Hold on tight

I love him, and he has what he calls freight, not baggage. He has two jobs, one medical outside the military and one in the military medical as well. I am in my early 20s and him his early 40s and its almost been 2 yrs. I am holding on tight, and he to me. He is scared, and I am not as scared. what do u think he is feeling? can't commite, doesnt' know how, what?

Is he scared of falling in love/commitment? Or he has no time for a committed relationship due to his jobs?

He has tried to not let the military hurt his family, but it has. He is feeling now that that is whats happening again. we've been together 2 years, and he has left i think 2/3 times already with the military. his other job is fine. he's been married before, no kids. i would love to stay with this person. i took him to the airport the other day and he said he would love to be one of the best things that ever happened to me in my life. he wants to show me everything. now, he could go out and find someone else with a more established career who can take time off, but he doesn't. hes constantly buying me things to do with him, but its hard to say i love you for him. he does say it, buy its hard for him. he said he has shown people the moon before and they have taken off. he thinks that if he goes away to war again that i should not wait for him. he thinks that if he goes, and comes back that i will not want to be with him anymore b/c of the emotional/mental strain the war will and has had on him. i told him when that time comes we will deal with it then. until now. lets have a great time. and i tell him i love him , and he says the same and lets me know how great it feels.

I am sorry you are going through these conflicts. From what you describe of him, I feel that he loves you, even though probably it's more difficult for him to love, since he's been hurt already. It must have hurt him badly and he may be protecting himself from hurting again. At the same time he's also protecting you, because he doesn't know where the relationship is going to end up, and he cares too much for you, to let you fall in love if he cannot offer you affectional security. To me it looks like he loves you and if you feel the same way for him, then distance is the only obstacle. But thanks to technology, you can speak, email and even see each other (with webcam) daily, (don't know if soldiers have these possibilities, correct me if I'm wrong). If what I am saying is far from what you are going through, pls disregard it, it's just my point of view.

I had read about psychological issues involved in soldiers returning home. It's true that they might change their character due to the war-experience, but Any individual might change after Any experience. Just because we don't go to war doesn't mean we will be exempted from having experiences that will not change us.

You are right about him wanting to protect me from the things that hurt him and could potentially hurt me too. That is the distance problem. I just want there to be sometimes a special friggin phrase that'll let him know that I will not emotionally hurt him. He says its hard for him to believe me when I say that I am his. He's heard it before and in turn those other people have given themselves over to someone else. There is a rumor of possible deployment in Feb of '06. I am not worried about me staying, I am worried that he might not come back home, b/c he can't actually come home, mentally it takes a long time. I am also worried that I might not be a strong enough person for the familiar man that left and the soldier that will be at home with me later. I will take both, but he can't seperate the two. I miss him terribly. I sometimes wonder if what I am doing is the right thing, and will our difficult time put into this relationship now, pay off in the long run and be awesome. I want to know that.

he seems to be terribly hurt and will not risk falling in the same trap again! but he's sincere with you.

at this point, maybe you should both reconsider your positions. you don't want to wait another year for him and then he comes back and you break up? and you neither want to call it quits before inputting your best to make the relationship work, because later you may have regrets?

So would it possible some way in the middle? like being just great friends to each other till he comes back, keep on being friends even when he's back, and then decide if you can take the relationship further!

i suggested this, because he seems to have a problem with Trusting. So, if you both work on creating the right basic values that any relationship should be founded on (trust, honesty, respect), then he might start looking at you from a different point of view. ...just my humble suggestion, you don't have to take it literally, but it may shed some light on the situation