Is he a weirdo?

Hello,
I am new to the group but I have read through many of the other posts. I was hoping to find posts here that would shed some light on my predicament but I found none. I would never discuss my situation with family or friends because of it is embarrassing to me. However, with anonymity of the internet and these forums, I will post here and see what others think.

I am 23 year old female, never been married, I am dating an older man, 45 years old. We have been going out seriously for 8 months and contemplating moving in together. He is financially secure, generous, caring, and a great man. He has asked me to move in with him and I have sort of said yes. He is truly my dream man. By dilemma is , I am not only worried about the age difference, but in some ways he treats me like a child. Maybe not so much a child, but definitely we seem to be forming a dominant/submissive type relationship. Don't get me wrong, it is not a whips and leather type deal. However, he loves to make me dress certain ways, sometimes he tries to make act in a certain manner, and has even threatened to spank me if I "misbehave". I do not believe that he is truly a dominating type person, he does not act that way to others and does treat me that way in public. I really think it is a fantasy or fetish type thing. I think he is afraid to discuss it with me since he has done so. I am sort of glad he hasn't because I do not know how to react. As our relationship progresses he gets more bold about these fantasies. He has recently threatened to spank me if I don't behave. I keep promising him I will finish reading a book he loaned me and give it back to him but I never seem to get to it. He told me last night if I don't finish it and return it to him by this weekend, he would spank me before we leave for our weekend trip. I am not afraid of him at all. At 1st I was just rationalizing his threats were an age difference issue. I know him well enough that he would not hurt me or anyone, but I am afraid I am getting in over my head. I guess it maybe just a moral issue. I care for him too much to end our relationship.

I guess, bottom-line my fear is, is this wonderful man really a weirdo? Just curious what others think, I have been obsessing over this.

Newbie,
Debbie

WOW!! For real?! Looks like you better get some reading done or you're gettin' a spankin'!! :p Hell, I guess you should see if he really tries to spank ya? Seriously, I'd call him on it! I don't know if having a fetish makes you an automatic weirdo. Hell, plenty people here are into fetishes! Just ask Toe, I mean Joe!! :D Might be something you want to explore?

Well.. it strikes me that its something you're uncomfortable about and that would be my main worry... not that he's a weirdo, or that he has a fetish, but that its something that makes you uncomfortable!

I might have misread, but you said "I do not believe that he is truly a dominating type person, he does not act that way to others and does treat me that way in public." Do you mean he does NOT treat you that way in public? It just read weird to me. LOL. Different answers for different intents, just wanna make sure it was a typo or no?

Because.. if he DOES do this in public, then I'd think he was a weirdo! LOL. And you need to TALK to him, cuz that would be seriously demeaning. But, if he treats you normally and as an equal in public and just plays out his little fantasy of his lil school girl, there's nothing "weird" about that... EXCEPT that it makes you uncomfortable.

And that is why you need to bring it up to him and discuss the appropriateness of it... cuz there are a lot of women out there who LIKE roleplaying and spankings. :D

~phosphorescent

From your description, he hardly sounds like a weirdo. He sounds like he has a bit of a fetish. It sounds quite innocent to me. I think you have to feel comfortable with this type of thing. It sounds like you are making a moral judement. I personally don't see anything morally wrong with what 2 consenting adults do in the privacy of their bedroom. (Or in your case Woodshed lol). If it's a turn off to you, discuss it now and nip it in the bud. If you are not sure, try it, you might like it! You should find out now before you invest more time in the relationship. The worst that can happen is you get a sore rear-end.

For me, if I found a great guy and fell inlove with him and he wanted to spank me when I misbehaved, I would be smashing dinner plates at his feet every night. lol


Darc

Not a weirdo, but seems into role play, which is fine but if one person isnt in on the role they are supposed to be playing it could get a bit awkward LOL....
line please??? ;)

Anyway, I think you two def. need to sit down and talk this one out. Approach him in a non confrontational, warm but serious manner. Like the woman you are. You are not a little girl you are a woman in love right? Time for you to air your concerns and figure out what his take is. Good luck and welcome

i agree with Raven...

I think you need to tell him how your feeling.. it's very important you don't bury your feelings because it could be worse.. he probably doesn't even know he's bothering you...... and it will ONLY get worse.....

Sounds like a fantasy thing rather than a fetish.

In a manner of speaking, he is getting his rocks off by getting you to dress in a certain way that refelcts a particular turn-on he has. He also seems to be taking on a parenting role as well. There is nothing inheriently unhealthy in this, but it can be very annoying to you.

However, the parenting thing will go on only as far as you let it. As others here have suggested, it's time that you make a course correction. Just tell him point blank, that you can dress yourself, and he can stuff the spanking warning and he needs to start treating you with respect and as an adult. I think it is important that you make this a very frank discussion. Because, his reaction will be very telling. He may take it in stride and apologize and modify his behavior and that will be that. Or, he may become defensive and act offended, angry and hurt. If he take offense, you may have a critical problem on your hands.

If telling him to knock-off the domination -- dressing -- and parenting crap makes him angry, you may have burst his fantasy bubble and if so, you might want to ask yourself if his half of the relationship was based on his ability to dress you and buy you things and get you to look and/or act a certain way. He could be viewing you as his personal Barbie doll. Unfortunately, there is a real possibility that much of what you like about this man was/is being driven by his ability to live-out his fantasies as opposed to him caring for you -- for you. Perhaps he cares for you -- for him?

Conversely, did you fall in love with the man you think you did? :confused:

And of course, with all respect to eddiesfairy, there's nothing wrong with a relationship where such activities of submission and domination are limited to the bedroom, or even limited to a scene once every few weeks. Some people desire D/s as a 24/7 lifestyle, some people don't. The important thing is to communicate and negotiate with your OM to make sure you both share an understanding of your relationship and are enjoying your mutual activities.

Thanks for all the feedback... I really appreciate the different opinions and advice. I really feel the issues I have been struggling with are more in my own head than issues with my boyfriend. I believe he has some fantasies he would like to explore and I can be a bit judgemental if I think something is not exactly mainstream. Yes, I have been called too straight and a prude :):)

Bottom-line, I want to fullfill his fantasies. As long as it is not a turn-off to me, which role-playing a naughty girlfiend is not at all, I will go with it and see where it takes us. I have complete faith in him, I know he would never hurt me. That is not to say I am not a little nervous about being spanked if that is where he is really going with this, but I think my curiosity outweighs my fear lol.

I may find out sooner than I thought, I am visiting him tonight.

Thanks again,
This a great forum...
Debbie

Deb wrote: Bottom-line, I want to fullfill his fantasies. :) Now that's the spirit!! deb also wrote: I may find out sooner than I thought, I am visiting him tonight. Oh boy!! I can hardly wait to see what happens! The suspense is terrible! I hope it will last! :p Hey Deb, may I suggest some pigtails & a little school girl uniform for the spanky! ;)

LoL....Dabollocks

Deb....hope you enjoy... ;)

Nu

Okay, I am going to go against the grain here...

I don't know, I think it is kind of strange of him to take that sort of thing out of the bedroom. I think it's very... degrading, almost. He's a lot older and he's acting like your parent, but I assume the two of you are sexual. Sounds like he fantacizes about having sex with his child. Yeah, not cool with me. Go ahead, everyone, think I'm a prude or whatever, but if it's not just a bedroom game, then sounds kind of unhealthy to me. I think people in a relationship should be equal, not parent-and-child-esque.

I understand where you are coming from and that was my 1st line of thought also. But, to be totally honest, he really has not taken it out of the bedroom, or at least he has not said anything in public. I think my initial post was a bit misleading. He has asked me dress a certain way at times, but it was suttle and probably only obvious to me because I was so selfconcious. He has never threaten to spank me in public.

I don't believe there a child attraction at all now. I think he fantasizes about adult women acting as a misbehaved child and not at all about children. That is a subject manner that will be difficult to bring up but if this is going where I think is, I will have discuss this with him.

Thank you for your concern,
debbie

Hey Debbie,
You know how I feel about spankings from our PMs!! I likes em...but Im curious---when he tells you that you'd better not forget his book or you'll get a spanking, is it in like a really silly joking tone and do you say silly or wise-a55 back to him? :p Like all in good fun joking around with some sexual tension in there.....

OR does he sound serious and do you react seriously or not at all? Whats the conversation like?

Just trying to replay this back in my mind here!

That is a difficult question because the tone of the conversation has changed over time. At first very much joking, but the tone has gotten much more serious but still with a sly smile. There is DEFINITELY sexual tension when he warns me. His last comment on the phone last night was "Please don't forget my book Debra, don't think for a minute I won't warm your bottom if you forget it again". The funny thing is, I haven't even open the damn book yet lol. I don't even know what it is about lol

Oh goodie!! Can't wait 'til tomorrow!! :D :p

Well, it sounds like its all in good fun. I guess you won't find out until you meet tonight...lol. Like Samantha from Sex and the City said "I'm a trisexual....I'll try anything once." If you don't enjoy it....at least you can say you tried. Sounds kinky and fun... ;)

Nu

Dabollocks....where you come up with things things....you should be a comedian, seriously...your comments always spark a laugh... :)

Oh boy, oh boy!! Where are you Deb? I'm dyin' over here! How did it go? :D

I have dwelled on this issue for quite sometime but in the last few days I have learned much more about what my boyfriends fantasies/ fetishes or whatever are about. I have played out some of his fantasies and I have realized they are something I also enjoy very much . I know in my heart he is not attracted to children in a "suppressed" way. He is neither a pervert or weirdo. He is not trying to control me in anyway, other than during roleplay. He has quite the imagination and he is not a novice at playing out his fantasies. They are, and have been, a very important part of his life for quite some time. However, they are only part of his life.

I think, as long as we stay within my limits this is something we can both enjoy.

Thank you for all the feedback!
Great Forum!
Debbie

.... but if it's not just a bedroom game, then sounds kind of unhealthy to me. I think people in a relationship should be equal, not parent-and-child-esque.

Yep... not a prude here either (Pink, Trish... )... not by long shot; but, yeah... on the other side of the bedroom door?... Not cool. *red flag*

Yaaaahooooo!! She got SPANKED!! And seems she enjoyed it! I'm so happy! Congrats Deb! :p :D

Congrads....I'm glad you enjoyed your fun with your man. See you tried it and you liked it!

Dabollocks....you are funny....this forum would be dull without you!!! ;)

Nu

The fact that he's asking you to wear certain things, however subtle his request, suggest that there is a certain image he has in mind for you -- for him.

If you don't mind sharing, what does he want you to wear?

I don't mind sharing! His favorite outfit is the school uniform look. I think a lot of men like that look. That style of dress is very easy for me to accomodate, i don't even need to go shopping :):)

Debbie

My dilemma is , I am not only worried about the age difference, but in some ways he treats me like a child. Maybe not so much a child, but definitely we seem to be forming a dominant/submissive type relationship. Don't get me wrong, it is not a whips and leather type deal. However, he loves to make me dress certain ways, sometimes he tries to make act in a certain manner, and has even threatened to spank me if I "misbehave". I do not believe that he is truly a dominating type person, he does not act that way to others and does treat me that way in public. I really think it is a fantasy or fetish type thing. I think he is afraid to discuss it with me since he has done so. I am sort of glad he hasn't because I do not know how to react. As our relationship progresses he gets more bold about these fantasies. He has recently threatened to spank me if I don't behave. I keep promising him I will finish reading a book he loaned me and give it back to him but I never seem to get to it. He told me last night if I don't finish it and return it to him by this weekend, he would spank me before we leave for our weekend trip. I am not afraid of him at all. At 1st I was just rationalizing his threats were an age difference issue. I know him well enough that he would not hurt me or anyone, but I am afraid I am getting in over my head. I guess it maybe just a moral issue. I care for him too much to end our relationship.

I guess, bottom-line my fear is, is this wonderful man really a weirdo? Just curious what others think, I have been obsessing over this.
Debbie,
It looks to me like your friend has some fetishes he wants to act out, and may even lean toward the dom/sub roleplaying. I personally am not into that sort of thing, but there are some couples who are...what I would recommend is that you talk to your boyfriend and let him know up front how you about his behavior. If he is of a sound mind and simply has a fetish for dom/sub roleplaying, he will respect your wishes and not bother you with it. If he tries to get you involved after you talk to him, then he actually is a weirdo and you need to get out of the relationship before it becomes abusive. Plus, if he is a weirdo he needs help...and I do not think any of us here are qualified to help him here.

deb wrote: I don't mind sharing! His favorite outfit is the school uniform look

Ha! I was right!! I knew it!! :cool: This guy is the common, text book fetishist!! Tell me deb, did he bend you over his knee-lap and administer the deed or did he more like prop you up in a certain position? :D :p

Ooooooo...!! Now this is getting interesting. Dabollocks your questions are very straight to the point!!! :cool:

I do have a question...What is so sexual about the school girl look?

Nu

Sounds like things are working out debbie. That is great, as long as you both are in agreement then let go and enjoy it. What two conseneting adults do together is their own business. I had a similar experience several years ago and it was the most exciting relationship of my life.

Enjoy and don't behave ..lol..
Darc

Hi Darc,

Do you mind me asking about the reason you guys broke up . I am really wondering if it had anything to do with your "alternate" lifestyle.

Hope this not getting too personal!
Debbie


I had a similar experience several years ago and it was the most exciting relationship of my life.

Enjoy and don't behave ..lol..
Darc

Yeah Darc, do tell!! Oh my!! :p :D

Hi Debbie,

I can honestly say our "alternate" sexlife had nothing to do with our breakup. That part of our life was great. I think if we stayed together that would still be wonderful.

Enjoy yourself!

Darcy

PS: You DaBallocks are a very bad boy :):)

It starts with a spanking.....next thing you know you will be begging for the crop....I agree with the one that said have fun and dont behave....I personally love my spankings....I get them if i am a good girl too. :D It's honestly not weird...I think it spices things up...but then I spent 17 years with a very dull boy and was married for 10 of those years. I much more prefer the Man I have now...who would never ever harm me emotionally or physically.....but when he pulls out that crop.....I can almost be electrocuted by the sexual tension. I say enjoy your Man and remember you have the right to your limits. It is very important to outline them. But it doesnt hurt to let him push you if you trust him of course. I am happy for you....he sounds like he cares for you, so nice to know that he would never hurt you....that is very important.


Safe Sane & Consentual



Fairy.

Maybe DaBallocks needs a little trip to the woodshed! What do you think Darc..lol ???






PS: You DaBallocks are a very bad boy :):)

Oh goody the woodshed!! Yes, yes, I need to go to the woodshed!! :D :p

DaBollocks!!! I thought a trip to the woodshed would do you wonders but then again, it sounds like you may enjoy it too much :)

Oh goody the woodshed!! Yes, yes, I need to go to the woodshed!! :D :p

Hey, I'd just be happy to be in there somewhere!! :D So how's those rosey bottoms? Any weekend "whacks" given?!! :p ;)