Sick of the tears....

:(

So my OM (from my previous posts) decided to be with me on my birthday. He bought me a very sought-after print from my favorite artist that cost him well over 150 bucks, a bear, a card, and made me dinner. We made love and the night was perfect. Everything seemed to be falling into place. Saturday was fine, i went over there and nothing was wrong...sunday i dropped him off a shirt and something i had drawn for him and he told me he wanted to be alone for a few days...and of course, i said "ok."

We both work together (for those of you who didnt read my last post) And he was always been very secretive at work with us, it has always been a big issue for him to not have his life at work. I was talking to one of our mutual friends and we were dissussing pets, and i mentioned MY cat who just happens to live with my OM....our friend goes up to my OM and says something about the cat. I get home, and he instant messages me with "im kinda pissed at you." and ask why ofcourse...and he tells me "wtf are you doing...the cat lives here...kenny isnt stupid." and i said i didnt even mention him, because i didnt. then he yells "IT STILL LINKS ME TO YOU AT WORK!.." i didnt say anything, and all of a sudden he says "I give up, you wont learn." then i proceeded to tell him about what happends, and that he is fighting with me over something so trivial and petty....he says "it isnt trivial to me, I'm done here."
I said "you dont quit on the people you love."
he said "well, im not a winner here. i do quit."

He wont talk to me at all, and it is driving me insaine. all i can do is give him his space, and hope he misses me enough to come to his senses on what a jerk he was, and how much he hurt me. I was thinking of writing him a love letter (via email, because thats how i can get ahold of him).....i am confused. help please.

Just some advise, don't email. Email in your enviroment can cause problems for you down the line. Email at work can be view by your boss or administrator who keep track of you email account. I should know I work in an IT department so what ever you do, do not send your personnel feeling via email. Instead write in down and send it to his home address, this way you are keeping your personal business personal.

larry

Just some advise, don't email. Email in your enviroment can cause problems for you down the line. Email at work can be view by your boss or administrator who keep track of you email account. I should know I work in an IT department so what ever you do, do not send your personnel feeling via email. Instead write in down and send it to his home address, this way you are keeping your personal business personal.

larry

well, i was going to email his personal account...lol. I think i am going to hand write it, because that way it is more personal in itself. I was going to leave it on his bed with a rose. any thoughts?

Hey Brynn....I think it seems like this man might have some issues...probably mostly with the age gap or some that you not be away of. I only say this because I went through something similar with my OG. He would be sweet one minute, then cold and distant the next. It got to the point where I gave up because I did not want to continue riding his emotional rollercoaster. However, I soon discovered that he did have a issue that was blocking him from allowing himself to just "be" with me. So, I would send him a letter or email expressing how you feel and leave the ball in his court. If he truly cares for you and loves you then he will come to his senses (don't know when but he will) and if he doesn't...it's his lose not yours and he will probably regret it.

Nu

Uhhhh anybody else see CONTROL FREAK here?!! Anger issues too!! Not your fault. Say goodbye now and move on. NEXT!! :eek:

I'd leave it alone. I take it that you don't live with him, right? If in fact you live separately, and you do indeed go into his house to leave a note after he's said, "I'm done... I quit." It could potentially excalate into even more anger from him towards you. I also agree with Larry... stop the emailing to work. It may be his personal account, but if he's opening it at work it can still be tracked. As far as the conversation you had with that mutual friend, I can see you OM's point. The friend asks about the cat, YOUR cat, and you disclose that YOUR cat lives at his (your OM's) house. The friend then thinks to himself: "Now... why would THAT be? Could it be they have a thing??". Inquiring minds wanna know.... so, when this friend mentions it to your OM... that's what hits him first. It comes across as betrayal to his need for confidentiality as to his personal life, and that he feels it's a serious threat to his professional life as well. You making this faux pas freaked him into panic, and apparently extreme dissapointment. No clue as to why he needed a few days space after the birthday weekend, I'm assuming (be that as it may), that he feels his walls have been closing in. Most can leave their work at work, and their personal life at home, but in cases such as this where you work together, and have an intimate realationship on the side to boot... it most times proves difficult at best. I have known couples that have worked together, fallen in love, but far more often than not one or the other leaves the company to work elsewhere because the facade, company policy... etc. makes things so often terribly uncomfortable. SOME succeed, but in what I have seen, it's not the majority.

Get your cat Ss, as well as your other belongings if you have any there, and take it all back to your home. Leave no excuse to get back in touch with him. Stand strong, don't push at him any more... do your work when you are at work, and be very careful of anyone "baiting for info" at your workplace. Even start looking for other employment. His line: "I can't win, so I quit" COULD have a babyish context... but, considering he said that he's done repeatedly. IF he calls you back, then the ball is back in your court to do with what you will... until then... leave him be.

(((Ss)))

~Rose~

Uhhhh anybody else see CONTROL FREAK here?!! Anger issues too!! Not your fault. Say goodbye now and move on. NEXT!! :eek:

My first instinct too.

It seems horribly unfair, unbalanced and cruel to treat her this way.

"A love true as mine shouldn't be overlooked, I'll let the world see that you've got me hooked. No kissing in corners, like he wants to do, for nobody hides a love that is true...to him you're a plaything, to me you're a pearl, oh don't you wanna be my girl...." ~Jim Reeves

Could the issue be that up until a few days ago, you were only 17-years-old?

Er...Uh oh... :confused:

and if you were 17 up until a few days ago I see his point...you could be trouble for him....he is protecting himself perhaps. I cant say I blame him....at his age his job is important...You should have something important to you that takes your mind off him...at least for a few more years.jeeze, 17 you are kidding right?



Fairy

I agree with Rose!!!! completely.....

His comments alone are childish...... and I do see why he would get upset or heated about it......

I met my husband at work.. and I quit!!! LOL Our relationship was more important.. I found another job!!! I agree Majority of people who work together do not succeed..... It's very difficult to separate business and pleasure.. I know when I get mad at my husband I don't want to look at hiim when i'm mad LOL.. god knows I don't want to be cordial to him either in wrk... you can't separate those feelings...... Besides It's nice to spend time with your Loved one .. but it's also very important to have your own things and life to ..... When I go to work it's my escape and my alone time...... so when I come home I am excited to see him.... I worked with him for 4 months before I left and found a job... It was great sometimes to see him all the time.. but most of the time I felt i had NO time for myself.....

She just turned 18. They met at work a year ago. That means when they met she was 16, maybe almost 17. Bottom line....he's protecting himself. That's why he doesn't want anyone to know. Up until April 28, just a few days ago, he was playing with fire. Under the circumstances, I'd say is behavior is very predictable....not right....but predictable.


I agree with you.......He's definatly protecting himself.... but at that age.. he was old enough to know it wasn't right either...... I think the entire situation is a lose lose... Not sure if this relationshhip even has what it takes to make it... I'm sorry I know it's harsh... but it's already gotten off to a bad start..

I met my husband at work.. and I quit!!! LOL Our relationship was more important.. I found another job!!! I agree Majority of people who work together do not succeed..... It's very difficult to separate business and pleasure.. I know when I get mad at my husband I don't want to look at hiim when i'm mad LOL.. god knows I don't want to be cordial to him either in wrk... you can't separate those feelings...... Besides It's nice to spend time with your Loved one .. but it's also very important to have your own things and life to ..... When I go to work it's my escape and my alone time...... so when I come home I am excited to see him.... I worked with him for 4 months before I left and found a job... It was great sometimes to see him all the time.. but most of the time I felt i had NO time for myself.....

I agree with MerAlove23 completely!! My OM & I worked in the same company (although we were in different overseas offices, he visited my office for business at least once a mth) and still, i decided to leave the job (it did help that there was a better position in a partner company come up at that moment)....

Why the need for this? many reasons.....
a.Especially for those of you who might see each other day in & day out at work, it is definitely cause for conflict. A female colleague at work getting too close to ur man could set you off...
b.You get told off by a superior & are in dire need of comfort and he hasn't the time to comfort you but feels obligated to do so....
c.Especially if he is of a higher position, colleagues in equally important positions might frown upon the fact that he is associating with you (sorry to be condescending but it might come up)....
Anyway, you get the drift......all in all, there holds much truth in the phrase, "Never mix business with pleasure"......

When one is at work, it is paramount that we have focus & seriously, do u think u are ever going to focus well if he's around??? Its common sense, really......as adults, we should know all tis.....its hard enough establishing ur career but having to balance ur relationship at work as well....do we really need additional cause for problems??


Chin up, be the adult for both of you........and I am sure everything will work out for the better.....