I lost my job and I'm feeling terrible about it

I'm not sure where to post this, since it is not relationship related, nor does it seem to fit in any other place on this board.

This is about a situation that just happened to me that has me fluctuating through a variety of emotions, and I find myself not getting much else done other than what is necessary.

First off, I'll tell you that I've been waitressing since fresh out of highschool. Not steady, because of raising my children, and hubby at the time had a well paying job even though he spent most of it... but that's another story. Until my last job, I hadn't worked as a waitress for 11 years. But after my divorce I found myself going back to that when housekeeping and gardening just wasn't bringing in enough. Last May, I got hired on at long last after months of searching and many applications! A new restaurant, only 5 months old, and a very nice establishment with fine dining. I felt proud to be a part of the team.

Then in October, I got 'layed-off', being one of the last ones hired there. However, I was still working 1 or 2 days on a weekly basis, doing fill in or banquets etc. I got along very well with my co-workers, and the customers. I know I'm a good waitress, and that most of my customers liked me. People came in asking if I was working that shift because they wanted to be in my station if I was. There was also talk among the 4 main cooks that if any of them was ever fortunate enough to open their own restaurant that I'd be their first choice as a head waitress. I'm setting some background here for you all so you'll know what happened wasn't because of my lack of skills.

My boss 'assured' me that once business picked up again I'd be the first one back on the schedule. But I will say here that I always got this feeling that she didn't quite like me that much. I could never really be sure though. Sometimes she was very friendly with me, other times she was standoffish. It took me awhile to learn the computer, where the orders were put in. That was the biggest obstacle to overcome for me. I made some mistakes on it, but most of the other waitresses had done the same or similar. The only difference that I know of, I paid for my mistakes, whereas I really don't think the other waitresses did.

Anyway, 2 weeks ago, while covering for one of the other girls, another waitress announced that she'd given her 2 week notice. Well, that was my cue to get prepared for my new and long awaited schedule. She told me what days she currently worked, and filled me in on what to expect during Sundays, which is one day I never had worked, and etc. Throughout the rest of that shift, the talk to me was mainly about my finally getting a schedule back, even though we'd all miss Kait (the girl leaving). I thought it a bit odd though that the boss never talked to me about it, nor did a certain other waitress whom I considered a friend.

Well I waited day after day to be called in for work.... nothing. Finally, and please don't laugh, I had a dream that one of the girls told me to call her about the job. So, the next morning I did. And found out that a new girl was hired to fill Kait's schedule. She told me they were all stunned by this, and that the reason for it was that they needed someone experienced in serving breakfast. Not only was I shocked and devasted by this news, but I was also astounded by the reason. It says clearly on my application that I had years of experience opening and closing and training new waitresses! If one opens a restaurant, as I have done, it sure isn't to serve dinner! Not only that, but we had all shared our experiences at other places, and I repeatedly shared my experiences with them all about some of the things that went on at the other place, including the morning shifts.

Turns out this new girl is the best friend of that certain other waitress who didn't talk to me about getting Kait's schedule. So, there must've been a plan forming from the get-go, and they kept it from me.

What also burns me is that not once has the boss ever called me to tell me that she didn't want me there. I feel absolutely betrayed. Led to believe that I was next on the list for any opening, and then shoved aside when that opening comes. I keep trying to get a grip on it all. I find myself breaking down crying at times... and then I'm so angry I could burst... and then I feel so insulted. It's a royal slap in the face. I know I deserved to be given that position, and if she didn't want me, then I certainly deserved to be told! What further hurts is that I told her that I let go of 3 of my best housecleaning jobs to dedicate myself to this establishment, back before I got laid off. She'd told me then that she'd see to it I got a better schedule. And then, being that I was the last hired, I was the first to be laid off when business slowed. I dealt with that the best I could, but even then I felt like it was rather thoughtless after what I'd told her. In fact, everyone did, or so it appeared.

Anyway, I know what my friends and family feel on this matter.... as it stands, I want to go confront the boss about this. But I also wanted to get an objective viewpoint from people who don't know me that well... that's why I'm posting it here.

I probably forgot some things, but my minds still in a turmoil.

Oh Lynn, this really STINKS! I am so sorry this has happened to you. I dont know you outside of ageless, but from what I can tell of you from posting here, you are a very sweet soul and I cant imagine you deserving such a crappy deal.

Dont let this get you down, it seems like you were just out of the loop so to speak and you worked with some very petty selfish people. Frankly, Id say good riddance to them all and move on. I know you want to confront the boss and you have every right to feel that way, but in reality, it probably wont do much good. Even on the off chance that she would see your point and change her mind....would you really want to contuinue working there after this? And even if you dont want to work there and just want to tell her off...dont forget, the restuarant biz is usually a pretty tightly knit one and most local restaurant owners/managers know of each other, you wouldnt want to risk being black listed over this...or risk them saying awful things about you if a potential new employer contacts them.

They dont deserve you, and they certainly didnt respect you as a highly qualified co-worker, let alone a "friend" I wouldnt even waste one breath on any of them. I know you are hurt/appalled/angry and very upset, but maybe try and take a few days to relax and let the steam settle before you do anything.

Best of luck, keep us posted *big hugs*

Originally posted by Lynn


I want to go confront the boss about this.


That does royally suck.

but anyway.....

The odds of a piece of buttered toast falling butter side down is in direct proportion to the value of the carpet.

So, just how valuable is your current job to you?

Confronting the boss, imo, is proper given the circumstances, but it shall probably have a price.

She was wrong to hire 'outside' over someone who has given her loyalty. Especially when that someone is qualified.

So the question is, are you willing to pay the price?

Lynn, that's horrible. I see the title reads you lost your job, but it sounds like you're still working there but that you didn't get the better shift, is that right?

It certainly sounds like the don't deserve such a dedicated employee as yourself.

Is there no other place you can waitress? Now that you're back in the "business" after not working while married, it should be much easier for you to find another waitressing job?

@ Lissa, thank you for your kind words. *hugs* In answer to this....... I know you want to confront the boss and you have every right to feel that way, but in reality, it probably wont do much good. Even on the off chance that she would see your point and change her mind....would you really want to contuinue working there after this? .... no, I wouldn't work there if she offered me twice the pay. Call it pride or principle.. I feel like that would be lowering myself and put into a 'pity' situation. The rest of your post is pretty much like what my boyfriend and my mother both told me, lol. Although my mother is of the opinion I should go confront her about 'ethics'.

Saltwater, up until now, the job was very valuable to me. That value was based not only on the position I had, and the one I hoped was forthcoming, but upon the friends I thought I had made there, and the good people I served whom I cared very much about. The people will always be of value to me, but in a different setting now. Thank you for your reply.

Thesedays, no I'm not working there now. My last day, as a fill-in, was 2 weeks ago when Kait first told me she was leaving. I've waited every day since to be called in. I learned the bad news this past Tuesday, after that dream. I still find that weird. And yes, there are other restaurants around, most of which already have a full working staff. I'll just have to fill out apps again. And begin at the bottom... again. What the heck though.

I so very much appreciate your responses. :)

Ahhhh........Lynn I'm so sorry to hear that. Employments situations are SO stressful ......add that with no money coming in, trying to look for a new job, etc. it's horrible.

Look on the bright side (hard to I know) you're a good waitress, customers ask for you by name so you KNOW you're doing right by them ........other co-workers would like you to work for them if they had their own place.

You have a lot of wonderful skills to bring to your next employer, make sure to write these on your resume and/or cover letter.

When I was lookin for work, I sent out about 30 resumes / cover letters to places that weren't even hiring, in the cover letter I wrote reasons WHY I wanted to work there and asked they keep me in mind for any positions that came open. I got a job within 2 weeks from a company that hadn't even posted a position.

Keep your head up.

Those are all very good ideas Thesedays. I wonder if it's acceptable to write a cover letter on an application for a waitress position, lol. Guess it won't hurt to try.

But it's not a total destitute situation. I still receive cs for my 17 year old daughter; plus my bf is employed fulltime and I've still got my best housecleaning and gardening job (one resident) that I've been working at. I may not be pulling in as much as I was, but every little bit helps.

You know what I'd really love to do? Own and operate my own Inn, or a B&B. But I have to admit, I don't have any training, or any idea how I'd begin. But it has been a dream of mine for a long time. Or even my own restaurant.... *sighs*

Originally posted by Lynn
You know what I'd really love to do? Own and operate my own Inn, or a B&B. But I have to admit, I don't have any training, or any idea how I'd begin. But it has been a dream of mine for a long time. Or even my own restaurant.... *sighs*

I say go for it Lynn, if there is any way possible that you can do it, do it. Look in to small business grants from the government...I have a friend that did this, it was a real pain in the **** and a ton of paperwork, but she was able to get quite a bit of help to open a floral shop and is doing very well today. If the area you live in is competitive and you think you could do well with a B&B or a restaurant, you shouldnt even hesitate. You dont need training...for a B&B all you need is the house, a hospitable personality and the ability to whip up some decent breakfasts, lol :) you already have the cleaning/server experience and it is apparent that you are very likable and friendly!

make your dream a reality Lynn, it is not out of reach. :)

So do it! Here's a book to get you started! http://www.amazon.com/gp/reader/0805029036/ref=sib_dp_pt/002-0961495-2461604#reader-link And remember, "The best way to get something done is to begin." Good luck!

I did look into the grants thing about 4 years ago, right after my divorce. Two things were happening... I'd either get referred elsewhere, or I'd run into a very confused party who didn't know what I was talking about, much less help me, which only confused me because that was the number I was given for help.

I have Matthew Lesko's books where I got most of my numbers to call... only thing I found about his books is I have to keep buying more books and/or learning cd's and video's. Buy buy buy.... I smell a scam when that happens.

DaBollocks, you're a dear. I've been looking over the book, and some of the others listed there. You know, even the library doesn't have as much, I know because I've borrowed just about every one of them at one time or another. Thank you!!

Well Lynn, it seems you are ahead of the game in some of the skill sets to run a successful B&B...you work at housekeeping, gardening, kitchen/waitressing...what a great start.

If you need help on the management side of things there are ususually local women's organizations that help women get into business. It certainly would be worth looking into.

Sometimes we need somebody to close a door so we can go find an open window. They may have done you a favor in the long run, you know?

Keep us posted!

{{{ Lynn! }}} What a crummy feeling that had to be!!!

Listen, if you like waiting tables, the beauty of being a server is that you *can* always find another job with good tips somewhere.

If you'd rather try something with more of the "steady paycheck 9 - 5" kind of thing going on, you might try going to a temp agency. That's how I got the job I currently have. I was hired as a temp, showed promise, dedication to my job... and received a management offer just six months later.

You know, in reading your post, a thought occurred to me. Do you have any business management experience? If you do, combining THAT with your SERVING experience would be a fantastic combination for running an inn!

Best of luck to you and don't let this "dime job" get in the way of a brilliant future!

Well at least you did look into it! Maybe you'll get a break somehow? Good luck again!

Originally posted by Lynn

You know what I'd really love to do? Own and operate my own Inn, or a B&B. But I have to admit, I don't have any training, or any idea how I'd begin. But it has been a dream of mine for a long time. Or even my own restaurant.... *sighs*

I'll say a little prayer for you :)

Hi Lynn.....

Im sorry to hear about that crappy stuff......I know how it feels because years ago, I had this job which was a great part-time cash job and I was really good at it (while I was running my business), then this woman started and was quite competative with me, and eventually it led to me leaving, because it was just too hard to deal with.....

Anyhow, I hadn't even finished reading your post and I was thinking.....There is a reason for this, as annoying as it is, there is a reason you are not meant to be working there.....Then when you mentioned that you were interested in having your own business, I had a really good feeling about it......

I think this is a fantastic idea!!!:).....I never ever thought Id have MY own business......It just happened.....I did a 3 year Fashion Design Course (which was really really hard, @ the age of 23), and when I left I got a job immediately with this guy that owned 5 shops......Then after a year he told me that he had to let me go....And then I started making some leather chokers and this large chain store bought them.......Then.....That was IT....I just went from there.....I DID do some temporary secretarial work inbetween to finance it, also my boyfriend at the time supported me.....

Now I make Fashion Accessories full-time and sell to quite a few shops in Australia, HongKong, Sweden, and plans to sell to other countries eventually....

Its not that hard you know Lynn.....I never thought I would have my own business....This could be a direction your life is taking....Even if not now....Then later down the track.....:)Tinks

Lynn, congratualtions... you have now joined the ranks of some of the most wonderful people in the world. You are right... it is not fair. But it is life. Just don't let this be about WHO you are and your self-esteem.

And YES.. put a cover letter on your applications! It sets you up above the rest. I lost a job in 1990 and started my own company. We ended up with over a half million dollars in business one year. So dream and dream big! Good luck!

PS... what about the OWNER.... what do they say?

Lynn, I just wanted to say that I'm sorry that you lost your job. :( If it were me, I'd definitely have to question the boss regarding why she made that decision... just for the principle.

Good luck to you!

Lynn, I am so sorry about your job
Ah, the restaurant biz, I know it well. It was being a waitress that motivated me to be a chef. I found out there are just as many drawbacks there too. The restaurant business can be heartless and very impersonal. I finally found my niche in catering. Not sure if I would ever go back to cooking for a restaurant or hotel.

Please don't let this give you too much grief - easier said than done, I know. It's not easy getting back out there in that job search mode again, as looking for a job is a job!.
But remain optimistic and know you have a lot to offer by way of experience and knowledge of the business.

There was a place I was cooking quite a few years ago where I did not get along with the woman in charge. She was older than me and had worked her way up to the top from being a dishwasher, (which I actually respected a great deal). She didn't have the culinary arts training, (or a chef's certificate), like I did and she felt threatened by that and she thought I wanted her job, (which I didn't - I was perfectly happy with the position I had, eventhough I could out-cook her blindfolderd). It was so obvious that she disliked me, even my coworkers remarked to me about how unfair she was. She scheduled me the worst hours and the scrutiny she put me under was unyeilding, (she always found fault with everything I did). She would have me clean more than she had me cook. It didn't settle with me well at all, but I kept it to myself. Little by little she took away my hours, (obviously hoping that I would quit), but I hung in there. At my 90 day evaluation, she gave me a passing report, which should have been much better than it was, but after that, she got even worse.
One day she called me in and laid me off - she said there just wasn't enough work. I knew she was full of it, but there was nothing I could really do. I did say to her though, that as soon as any work came in sight, I wanted it and she guaranteed me that would be the case, (as when you lay someone off, yes, when a position comes open, that laid off person is first in line for it).

About a week later I found an ad in the paper from this place I was laid off from looking for help to fill my position. I was livid to say the least. I went right over her head, sent registered letters and complained and then met with her boss. They hired me back - they had to.
The job did end up fizzling out for me as I found a higher paying job a few months later, but I am very glad that I stood up for myself and didn't sit back and allow this woman to underhandedly get rid of me like that.
I heard a couple years later, she was fired for things like she had done to me. Good

There are times we need to step up and defend our positions. I am not saying that this is what you should do, but please know that you have rights too, even as the most recently hired. You should have gotten that waitress position and you know it. If you were to fight for that now, yes, they might make it miserable for you to be there, but keep that in mind for the next job you get and you will get another job!!

I am keeping positive thoughts for you!!
Hang in there girlfriend!

Bubblee Sometimes we need somebody to close a door so we can go find an open window. They may have done you a favor in the long run, you know? Exactly what I've been telling myself... although I have my long moments of frustration. But I must admit, I am so glad I posted this thread. I wasn't sure if I should or not, but now that I have, and read such positive feedback from all of you, I am not feeling nearly so upset as I was.

MrsHedgeHog, at the last restaurant I worked for, 11 years ago, the new management placed me in an assistant management position, which I felt reluctant to take, because 2 girls had seniority over me... I just didn't want to displace someone who maybe should've had the position over me. However, I carried on with it, so I suppose you could say I've some management skills. Best of luck to you and don't let this "dime job" get in the way of a brilliant future! I love this! Thank you.

DaBollocks... I bought the book... ;)

Yavor... *hugs* Aww thank you so much.

You know, I was reading your post Tinkabell, and actually felt like maybe this could happen for me. Sometimes when I'd think about what I wanted to do, it was always like just a wish that you really never believed would happen no matter how much you want it to. Maybe because of that old saying, "It takes money to make money".... something that always seemed a bit scarce around my home. Well, I'm getting a lot of good advice here, and encouragement. Congratulations to you!! Do you make all of your accessories?

Yellowrose, I went out tonight and did one step better.... I talked in person to the owner of the finest dining restaurant in our town. I 'think' (I hope) I impressed him enough. He said when his one waitress leaves early in the summer that he would like for me to come see him personally. He left his card, gave me the menu to study, asked me if I'd learn to make the drinks on the list, and to come back every month for each new menu. Wow, I'm shaking!

But to answer your question, the Owner is the boss! And that was another thing..... she took the management away from her manager!! I can't figure that one out at all... why have a manager that you don't allow to manage? :confused:

Whiterose, I do want to confront the boss, but after talking to all of you here, I wonder if maybe I should wait until I get another position.... then talk. Although I'm beginning to seriously wonder if it's even worth it now.

You all are so great. Thank you all for responding to this for me. *hugs*

Lynn.....

Glad your feeling better......Was that pic of you taken on a boat, it looks nice.....

Keep up the good work, Im sure you will be working in no time....

Yes I make all my own Accessories, I work with leather, beads, plastic, rubber, metal....and at the moment Im making mainly Mens Accessories, because it just got too much trying to do Womens as well......

I have just started organising manufacturing in China, but trying to keep the product looking good.....Its hard, but not impossible....:)

Sage, I don't know how I missed your post. I didn't see it until right now. What you went through in your position with that small minded woman is similar to what I went through. The boss/owner, when she took over scheduling from the manager, didn't so much as give me the worst hours as she did the least desired stations. There are two areas at that restaurant, the main 'Great' room, and the more elegant 'Dining' room. I got put back in the dining room, which was quieter, and more isolated. Although the hostess' job was to rotate seating, the boss often withheld my fair share so as to fill up the Great room first. So many times I'd only have maybe 5 or 6 tables, and walk out front and those 2 waitresses had 8 or 9 tables. Rather unfair.

You know, if this was the action of a manager, in which the boss had nothing whatsoever to do with, I'd have already been down there fighting to get my job back. Well being as she IS the owner and the boss, I'm not sure there is anything I can do. I honestly do want to make it 'felt' with her that what she did was totally wrong and unethical, yet I no longer feel I could work in that establishment. I found out that 5 of the 8 waitresses there are from a particular tavern in the outskirts of our area. Barmaids, so to speak, and most are quite the drinkers. I was a little surprised to say the least, since the restaurant is supposedly a higher class than your average diner. Goes to show how much I know about people, even while working with them. Sometimes I think I'm the most naive person in the world.

Tinkabell, I'm not on a boat but standing by Lake Cresent, on the Olympic Peninsula in Washington state. Took a trip there a year and a half ago.

I always find handmade items to be of much better quality than factory made. Do you also have your own website?

Hi Lynn.....

I guess it must be just a case of her taking a disliking to you....I don't know if sitting down, quiertly, and talking about it with her face to face would help.....I guess its kind of hard for someone to say 'well I just don't like you'....

It happened to me once -> I befriended this girl that had recently moved into town, one of my other male friends took a liking to her, and wanted me to 'set them up', but he had a girlfriend, so I kept putting it off.....Eventually me and him had a fight and were not talking....A few months later I heard that he had left his girlfriend and they were 'together'......Since that happened she started getting distant with me, to the point where I would see her on the street and she wouldn't even say hi.....I approached her at the Cafe one morning......She got really angry, told me she didn't like me and didn't like the way I conducted myself, then they both left the cafe and never went there again.......Weird hey?.....To this day I don't know why.....But they are still together, I see them 'around'....

I guess if you feel you would benefit from some kind of mild confrontation, fact to face talk, then why not....Its doesn't have to mean that you want to work there again.....its hard to work out why some people behave the way they do, when often they don't even know themselves....LoL

Webside......Yes, I am working on it.....And Im trying to get the makers to produce the articles so they look as close to hand-made as they can!!.....There is some great stuff coming out of China at the moment, you just have to keep on to them and guiding them.....They don't seem to know otherwise...LoL

Well a little update. I talked to the sister of the owner. She and I have been friends for awhile, and recently went through an operation which kept her away from the happenings at the restaurant. Anyway, she popped in over there a few days ago and learned about the recent events. But she had no idea I wasn't there anymore, just assumed I was still coming in for the fill-ins.

Well, seems that 'new' girl couldn't handle it, and quit after only 2 days, leaving the owners without a 3rd waitress for their busy Saturday morning. Then, on top of that, a dishwasher walked out, and then one of the cooks. Just up and left, and according to my friend, they both said they couldn't take the way things were being run there anymore.

Poetic justice I say!! Well, Mrs Owner/boss started to go haywire, so 'Mr' Owner/boss forced her to take a holiday away from the restaurant for a week. They're down in Las Vegas this week, and the sister says the restaurant "can burn to the ground for all I care!" LOL, I know this is bad of me, but I can't help from feeling GLAD that girl left them!

Puhlease don't confront your boss with anything. If anything, it will just make matters worse for you. Word might get around in restaurant circles that you are hard to work with or worse. Any job nowadays is unstable and unsteady. I've met high ranking execs that have been let go along with lower line employees. It's the nature of the beast. You should pick up your cleaning business again and this time don't drop it, work around the cleaning business. Also, get another wait job, they are easy to find in a larger town.

Nil carborundum illigitimi!