2 years and 8 months.....

:( Well, for all the newbies that don't now me and Dats don't worry, lots of catching up to do In guess, for all the oldies that know us I can say that it's over between us. If you can all recall that December in 2003 thats where the slide started, since that week I have never been the same, pushing her away the whole time I guess, not feeling all that secure about a future with her after that week, turns out we made it another 17 months or so, not many being good ones, it also turns out Dats really did sleep with her co-worker Dan and has been hiding it through lies since. I always knew inside it was a fabricated move on her part, guess I should have pulled out of it then instead of making our lives together hell since. The only regret I have is her not fessing up at the time, she could have saved us both lots of headaches and time by being truthful. I had met someone else at a Caribou Coffee 3 weeks ago, Dats found out by going through my receipts on my snack bar, I admitted after to her I did see someone else, there was no sexual relation at all, 5 meetings in public for her lunch, wrong of me of course I'll admit no doubt. But as it turned out it was a blessing, it finally got the cat of of the bag, that she did indeed sleep with her co-worker that week, and she told me so in a fit of anger, now all those insecurities make sense to me, all those feelings of knowing so but being told differently, all the lies and manipulation, not just to me, but to this whole board. Don't get me wrong, Dats is a great person, but I'm just sorry as hell she didn't level back then, and I should have got out anyway then, because I've never been remotely close to who I was before that week with her, or the way I felt about her. In no way shape or form would I have stayed knowing this then, and in no way shape or form would I marry and have a child knowing this now. So the story goes...good luck to all !!

Oh man...I really hate to hear this. I now you really must be hurting, as must she. It sounds like you both have made mistakes....and Im sorry that they are things that cannot be worked out.

I know all about that "gut instinct"...and how you can feel that something is wrong even though someone won't tell you, and it does make a relationship really strained. I know this because I have almost been in your shoes (no sex between them but some physical stuff), and even though I asked him to his face, he didn't admit until over a year later and maybe even two. *sigh* At the time he finally told me...I thought, well thank the good lord I wasn't crazy all this time, having this icky feeling in the pit of my stomach. Then of course, after rethinking, I got really angry about all the times I asked and he had lied DIRECTLY TO MY FACE. Im not saying this is your situation, but just that I can identify with how you are feeling and how she is probably also feeling about your undisclosed lunch dates.

You two have been a couple for a good long time....and while I can understand you both feeling betrayed and angry and hurt right now....I hope that with some healing time, the two of you will be able to come to a place of peace where you can be friends at least. You've been a significant part of each others lives for quite a while, and it would be nice to come to the place of being on good terms for the future.

((hugs)) to you both...and I am really sorry for your pain.

WOW ...

I'm so sorry for the both of you! If ever you both need us we are here!!!!

I'm sorry to here about you guys :(

Please don't get mad at the following opinion.... BUT

I don't condone cheating whatsoever but you know what didn't you also lie to her by going out with someone else? You may not of had *sexual* relations but you still did it behind her back... I guess in my mind you can't say she was the only one that lied...

And the comment about the lies to this bored? Were not here to judge we are here to offer support, she lied to us so what? Maybe she had her reasons... It dosen't mean we view her any different, and in all honesty we don't need it pointed out to us.

I'm sorry your hurting, and I hope in time things will work out for both of you..... I just don't think this is completly one sided.... Just my opinion though....

Best of luck...

Softee You made a great point...

CHeating isn't just Sexual.. It could be over the phone... thru the computer... Cheating is Lying... so I think you both have done your fair shares...

Terrible when relationships get thrown of course and things happen.. People fall out of love... have urges.. whatever reasons.... but Now that I'm home and have time to really read things.... I think thinks happen for reasons....

Its also very difficult to have her even tell us the truth and get the best advice because both of you are Members here... so She was confused and didn't know what to do but can't type it here because you would of seen it...

We are here for both of you.. and unfortuatly when two people are members of the same board.. we aren't going to trash anyone... we would just give our honest opinions and I don't feel differently about either of you...

Your relationship when astray and its sad for both of you but you will learn from it and hopefully be stronger and know that no matter what you loved each other and you both added something positive to your lives...