children

I'm not a parent but I have something to ask anyhow.

Should a parent treat their children equally in all cases?

Or should they treat their children on the basis of each child's personality and needs?

I treat my children differenty. For just that reason. They are two VERY different kids. To outsiders it may seem like I do more for one than the other but that is because one is more independant and one is more needy.

For example: My oldest could ice-skate and ride his bike by 3 but couldn't speak a word ( or wouldn't) yet my youngest can talk a mile a clear minute and can not ride even a tri-cycle.

My oldest gets more money on his b-day from his aunt as a right of passage and I am cool with that. There has to be some perks to being the oldest. The youngest I am more relaxed with and he gets other things during the day that the oldest doesn't get.

Both my kids know I love them equally. I hope. I do not favour. I don't like one more than the other. I don't love one less than the other. They are definetly two different kids though.
Why?
~Jenna

If I tried to treat them all equally I think I would go insane without a palm pilot database to keep "score" and track the individual attention/gifts/whatever.

My children are 4, 6, 8 and their brother who comes for holidays and some weekends is nearly 9.

I don't use a scale to dole out dessert or count minutes of individual one-on-one time. My oldest son receives money for treats/snacks at school during recess.

Their physical, emotional and psychological needs are different...if I treated them equally they would be missing out on some key advantages of being different ages and stages of life.

Plus, I think that since they learn to deal with the disappointments and joys of being treated as individuals in the home that they are better prepared to deal with REAL LIFE as an adult outside the home as productive citizens in a world that is anything but fair.

Well Said!!! Exactly what I meant too! :D

~Jenna

I have two kids, a 9 year old boy and a 4 year old girl. I do everything within my power to treat both of them with equality of fairness. IF one of them does something good, that one is rewarded. Bad, that one is punished. But, I do not ~ for example ~ place one child under one set of rules and expectations and the other child under a DIFFERENT set of rules and expectations.

The rules are the rules of the house. They will be followed and the punishments metted out are not based on their sex or me playing favorites. Yes, the punishments change in different age groups, but those age groups are part of the "rules." For example, I don't expect my four year old to do chores as punishment, per say, she gets time outs. Once she's a little older, she will do certain chores like my 9 year old does.

My rules and expectations and affections stay the same. Yet, I can still treat each child individually based on their individual needs, so long as I'm not changing the rules or playing favorites with my affections, then neither of them should feel "you loved my sibling more.... " waaaa...

~phos

I have two kids, a 9 year old boy and a 4 year old girl. I do everything within my power to treat both of them with equality of fairness. IF one of them does something good, that one is rewarded. Bad, that one is punished. But, I do not ~ for example ~ place one child under one set of rules and expectations and the other child under a DIFFERENT set of rules and expectations.

The rules are the rules of the house. They will be followed and the punishments metted out are not based on their sex or me playing favorites. Yes, the punishments change in different age groups, but those age groups are part of the "rules." For example, I don't expect my four year old to do chores as punishment, per say, she gets time outs. Once she's a little older, she will do certain chores like my 9 year old does.

My rules and expectations and affections stay the same. Yet, I can still treat each child individually based on their individual needs, so long as I'm not changing the rules or playing favorites with my affections, then neither of them should feel "you loved my sibling more.... " waaaa...

~phos

What Fos Said :)

I only have one child... but I think they deserve to be equal.... :)

I tried to treat all mine equally, but as far as mine are concerned, i have two close together and the last one at home is six years from her two older brothers. They were three different people with different and exacting needs as they grew.

Case in point my first was an open book in his growing, the second was the quiet reserved one, whom talking with was like pulling teeth, but you knew where you stood with him and then there is my daughter who is an inbetween type person who will sometimes express or will not.

I have 3
My daughter 19 almost 20 in Aug only girl I respect her so much she says I was hard on her being that she was the oldest..I say I tried to show her to be a strong young lady she always had my undivided attention but I had her as a teen and I stepped up and married her dad and tried to be the best mom I could(long story)

my older son 14..he says though he knows he is loved he says being in the middle is hard cuz you always get looked over by what the oldest has done and what the youngest is doing..I see his point and I try so hard to catch myself

now my youngest a boy 9 almost 10 in June he is my struggle he has a learning disorder DYSLEXIA so he needs 24/7 help its hard dealing and sometimes I get lost in him

I am equal to a T but to say they get treated one better than the other no way .they all have my unconditional love there is nothing they can do to make me feel different I love my kids so much and if you ask them they will tell they are Loved ;)