I'm new & my introduction!

Hello! I am new to this site. I decided to check into a support group to help me through some difficult marital issues. First of all, my name is Brenda and I will be 45 soon. I've been married nearly 24 years and we have three sons. I am a preschool teacher and I love working with children.

My husband and I have been through so much I wouldn't know where to begin. Anyway my most painful issue is that my husband does not seem to want to listen to me at all. I am going through some health issues and he clearly does not want to hear them. When we go out to dinner my husband sits with our boys and leaves me to sit at the other end of the table. The four of them laugh and carry on as to have no concern for me. I feel alone and at the same time I feel disrespected. I try to have conversations with my husband at night when he comes to bed but he lies flat on his back, looks at the ceiling and covers his eyes with his arms. He gets aggravated when I want to talk. He gets mean when I turn him down sexually. I feel my husband only wants me for one thing!

He wonders why I seem to hate him! I do actually. When he does talk to me he doesn't look into my eyes. He continues to look at other women which drives me crazy. I feel fat, old and ugly the way it is. What is going on? I don't know what to do or where to go for help. I think counseling would be a waste of time.

Sometimes I dream about living on my own but as a preschool teacher I do not make enough to support myself on my own. I feel trapped and obligated to stay because of the children. I don't know if I want a divorce. I'm very confused and hurt.

Maybe you are going through the same thing. If so, do you have any advice?
:(

Hi Brenda,
I don't really have anything I can offer except a big virtual internet hug! I'm 28 and don't have kids, and aren't married so it's hard for me to help. But, that really sounds like a really unhappy marriage - it needs to be a partnership! He has no right to disrespect you like that. It seems like he is treating you like a maid with benefits. Do you have a good relationship with your kids? How old are they? What do they think of the way he treats you? Do they treat you the same way?

It sounds like you've tried and tried to make it work. Why do you think counselling won't help?

I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this. From what you've said, if you do hate him and don't see it working out between the two of you, I'd think seriously about a divorce and try to figure out a way to afford living on my own. You deserve to be happy!

Good luck - maybe others here can provide more insight for you.

I can certainly relate. My Live-in for many years was charming one minute and verbally abusive the next. I never knew if I was coming or going. Now that I am ready to leave he wants to "change"....my fear is how long will that last.
There is someone else in my life, he loves me and wants me to leave my situation. I have not cheated....We have never even kissed! But both men are younger than me by about 12 years...the new guy says he loves me and the age difference is not a difference...the guy I'm trying to leave has always made comments about my age...and not good ones!!
Now that I want to leave I feel guilty and to be honest I'm scared! I cannot give any advice because I'm not a great example right now...maybe we can help each other thru these situations!

Hello! I am new to this site. I decided to check into a support group to help me through some difficult marital issues. First of all, my name is Brenda and I will be 45 soon. I've been married nearly 24 years and we have three sons. I am a preschool teacher and I love working with children.

My husband and I have been through so much I wouldn't know where to begin. Anyway my most painful issue is that my husband does not seem to want to listen to me at all. I am going through some health issues and he clearly does not want to hear them. When we go out to dinner my husband sits with our boys and leaves me to sit at the other end of the table. The four of them laugh and carry on as to have no concern for me. I feel alone and at the same time I feel disrespected. I try to have conversations with my husband at night when he comes to bed but he lies flat on his back, looks at the ceiling and covers his eyes with his arms. He gets aggravated when I want to talk. He gets mean when I turn him down sexually. I feel my husband only wants me for one thing!

He wonders why I seem to hate him! I do actually. When he does talk to me he doesn't look into my eyes. He continues to look at other women which drives me crazy. I feel fat, old and ugly the way it is. What is going on? I don't know what to do or where to go for help. I think counseling would be a waste of time.

Sometimes I dream about living on my own but as a preschool teacher I do not make enough to support myself on my own. I feel trapped and obligated to stay because of the children. I don't know if I want a divorce. I'm very confused and hurt.

Maybe you are going through the same thing. If so, do you have any advice?
:(

im new myself, but i'm sorry to hear about your situation thats got to be tough
if he is cheating on you, divorce him, I would. Unless you really love this guy and dont want to let him go, I say get rid of him, he will only keep hurting you.
As for not making enough to get out on your own, do you have a friend or family member you can stay with till you get on your feet? What about a loan?

Anyways i'm new also ;)

Look into your states laws. IF you find out he has cheated on you (I would suspect as much from his behavior, to be honest), then you can file for divorce based on "adultry."

You've been married over 20 years. In many states, if you divorce for cause then you can receive alimony support, as well as child support.

However, if you're merely unhappy, which could very well be the case, thoroughly research your states divorce and property laws before going that direction.

Sounds like you're truly stuck in a rut in your marriage. Can you look back and see happier times? Is it worth it to you to save or try to save the marriage for ANY reason other than "the kids?"

If you did love him once, PLEASE seek counseling for yourself. Your counselor may advise that couples counseling is in order. If he refuses to attend with you, then you'll have a sure fire sign of the status of your relationship.

I'm so sorry you're in this place.
~phosphorescent