we're going to get some help..

Hi, Just an update. As some of you know my boyfriend and I have been going through a rough patch lately. We are at the point where if something does'nt change we are going to break up.

We are both so scared of this relationship, My being 40 and he 26, The children issue, and so on.. I talked to a good friend of mine who he knows also, and he has agreed to come over tonight and sit down with us and talk. He is a therapist who usally deals with abused children, but he says he can probably be of some use to us. he says we both know inside what we really want and what our fears are but by sitting down with him in an informal setting and talking it out we willbe able to see things more clearly..

He has known me since we were 14 so he has good insight into my issues. His biggest observation was that My boyfriend was feeding on my fears and that I was dishing them up by the platefull. Lol. Well we shall see if this helps. Because Neither one of us can go on the way things are.

I'll Update tomorrow and let you know how this turns out.. Wish me luck. Thanks for all the support.Becca

Thats good....I hope it works out.....It can take a while to sort through stuff like this.....Sometimes many months...

I have seen it happen with other couples.....And with some of them it has worked out really well:).....They stayed together and worked through it.....I hope this for you as well......Its good that you are 'both' giving it a go.....Good luck:)Tinks

good for you...as long as you both keep an open mind about the issues, you should be able to work through them.

Remember, just about anything is workable. Good luck.

Paris

Becca good luck with the therapy, I think its a great idea especially if you have a man who wants to go there with you. I think that is the first hurdle to get over, getting both parties on the same page and having honest open dialogue about the issues. The other obviously is having a therapist you trust and feel comfortable with, sounds like you've found that person. Hope it goes well let us know k love chez

Becca, this is excellent.

I'm glad to hear that your boyfriend (and you) are open to sitting down with a third-party.

Best of luck. I hope it went well last night.

SG

Well we had our therapy session last night. My friend was here till 11:30 and we did'nt go to bed till after 2. it was very interesting, he questioned us seperatly then we all got together to compare the answers. What it boils down to is that he has major commitment issues and I have a huge fear of rejection. We love each other and want it to work and we at least now know what the problems are.

It was very interesting we have determined that age issue is not that big of a deal for him, he has used that lately as a scapegoat when the real problem lies with him be afraid he is going to make a mistake and commit to any relationship and then be stuck in something that is not healthy. He grew up in a house where his parents did nothing but scream at each other all the time. He said they should have divorced years before they did but stayed together because of him .

I feel alot better now that we have our cards on the table so to speak. It says alot to me that he is willing to talk about these things with my friend. And also stay up till 2 when he had to be up at 6:30 for work this morning..

I still have alot of stuff to work out with my fears of getting older and his leaving me. But the truth is I would still be freaking out about turning 40 if i were dateing someone my own age. We will just see how this goes. Becca

Becca are you sure his name isn't Daniel JK LOL. Glad to hear it all went well, at least you are off to a good start. We all ahve work to do, I don't think self caring ever ends, here's hoping you two grow together love chez