new girl needs help bad

:) Hi everyone
I have been reading some of your posts and seems like you all have really good advice. Well, I've got a really complicated one for you. I have been living with "dragon" for three years and we have one child together (almost 2). He has two boys from a previous marrage aged 18 and 16 and I have two other children aged 9 and 7. "dragon" and I are 15 years apart in age. "dragon" and I met during his divorce from his second wife and although I wasn't very attracted to him, I was on the rebound and he was my shoulder to cry on. He basically stayed the night and never left. I got pregnant with his child our third month together and for that reason, I stayed with him. First problem, I don't think I'm in love with him and I don't know what to do. Second problem, I think I am in love with his oldest son "Harry". We have been close since we first met, our personalities match. Last year during summer visitation with him we started going for long walks. We only talked but somehow it felt so much more satisfying. "dragon" seems to sence this also. He and I have been fighting about his son now for two years. I have only 8 years between me and "Harry". I'm starting to think 15 years was too much of an age gap. I'm just wondering what other people would do in my place. If you need more information please let me know. thanks, and have a great day.

Hi LexiAngel ... my first thought is that you got involved with "dragon" out of a sense of obligation because he was there for you when you needed him. You were both on the rebound and filled each others needs a the time. "Harry" on the other hand is closer to your age and doesn't have the baggage his father has. Since you weren't attracted to "dragon" in the first place and you got along so well with his oldest son "Harry", you feel an attraction to him out of need again.

You have to first deal with your true feelings for "Dragon" and decide what you want to do about it. Picking up with his son is already causing problems for you and I see nothing but more problems down the road for you and "Harry" with dragon. Add to that the fact that "dragon" will always be in your life because you and he have a child together. If it was just any other man, I don't think it would be as bad, but in this case the other man would be his son and that's a hard pill to swallow.

Maybe I'm wrong, heck, I'm new to the OW/YM thing and I'm still learning ... but this is what I think anyway. I'm sure someone here will know much better than I.

You and Dragon are not married, but you have a relationship. Generally, it is wisest to deal with your relationship first.....before becoming involved with someone else.

You may love Harry, yet you seem tentative about even saying that. Often we become attracted to others as a wakeup call that something is wrong with our primary relationship. Sometimes what is wrong can be repaired if the couple figure out what it is that they are missing in their relationship. Sometimes that effort is doomed if there really was no original spark there. It might be worth seeing if you can stay together and make it a better relationship. But, if not, just remember that if you are unhappy, chances are that Dragon is unhappy, too. It would be better to hurt him now rather than drag it out and hurt him worse in the future.

I am sure you do care about him. Sometimes the most loving thing is to let each other go so he can have someone who loves him heart and soul and so you can have the same thing.

You sound tentative about Harry, and if you are unsure if you love him, I'd say stay away from that one even if you do end the relationship with his father first. The worst possible thing would be to do something more than talk with Harry while you are still in a relationship with his Dad. I think you will be very sorry at the shockwaves that will reverberate through your family. Harry is your child's half brother and the son of your child's father. You have to think about what your child will feel. Do you want him to have to chose between his own father and his half brother? Remember, your child looks to you to provide him/her with emotional as well as physical safety.

If you do have feelings for Harry, they were developed by being in close proximity to each other and because you are already unhappy. You will find that if you choose to leave Dragon and heal from that breakup alone.....someone else in close proximity to you will enter your heart one day and there will be no need to put you, Dragon, Harry and your child through all the additional heartache that will result if you leave Dragon for Harry.

Relationships that start this way rarely work longterm. Deal with your unhappiness first, get to know yourself a time and then see who walks through your door.

:) Hi everyone
I have been reading some of your posts and seems like you all have really good advice. Well, I've got a really complicated one for you. I have been living with "dragon" for three years and we have one child together (almost 2). He has two boys from a previous marrage aged 18 and 16 and I have two other children aged 9 and 7. "dragon" and I are 15 years apart in age. "dragon" and I met during his divorce from his second wife and although I wasn't very attracted to him, I was on the rebound and he was my shoulder to cry on. He basically stayed the night and never left. I got pregnant with his child our third month together and for that reason, I stayed with him. First problem, I don't think I'm in love with him and I don't know what to do. Second problem, I think I am in love with his oldest son "Harry". We have been close since we first met, our personalities match. Last year during summer visitation with him we started going for long walks. We only talked but somehow it felt so much more satisfying. "dragon" seems to sence this also. He and I have been fighting about his son now for two years. I have only 8 years between me and "Harry". I'm starting to think 15 years was too much of an age gap. I'm just wondering what other people would do in my place. If you need more information please let me know. thanks, and have a great day.


What? Are you serious?

Well Kelso I think your right on the dot there gurl..remember every1 has something to bring to the table every1 is different thats what makes the world go around..but I think it would kinda be wrong to start up with the son being that you have a son with dragon ..imo I dont think it would be fair to the little one maybe sometime away from them(father and son) would help you figure what your next step should be.. that is a real sticky problem there do you deny your feelings and hurt yourself...may I ask if the son has ever told you how he has felt?

:) Hi everyone
I have been reading some of your posts and seems like you all have really good advice. Well, I've got a really complicated one for you. I have been living with "dragon" for three years and we have one child together (almost 2). He has two boys from a previous marrage aged 18 and 16 and I have two other children aged 9 and 7. "dragon" and I are 15 years apart in age. "dragon" and I met during his divorce from his second wife and although I wasn't very attracted to him, I was on the rebound and he was my shoulder to cry on. He basically stayed the night and never left. I got pregnant with his child our third month together and for that reason, I stayed with him. First problem, I don't think I'm in love with him and I don't know what to do. Second problem, I think I am in love with his oldest son "Harry". We have been close since we first met, our personalities match. Last year during summer visitation with him we started going for long walks. We only talked but somehow it felt so much more satisfying. "dragon" seems to sence this also. He and I have been fighting about his son now for two years. I have only 8 years between me and "Harry". I'm starting to think 15 years was too much of an age gap. I'm just wondering what other people would do in my place. If you need more information please let me know. thanks, and have a great day.


I would never consider having a sexual relationship with my young son's half brother. That is INCEST.
Ali

Dear Lexiangel,

I agree with your title. .. You need help. The first consideration you should have is for that baby you brought into the world and the other children involved. For a relationship to work, you must have support within the family. An involvement with your step-son would split the family down the middle. What kind of example are you setting for your children? YOU NEED HELP. Begin a self-discovery process. Take a class, read a book, improve a skill, get some counseling. Talk with a minister or someone you trust.

Improve your life because all I see is potential heartbreak ahead of you if you act on this. Before you can love someone else you must know who you are. As you found out, that shoulder you lean on can produce lasting consequences. PLS

LexiAngel ~

I suggest going back and reading what Softsong, Kelso and Peggy have written about taking care of your son and the other children involved, above all else.

You should consider making some decisions about your relationship with Dragon, and keep your distance (romantically) from Harry. For good. Even if you leave Dragon.

Doing otherwise will certainly result in some level of drama. You're the only one here who would know if it will be a lot of drama or a tremendous amount of drama. I doubt that it would only be 'a little drama'. And the person that could suffer most is your youngest child. The other children are at risk, as well, and being that they're older and more aware, they're definitely at a greater risk for becoming highly confused and getting hurt. Additionally, since you know that this is going to be a dramatic situation, why even put yourself through it? Why put Dragon through it? Sounds as if he's been a decent guy.

If I've read things corrrectly and done the math correctly, you're 26 years old. Hon, there are plenty of fish in the sea. And you'll become more aware of those beyond your own pond if you decide to move on without Dragon.

Question: You said that you and Dragon have been fighting about his son for two years. About what? That you're attracted to his son?

If so, sounds to me like it's time for you and Dragon to break things off...because if this is what you're fighting about in regard to Harry, then Dragon is right, isn't he? You don't have to tell him that you're attracted to Harry but sounds like you either need to make sure that you are NOT attracted to Harry and decide to stay, or end your relationship with Dragon.

when things in life seem so complicated and dangerous it is because they are. this is a warning to not go further.

immediately if not sooner find a someone to help you, try church (free) or a professional, you need to get your feelings out and in control.

good luck to you and God bless.

when things in life seem so complicated and dangerous it is because they are.




Excellent, kittylane.


(You should copyright that one.)

.

Yes this is a strange situation. And I haven't acted upon anything other than to admit to myself that I don't think I'm in love with "dragon". I was at one time considering marrying this man who I do care about, but our differences have become extreme. He is 39 years old and I find him acting more like a child then my own children. I definately hear you all regarding "Harry" I think I will stay away from that one.
I took a two month trip without my family last year, that was my eye opener. I found myself not thinking of dragon but only of Harry. But as one of the people who replied has said, maybe it's not him in particular. Maybe is is just me looking for someone to lean on. We were close because he was the only one who helped me during my bed rest while pregnant with his brother. He stayed by my side after my surgery, when everyone elce left me alone with a new baby. He is very protective of my family and has confessed to having feelings for me also. He has been my confidant and friend. I think I would like to keep it that way. Don't get me wrong either, Dragon is a good guy, but he has some serious problems. He is manic depressive and a former cutter. He has a full time job, but squanders his money on garbage leaving us with nothing buy my wage for bills. He forgets things constantly, and leaves me to clean up his messes (like our accounts). There are other things too but that just isn't necessary. Let's just put it this way, there are lots of reasons I will not marry this man.
One last thing, to the lady who commented on my lack of "class". You need to get your facts lined up before you make such a rude comment. I am not married to Dragon and share no other direct bloodlines with Harry. Yes my son shares blood ties to him through his father but I do not. This is NOT considered incest. I thought of that before too and did my research. It is just simply frowned upon but is not illegal in any way because there is no marrage involved. So on that note please add 'tact' to your list with 'class' and find some yourself. And to set the record, I have never had any sexual contact with Harry save for my families customary hug and kiss on the cheek.
Thank you to all the others who provided me with constructive criticism. It is greatly appreciated. Your kind words were definately taken to heart.

Gosh...
Didn't you learn your lesson with your baby's daddy the first time. I think its sad that you, a woman and a mother, would even consider hurting your family this way. Its disgraceful.

You obviously living on your impulses instead of any emotional integrity, either towards yourself or towards others. You really need some kind of therapy...not just to learn that you are an ok woman by yourself, but that as a mother, nothing compensates for failure in the home...and if you fail at this most important task, you will suffer the consequences of your actions, because there's always a consequence to every action...i think you've learn that...."sex + little/no protection = baby".

What you're saying is that you have no sense of moral guilt, that not only are you prepare to sink "harry" into an emotional rollercoaster for which he may not be ready to deal with or recover from, but you're also prepared to ditch the already delicate relationship between a father and his son...sorry that's tacky...every day i think I've heard it all, but there's alway one more person willing to sell their soul for 10 minutes of happiness, but it didn't happen w/dragon...why would you think this time its different.

What is it about you that you don't love? Ok, maybe your relationship isn't at its best, but you're not the only one hurting here...don't do this...think about what you're doing, and than think about it again, 100 times if you must. Love is suppose to lift you up and create an environment that strengthens family ties, supports your self worth, finds joy in even the simplest thing, is selfless because you recognize that you can go to bed happier knowing you brought joy into someone's eyes, not pain...and when you give joy and love, it comes back to you tenfold, but when its full of decay...it sinks you to the lowest of the low and you really don't want to be there...its not pretty...oh yeah, it may look pretty at the beginning, as you thought with Dragon...but it turns ugly really fast because it started its beginnings in the trash.

Paris

I said this in another thread recently...so Im going to try to mix it up a bit.

When you are in an unhappy relationship, someone you connect with and listens and seems to care is like your tree to hang on to in the rushing rapids. It's easy to confuse your feelings....

Your relationship with the father of your child has to be a totally separate issue from "harry". You need to make decisions regarding your marriage and where you want to take that before you think about being with anyone else.

You may find that, if you so choose, once you are out of your current situation what you believe your feeling towards Harry will change. He may be your "port in a storm".

So, I think your first step would be to deal with your current relationship and concentrate on that.....

It is easy to forget or overlook the fact that the original poster is living with Dragon as opposed to being married to Dragon. There is a lot to the story, so it is easy to forget all the details. But although there is no marriage, it is a relationship almost as serious because they live together and they have a child.

Harry is in a postion of being stepson-like, but there is no marriage. It really only sounds incestuous, but no blood line and no marriage make it legally o.k. to be with Harry. Emotionally, however, it would do great harm. To ever be with Harry would hurt the poster's small child and cause trouble between Harry and his Dad, as well as the Dad and his newest child. All the children, really.

Harry was there for her much like his Dad seemed to be. It is another rebound sort of thing. Neither man is the right one.

Thankfully, the original poster has seen how allowing her feelings to completely dominate common sense would bring sorrow to all in the long run. And thankfully, nothing has been acted upon.

It seems we have done our part.....we've offered some opinions that are easier to see when we ourselves are object observers. Let's congratulate our new poster on her ability to take in constructive criticism.

I have no apologies to you for the trash comment. Remember, you came to the web and gave details yourself, and requested input to your situation. I just told you what I think about it. Paris did answer you fairly, although she put a little more to her response than I did to mine. The women here do tend to look at situations from a relationship perspective and that is why you have gotten some responses that aren't censorious. That seemingly took your side. But remember that almost to a person they all spoke of the horrible toll this could take on the family, you being involved with a boy who plays the unofficial role of your stepson and who is related to you by blood through your own son. But I won't waste anymore words here...you are in for a life of misery from your own bad judgement.
Ali

LexiAngel, I am moving your thread to the Younger Woman/Older Man side of the boards because if I understand you correctly, "Dragon" is 39 and you are about 8 yrs older than his 18 year old son. If I am moving it to the wrong place, let me know and I'll be happy to move it back.

I agree with the other ladies...

First of all... You have a child with "dragon"... and If your not in love with him then you have no obligation to stay... it's actually worse to stay for the childrens Sake....

Also remember your child is Harry's Sibling.... to me that would be quite difficult to explain.. this is your brother or sister..and he's my boyfriend to...Not to mention you must of felt something for "dragon" at one time.....so Maybe he is really in love with you and think what that would do to him? No matter how you feel and it's ok not to be in love with him.. but common courtesy comes into play here..... I do feel it's morally wrong.... and I would say get out.... find happiness but I would leave this family alone....Age is not the issue here... My husband is 17 years older than me....and 15 is nothing ......You have many more issues that don't even pertain to the Age.....]]Good luck!!

Hi again, just stopped in for a quick read. I feel I must point out that this post was actually just a question, a what if I did this. I have never had an inappropriate relationship with Harry, I was only toying with the idea.
One post insinuated I had done this before or was doing this to purposley hurt my family and children. Please, nothing could be further from the truth. I love my children very much and have considered in great depth their feelings in the matter. But on the other hand you also must consider, these children will only be in the home for a short time, it is the rest of my life I wish to reclaim. A person who does things to suit her childrens needs will never be satisfied herself.
My two older children's father (my ex-fiance) deserted my family in the middle of the night in July 2001, leaving me for someone much older than myself, then eventually married her. He was abusive throughout our relationship and also cheated on me constantly. My children thankfully do not remember this and are happy and healthy. I on the other hand only dated 2 men, and had been raped before meeting Dragon. I was not in a good frame of mind. He was there when my ex got married and I was an emotional wreck. I told him at the time I did not want a relationship with him but he stayed anyways and I didn't have the strength to tell him to go. By the time I did, it was too late, I was pregnant (even though I was on the pill!) and my mind told me to keep him for the children. I had not wanted any more children but here I was.
Dragon was working all the time so I was alone, unable to work because I was on bed rest due to complications. Harry kept me company.
Anyways, I just wanted to clarify, I am not a bad person. And I may have made some wrong decisions. But there is much more to this story than I can write.
I only have one last thing to say:
"Judge not, lest ye be judged" walk a mile in the other man's shoes.

... But on the other hand you also must consider, these children will only be in the home for a short time, it is the rest of my life I wish to reclaim. A person who does things to suit her childrens needs will never be satisfied herself.


OMG, :eek: :mad: ??!! ... Oh, Lord, PLEASE!!!

Rose... Don't... just DON'T.

Good Night, Folks.

~Rose~

What are you talking about! One of the greatest gift in life is life itself. You choose to bring these children into your life if you didn’t want them in the first place there are options. How can you say that a parent can not be satisfied because they do things to suit their children! I’m sorry if I don’t agree with you. To me it sounds like you’re playing the part of a victim in your story. Until you can accept that you are not a victim but a survivor then you’re going to be stuck in the same situation again. My mother was a single mother of three. My father left my mother also for an older woman in a country where females barely get any sort of voice. When my family moved to the USA we did not speak a lick of English. My mother did get remarried and managed to raise five incredible children. She worked two jobs to put a roof over her children’s heads and food in their stomach and not once did I ever hear her complain about how her needs were ever infringed upon because she had kids. One of my greatest gift is seeing the happiness of the people that I love and care about. Once you have kids your life is not just your life, it’s also your kids life. I work kids on a day to day basis and some of them go through so much crap because their parents just don’t care. Some are complaining that the father don’t pay them enough child support but yet they are walking around in $500 Minolos and driving a nice BMW and yet they’re complaining about child support. My mother didn’t get once cent from my father and when the DA sent my mother paperwork to get money from my Bio-Dad; my mother didn’t send those paper. For one thing she didn’t need his money because she was taking care of her children on her own just fine and she didn’t care about his money. My mother wore the same clothes for five years so her children can have clothes to wear once the clothes they had were too small for them to wear. In the words that someone has told me “People have been on this planet for many years before you were born. There isn’t a problem out there that someone has, that another person hasn’t experienced so don’t think that you’re the only person out there with that problem.” No one is a bad person or calling you a bad person; it’s the decision that you choose that is a bad situation. The situation is bad, not the person. Stop playing the victim in your story and start thinking about how you can become a better person for yourself and your children.

Children will be part of your life forever.... They may not live with you but they are a part of you always.....so this is the rest of your life... your always a mother....Yes you can have a life to with someone you care about and i'm sure we will all tell you that.. I just think the way you may be going about it may be wrong...

I think everyone is just giving you their best advice provided what was told to us..... and you are so unhappy with your OM then I say move on... but again even thinking about his son is not the way to go.....

:eek: OMG ppl. Ok, I think this will be my last post. This is not about my parenting ability. And in case some of you missed it the first time, I haven't done ANYTHING. I asked a question and some of you are taking this way too far.
NinjaBabe, Where in this whole post do you get "if you didn't want them in the first place there are options" from? If I didn't want children, I wouldn't have had children. Again, I love all of my children very much, what I meant in my last post is that I was not ready for that "new baby" with Dragon. I was on the pill for a reason. And while I love him very much, he came to be as a complete suprise. It was not the best timing. I'm just happy for even what my older two have already been through they are beautiful, happy, well adjusted children. This personal matter has nothing to do with how much I love my children. Whatever may come of this my children always know that I am here and love them 100%. What I was trying to get across to others was you can't always live just for your children. You only have one life. It's a matter of reality. In a perfect world I would be happily married to my ex living in suburbia, but this world isn't perfect is it? I think you need to understand, my children are not the ones infringing on my life and I'm sorry if you confused what I said. Dragon is the one who basically forced his way in. I also worked two jobs and never got a dime in child support, and hon, I could only dream of a BMW. My money goes for my home, my children. For a long time I only made $5.15 an hour and was only allowed to work 20 hours a week, now I make $8. an hour but it's not much different. I still have to struggle to make ends meet because Dragon seems to think we have an endless checking account. I've had the same clothes since high school other than a few hand-me-downs. I know what it's like to live on pennies a week, do you? I am not and have never been a "victim". But hon, bad things happen to good people, and alot bad has happened in my life. I just want the rest to be the best it can be. We don't get to live forever you know.
And SkiBunny, I think you need to read my posts again, I think you're getting confused. If you had read any of my previous posts you would see that I HAVE NOT made any "spur of the moment decisions" regarding Harry. And to which other "decisions" are you refering? In this matter I have only made two, that is to not have a relationship with Harry. That and my family needs counseling.
IrParis, you have me confused too. Exactly what were you refering to in your "Didn't you learn your lesson with your babies daddy the first time" comment? I'm afraid I don't understand, what "first time"?
Anyways, Of coarce my children will be in my life forever. They are my babies.
Science Goddess, thank you, I do believe you meant well. The situation you described is quite different thankfully. The "needs" you described are being met fully in my case. My children do come first. I am active in their home life and school, plus my youngest is in Physical Therapy. He was born a little over a month early and we both almost died. (the bed rest and surgery were a result of this, I can no longer have children). He was left with some physical problems, ie...weak muscles, delayed speech. I work with all of them constantly. It's amazing what a hug can do, I hope your aunt learns that one day. I guess I should have worded that phrase differently too, it wasn't those kind of "needs" i meant. Basically it amounts to, I can't fall in love with someone just because my children love them. And vice versa, I don't expect them to fall in love with someone just because I do. I hope that clears it up a bit, even if it doesn't help.
One last comment, Softsong and others who understood and listened to the "whole story" :) Thank you. You helped me make my decision.

Dragon is 39? You are 15 years younger than him? So you're 24?

Harry is 8 yrs younger than you? So that would make him the 16 yr old, not the 18 yr old??

Am I wrong?

I definitely don't think you should stay with Dragon if you don't love him. Sounds like you don't like him either.

If the son is 16, then please leave him alone until he's a grown up. And make sure you've cut all ties with his dad before getting involved.

For your kids sake (and I'm not at all saying you're a bad mom), get your life in order. Counseling a great thing to do when you are confused. Good luck to you.


I first figured she was 26 based on the comment that she is 8 years older than Harry. Then I started to do the math re: the AG with Dragon, and I got distracted.

I'm not a pro at the site rules but if Harry is the 16 year old, this thread could be bordering on being in violation of site rules:

Romantic relationships -- particularly those which might include sexual behavior -- involving persons under the age of 18 are not condoned/supported in any way by this site, and may not be discussed in our forums.


Either way, Lexi, I wish for you the strength to go forward alone so that you can get to know yourself before you become involved with someone else.

I think you are confused Lexi and need to find yourself. I read the posts and did not read anything into any of them. I relate to the children part because my youngest child who is 12 was a surprise also. My only daughter was 10 when I became pregnant. And although I cried upon learning I was pregnant again (because it was not in my plan) I have never wished I didn't have her. She has proven to be the biggest joy of my life. But at the time if a choice had been mine to make I would have not had a second child. Only to have missed all the joy she has given me. So yes, I did understand your statement and I did not take it that you wished you didn't have children. You seem well educated and seem in control of your thoughts at the moment so maybe now is a good time to make that move. You have been through a lot the last several years all the while trying to raise your children and not be an emmotional wreck with them. I think you know what you want and need to do, and I think you will be just fine. Once on your own with your children you will mostly like wrap yourself up in their needs. At that time happiness will show in your face and in your life. then all of a sudden someone notices it and whoa !! you have a relationship. Good luck and I don't read anything in to all of this other than a woman who is confused and is wanting to find that inner strength. Hopefully, some of us here have helped.

God Bless You

Dragon has two sons from his previous relationship. They are 16 and 18. OP clearly said that Harry is the older and is 18. She is eight years older than Harry making her 26 and Draon is 15 years older making him 41.

Just thought I'd say that since she indicated that she would probably stop posting. I'm afraid that if left uncorrected there will be another whole string of indignant replies about her illegal relationship. Yes, the original situation could have resulted in something bad for her and her family. But she has seen that.

Instead of people saying great! They are saying you never wanted your kids.....you're relationship is probably with a 16 year old and this is an illegal post. Just think how you guys would feel if everything you said was looked at in the worst possible way when you made your first post. Most people are already upset when posting and nervous about a first post.

OP has already said she has decided against the idea of her and Harry. Nothing has ever happened between them. She toyed with the idea and asked our opinion. We gave it and she has decided to listen to the wise counsel and go to therapy to help herself have a better life.

Why do people keep giving her the same advice over and over after she has already agreed to take the advice. There really is no need for new posts. Her question was answered and all is well, except for the fact that she has to continually explain herself about things that people are misunderstanding. I can see why she is discouraged about coming here again.

We've been asked to be kind about how we say things. Anything can be said and usually is listened to more when done with kindness.

What I wrote earlier were just examples to help you think about. These are the situation that I deal with at my job. Many children that come to my place of work are foster children or group home kids. Now that you have clearly stated what’s more important to you, your children, and you have made a decision, then go for it. I hope that everything turns out for the best. Oh, to answer your question of the “what’s it’s like to live on pennies a week,” yes, I do know what’s it like. I grew up on a refugee camp on the other side of the world; the house was no lager than a normal bathroom with a dirt floor and straw structure,so I can relate what it's like to have nothing. Best wishes to you.

I came back to see if anyone elce had posted and reread my old posts, I did screw up. I never did the math, but he was born March 1964, I'm sorry, that does make him 41. He really doesn't seem that old. Just so you don't misconstru that, I feel I must mention he is a former Jahova witness and does not celebrate his birthdays. I hope this clears it up. My b-day is Nov 1978, and Harrys was April 1987.
You know, I've seen problems a lot worse than mine on this site, I'm trying to figure out why I'm up for target practice.
Thank you again SoftSong, that was greatly appreciated. And you're right about me never coming back again. I was looking for a friend to help me through a difficult decision and instead found nothing but truth twisting, lies and hate mongering. I pity those of you who felt the need to kick me when I was down. I hope your actions come back on you threefold.
Those of you who chose not to judge, best wishes and happiness to you.

First problem, I don't think I'm in love with him and I don't know what to do.

As far as the child is concerned, I would make the effort of being a part of his life regardless of the status between the two of you. I agree with those such as MeraLove who shared that you will always be a mother. However, if you and you OM are no longer in love with each other, then it would be wise to part company.

Second problem, I think I am in love with his oldest son "Harry". We have been close since we first met, our personalities match. Last year during summer visitation with him we started going for long walks. We only talked but somehow it felt so much more satisfying. "dragon" seems to sence this also. He and I have been fighting about his son now for two years. I have only 8 years between me and "Harry". I'm starting to think 15 years was too much of an age gap. I'm just wondering what other people would do in my place. If you need more information please let me know. thanks, and have a great day.

Sadly, if there had been no children involved, this would have been less complicated. Since you have a child with "dragon", any relationship with "Harry" would venture into moral territory I would not want to cross. This relationship with Harry would only create more confusion. My best advice is to leave the relationship and count your losses...that may not be what you wanted to hear, but that is how I perceive it.

If you feel the age agp was too much, that is only for you to decide.

Thanks WV I think your Post was great!!!

Lexi I'm sorry you feel that way.. i dont' think anyone was judging you... I believe we were all giving you our best advice and opinions on what you told us.... I do stand by my posts.. I am not judging you I gave you advice from my heart!! so I hope you find whats best for you..a nd I wish you the best of luck!!

This whole story is a big, complicated, depressing mess. It's one thing to partner with an older man you don't really love only to leave him for a young guy later on. That to me is like using the older man. Add to that the complicated family situation.... the fact that the guy you love is your own child's half brother... I really don't know what to say!

I agree with MerAlove. Your best option is to get out altogether and sever ties with the family completely. Any future involvement will only harm the children. This is why it's so important to make sure you love the person you choose to be with, whether he's younger, the same age or older. The number of years difference dosn't matter, but your feeling for him does!

Your best option is to get out altogether and sever ties with the family completely. Any future involvement will only harm the children.


I think I know what your intent is here, Bob, but I disagree that Lexi should actually sever all ties. She and Harry haven't actually pursued a relationship, or anything of the sort.

Her child should be allowed to grow up knowing his/her father and half-brothers...if that's what Lexi believes is best for him/her.

I think I know what your intent is here, Bob, but I disagree that Lexi should actually sever all ties. She and Harry haven't actually pursued a relationship, or anything of the sort.

Her child should be allowed to grow up knowing his/her father and half-brothers...if that's what Lexi believes is best for him/her.


Definatly... Her child needs to know their father and siblings... To me the ties should be severed Romantically... and start a new life for her and her family..:)

and had been raped before meeting Dragon. Did you get counseling? If not, then I hope you will. That is a horrible thing to go through and can cause what is call Post Tramatic Stress Syndrone. There are agencies that can direct you to help. Usually the cost is not an issue for someone who is barely making it. I think if you deal with this, you will find your inner strength and wisdom. Good luck dear heart.
Barbara