setting up an AG couples' coalition....

did you ever thought of setting up an organisation/association of AG couples?
the purpose is to provide moral support, and defend us against any discrimination, if needed. An organisation that acts in the same way as homosexuals' organisations or gender issues' committees, with lawyers to support us.
Or is there already one that I haven't heard about?

I read a book
there was a group like that called WOOM.
It was in New York.
i wish i could find it but no luck

tried to look up on the web but didn't find any association for AG couples.........Does this means that: (1) at the end of the day we are not discriminated and thus don't need any organisation to defend our rights? (which is positive) (2) or is it a situation that it's not considered to be such a 'big issue' to speak about?

dear cherubino and Skibunny115

i know that infront of the law we don't have anything to fight because we're already equal.
Maybe you have never been discriminated as a consequence of your AG relationship, but I have been discriminated too many times. It's not just about stares of people, I have been left out from certain communities and social circles because of my OG.
Unfortunately it wasn't something official, it is discrimination happening between the lines....so this is the reason why I wrote about it.

there's a huge difference in comparing AG couples and drug addicts and the like! you do well to keep away from certain people.

i already know that government cannot force anyone to speak to me!!! what i mean by coalition is a circle of people who have some thing in common which unites them and offer moral support to each other, and this is already one place that fulfills all these characteristics.

if you read carefully my question again i wrote: 'to defend us against discrimination, if needed'....which does not imply that discrimination is happening everywhere to everyone for sure. but what if someone is refused/fired from a job, or experience sexual harassement and/or bullying for the reason of being in an AG relationship. in certain countries sexual harassement is an offence! This would be pure discrimination and can be punishable by law.

cherubino you may not be interested because you have never been discriminated but I was.

I don't much about law terms but isn't there already a law that protects people from discrimination based on sex, race, color, age etc?

Personally, I think what you're suggesting would only bring AG relationships into a negative light.

I perfectly understand your viewpoint and I do agree with you. I came up with this idea because I had to leave my last job since my colleagues started treating me differently i.e. bullying, malicious teasing etc when they came to know of my relationship with my OG. I spoke to a lawyer, to ask about discrimination issues and if I can do something about it. But he said that it would be very difficult to prove in a court and since I wasn't officially fired I cannot accuse anyone....I cannot accuse anyone for making my life at the workplace difficult and unsustainable.
I was very upset and still am because I used to like the job very much.

Skibunny just read the previous post for your answer

cherubino, if I didn't do my job well, they would have had a good reason to fire me immediately, it's so logic!!!! I had been working there 2 years, and I was always praised and appreciated for what I did...never had problems before.

And yes I did file a complaint when bullying started, but nothing happened because the manager who was also the owner was one of the bullies, and as long as all employees get the work done, the manager wouldn't be bothered about bullying.

Skibunny would you stay working in a place where you are constantly bullied, insulted and teased?

(I'm not from US, I'm from Europe)

in my case it's more than 19 years, it's 31 years. i'm 24 and he's 55... moreover i look younger and he looks older so it's like there's 40 years between us, he is seperated and has 2 sons, and he's italian. This is a wrong mix for many people because italians are considered playboys and looked down to, and a seperated man is never accepted within a religious society.

i said that i had to leave the job because my life at the workplace was humiliating. So I defined it as 'discrimination' because I was indirectly and subtly forced to leave the job. And the fact that there is no official discrimination happening and no official firing, makes it worse, because I cannot accuse anyone for this injustice.

But what would you have done instead of me?

I agree with you sheila and thanks for the suggestions. I think my case was very particular. All the determinant factors were against us (as i mentioned in the previous post).

I had introduced him to some friends of mine and they were emberrassed and felt like I offended them. They didn't want us around or to their parties. From then on I always hesitated before introducing my OG to others.

I thought a lot about this unwelcome by people. I decided to look at it like a test of friendship/respect on the people I know. If they turned out to be such malicious and disrespectful, then I did not lose anyone special. It's better to be without people like these, then to have them around.

After this experience (which has been going on for about 4 yrs), I could see who are my true friends and who are the truthful people.

As hard as it seems I think that it's probably for the best then to get away from that environment. At my last place of employment I got a bit of teasing about my YM, but it was all meant well.... or at least I took it as such, and therefore I was treated decently and got on well with my co-workers. For those people who have to make a mockery of others lives and choices, well, they're the ones with problems imo. Those kinds will always be around and we either learn to ignore them and laugh it off, or allow ourselves to be influenced in some way. I prefer the first way.

Heck, I'd just look into another job where the working environment is more harmonious. What do you do anyway? (sorry if you mentioned it already)

1. If it really is true that you performed your job well and everybody thought so highly of you, then the owner/manager was dumb to have let you quit since you staying at your job benefits him. After all, employers generally want to do everything possible to keep a good employee because good employees are hard to find. This makes no sense.

2. I personally think Sheila's advice is bad. Having your co-workers meet your bf so they can "see for themselves what a great guy he is and how much you love him" won't help. Why should you have to explain yourself and your life to them? They're not entitled to know about - let alone approve - your personal life. The more you try to "prove" yourself to people, the less effective you become in getting them to treat you with respect. ...

...It's all in your attitude. You teach other people how to treat you.

Well said, Cher! Kudos! :D

~Rose~

They came to know from other people....gossiping, and however I had told one of the girls who worked with me

hi Lynn...eventually I left that workplace (I changed country 8 months ago) because I also think that it's them having some problems if they behave worse than kids....it's not even healthy for a productive workplace. Now I am working in another company, carrying out market research and the workplace is very much different and more welcome. No one bothers me for the realtionship. There were still the initial surprised faces but nothing more.

1. If it really is true that you performed your job well and everybody thought so highly of you, then the owner/manager was dumb to have let you quit since you staying at your job benefits him. After all, employers generally want to do everything possible to keep a good employee because good employees are hard to find. ???? where have you worked till now? there are many good employees around! Where do you work? Or you don't work at all?
This makes no sense.
for your information the employer regretted letting me leave. In fact last week I received the second request from him to go back working there, but obviously I refused. And however what do you expect from an employer who's always drunk? He's also cheating on his wife with his best friend's wife....in the face of everyone. So looking back, I consider myself lucky to have left such a malicious workplace (where most people cheat on each other and are proud about it)

2. I personally think Sheila's advice is bad. There's no general rule. It depends on the individual situation. In my case it wouldn't have been effective. Having your co-workers meet your bf so they can "see for themselves what a great guy he is and how much you love him" won't help. Why should you have to explain yourself and your life to them? They're not entitled to know about - let alone approve - your personal life. The more you try to "prove" yourself to people, the less effective you become in getting them to treat you with respect.

One of my friends used to give me a hard time about my relationship - not because my bf is older but because he's well off financially. Whenever I would go on vacation, my friend would be jealous and say something like "Well, if I had someone to take care of me, I would go on lots of vacations too." (i.e. implying that my bf is a sugar daddy). I used to fall into the explaining trap too, so I'd get into long conversations with her about how I offered to pay, or that I contribute in other ways, etc. etc. etc. But you know what? IT NEVER MADE ANY DIFFERENCE!

Finally I got smart. The last time she made a similar remark, I looked straight at her with a big smile and said "Yeah, isn't that GREAT? I had no idea he was rich when I met him, but I have to tell ya, it's so much FUN! Aren't you just so HAPPY for me?" And after that, she never made a snotty remark ever again. So are you still meeting this friend of yours? It's so clear that she's jealous of you! If you are really smart you wouldn't keep such a false friendship.
It's all in your attitude. You teach other people how to treat you.So if now I start treating you bad does it mean that you invited it?

roseilicious, you don't have an opinion for yourself?

You didn't answer the other questions!
Or you'd rather not to?

To amandalee: IMHO what you suggested shows how firm and staunch you are in your beliefs. Well done for that! I think you´ve been through too much ´suffering´at your last job and still feel the need to get justice. You can try to speak to another lawyer, get another´s advise, maybe they´ll take your case.
However, according to me, you´ve already won the case, and your x-employer knows it. Your x-employer contacted you 2 times to go back working for him. He´s begging on his kneees. If he just wanted to be polite then he´d contacted you just once but he did it twice & he´ll continue doing it in the future.
This should show you that you were right and he´s asking for forgiveness. But I wouldn´t go back if I were you.
Well done as well for leaving the job.

Amandalee,
I think it's ashame that people treated you so horribly in your job. That environment is called a non-"safe and hospitable workplace" and is not tolerated here, at least not by law. But we all know that people break the law.

It's none of your co-workers' or supervisor's business what you do in your personal private life. I used to worry what people would say in my jobs if I revealed to them that I dated "younger girls". My dad always said, "don't even say anything about it at all, it's none of their business." True, there were times when I had to listen to snyde remarks about news stories they read, or other people they knew who dated/married "other-aged" people, but it just distanced me from them, and made my relationship with them more 'professional' and less 'personal'. Over the years I learned that people in true professional settings don't pry into your personal life or care about those things, as long as you do your job well. Ironally, I did have to leave a job because of a serious probem with a supervisor. But it had nothing to do with my personal relationship life. He just didn't like me for whatever reason. People harass people in workplaces for all kinds of different reasons, and sometimes the thing to do is just move on.

thanks samantha and summerblob for your support and understanding. however, i am not going to other lawyers to seek advise because now i changed country and just started out a new life with new work and new friends and everything is going fine. I think people are more ready to accept the relationship when they didn't know me before the relationship. It's like my old friends would never accept a change in me. They didn't want me to be better in life....so I realised they weren' t really good friends. I'm happy I don't have to deal anymore with anyone of them!

summerblob, your words are very truthful. I always believed that personal things shouldn't be taken to the workplace, because that is when conflicts will start. like I said before, I am happy that I left that place because I don't want to mix with arrogant and rude people. I am being very choosy and selective with the people I hang around with and work with.

What gets on my nerves is that I got to know that my ex-co-workers together with the employer himself, go around saying that I am snobbing them and that I stopped any contact with them without a valid reason. They never mention that they've been rude to me. I really feel like contacting them to have my own word, but then it shows that I am being bothered, or that I care about what they say about me. But somehow I feel that I have to defend myself and confront them. Any ideas?