Waiting
04-01-2005, 05:38 AM
T and I split up the other week (my decision). The short version of the story is, he was hiding the fact that he'd been fired from me, and when that came out, other secrets he'd kept and lies he'd told came out as well. As long as he didn't tell me (or his family) that anything was wrong, he could pretend to himself that everything was going fine, too.
It's been rough -- I still love him very much. I don't know if this makes much sense, but if we were at an earlier point in our relationship, I'd probably forgive him. But after three years, we were heading towards moving in together and the possibility of marriage. That's not something I can do if we can't trust each other, and I'm uninterested in trying to move our relationship backwards to something casual.
I'm still talking to him regularly, and pushing for him to try some counseling about his tendency to live in denial. He's trying to pull his life back together. If he can do both those things, maybe I can work out a way to trust him again, and we can give this another go. I'm trying to be hopeful, but it's hard.
It's been rough -- I still love him very much. I don't know if this makes much sense, but if we were at an earlier point in our relationship, I'd probably forgive him. But after three years, we were heading towards moving in together and the possibility of marriage. That's not something I can do if we can't trust each other, and I'm uninterested in trying to move our relationship backwards to something casual.
I'm still talking to him regularly, and pushing for him to try some counseling about his tendency to live in denial. He's trying to pull his life back together. If he can do both those things, maybe I can work out a way to trust him again, and we can give this another go. I'm trying to be hopeful, but it's hard.