Is cleanliness a learned behavior?

Okay...I know we have touched on this before, but I just kind of want to go a bit more in depth.

I have the most difficult time keeping my house clean lately. My house used to be so clean...people would actually comment on how clean it was. I mean, people would actually come in and say "How do you keep your house so clean?".

Not anymore...In fact half the time I don't even want to open the door when someone is knocking! I would put "LOL", but it's not even really funny.

Growing up my mom was a horrible housekeeper....really awful. I can't even really talk about how dirty our house was growing up. Mine isn't anything like that, but I almost seem to panic when my house starts to get messy because in my mind it's turning into the house I grew up in and I get overwhelmed.

Anyhow....some questions for you ladies. What is your house like (cleanliness wise) compared to the house you grew up in? Do/Did your kids have set chores every day?

My kids are getting older now...I worry they are going to move out of the house and into college dorms, and no-one is going to want to room with them because they will be SLOBS. I also want them to remember me as a good mom, and not the Mom who couldn't/wouldn't keep the house clean.

It's just such a big house, and I am completely overwhelmed. Im never going to get the house fixed up if I can't even keep it clean.

Hi Jo

Im a single working mom so its not often my house is officially clean....but its usually neat and tidy. I have to say though it sort of goes with my mood...If Im overwhelmed, depressed, stressed out it generally gets worse. Then when I feel normal again...I clean and put myself together again... (I joke about how you can tell how my life is going by how neat my house is...)

Maybe if you got some extra dollars tucked away...splurge and hire an housekeeper for a day to come and help get you back together...then go out and splurge on yourself...new do, new dress maybe? eww..a massage even just do something nice for yourself, and when you come home...TAAADAAAA...nice clean cozy house :D

(I would suggest getting the kids to help but that just never seems to work..who wants to spend a day cleaning...)

Its well worth it!

I'm a single mum too. My house has too much stuff in it and I hate cleaning. Actually I hate it so much that the days I clean it takes the whole day. I clean for 10 minutes, rest for an hour, clean for another 10 minutes, take a break and it just never ends. It's still relatively tidy but certainly very clean, I just cannot stand dirt.

When I was a child, I used to keep the door to my room closed. Sometimes my mum would come in and walk right back out in total dispair. She called my room 'Dresden'.

But coming back to your original question. I ask my son to help. He's very good at some things. He runs the vacuum cleaner, washes the dishes (even though I have to wash them again when he's done but I let him do it anyway), and for his room I found a trick. I tell him that all the bits and pieces of toy that stay around, I will get a trash bag and get rid of them. He tries to save his toys, but still...

I use another trick in order to make him help carry things to the kitchen after dinner. He's in love with a little girl and wants to marry her and have 6 children (mind you he's only 8 :D) I told him only once, "you know if you want to make Léa happy when you're married, you have to help her clean the table, she's your princess and not your maid" It worked.

I just don't want my son to grow up being a slob like his father is. I hate men who only know how to light the bar b Q and then you have to tell them that one side is overcooked and it's time to cook the other side while they drink beer and discuss politics with the other men.

Growing up my mom was a horrible housekeeper....really awful. I can't even really talk about how dirty our house was growing up. Mine isn't anything like that, but I almost seem to panic when my house starts to get messy because in my mind it's turning into the house I grew up in and I get overwhelmed.

Anyhow....some questions for you ladies. What is your house like (cleanliness wise) compared to the house you grew up in? Do/Did your kids have set chores every day?



I grew up in the same kinda home, to call it dirty would be to describe it on a good day, it was horrible! .......... I think it does leave a lasting scar, when my kids where younger (before they left home) I was forever fighting a losing battle to try and keep our home clean, whenever it got messy I would have flashbacks to the home I grew up in *shudder* Another thing that used to 'scare' me was not being able to see well enough to really KNOW if the place was clean:( This lasted until a very dear friend sat me down and told me that I was being silly, She pointed out that whilst my home might be untidy that was only the result of having 2 children who were allowed to have friends around whenever they wanted, several happy pets and a house that was badly organised (it was in dire need of being fixed up) She said that my home was her favorite place to visit because it was so welcoming and had the most loving, happy and relaxed atmosphere she had ever felt, So I was to stop driving myself insane trying to make it look like a show home and accept that having kids, pets and a happy home etc were far more important then being able to see my face in the kitchen floor. I took her words to heart and tho it was a struggle, at first, I eventually accepted that I would never have an immaculate house and just because it was untidy it did not mean I was turning it into the %&^* I grew up in.

These days my home is still chaotic and never really tidy, comes of having a lively Labrador with a huge collection of toys that she loves to spread around and never puts away LOL and 1000's of books without the shelf space to store them all ..... At the beginning of this month I increased my bookshelving by 90+ft and rearranged the whole place so that I have a study seperate from the lounge, sorted all my books out and it still looks chaotic LOL ......... There is still a section of stair carpet that suffered the ill effects of Ella's puppy teeth (being a student means that it will be years before I can afford to replace the stair carpets)...... still a danger of tripping over a peice of rope, ball or some other dog toy left on the stairs, still the occasional 'murdered' teddy bear dismembered on the lounge carpet!! The difference is that I know that all these things are only surface and unless I rehome Ella they will always be a part of my home, so I don't worry about them and don't worry about what anyone thinks when they visit me. When all is said an done it is my home and if others don't like it they don't need to visit LOL Oh and I still have friends that say they love my flat because it is so relaxing and comfortable :D


Bottom line IMO it is far more important to have a loving, relaxing home then to worry yourself to death about the chaos that comes from being surrounded by happy kids and pets

PS all students seem go through a period of living in a mess when they first leave home and discover that the 'fairies' do not pick-up after them whilst they are asleep or do those dishes or take out the garbage LOL It is part of the proccess it would appear LOL and in no way related to the homes they grew up in..

I grew up in the Middle East and people there are cleaning maniacs. I remember at my parent's house there was always some cleaning going on. Big buckets of water splashed on the balcony, the stairways, we had tile floors and it was washed daily....toooo much.

But I still keep a habit from my childhood. When I receive guests the flat should be spotless. It takes me more time to clean than to actually cook. I panic because of the cleaning and not the cooking.

But same like you shewolf, my house is known to be very cosy and comfortable. When friends drop by I hear the same comments about feeling totally happy and peaceful here. I have so much stuff though, there are books, magazines, cd-s paintings, photographes, huge antique furniture................

I am a total clean freak, and think one has to be OCD (obsessive compulsive, like me!) to enjoy cleaning. If I had a big dirty house, I would be in heaven cleaning it up and fixing it up, i.e. decorating, etc. We grew up in a very clean environment, though, so don't know any better! My mother used to pick up lint off the floor,ha!!

I have a very lived in home compared to my older sis and brother
you can eat off their floors now mine uummm I wouldnt suggest it..I tell my kids like this I can bring my friends to my room can you say the same..we all have chores me inculded but when that ggrrrrr cleaning moment comes they are like AAGGHHHH mom's on a rage.. my mom has been a housekeeper for 25 yrs at a hospital and after being married to a marine she says the last thing she wants to do is come home and clean
and as for when your kids go off to college I thought for sure my girl would have that problem but she turned out way diffrent at home she was just spoiled..I loved her room one way..ya know able to walk in so sometimes I would clean it for her..and in return she would do something I hated washing socks

I am a clean freak also....can't stand my house when it's unorganized!! This usually occurs when 'C' has his kids for the weekend.....drives me up the wall really. But when they leave I go into major cleaning lady mode. There is a NO-SHOE rule in my home & I go insane if the kids eat while sitting on our nice leather sofa!!! I insist on using plates and napkins.......I really hate cleaning, but I hate a dirty home more.

I have a NO SHOE policy too. No smoking, no eating except at the table, etc. Because I am the one who has to clean it up. Even my poor cat got her box cleaned daily, as much as she hated it! She would put her food in her water bowl, too, drove me crazy. Wish I still had her though. She passed on to a better place in October.

Im sorry about your kitty!

Well, leave it to me to take the roundabout way of dealing with things.....The house was so messy the other day after my daughter finagled her way into having three girls from school spend the night at once...that I started crying. LOL I think I was just majorly overwhelmed.

So tonight, totally on her own my daughter made up a chore list for her and her brothers...nothing extravagant or anything...but she put herself down for doing dishes and a couple loads of laundry...and dusting, and her little brother for vacuuming and feeding and watering the animals. She didn't put her older brother down for anything because he goes to school and works...so she didn't think it was fair to ask him to do anything else.

Anyway, I thought it was sweet that she did it on her own and made an effort...We'll see how that turns out. *smiles*

I think that I am just so overwhelmed with everything that has been going on in my life with money issues and relationship problems and my dad being ill and everything that....the messy house just is the final straw. Hopefully I will be feeling better soon, because overwhelmed and discouraged seems to be status quo for me lately. YUCK!

Exactly!!!! Lencarol I say the same thing! I AM THE ONE WHO HAS TO CLEAN THE MESS UP......SO THEREFORE I MAKE RULES!! I clean my kitties litter box daily as well......I'm sorry about your kitty, they are the best companions!! I'm actually about to purchase a Bengal from a breeder in town, but thats another thread....
I give my cat a bath every 6 months. :-) And he has actually aquired my clean ways because he will jump in the shower after I finish taking one and he will walk around the tub and clean off his paws!!! so cute!!!
ONe thing I battle with 'C' about is when we get a dog someday, I don't think I can handle him bringing the dog inside and outside.....so much crap gets tracked in by dogs....I must breath.....breath......deep breaths.....

Jody~

I hear your frustration... I hope things get better for you very soon. :)

I just have one daughter, who will be 17 next week. Her room is an absolute disaster. She will clean it once in awhile, after much nagging on my part. A couple of times per year, I spend an entire weekend cleaning it, sorting and throwing out trash and getting rid of clothes. Of course, I do this when she is staying at her dad's. Otherwise, I would never be able to get rid of anything. She's a pack rat! However, in the last year and a half, she has become a lot more helpful with doing household chores. She does everything I ask her to do and sometimes she even cleans without me asking. I am glad she has finally started to do this, because as I have explained to her....when she moves out, there won't be anyone there to do it for her.

I always try to keep the living room, kitchen and bathroom orderly, since these are the rooms everyone can see if they come over. We can always shut the bedroom doors if they are messy. My room gets a little disorganized through the week, but I get it back in shape on the weekends.

I grew up in a very clean and organized home. My mother is a Leo, that kind of explains it, for me. My dad was raised by a mother that you could probably eat off of her toilet seat, that is how clean she was and still is. SO, the combination of my mother and father made for a very tidy home. Btw, my mother grew up in a disarray and not too clean conditions, so I think cleanliness can be taught but I also think it depends on someone's personality. My brother and I grew up always having chores to do. Every weekend, my dad woke us up bright and early and the housecleaning would commence. In the summers, we had a huge chore list that included cleaning the entire house as well as working in the garden. Did we ever hate the garden....LOL We hated picking and snapping the green beans and shelling the peas. We would do about half a paper bag and throw the rest over the fence and into the woods. We were bad kids. ;)

Anyway, someone in the thread said their house was a reflection of how their life was going at the moment. This may be what has happened with you because you have SO many things going awry right now. Give yourself a break, you can only take so much! When things are stretching at the seams on all sides, eventually something will break. Take care of yourself, I am sure you will get back to your former tidy ways as some of your problems subside.

(((hugs)))

Put me in with the freaks......

I am obsessive about cleanliness, and I clean my whole house every single day, but I do not require others to follow any major rules....they can eat where they want, wear shoes, etc. I have 4 kids and 2 dogs, the task of keeping up is a big one and it takes the majority of my day. I have a very large, very old victorian house with 5 bdrms and 3 baths and it has a TON of wood...wood floors in every room except the kitchen and baths...ornate moldings, 12 foot ceilings...dusting takes literally hours....and yeah I dust the chandeliers and other ceiling fixtures too, lol. Laundry is never ending, the machines are both running every day, at least 2-3 loads. It is a ton of work, but I have to have it done, or I am miserable.

I grew up in a clean house, my mother was the type that washed walls and cleaned the bath tile with a toothbrush...she was very neat and organized and our house was always ready for company. She worked full time and raised 2 kids...how she did it, I do not know. We did help quite often, and I always kept my room very clean because I liked it that way. I asked for a vacuum cleaner for my 15th birthday so I could have one on the second floor of the house, lol.

My daughter is just like me, if not worse, her room is always perfect, she washes her bedding every other day and can not stand even the slightest fuzzball to be on her floor. I have never made her do cleaning chores....so I am guessing it is some kind of weird genetic female thing lol...since my boys are complete slobs.

Gee Lissa, you put me to shame... :o LOL..

But I'm not really that bad. My house is neither overly clean nor is it a disaster. My toughest problem is dust. Comes from our woodstove and the 2 little dogs that live here because I'm constantly vacuuming it up.

An interesting topic came up for me the other day while talking with a friend. Turns out she cleans all her toilet bowls every single day! When I expressed surprise about that, she says "Well doesn't everyone?" A....NO! Not me. Mine gets cleaned... um once a week. Maybe. The seat gets cleaned... but not always the bowl. Yet I clean houses!

Well anyway, my daughter is 17. She's one of my best friends too. And she'll get up, sometimes before me, and have the woodstove going, coffee on, the dogs let out, and then later, get a breakfast going. She cleans up the kitchen afterwards, sits back and does her homework, then later on goes out to work her horse, then if it's not a schoolday (we only go twice a week) she usually goes to one of my housecleaning jobs with me. The only thing she doesn't do is clean the toilet bowl. She finds it 'icky', LOL yet will muck out horse stalls with no problem, and change baby diapers for other people. Oh well!

My middle son.... forget it. It's 'opeless!

My oldest son... well I did a similar trick that Loucine does. Threw out whatever wasn't picked up and now, today, his home is spotless, neat and tidy.

Ick!!! I hate cleaning the toilet bowls!!!! That is the worst part of cleaning in my opinion. I probably clean them once a week......I usually clean the bowl itself and also spray dis-infectant cleaning spray all over the toilet as well, and wipe it all up when I'm done. Spick and Span!!!

Jo and Bella, I appreciate the kind thoughts about my beloved kitty. Lost her in October. Will be getting another female Siamese/Lynx mix in a few months from an adoption agency in Austin. Can't wait! I have been to see her, and her foster "mom" is taking care of her til I can pick her up. She is a total bit__ --just like my old girl. Saw a sweet little kitty just passing by BonBon (my new cat's name)-- she reached out, hissed and swiped at it! That's my girl... Off topic, sorry.

Toilets are not a fun job for me either, but do clean them nearly every day. I use cleanser, probably so bad for the environment, so now try to use something more natural (Melaleuca product). I don't see dust as dirt, so don't do that as much as I should. Hate dirty windows though! So am like that old guy in My Big Fat Greek Wedding with the windex out there cleaning the windows!

I believe it is. I mean my mother was a clean freak and I am too. My brother is a clean freak too but, his new wife wasn't but, she is learning to be if she wanto stay married to my brother. I know too manny people who are slobs and it funny but, their parents were slobs. Yes, there are the people who learn to be cleaner then their parents but, I think being clean is something that you learn from your parents. with 8 kids myhouse would be a wreck and now with moving into the new house In August you can bet I will be on top of my kids,at least the older ones.

Is cleanliness a learned behavior?

I think so.

My mother was (and is), ummm, not the world's most an*l housekeeper. As single mom, and a very young one at that, with three children close in age...we were always busy just trying to keep up with the basics, like homework, clothes for tomorrow, pets and having fun.

She was much more likely to drag us off to the beach all weekend then make us stay home and clean our rooms.

Hence, I've struggled to learn to be a better housekeeper my entire life. I'm much better at it than I used to be. And even when my place is messy, it's not dirt, you know? There's no gross stuff growing in the sinks or the tub, no food stuck to the kitchen floor...stuff like that. The counters may get messy with mail and the laundry may get folded tomorrow instead of today. I'm not an AR neatnik but I'm not a slob. I don't think there are too many days where I would not want someone just popping by to visit just because my apt. is too messy. Maybe occasionally though!).

Most people I know do seem to keep their homes in a condition similar to the way that they grew up. One exception to this is my mother: She grew up in a house where there was a full-time housekeeper. So, even though the house was always neat and clean, she never saw her mother doing it and she never learned to do it herself.

Boy, I long for the day that I win the lottery and I can have a full-time housekeeper! (No, I'm not holding my breath.)