Need some help

Rather than posting in the New section, I decided to post here, for my struggle concerns relationship of four years.

Right now I'm a 20 year old male, a freshman in college. I met my mistress when I was a sophomore in high school. We started to talk, and things escalated. Before I knew it I was asking her to go with me, she accepted, and we were a well-known couple around the school.

Years went by. We broke up, got back together, broke up, etc. Our break ups would last 2-3 weeks, then we would get back together. One time in particular, when I was 17, our split lasted a month and a half, and I believed us to be over. I found different women, but it didn't feel right. My heart was with her; I knew that I still loved her, and that I always would. I came back to her, and she told me that things were going the same way. Our love was reconstructed, and I can honestly say that I have never felt happier than I did that day.

It was the end of my junior year in high school, and I was getting a 4.0 in the AP program (weighted, 5.0). My future was set, my father told me. I applied and was accepted into Yale, Stanford and Harvard. Though things seemed great, I then realised that this would be the quite official break up of Amanda and I. I talked to her about it for hours. By myself I thought and cried in my room. As senior year came, I made it final: I would give up my dreams to stay with her. She was as happy as I could have ever imagined, and I felt as if I had done what was right.

Now I'm a Freshman at Colorado State University (majoring in Western Philosophy, for those who wondered). Throughout the year I have been with her and we have been happy. Then, Spring Break, I decided to travel to England to see my good friend who was attending Oxford. I learned that she had often been with John, an ex-boyfriend of hers, and a bitter rival of mine. My last day in England she called me. She told me that things weren't working out, and that we can't go together anymore. She hung up, leaving me speechless.

It's now been a month. She isn't seeing John, but neither is she talking to me. I have given up on trying to communicate, for I believe that I there is nothing I can do.

The past weeks have been miserable for me. I have nothing, I have no one. Consolation comes only from tightly gripping a pillow at night and seeing her face in a memory. The few gifts she has given me solely decorate my room. Her smile is my best friend.

This is where I ask for help. People have told me to move on, but I'm quite sure all of you know that that isn't easy, perhaps impossible. My unacquainted friends, I am plagued with a serious sickness. All the friends I once had cannot help me as I lay on this deathbed.

I feel she is more serious than she has ever been in other break ups, and to make matters worse, she has John again, who she often talks on the phone with, etc.

I need direction, and I hope that I have come to the right place.

AnotherWerther

If I had a cure for a broken-heart, I would glady give it. Really, there is no one way. Everyone must deal with things in their own way and.. Time. You must give yourself time. Allow yourself to grieve what was lost in your own way, but continue to do the things you have always done. Be kind and patient with yourself. In some crazy way, all those cliches people tell you have their truths. You are young, things will get better. Fake it till you make it. This too shall pass, and you will be able to come away from this stronger. Blah, blah blah. Maybe those things mean nothing now. You will get through this.

I know you feel your connection with her was deep. But she seems a person who really does not know what she wants. From what I've seen and experienced, couples who continually break-up/make-up, never really manage to fix whatever underlying problems existed in the foundation, and so it's a cycle. If you got back together with her now, do you really see long term success from here on out? Is this what you want for yourself? These are questions only you can answer. I know it's difficult, but sooner or later, you will tire of being the yo-yo, and you will want something more stable and strong. No one wants to live wondering from one day to the next if they will be dumped without warning. Love yourself enough to let her go, and want better for yourself. You deserve it.

PS. EDIT - Maybe a MOD can move this thread to general relationship support so that more people can read and respond? Just a thought.

You were good and loving and generous to take a chance on love. Don't ever lose that. But the reality is that it's always a gamble and sometimes we lose. Looks like you lost here. This is your one wild and precious life (as Katmeup says) and you must live it. There's alot of it left to go. Cry and grieve for your disappointment - you are entitled to that, and then re-apply to Yale, Stanford and Harvard for a mid-college transfer. There are many exciting things left to see and do, with or without Amanda,
and you cannot let her take away your soul. It's very sad, but when there's life, there's hope and eventually you will not hurt as you do now. As Gen says, I don't know how to tell you to get over a broken heart, I can only tell you that you will and that you must. Feel better soon and thanks for sharing your pain. I'm sure you helped someone feeling exactly the same way right now. Love can really be a b-i-t-c-h sometimes.

Four years is a long time of your life at this point in your life....you've been involved with this woman 1/5th of your life!!! It's been a good lesson for you in love and sacrifice; you sound like an upright kind of guy. My guess is that Amanda is changing, as people often do in your age range, and that she is unsure of what she desires for her future. There is nothing to do but accept it for what it is. Even if you could have her back at this point, would you really want it? There has been a lot of pain/damage at this juncture. I think it's time to move forward to your future...to the adventure of your life! Do what YOU want to do with YOUR life. It's your oyster right now, so live it! If the pain is overwhelming, you might need to see someone for counseling or get on an antidepressant for a little while until you feel more stable. I wish you the best.....hang in there!