Frustrated

Hi,

I need some advise on what to do with the relationship I was in or am in not sure anymore. Well here it goes, I am 43 and have been seperated for over a year I started seeing this guy who is 29, but all I did was talk about my ex, and all my problems, now I think I have lost him. He says he needs his space, so I gave it to him but he called me everyday. Now we are not talking much at all, seems everytime we do we fight about something. I love this guy and have expressed it to him several times, at one time he would say the same not anymore. What do I do..............................my heart is broken.

Shar

I am 43 and have been seperated for over a year I started seeing this guy who is 29, but all I did was talk about my ex, and all my problems, now I think I have lost him.

I'm sorry this happened to you and I'm sure you are hurting :( I'm also glad that you met somebody who had been generous with a listening ear when you've needed one.

I'm not sure what helpful advice I could give you but I think he is giving you some clear hints that he does indeed need some space. I think you both might benefit from being friends for awhile without pursuing something more while each of you sort through how you feel inside.

Maybe after awhile you will be able to rekindle your romance...time only knows. Best of luck to you shar :)

Thanks so much I think you maybe right. I can only hope that things work out later................

I would recommend you to come up with plan B (don't let it get to you too much) even if you still like him....

Welcome to agelesslove Shar. I am going to move your thread to the OW/YM Relationship Support forum where you'll receive more responses.

Whiterose
Moderator

Hi Shar,

My advice is be very unavailable to him. Why? Because when guys get in this mode which a famous book calls the cave, you need to just let him go in there and sort stuff out.

If he loves you he will be back on the doorstep and you guys can get a fresh start but let it be his idea.

I wish you luck with this, I know its hard, Ive been there/done that!!

Heather

I agree that you should give him some time and also it sounds as if you need some time as well. You mentioned that you spoke frequently of an ex situation with this man.

Why do you think that you did that so often?

Is there leftover feelings in regards to the ex, positive or negative ?

Are you really ready to move into a relationship?

Could it be that you need some time to think things through and get in touch with yourself. Sometimes ex's can leave us damaged and we really dont realize it until we're in another relationship. Each relationship is new why make the old such a focus, plus who wants to hear about the ex all of the time.

Hopefully after some time and soul searching you'll both be ready to move forward with your relationship.

I would give the ex a rest...obviously that chapter of your life isn't over and you're still trying to find yourself out of it while maintaining another relationship...your heart may be in it, but not your head or your soul.

it takes some getting used to not being in a marriage relationship anymore, which is why alot of people would advise giving yourself time to regroup. for some people it can take a few years to "wash that man right out of your hair". Even if the relationship was in the ditch way before you separated.

If he's not telling you he's in love with you anymore, let him go...concentrate on you and getting yourself to a place where any guy recognizes your inner beauty and want to be a part of it. You may or may not have sunk this one, but this is about you now...while he's in his "cave"...you need to retreat to yours and figure out who exactly are you going to be for the rest of your life. Love is great, true, but its even better when we're giving it freely with no baggage and its being receive in the same spirit of joy.

Paris

I truely believe in the "Cave" theory, although some of the guys here could probably give more insight. I am in love with a guy who is 11 years younger. Problem is that I am still in a long term relationship and just can't "find the door" if you know what I mean. The Love of my life and I have not taken the relationship past talking...we have never even kissed ! We do not want to "cheat". We would talk daily, but one day he stopped calling!! I was devastated...thought maybe his patience had worn thin. :confused:

One day, a few months later I decided to write a letter. I kept it short..sweet and not too heavy. I told him that communication was important. Well, the next week he called. He is now talking marriage!! Unreal. I'm taking things one step at a time and I'm not sure if he was serious...but I know that he loves me. :)

I need help from someone whom has been thru the breakup state of a long term relationship. Is there ever an easy way??

Don't judge me too harshly, my soon to be ex was treating me terrible (he is younger too) called me names...always using the word "old" before the name calling. Now he senses I have one foot out the door and is changing his tune.

Hi,

I need some advise on what to do with the relationship I was in or am in not sure anymore. Well here it goes, I am 43 and have been seperated for over a year I started seeing this guy who is 29, but all I did was talk about my ex, and all my problems, now I think I have lost him. He says he needs his space, so I gave it to him but he called me everyday. Now we are not talking much at all, seems everytime we do we fight about something. I love this guy and have expressed it to him several times, at one time he would say the same not anymore. What do I do..............................my heart is broken.

Shar

My first thoughts when reading this is that it seems 'you' are not quite ready yet for another relationship if you're talking about your ex and problems. That'd be a big turn off for me if someone I was interested in did that. I agree with those that suggest time to get yourself together. Let go of the old and make way for the new you.

End the other relationship for its own reasons not to be with this other guy, then when your all out of it, completely, see if you and this other man have something worthwhile.

I did this with my ex husband. I ended my marriage and moved on before letting anyone else too close to me. Mostly for the sake of the other person than my own self, I did not want to involve someone in such a messy thing.

My current bf has lots to deal with still about my ex husband. For instance my ex husband has H IV, each time he gets sick at all, even a cold I go into a cold panic. Not because Im in love but because he is the father of my child and it will break her heart,also there are a lot of legalities that are going to come up if anything ever happens to him. Just scary.

Also he is still trying to control my life, this also affects my boyfriend as he gets very frustrated that I wont go to court to stop some of it.

Just be aware a long term relationship is just that, long term and it takes a very long time to untangle the web.