Advice

Ok...I really think that I will be leaving my BF for the love of my life. He mentioned marriage the last time we talked and I'm sure he is the one. My current guy was nasty, used my age against me (both guys are about 12 years younger), and he never wanted to marry. Now that he has sensed that he is losing me he has started to change. It's too late, I don't want to sleep with him and I get irritated when he is near me.
I need help...should I just tell him I'm leaving...end of story? Or should I tell him there is someone else? Or...should I just sneak out one day?? I'm so confused. We were together a long time and I make more money then he does so he will be left financially stuck. I don't like hurting a fly...let alone someone I've been with for 14 years!!
Thoughts...(and be kind to me...I was at the end of my rope when prince charming came along...and we have not cheated YET).
:confused:

Here's a hug, Rosy - just to be kind! And, congratulations on holding off consummating a new relationship until you've cleared up this one, it's the best thing for all three of you.

Should you tell him that you have found someone else? I don't think so, what good will come from it? It will only hurt him or anger him. If you want to tell him in the hope that he will let you go more easily, you may get exactly the opposite effect. And, you know, you don't NEED a reason to validate your decision to end the relationship beyond, "I'm sorry but I'm not happy with you and I want to be free of this relationship."

Now, the following opinions are valid ONLY if you are NOT afraid of him:
Should you tell him that the relationship is over? Absolutely.
Financially, it would be kind if you could move out for awhile or otherwise help give him an opportunity to get onto his own two feet.

GOOD LUCK!

I agree with Chatterbox...don't tell him about the other guy...unless you're sure he's not going to slap you down a flight of stairs. you're hurting an ego now and after 14 years, gosh, he may not take it really well.

Even if you did not consumate this new relationship, you are emotionally involve and for some people emotional cheating is just as unforgiveable...which in his eyes keeps you from working the relationship with him and that's all he's going to see. I wouldn't see the other guy either, not until you've cleared out of this relationship. Don't give the long timer an opportunity to react to outside influences.

Just tell him its not working for you and state why. Than set about negiotating how you both can make this break amicably. Stay strong, stay focus...everything will work out.

How long have you been "involve" with the other guy? I hope you would move into your own place before you move in with another guy, but of cause that's up to you, but give yourself time to adjust to being you again, before you take on another "we" situation just because he's talking marriage. Good luck.

Paris

Thanks so much for you input. It really, really helped...I feel confused. Part of the reason that I have not moved into my own place is purely financial...as it is with most people. I can do it...but then when we marry we would need to sell and that can take a long time in this market (right now it's a sellers market). He is talking about he and I buying his parents house on the water and getting married. I to feel apprehensive about diving right in from one relationship to another...but it just makes so much more sense. I am ready and he is ready (that doesn't mean I'm not scared!). :eek:
As far as the current guy...I don't think it's ever easy, but the things you guys say make sense. He will probably be much happier in the long run and will learn to stand on his own two feet. I'm sure he will be angry and since he can have a hot temper I do worry about him seeing red and doing something he will regret later. :eek: