Having troubles

Ok first off I am 47 and boyfriend is 20....he's very serious about our relationship very loving very caring but problem is....my daughters come to town and he gets put off to the side and is jealous? We haven't broken the news to my daughters as of yet about our relationship they know I am seeing someone but they don't know who yet. So basically when they come to visit we avoid each other for a couple of days and when we do see each again he pretty much does a pout routine and tells me how I don't care about him etc. My daughters come around maybe once every 2 months so this doesn't happen often enough to be a norm. I asked him if he wants our relationship out in the open and I honestly believe he is afraid of my daughters and their reaction so he's in no rush for it. I really don't know how to handle this, he doesn't want things opened up yet but he makes such a big deal about not seeing me for 2 days I wonder what he really wants???

advise please thanks....deb

He wants to be thought of as a legitimate person in your life. By keeping him a secret from your daughters, he feels like you're embarrassed by who he is.

I can tell you from my own experience, the exact reverse of yours, (but same age gap: me 27 yrs older than him) that it doesn't feel good at all....eventually, after 3 years of me not being introduced to his family, it was the straw that broke us up.

You don't say how old your relationship is. If it's fairly new, I can understand your reluctance....if it's more than a few months old, and you are serious about this person, then you'd better examine how you're going to deal with this...

Welcome to Ageless!

From my experience when my ym thought the relationship had gone beyond casual dating he wanted to be a part of my life and that included kids, family and friends. He let me know that he was ready and no longer wanted to keep things "on the downlow". In my case I wasnt ready to expose the relationship to everyone because I was worried about their reaction. He let me know that we were in the relationship together and that the only ones that he was concerned about was my teen daughter. After her, no one else really mattered, they could accept it or not.
In my case it was easy with my daughters, but not so easy with everyone else, but they're getting used to us being a happy couple.

I suggest that you talk about it first and go from there. Because if you guys are serious you're going to have to deal with it sooner or later.

I wish you the best.

Welcome to Ageless!

I think you are experiencing a crisis of monumental proportions in your relationship even though it may not feel like it at first. You have to decide to include him *in* to your family circle, or risk losing his love. And it's not that he is in the wrong. Most of us, if we were hidden by our lover for any reason would have a hard time dealing with that emotionally.

I think the Age Gap relationships only work in cases where both partners are resolved that they are going to be a couple, and be damned to the nay sayers.

Tristy ~

Welcome!

When you say that he's in no rush, does this mean he has said that he's not ready for your daughters to know about your relationship? If this is the case, he can't have it both ways - keeping things quiet for now AND not being away from you when your daughters come to visit.

If he does want your daughters to know, then what's holding you back?

Would you introduce him if he were closer to your own age? If so, why not treat him the same way? I never held back from introducing my ex (17 year difference) to my friends, family and co-workers. I treated him like any other guy that I might be dating to see what would happen. I did this because I felt that if I was embarrassed in the first place that I shouldn't be dating him in the first place.

If you're not embarrassed, then I'd say introduce him. It's not as if you're going to tell them you're getting married next month (or at least it doesn't sound like the two of you are at that stage). This is a guy that you're dating.

I feel that it is unhealthy to live a relationship in a vacuum. You know what I mean. An 'isolated' relationship can take on a surreal quality when you try to move it from isolated to the 'real world' if it stays isolated for too long. Much as it can be difficult to add the new men that we date (regardless of age) to our real lives, we have to if we want to see if the relationship itself is real, or if it just exists in a limited context.

I know that regardless of age, we may sometimes hold back on introductions for a while.

I'm merely suggesting that you evaluate your timeline for introductions based on the relationship itself, and not his age. If you can do this, then you have solid ground to stand on if you're not ready to make introductions to your family. If it's just his age, I suggest reconsidering the relationship, or at least clarifying its context in your life.

SG