Could i BE any dorkier?

ok, we've all done it. our own actions have made us snort laugh at our own selves.

we didn't intend it. we were somewhat shamed by it. but at the same time, we tickled our own funny bone.

here's mine......where's yours


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ok the toilet paper trauma:
SOOOO... i'm sittin' there, go to get some toilet paper only it won't break away from the roll. no matter how i try to get it to, the end won't break free.

so i decide to use the old 'whack the snot out of it' spin technique. you know..... hit it and make it SPIN and the end breaks away.

weeeeeell, i hit it like a prizefighter
my hand bounces off
pops up
hits me in the eye.
blacks and cuts my right eye. (the toilet paper roll is to my left, btw)

classic case of 'whippin ya own @ss'

OK, your TP story made me think of a recent TP adventure myself.

Went into a Taco Bell, but had to use the bathroom first. Got finished and NO toilet paper. Not even a scrap. Agonized for a couple minutes (also allowing for a little more drip drying) threw open the stall door and waddled as fast as I could, with my pants only pulled halfway up, into the next stall and prayed there was TP in there!

Gawd, what if someone came in at that moment??

What's really dorky is that I've had to do that on several occasions in various bathrooms. Ya'd think I'd learn to check the roll first!! :rolleyes:

Too funny! I do alot of traveling, and ALWAYS check the roll first. But on the occasion I forget, will use those flimsy toilet seat covers--better than nothing. Sometimes they are not there either, so drip dry is the choice.

LOL you girls are funny!! greeneyedgirl I think I bought that brand of toilet paper before! :D

Kristin, that same thing happened to me before, only there was someone else in the next stall. I felt really embarrassed but I finally said "S'cuse me... can you spare some toilet paper?" I had to say it twice because the lady didn't know I was really talking to her. Finally, when she got the clue she bursts out in laughter, then hands me some.

Okay... one of the embarrassing things I've done was one time we were at the races during our lunch break, I sneezed and it forced out a stinker. Kinda audible, and caused an uproar in laughter. Considering most of the group were teenage boys (this is motocross racing, with dirtbikes) the incident was related quite freely while I beared the humiliation. :o

LMAO LYNN!!!

now THAT'S what i'm talkin' bout !

i was coming out of the office the other day, there's a step up into the laundry room, and something went wrong.

my left toe got an attitude, snagged the step-up and i SWEAR....i fell for 30 minutes.

i just sat there, 7 ft. AWAY from where said fall originated, on the floor laughing my butt off.....at ma dang self.

greeneyedgirl, you have a lot of sense of humour. well done!

i am thinking about some good story of mine...but can't remember any.... actually I am trying to think of the best one...

I'm sure I've done a slew of dorky things before. I'll have to think about this and see which ones I can remember to share, but one that comes to mind was the night I stopped at a gas station in Pulaski, Tennesee, at 4 am on my way to Florida. I had to go to the bathroom so bad that I didn't even see which bathroom I was entering. It was only after I came back out of the stall that I noticed urinals on the wall. :eek: And of course, there was a huge group of men standing in the gas station laughing me when I came out. :rolleyes:

When I was a kid I fell into an open sewer, because I was too busy talking to my friend and not watching where I was going. One moment I was there engrossed in conversation, the next minute. ooops. Gone.

Another time I walked right smack into a sign post.. doing the same thing.. guess I can't walk and talk at the same time!

Just recently I did another dumb thing about two weeks ago.. I'm so short, that I can't reach very well to open the window above the kitchen sink, so I have this little fold-open step stool. Well, as I was reaching over the sink to open the window, the stool closed up, and I fell BAM on the counter top.. felt like someone kicked me in the lower abdomen... good thing I'm not having any more kids lmao. I'm a dork. Also hit my head on the faucet, just above my eye, and my eye was a little swollen.. jeeeze. What can I say, except for OUCH, *Bleep!* THAT HURTS! I actually had some lovely bruises from that.

OMG!! You guys are soooo funny!!!

i haven't had any experiences like this as an adult but as a 4yo, I went over to the neighbors house. Now mom told me I was NOT to go there, but I was only 4.....anyway while there I had to use the outhouse. Yep the outhouse, we had indoor plumbing but the neighbors did not. Now our house was only about 75 feet from the neighbors yard, so I don't know why I couldn't make my way to our bathroom.....Anyway, my size was very tiny at the time(not so any more!), and the hole in the outhouse was a wee bit larger then my tiny bottom and in I went!!! All I can really remember from that day was sitting in the bathtub and my mom scrubbing me with Roman Cleanser bleach!! I must have been quite stinky!!!

OH NOOOOOOOOOOO 3 of my worst nightmaries....falling in an outhouse hole (we had one growing up, well we had a 2-holer (were were UPTOWN) :), falling in an open sewer, and the sight or even to talk about urinals GAGS ME trish!!! yucko


I could write a book about the dumb goofy things Ive done, but one that still tickles me, is I used to work in a grocery store when I was going through my divorce, and we had to do these intercom in-store specials from our departments. I worked in the deli, and I would have to pick up the intercom, and say "good afternoon safeway shopper, in the deli today..etc. etc.

Well, one day I worked on a Sunday after church. I had been asked to say a prayer at church, and that was still on my mind when I got to work. I picked up the intercom and very clearly said

"Dear God, thank you , OOPS!......lol I couldnt finish, cause I burst our laughing, and everyone was looking at me like I was in an E.F. Hutton commercial, hanging on what I was going to say next!

:p

Well, I have a few but this one had my crying I was laughing so hard!

WiL was walking around with his bag of doritos in his hand...eating away no big deal. All of a sudden he starts walking with a limp and looks at me in agony saying, "ow-e momma, ow-e" and I'm thinking to myself, oh no, as a sit on the couch preparing to go and save my poor little son by taking whatever it is in his foot, out.

He stops half way in his journey to the couch bends down and with his little tounge sticking out from consintrating so hard proceeds to pick whatever it is out himself. He soon pulls out from between his two toes a little piece of leftover dorito, pulls it out, stares and it and proudly places it in his mouth chomping away like nothing was ever wrong.

I couldn't believe it...I was just sitting there thinking. I need to vacum a little more often. :D

2 summers ago, while putting together my boys' humongous trampoline, i did my own impersonation of a stripper working the pole when my feet slipped out from under me, ROUND N ROUND SHE WENT.....oomph

cept i came away with a gash and a bruise the size of a small farm animal.....no dollar bills for Trace.

i just lay there on the ground, looking up at the sky, said outloud, " sonuvaB*TCH"

then i began giggling til i was almost silly . i could just imagine what i looked like swinging around that pole with this 'EEEP!' look on my face.

When I was a kid I fell into an open sewer, because I was too busy talking to my friend and not watching where I was going. One moment I was there engrossed in conversation, the next minute. ooops. Gone.




OMG Gen, I forgot that the same thing happened to me, too! I was running through a neighbor's backyard and didn't realize they had that sewer hole and then suddenly, I fell in all the way over my head. I remember being pulled out by a bunch of people. I was about 5 yrs old.

I'm sure I've done a slew of dorky things before. I'll have to think about this and see which ones I can remember to share, but one that comes to mind was the night I stopped at a gas station in Pulaski, Tennesee, at 4 am on my way to Florida. I had to go to the bathroom so bad that I didn't even see which bathroom I was entering. It was only after I came back out of the stall that I noticed urinals on the wall. :eek: And of course, there was a huge group of men standing in the gas station laughing me when I came out. :rolleyes:

how about the time you were walking and tripped over your foot... "timber" as your daughter called it? :p

I've always had this fascination with urinals.....or as I like to call them..."stand-up toilets".....so, one time I was in a restaurant, got up to go to the ladies room, and on the way back I had to pass the men's room. I was curious and wanted to see if it had a "stand-up toilet". So I opened the door and there was a guy standing there GOING!!!!! :eek: I said "SORRY!!! Wrong door!!" Well, he had to walk past my table to get back to his! He was laughing, and I was sure more embarrassed than he was!! YUP!!! I'm a dork!!
http://www.torrensrowingclub.com/gallery_renovations_before/mens_shower_urinal.gif

i can't see why these are so interesting..maybe i take it for granted being able to see it everyday. :p

I KNOW I have told this story before..but anyway...It's called

Momma needs a Pedicure (I hope I can still tell it right).

Well, I work a lot of strange and long hours in my line of work. Sometimes I have to work all night and sleep during the day, and sometimes Im lucky enough to get to sleep at night..but it's all mixed up.

Anyway, when my son Jake was younger, I had been working nights. It was late afternoon or evening, and I was tired. I wanted to lay down on the couch and take a nap, because I could barely keep my eyes open, so I asked Jake to get a pillow and lay down at the other end of the couch and either watch TV or take a nap.

So, I start dozing off, and I feel my son tapping me..and he's like "Mommy, mommy, do you know where the toenail clippers are?" So, I say, half asleep, "No, Jake, I don't. Now lay down and try to take a nap". So, a few more minutes pass....and *tap tap tap*, "Mommy, mommy? Do we have some scissors?". And I say, "Jake, you can't have the scissors now go to sleep".

Not too long later *tap tap tap* "Mommy? Mommy? Mommy!! Can I go get a knife?". By now I am pretty frustrated and I'm like..."NO JAKE, you can't have a knife! Now cut it out and try to take a NAP."

I doze back off, but Im awakened maybe 15 minutes later by this really weird feeling....at my feet. I finally wake up enough to pick up my head, look down at the other end of the couch...and there is Jake, hugging my leg like a koala bear? And he looks content, lying there, watching TV, with my foot up next to his mouth, and he is chewing off my TOENAILS! I said..."OMG, Jake! What are you doing?", and he says "Your toenails were poking me!". ARGH.

OMG..I think I laughed for about 30 minutes straight, I couldn't even tell my mother the story on the phone.

ok the toilet paper trauma:
SOOOO... i'm sittin' there, go to get some toilet paper only it won't break away from the roll. no matter how i try to get it to, the end won't break free.

so i decide to use the old 'whack the snot out of it' spin technique. you know..... hit it and make it SPIN and the end breaks away.

weeeeeell, i hit it like a prizefighter
my hand bounces off
pops up
hits me in the eye.
blacks and cuts my right eye. (the toilet paper roll is to my left, btw)

classic case of 'whippin ya own @ss'

Okay, GEG, this was SO funny, I almost couldn't stand it, girl.

I really imagined the mechanics involved and it's one of those moments where you almost wish you'd had a camera on (except for the fact that you were on the throne).


One day, I was rushing around my apartment in hyperactive mode, doing housework. My bedroom door opens so that a closet with two sliding doors is behind it, the bedroom door blocks one side but you have access to the other side. So, I'm be-bopping around, and I'm hanging clothes in the one side of the closet. I turn to my left to exit the bedroom rather quickly and slam right into the, what, inch and a half width of the door that is about 6 inches from where I was originally standing...and break my nose!

I saw stars! And it was quite an embarrassing story to relay to the doctor and to my co-workers.

I KNOW I have told this story before..but anyway...It's called

Momma needs a Pedicure (I hope I can still tell it right).

Well, I work a lot of strange and long hours in my line of work. Sometimes I have to work all night and sleep during the day, and sometimes Im lucky enough to get to sleep at night..but it's all mixed up.

Anyway, when my son Jake was younger, I had been working nights. It was late afternoon or evening, and I was tired. I wanted to lay down on the couch and take a nap, because I could barely keep my eyes open, so I asked Jake to get a pillow and lay down at the other end of the couch and either watch TV or take a nap.

So, I start dozing off, and I feel my son tapping me..and he's like "Mommy, mommy, do you know where the toenail clippers are?" So, I say, half asleep, "No, Jake, I don't. Now lay down and try to take a nap". So, a few more minutes pass....and *tap tap tap*, "Mommy, mommy? Do we have some scissors?". And I say, "Jake, you can't have the scissors now go to sleep".

Not too long later *tap tap tap* "Mommy? Mommy? Mommy!! Can I go get a knife?". By now I am pretty frustrated and I'm like..."NO JAKE, you can't have a knife! Now cut it out and try to take a NAP."

I doze back off, but Im awakened maybe 15 minutes later by this really weird feeling....at my feet. I finally wake up enough to pick up my head, look down at the other end of the couch...and there is Jake, hugging my leg like a koala bear? And he looks content, lying there, watching TV, with my foot up next to his mouth, and he is chewing off my TOENAILS! I said..."OMG, Jake! What are you doing?", and he says "Your toenails were poking me!". ARGH.

OMG..I think I laughed for about 30 minutes straight, I couldn't even tell my mother the story on the phone.
Sounds like we got a mini joe on your hands. :p Could this be the beginning of a foot fetish?

Okay, GEG, this was SO funny, I almost couldn't stand it, girl.

I really imagined the mechanics involved and it's one of those moments where you almost wish you'd had a camera on (except for the fact that you were on the throne).


One day, I was rushing around my apartment in hyperactive mode, doing housework. My bedroom door opens so that a closet with two sliding doors is behind it, the bedroom door blocks one side but you have access to the other side. So, I'm be-bopping around, and I'm hanging clothes in the one side of the closet. I turn to my left to exit the bedroom rather quickly and slam right into the, what, inch and a half width of the door that is about 6 inches from where I was originally standing...and break my nose!

I saw stars! And it was quite an embarrassing story to relay to the doctor and to my co-workers.

ok well i hee-haw'd at yours.....and was reminded! lol i think i've told this before.....

while in college i was pretending to study at the library. friends were gonna come pick me up. i see the jeep drive up, they see me, start waving me to come out. so i shove my books in my back-pack.....start making my way to the door. now you have to get a visual here....
imagine me with a pony tail, lil college sweatshirt, lil khaki shorts, cute lil Nike's, lil glasses on that were SO cute, tan....making my way to the glass double doors like a PRO...i was WORKIN' IT GIRLS! pony tail just flippin and swinging.....and then
i walk smack into the double door that's locked. that was ALWAYS locked.

glasses go flying, a resounding 'OOMF' bursts forth from my big fat mouth, my friends saw it, they're laughing their traitorous tails off, the entire library is snickering.

i slunk out. i never went back to the library btw. any library. libraries are the devil.

you are all killing me here hahaa

Well, when I was a kid (13-ish) my mom and stepdad took me to the International Centre like always for the car shows. I was following my parents and brothers when I head a classmate call my name.

I turned and had a short conversation with a boy (who I had a bit of a crush on at the time) while walking backwards and keeping an eye out for people, glancing back to make sure I didn't walk into anybody or lose my folks...

When I said goodbye to this boy I turned around and my legs both went flat solid against a steel garbage drum, my waist folded over and my arms and head went down into the garbage so fast that my legs went straight up in the air.

Needless to say this boy told everyone in my class what happened when I went to school the next day.

As an adult I've continued to be a bumbling idiot.

-I went on a first date and tried to squeeze a lemon over my fish and it shot out of my hand and hit my date, then when I tried to grab it back and apologize I smacked him by accident

-when I met my guy the first day I sat on his lap to check email on his computer and hit him really hard with my elbow in his eye..I thought I'd blinded him

-I was 18 and not feeling well but went to a party anyhow and my boyfriend and his friends were all having alcohol. I wasn't old enough and I didn't feel well anyhow so I declined. I got myself a ginger ale. An hour later I was still sipping it and felt really sick and wanted to excuse myself to run to the toilet to puke but I didn't have time--I projectile vomitted on my boyfriend and his friend (it was the guy's birthday too :eek: ) and his friend's girlfriend. They all told my boyfriend not to let his little underaged girlfriend drink anymore--they thought I was drunk :rolleyes:

-last week I tripped over a little dog while trying not to step on it, he's old and gets underfoot, and I landed on my hands and knees in a puddle and had to walk to the school covered with mud to drop off my son.

-this past weekend I put in 4 slices of toast, burnt them, put in 4 more, burnt them, put in 4 more, burnt them...threw them all in the garbage and gave the kids crackers to dip in their egg yolks instead

I guess we all have our moments :)

Okay, this is from my hs days. I was a junior and was in pottery class. Well we had a couple exchange students from Brazil, and I thought I'd be real cute and show off in front of my friends ... oh gosh, I'm embarrassed just thinking about this..... anyway, I decide to sculpt some doggy do out of my chunk of clay. One the Brazilian boys got up to work the wheel and I put my masterpiece on his chair figuring he'd see it when he came back to take his seat. Well, he doesn't. He sits right on it, then gets up super fast when he feels the squish on his toosh... them little doggy links plopped off his cords just like real ones would've. Of course it was funny to see, and those of us who did couldn't help but laugh, but it turned out not so funny. The teacher demanded to know who did it and well.... he knew it was me. I had to apologize to the guy in front of the whole class. :o

this past weekend I put in 4 slices of toast, burnt them, put in 4 more, burnt them, put in 4 more, burnt them...threw them all in the garbage and gave the kids crackers to dip in their egg yolks instead

I guess we all have our moments :)

OMG this is hilarious!! I swear I need to wipe my eyes now!! You're a kick Charlotte. :D

When I lived in Lafayette Louisiana, I was to appear on a local T.V. program that was geared towards the elderly. I bought a very nice navy blue suite, matching navy shoes, and had my make-up and hair professionally done. Nails manicured, pedicure.... the works!

I stopped to use the restroom before proceeding on to the station. As I walked down the mall, I noticed everyone would look in my direction. Some would smile and I thought "This suite must look nicer than I imagined." It was then I saw a flash of white. Stuck to my heel was some toilet paper about three feet long. How I missed that, I'll never know. Vanity is never a good thing!

One of my most dorkiest moments was when I received an award for secretary of the year. The owner of the company was to present all the awards and it was a company wide event. We rehearsed the evening before.

I planned what I would say when I met the owner. Would I say "How do you do?" or "Good morning, Mr.*****." When he arrived, I looked him in the eye and said "Good do". He burst out laughing and said "Well good do to you too!"

how about the time you were walking and tripped over your foot... "timber" as your daughter called it? :p

Mano, you've got an excellent memory :D. Yup, that happened at Christmas when I tripped on the sidewalk and fell down in slow motion into a snowbank. And my daughter said "timber!!"

Jody -- that story you told had me laughing so hard, I was in TEARS! How hilarious!!

Ok. I thought of a couple more of mine, but they're not as funny as some of the rest of you, but they were mighty embarrassing for me at the time...

When I was in the 9th grade, I hung out with a group of kids that were a lot of fun. We always joked around about all sorts of things. One day, I walked into science class and sat down in my chair and a little while later, I noticed the group was laughing. I had no clue what they were laughing about, but they were laughing so hard that I couldn't help but laugh along with them. This went on during the entire hour we were in class.

I found out at the end of class why they were laughing. Apparently, when I had sat down in my chair at the beginning of class, my skirt got caught up on the back of my chair and I evidently sat there the full hour with my undies showing in all their glory. What nice "friends" they were to allow me to be humiliated. :rolleyes:

Had a similar incident in study hall in high school. I had a crush on a handsome guy who sat at my table in study hall. He never talked to me. Then, on this particular day, he began talking to me. WOO HOO!! I was so excited.. But, I noticed during the conversation that he kept looking down at my chest. For the longest time, it didn't occur to me to look at my chest. Then I finally did. DOH!! My blouse, which was a button down, was COMPLETELY unbuttoned from top to bottom and I was just sitting there talking to him with my blouse wide open and didn't even know it. *sigh* I was mortified.

Great thread, Tracy. Keep these stories coming everyone. They are hilarious.

I've done the unbuttoned shirt thing too.

I can't remember what holiday it was, but I had my family over. This wasn't even all that long ago....and we had all stepped outside for a bit. Everyone else had on sweaters or jackets, except me because I was too silly to bring one.

Anyway, when we came in I was telling one of my stories, and I guess I must have been excited about telling it....Everyone else started taking off their jackets and putting on the back of their chair etc....and Im standing there talking steadily unbuttoning my shirt. I didn't even realize it...but I was going to unbutton and take off my shirt! When I got down to like..the last couple buttons at the bottom I realized everyone was looking at me kind of strange..and I said "I don't have anything on under this, do I?".

Nope, I didn't. *smiles*

I did think of one more..but I can't tell the whole story. I have told my friends this before....

But, my son's high school class was sponsoring a middle school dance for my daughters school (they do that some times to raise money). Anyhow, I got elected with a couple other Mom's to chaperone the dance....but I was the only one who showed up.

Sometime during the dance, my son told me that they wanted to know if they could use some of the CDs out of my car to play at the dance for the kids. I didn't think anything of it...and said fine. Well, some of the CDs in the car belonged to James, and well, they were not we would call "radio edit" versions of some songs.

So, I had left the actual gym where the dance was to deal with my daughter for about 10 minutes, who was having a crisis with her boyfriend, and I was in a mighty bad mood.

I came stomping through the hall...swung open the door the gym..and was greeted at about 1000 decibels complete with thumping bass...by the lyrics

"To the window, to the wall, till sweat drops off my balls, make all these b*tches crawl..." and so on (I can't go any further than that right there).

You can't IMAGINE my horror at seeing 200 middle school children, jumping around like pogo sticks in a strobe light screaming the word BALLS. Since then, I have never been asked to chaperone another middle school dance.

This might not get edited following Jo....

My ex-husband was a very religious man. He and his first wife attended a very strict church. More than once my husband expressed concern over my occasional glass of red-wine.

Evidently, he invited his pastor over for dinner in an attempt to win me back to the fold. Larry asked me to put away my wine rack so the Reverend wouldn't see it. I explained, "I don't feel guilty over having a glass of wine. Hypocracy, I have a problem with. The wine rack stays where it always is." During dessert and coffee the Reverend brought up the subject of "the evils of alcohol and the importance of a moral life."

What I wanted to say was "Not only do I drink a glass of red wine, but I also enjoy a thick, dark, beer."(Guiness Stout) What I said was "Not only do I drink a glass of red wine, but I also enjoy a thick dick." I never got out beer. A look of horror came over the Good Reverend, I burst into laughter and my husband said, "Especially after she drinks the wine" and he laughed so hard he cried. I don't know why he never asked me to church again.

OMG you guys, I am laughing so hard! OK, I have a couple more.

*Last year I had to meet a man at a house to give him an idea of the market value. I was wearing a long, Mexican-patterned skirt. I parked my car and proceeded to walk down the busy street, waving to the gentlemen waiting for me on their porch. I notice cars were slowing down and hear giggles as people passed. A group of about four younger people walked passed me as I got in front of the potential client's house and suddenly I heard, "Uh, mam?" I turned around, "Yes?" "Uh, you might want to check the back of your skirt." Well, I had gone to the restroom at the office just before I left. Apparently, my long skirt got caught in my pantyhose and my whole rear-end was showing! From the office, thru the parking lot, walking down a busy and turning in front of the clients! For some reason I didn't get that listing. Well, I haven't worn hose since!

*Many winters ago we had a couple of bad storms with really warm days in between. As you can image, that caused a lot of ice build up. As I was walking to my car with my then-husband, I walked around to the passanger door, between the car and the snowbank. Next thing I know, I'm laying face up, UNDER the car! I can hear my husband get into the car and put the keys in and then there's this pause - I could tell he was wondering why the heck I hadn't gotten into the car and I could just picture him in my mind - his head swiveling around trying to figure out where I went. I was laughing so hard, all I could do we get out a feeble, "Help!"

*OK, this one is kinda gross, but it really made us feel like dorks. One night, Jeremy and I made love really late, because it took forever to get his 3 year old daughter to sleep. By the time we were done, we were so exhausted that Jeremy placed the "protection" on the floor next to the bed, intending to dospose of it "after a little rest". Well, we both practically passed out. The next morning, I was still half asleep when I hear Jersey come into the room and say something about a "balloon". I don't think I was even fully awake as I dove over Jeremy, elbowing him in the groin in the process & completely knocking the wind out of myself, to grab the "balloon" before she could! (Her little hand was just reaching for it and she shot me a look of irritation for taking it first.) Poor Jeremy could just lay there, groaning and a little in shock, wondering why the heck I had attacked him in his sleep. Finally, when I got my breath back and could stop laughing from shock of the potential horror that had been prevented, I could explain to him what happened. Trust me, they have been disposed of IMMEDIATELY from then on!

HA HA HA, i'm lovin' these.

my guy and i, 2 weeks ago, i was on my tummy (no snickers from the peanut gallery), i go to flip my mane of hair out of my face. yup, i smacked him in the eye with my head. all i could do was get out a lil feeble, "baby, sorry, sorry, omg, sorry'
i was snort laughing it was so funny. needless to say, i didn't feel so sexy anymore, funny that.

moving one of the lil tv's from one of the boys' room into the office i did the 'I'M NOT GONNA FALL' dance. tripped over a dust mite or something and did the legs flipping out behind you, running thing that we sometimes do when carrying something big. went down on my knees, thought i'd busted em both....but all i could think of was if i'd broken that stupid T.V. I just sat there for a sec thinking to myself that i really need to get accident insurance.


ok, another bathroom trauma. while i was still married. i was going tinkle and i got involved in reading the Reader's Digest, one of the joke pages.
the freaking cover on the bathroom light fell on my head! we're talking a glass globe here and about a 5' drop and IT DIDN'T BREAK. so now we have a conflict. i almost break my man's face with my melon but a glass light cover bounced off. dun make no sense.

OMG...My brother would kill me..I don't even know if I should tell this story, but hearing Kristin tell that last one....

Okay ladies, you know those little applicators that come with the yeast medications? The ones with the plungers on them, to dispense the cream?

Well, my little brother is five years younger than I am. I was in my early teens, and I was on the phone with a friend. I was talking and laughing and just not paying much attention to my brother at all. He went away to try to occupy himself eventually. Well, about 20 minutes into this conversation, I see my brother walking back into the room. He has one of those cream applicators in his hand...and I don't want to stop talking..so I just raise my eyebrows at him...

and OMG...

He sticks this thing in his mouth, moves the plunger up and down..and then takes it out..looks at me and says..."Whats wrong with this slide whistle?".

ps..dear lord, please do not allow today to be the day my brother decides to start reading my website. thank you

One of my most dorkiest moments was when I received an award for secretary of the year. The owner of the company was to present all the awards and it was a company wide event. We rehearsed the evening before.

I planned what I would say when I met the owner. Would I say "How do you do?" or "Good morning, Mr.*****." When he arrived, I looked him in the eye and said "Good do". He burst out laughing and said "Well good do to you too!"


OMG! This is SO funny...I'm still laughing out loud!

OMG...My brother would kill me..I don't even know if I should tell this story, but hearing Kristin tell that last one....

Okay ladies, you know those little applicators that come with the yeast medications? The ones with the plungers on them, to dispense the cream?

Well, my little brother is five years younger than I am. I was in my early teens, and I was on the phone with a friend. I was talking and laughing and just not paying much attention to my brother at all. He went away to try to occupy himself eventually. Well, about 20 minutes into this conversation, I see my brother walking back into the room. He has one of those cream applicators in his hand...and I don't want to stop talking..so I just raise my eyebrows at him...

and OMG...

He sticks this thing in his mouth, moves the plunger up and down..and then takes it out..looks at me and says..."Whats wrong with this slide whistle?".

ps..dear lord, please do not allow today to be the day my brother decides to start reading my website. thank you

gotta breathe!!!!! ROFL

almost as funny as my then 1 year old doing his dangdest to stick a tampon up his butt. but mine is only funnier TO ME cuz i have blackmail rights to THIS story, lol

OK, how about the time I drove to work with my purse on top of my car? People were honking and pointing and I was just waving back, "Duh, hello."

Or the night I packed the trunk with groceries and put the laundry soap bottle on top. Slammed the truck and off I went. Got home and there was laundry soap all over the trunk and the back of the car. My car still smells like Tide!

Another car tale. You could appreciate this Tracy. My then husband was in the early stages of MS and occasionally lost his balance and fell. I was driving always because he had totaled his car when he lost feeling in this legs. Anyhoo, I pulled into my driveway to drop him off, before going on appointments. He got out of the car as I checked my makeup and then I backed out of the driveway. All of the sudden I feel a "thump". Horrified, I stopped the car and jumped out. He had fallen behind the car and I freakin' ran over his leg! I would have been in total shock if he hadn't been laying there, holding his bruised leg, laughing his butt off! He says to me, laughing, "Trying to collect the insurance money early, huh?" I punched him in the arm for that. He never let me live that one down, "Oh, did ya' hear that my wife ran me over with the car?" It was one of his favorite stories.

And then there was the time I pulled over to mail some bills. It was raining, so I jumped out, ran to the mailbox and ran back - just to realize that I had left the car running (with lights, turn signal and wipers on) and had locked the doors out of habit! I stood in the rain waiting for the locksmith. I had such a bad habit of locking my keys in my car that I gave an extra set to my parents just in case and had the locksmith on speed dial!

Trace...LMAO! Shoot, I guess I ruined any chance I had for blackmail.

Kristin..OMG! I would have had a heart attack! And I have left multiple things on the top of my car too....so I know how that goes!

Another car tale. You could appreciate this Tracy. My then husband was in the early stages of MS and occasionally lost his balance and fell. I was driving always because he had totaled his car when he lost feeling in this legs. Anyhoo, I pulled into my driveway to drop him off, before going on appointments. He got out of the car as I checked my makeup and then I backed out of the driveway. All of the sudden I feel a "thump". Horrified, I stopped the car and jumped out. He had fallen behind the car and I freakin' ran over his leg! I would have been in total shock if he hadn't been laying there, holding his bruised leg, laughing his butt off! He says to me, laughing, "Trying to collect the insurance money early, huh?" I punched him in the arm for that. He never let me live that one down, "Oh, did ya' hear that my wife ran me over with the car?" It was one of his favorite stories.


LMAO girl i'm turning you in !!!! cruelty to animals!!!

my balance is interesting sometimes, i'm forever running into door frames or trying my best to tump to the left while JUST standing. my 5 year old's fav phrase is 'whoooa momma!'
my fav phrase......has that always been there? in reference to door frames of course :rolleyes: :D
when i drop something,,,,, which is often.....i'll often remark, didja see those catlike reflexes??? cuz of course i just watch it fall, i know there's no point in trying to catch it lol

Trace...LMAO! Shoot, I guess I ruined any chance I had for blackmail.


lol Jody, blackmail's like a diamond....it's FOREVA!!!!

*Last year I had to meet a man at a house to give him an idea of the market value. I was wearing a long, Mexican-patterned skirt. I parked my car and proceeded to walk down the busy street, waving to the gentlemen waiting for me on their porch. I notice cars were slowing down and hear giggles as people passed. A group of about four younger people walked passed me as I got in front of the potential client's house and suddenly I heard, "Uh, mam?" I turned around, "Yes?" "Uh, you might want to check the back of your skirt." Well, I had gone to the restroom at the office just before I left. Apparently, my long skirt got caught in my pantyhose and my whole rear-end was showing! From the office, thru the parking lot, walking down a busy and turning in front of the clients! For some reason I didn't get that listing. Well, I haven't worn hose since!



This has happened to me twice.. and it is always a man who is the one who decides to tell me my skirt is hiked up. :rolleyes:


*making mental note to self to not read this thread when on a conference call with my boss -- I could not stop laughing and panicked when I thought my phone was not on mute*

This has happened to me twice.. and it is always a man who is the one who decides to tell me my skirt is hiked up. :rolleyes:


*making mental note to self to not read this thread when on a conference call with my boss -- I could not stop laughing and panicked when I thought my phone was not on mute*Actually, it was the girl in the group who told me. :o

*making mental note to self to not read this thread when on a conference call with my boss -- I could not stop laughing and panicked when I thought my phone was not on mute*


LOL too funny gal. i've gotten some odd looks from the 4 year old while i read because i would LOL all of a sudden

my turn i guess...today i was walking towards someone i thought i know... so walking towards them i waved at them said hi. as i got closer i realized that it was a stranger and they looked at me like i was crazy. that ever happen to anyone?

Oh Mano, that happens to me all the time...

Once I was walking in a mall with my ex, he was a bit behind me and we were holding hands on and off. Then for some reason he lagged behind without me noticing it... and then, without looking, I reached back and grabbed the hand... of a total stranger!!!
:D i could only imagine the expression of this stranger when you tried to reach for his hand.

I go out to the parking lot, hunting down my car, after shopping. Find my car, dig out my keys, stick the key into the lock... and it doesn't turn. "What?" I ask, myself.. and, try again. "Weird." I say to myself, when again it doesn't turn. Go to the passenger side, stick the key in, turn... and, it doesn't turn. "Whaatt?! TOO weird!" I say ALOUD to myself, this time. Try again.. doesn't turn. Now, I'm getting loud TO the car... "Whaatt?!! I don't have time for this!!" :mad: !! Instead of trying again I get more intelligent, and SLAP the car... THAT always makes it listen right, ppl? (OMG... my face is red just telling this! LOL!) I stand back indignantly from the car, and out of the corner of my eye I see a man standing there with his cartload, staring at me. When I look at him straight on he's :eek: , then he busts a gut laughing... doubles up with the laughing! My face is still doing the "What's YOUR problem?!" look... then an ever so dim inkling comes over me... I look at the car... look at him... look at the car... look at him...and my face changes too... OMG... :eek: !! and he comes up for air to tell me... "Yep!! That's MY car ya just slapped!!" and, leans over his cart laughing, and wiping his eyes.

Yes, folks... We had identical cars, but MINE was 3 cars down. Bless his heart! That he saw that as funny!!! (You know how that could have easily been "911... someone is trying to break into, and steal, my car!!" His kind heart let me laugh at myself right along with him laughing at me! But, yeah... I'd like ta die when that 'I just made a huge *** of myself, in public' became crystal clear. Whew!

OMG that's just plain hilarious, Rose! ROFLAO!

I can never miss my car in a parking lot and it's quite unlikely there will be an identical one anywhere around. I've never lost the phosphorescent pumpkin... it's Atomic Orange, after all! Pretty hard to miss and very few people drive phosphorescent cars. :D

~phos