be with the family, and I still love them and respect them as much as possible. I think some of that is normal. BUT I think that for someone with my situation it's easy to see a love gone wrong relationship with some of the same "I'll love you always" mentality that you give a parent. And you simply should not do that.

But I hear you. The biggest hurdle to get over, IMHO in a breakup, is that awful place where you do want them in your bed, and can't see anyone else there, all the while knowing that it's over and done.

I agree with everyone else...it takes time, sometimes alot of it.

And when you feel the need to cry and grieve, go ahead and do it...give it a good cry, its good for the soul. Someone once told me crying is the most honest emotion we have. It washes us and revives us and grants us permission to go on and be well.

Once its over, there's calm and clarity and the spirit to try again and lead your life to wherever destiny takes you. Allow it and it can be a good friend.

Paris

Originally posted by yellowrose
Just a quick thought... make certain that you aren't actually clinically depressed.


LOL I think we should get an actually doctor, next thing you know you guys will be telling him to get on drugs, lol!!!


Its been 2 weeks I guess since me and maria broke up, and she just told me last night she can not live with or with out me, lol reminded me of the U2 song....

anyways I am not in a position to give much advice, just admiration for your strength moving on, and support via hugs and chatter if necessary :)

LOL I think we should get an actually doctor, next thing you know you guys will be telling him to get on drugs, lol!!!
NO ONE TOLD HIM THAT... read the rest of the post twerp.

Originally posted by yellowrose
NO ONE TOLD HIM THAT... read the rest of the post twerp.

SOMEONE'S feeling a little feistier!!!!!!! LOL

it is REALLY hard to get over someone that we had a close intimate relationship with, they really dont come along every day.

for me, i grieved for a long time, my ex husband cheated on me and left me high and dry, somewhere along the line before he left, i really felt a tinge bit more superior then he and felt he would never LEAVE ME, after all i was the one with the career, home, nice car, blaa, blaa, blaa.... sometimes we convince ourselves of a make believe existance.

there were SO many unanswered questions as to why he left, and how things got so screwed up. but the fact of the matter is that way before the cheating, we had stopped communicating, it is really nearly impossible to suddenly one day and wake up and find your loved one gone, if you are both daily working to keep the home fires burning and honest attempts at communication.

i am guilty for my part of the breakup, i can tell you today that i am a better person from it, i learned so much from it, i have a love in my life that was more than worth waiting for, because i didnt jump into the dating pool, my life is better today than i could have ever imagined partly from lessons i had to learn from my divorce. love is really sweeter when it comes from a truly appreciative heart.

its not the end... it is just the beginning, try and learn the lesson that was meant to come from this relationship and then just keep the door open to the possibilities, they do have a way of manifesting themselves.

take care.

Nice post, Kittylane.

RK, she's right. Keeping the door open for possibilities is very important. Learning from past experiences, past relationships is key.

Sometimes, it takes a while to figure out just what the 'lesson' was. Sometimes we don't really even figure it out until we meet someone else, or even the person after that...or the person after that. I'm still learning lessons from an 8-year relationship that ended nearly 10 years ago.

Kat, I don't think that forgetting about someone once you meet someone else is shallow. Really, there isn't as much reason to feel melancholic or miss someone when your heart is filled with the here and now. In my mind, letting go like this means that the last relationship was over, and was meant to be over.

RK, it's okay to miss what you had in the past once in a while. What happened is that you realized that you have the capacity to feel that way about someone. (One of my best friends was just saying this to me tonight.) And someone will come along again that you will feel this way about.

You can't know when it will happen. But like Kittylane said, keep the door open for possibilities. Know now that you have this capacity and you will meet someone worthy of this again some day.

Gee your all so nice to this young man i am glad that you all can see something in me that i didn't realize i had even though my head is up 99.9% it's that .1% that bothers me and no one told me to go to a doctor lol even though that idea had crossed my mind i am over it it must be just me missing the companionship i had with my ex you know all the intimacy and movies and dinners and quality time and the weekends away from home but life is taking me down another road and i can't wait for what lies next. I'm just glad i am "normal" whatever that means.:) thank you all

RKstud....

Just cry your little heart out ....Theres nothing wrong in that....You know, even I think back sometimes to a past thing, and cry....

Every relationship we have has a different place in our hearts because no one is ever the same....

All we can do is hope that they just get better and better!!!:)Tinks

I figured it was high time i thanked those of you who helped me with the advise you all gave me. Although i do grab my teddy bear and listen to some sad songs i have been cry free since i first posted. All i think about is the good times me and my ex ow did have. And i do realize that or i am conceited to think that I had too much and she didn't know how to handle it or she didn't love me as much as she thought she didwhatever the true reason is i know i did the best i could and whenever the next romantic relationship comes into my life i will carry myself the same way i did with this last one and know how to better handle some things. :)

Thanks so much for stopping back in! Always, there are people here that need to hear that they will be okay from someone who's been there!

A send you a bit of a Jackson Browne song:
"Fountain of sorrow, fountain of life,
You know the hollow sound of your own steps in flight.
You've had to hide awhile, but now you're alright,
And it's good to see your smiling face tonight!"

I agree with Chatterbox.

It's really nice of you to stop by and let us know how you are doing.

Letting go is a process. And you have let go, so good for you! It's not easy for any of us.

But I hear you. The biggest hurdle to get over, IMHO in a breakup, is that awful place where you do want them in your bed, and can't see anyone else there, all the while knowing that it's over and done.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I hear that.

I have been going through the same sort of heartache, but I let time numb me...I don't cry very much anymore, but sometimes I feel like the rug was totally ripped out from under me. It takes time to heal, but you have to buck up and be strong...you said that you know the relationship is done...thats a beginning. I PM'd you by the way..you will heal, I assure you.
Peace,
Yvette

Also I might add that No Contact helps a lot to take people off your mind.
Ali

The way I got over that special person, was to think of all the bad stuff, and this got me over him real fast............Take the feeling of maybe someone else is dealing with those problems now........
But I agree you always carry a special place for that person.
I think of my Heart as a bank account are there More debits then deposits? Or take my heart and divide it into pieces, How much room am I giving this person?

I have a saying if their not paying rent to be in my head then why give them the space??
Always make a Pro and Con List, this really gets things in order.

The thing is from time to time before that and even last night, i had to be down in the dumps grab my teddy bear (not ashamed of that) and listened to sad songs and cried for a few minutes . How do i get past all that. Anyone have any ideas i would love to hear from all of you for suggestions.


Okay, I agree that crying can help when those moments hit. But I don't think listening to sad songs is a good idea. I think it keeps you in that mood and in that feeling your trying to let go of.

Feel the sadness when it comes and cry it out but don't play deeply into it. And listening to music that was special to the two of you I think is a big no-no. It can bring you right back into all the memories. So until your completely over it I would chose other types of music to listen to.